4 Dangerous Reasons You Fall In Love Too Fast | Rewind

Because I felt an incredible connection and that moment felt so special, it must be a sign of what I'm supposed to have with this person.

Hey everyone, it's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life Podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I think you're gonna enjoy this clip. It's a classic from the archives. Check it out and don't forget, if you can leave us a review on iTunes, it would mean the world. It helps us spread the word about this podcast. All right, let's get into the episode.

I recently had a story come to me of a woman who met a guy on a cruise ship. She said they had the most incredible time, great conversation, they danced, they kissed. It was so, so special. She said, after that, he barely texts me. He never calls. But occasionally he does make time for me. And that confuses her because when they are together, she has an incredible time with this man. This is a story in one form or another that I have heard from women for years. And there is something fundamentally wrong with this kind of story. It's someone who's taking A moment with someone, a moment that was special and I'm not taking that away. We can have moments with people that are incredible, that are special and that are wonderful for their own sake. I'm not devaluing the moments, but what people do is they take these special moments and they turn them into signs. Because I had an amazing time with someone, because we had great conversation, because I felt an incredible connection and that moment felt so special, it must be a sign of what I'm supposed to have with this person. I believe that is a complete non sequitur. Just because we've had a great time with someone, it doesn't mean they are gonna be someone who invests in us, who actually moves things towards a relationship with us. What is it about us that takes a special moment with somebody and turns it into a sign of things to come? One, many of us are lonely and affection-starved. So when we get someone who makes us feel like we're connected, we hang onto it for dear life. Two, we want to fall in love. That makes us a biased judge because we look for evidence of things that might show us we are falling in love and that someone is falling in love with us. And three, an intrinsic human tendency to construct a narrative to connect the dots between events, a kind of existential band-aid to the lack of meaning in our everyday lives. We should also be aware that some people, not everybody, but some people have that narcissistic quality of wanting to create huge swells of emotion in the moment. There's a wonderful moment in the movie the Talented Mr. Ripley where Jude Law's character, a playboy, a very charismatic charming man, is being talked about by his girlfriend and the best friend he's made in recent weeks. And his new friend Matt Damon is complaining to Gwyneth Paltrow that after such a close intense friendship he now feels like he's left out of the group. And Gwyneth Paltrow says, the thing with Dickie, it's like the sun shines on you and it's glorious. And then he forgets you and it's very, very cold. When you have his attention, you feel like you're the only person in the world. That's why everybody loves him so much. You see, someone can be the most incredible company and we can feel the most incredible connection to them, but that doesn't mean that they aren't selfish or narcissistic or frankly, just not that interested in truly investing in us. Many people are very good in the room and then as soon as you're out of sight, they have forgotten about you and they are not reaching out. There are two things I want you to take away from this moment right now. One, unrequited love isn't romantic. It's emotional masochism. Now you may be saying to me, but Matt, he does have feelings for me. I know at my core that he does. Fine, let's assume that's true. Then you need to remember the second part of this message, which is that if he's not investing, the onus is on you to walk away. I want you to make this the year where you finally learn how to value yourself and create deeper meaning in your life so that you're happy, so that when the right person comes along, your decisions are driven by mutual investment not by fantasies.

Before you go today, I have something for you. If this year is the year you want to meet your person, it is a free training I did called Dating with Results that shows you how to avoid the early mistakes that people make in dating. Finally meet your person and get the safety and the commitment that you deserve with them. Go to Dating with Results to watch this free training right now. and don't forget to let me know what you think.