5 Dating Hacks That Boost Attraction AND Connection | Rewind

We are addicted to our devices. We are addicted to distraction, to no- Give me one second, it's- Where were we? Oh yeah, it's nice when someone's just with us. Grab a pen, grab some paper, because I'm about to give you five things that you can do in early stage dating that I think most people are not doing that will make someone fall for you much harder. And by the way, ladies, you are going to love number five because it is going to save you so much time and energy. Number one, slow down. Most of us, if we're human, we get a little nervous on a date. We get anxious or we even just get excited. But all of those things produce a pace in the way we talk. When we get nervous or excited, we tend to talk faster. Now, sometimes this is a good thing. That energy can be fun. It can be vibrant. At other times, it means we lose our power because instead of sometimes sitting back and allowing moments on a date to we talk all over everything. We're so fast that nothing we say gets heard and we look like we're just anxious. So instead, don't be afraid to slow things down. Don't be afraid to take a moment to take a sip of your drink or even just in a moment look up at him and then look down again. You know that little moment where you have a moment of tension but you don't say anything. When you allow moments to breathe like that, you show confidence at the same time as allowing someone to fully take you in. Number two, let someone finish their story. When someone else is telling a story, many of us take that opportunity to think, oh, I have something that connects to this story or the thing that you're talking about right now. I also have a story like that, or I've done something like that. So midway through their story, and we've all done it, we say, oh my God, I have something I have to tell you. A story when someone is telling it isn't a moment for us to be impressive. It's a moment for us to be impressed. It's not a moment for us to be significant, it's a moment for us to make them feel significant. That's why they're telling the story in the first place. So when someone is telling a story, allow them to finish it before you jump in. Number three, don't just ask questions, share information. I recently did a TV show where I gave women advice on how to go and have a great date. And then I got to watch these dates filmed. So I literally was able to see these dates play out minute by minute. There was something that happened in three out of four of these dates that was really unexpected for me. These women did not have a problem asking questions of the guys. They got very curious about the guys, but they weren't sharing information about themselves. They weren't actually getting vulnerable. They weren't connecting because they weren't sharing. What's interesting is that these women thought they were having a good conversation with the guy. They were like, Matt, I'm doing everything right. I keep asking questions. I'm showing I'm interested. But by the end of the day, I just didn't feel like there was a connection. And I thought, yeah, you didn't feel like there was a connection because you didn't actually tell him anything. All you did was sound like a journalist who was interviewing him, but you didn't share things from your life, from your experiences. And that's what would have made him feel like he actually knew you by the end of the day. Remember, curiosity about somebody else can be very flattering, but it will never create a deep connection until you're prepared to get vulnerable about yourself too. Number four, be present. Now it is no secret that today we are addicted to our devices. We are addicted to distraction, to not. Give me one second. Where were we? Oh yeah, it's nice when someone's just with us. When we're on a date, let's get into the habit of just putting the phone in our pocket, of resisting the urge to be tempted by novelty and distraction. Because in these times there is nothing more sexy than actual focus and attention. Number five, stop trying to look perfect all the time. Remember that scene from Bridesmaids, the movie, where she's in bed with the guy and then while he's asleep, she rushes to the bathroom to put on her makeup and get dolled up to then get back in bed and pretend that she woke up looking like that. Now, the problem is in real life, instead of showing someone that we just look hot all the time, what it really does is show how insecure we are. Remember, The you that goes out on date night and puts a ton of effort into getting ready, yeah, she's gorgeous, she's beautiful, she's sexy. And it can be fun, right? It can be fun to take a little too long getting ready, there's a theater to that, to showing up looking amazing, all of that is cool. But also understand that there are moments where the opposite is just as fun, where waking up in the morning and embracing the way you are in the morning without having to rush to hide yourself or put on makeup, that's a really sexy quality. That actually a lot of guys, I would wager the majority of guys love that moment where he's like, do you wanna go get coffee? Do you wanna walk and go get coffee? And she's like, all right, screw it, let me just shove on this hoodie, let's go. That moment of carefree, low maintenance, having fun, being in the moment spirit is actually a very attractive and sexy quality. It shows that you're confident and it shows you don't need to be perfect in order to feel great about yourself, that you can feel just as good in the moment moments where you're not trying. If you haven't already, we have a brand new free guide on how to communicate your standards and boundaries. It is at www.boldsstandards.com the whole idea of this guide is to help teach people the language of communicating standards because so many of us, we want to have high standards, but then we get scared in the moment to actually communicate them. This guide shows you what they look like in practice with specific things you to say, check it out for free at boldstandards.com.