Matthew Hussey discusses why avoiding difficult conversations in relationships can damage them, and what to do instead. He opens by acknowledging that honest talk might end things, and that's okay. The episode includes a year-long dating story and practical advice for couples willing to have the conversations that matter.
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60 minutes.
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Make sure that you know, yes, this conversation could precipitate the end of this relationship, and I'm gonna be okay with that. Welcome everybody to the Love Life Podcast. I am Matthew Hussey and this is a clip from the archives that I.
Think is really gonna help you today. Check it out and I'll speak to you at the end of the episode.
I was recently speaking to a woman who said that she'd been seeing a.
Guy for the better part of a year.
The frustration she was having is that they only saw each other every couple of weeks. and even then he would cancel a lot to make plans in a different way. She subjugated her needs to the level of making waves. And this is something that I see people do a lot, especially when they're afraid of losing someone. It's suddenly needs turn into inconveniences. Don't ever let that happen to you on the important things in your life. If something's a true need, if it's fundamental to your happiness in a relationship, Don't let it turn into an inconvenience in your mind. That's you buying into somebody else's frame of reference. The real question she should be asking herself is, do I want to be in a relationship where I have to subjugate my needs? Watch for that moment in yourself where you demote your needs to an inconvenience. Now, how does she have this conversation? this conversation is giving her a ton of anxiety because she's afraid of the answer she's gonna get. And the key with any conversation like this, like any great negotiation, is to make peace with the worst outcome before you even go in. Make sure that you know, yes, this conversation could precipitate the end of this relationship, and I'm gonna be okay with that. If I don't make peace with that, then I'm not really going in from a place of power. I'm going in from a place of acquiescing before I've even started because I'm going in squinting, saying, Hey, I really would like more time with you. I really would like more stability in our relationship. I really would like you to value the time we have together and not cancel it just because something else comes up. But if you want to stay the way you are, I'm not going anywhere. you have to go into a difficult conversation saying, I'm prepared for the worst outcome here. See, in the worst outcome interpretation of this, what she would really be thinking is, this man is right for me. But that's the fantasy element if he can't meet her needs. That may prove to be true if he turns around to meet her in this conversation and they're able to have a really productive conversation about how to meet each other more in a place that's tenable in a place that can make both of them happy. But if he's not willing to do that, then this idea of him being the right person is a fantasy. She's not losing the reality, she's losing the fantasy. So if you ever find yourself in a relationship with somebody where bringing up a fundamental need you have precipitated the end of that relationship, you may find yourself grieving the love you thought you lost, but instead you should be relieved to have lost the reality you had, which was one of suffering and anxiety and constant acquiescence instead of the relationship you really want.
Thanks for listening and before you go, if it is a priority for you this year to find your person, I have a practical roadmap for you in a free training I did called Dating With Results. It's a 60-minute training. It is helping so many people right now who are going through it. And you can be one of them by going to datingwithresults.com I'll see you over there and enjoy the training.
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