In this podcast episode, Matthew Hussey (joined by Matthew AI) fields a call from a woman whose ex‑partner broke up with her two years ago and now wants to get back together. Hussey walks through a decision‑making framework for rekindling relationships, emphasizing that time apart alone isn’t enough; the fundamental issues that caused the breakup must have genuinely changed. He warns against "grovel mode," desperation, and treating the ex as a backup plan, urging the caller to have a grown‑up conversation about commitment, intentions, and whether the core problems have been resolved. The episode intersperses promotional ad reads for Regain Couples Therapy, SoFi personal loans, the upcoming Matthew Hussey Retreat in Miami, and American Giant clothing. Throughout, Hussey repeats key points for emphasis, stressing that love and commitment are decisions, not feelings alone, and that both parties must be confident the relationship fundamentals have shifted before moving forward.
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MLS Because right now I need to talk to you as two grown-ups. You're asking me to embark on a new journey with you, and we as two grown-ups need to have a conversation about whether anything is really different or whether you just miss me and you haven't found anyone better.
Welcome everybody to the Love Life Podcast. I am Matthew Hussey and this is a clip from the archives that I think is really going to help you today. Check it out and I'll speak to you at the end of the episode.
You were with this guy for three years. You had a great relationship. He then out of nowhere broke it off.
We had issues. It was a lot of stress.
Okay.
Which is what I think.
And so he broke it off on New Year's Eve and now it's been two years and now he wants you back.
He's been trying to make contact with me in the past, but I always blew it off.
Right.
But now he showed up in person.
So I have to... Well, the things that broke down the relationship two years ago, do you feel confident that they've been resolved?
I feel like we can work through it. Yes, I do.
Does he?
Yeah.
Do you believe him when he says how committed he is?
Yeah.
You do?
I do. Yeah.
What has changed in two years that makes you suddenly think, I can trust his intentions here? And not just his intentions, but his ability to follow through?
Yeah.
What's changed?
I feel like he lost me and he felt the consequences of that. And he tried to make several attempts to contact me, and I turned him away. He felt that consequence of not having me around and having to actually go out there in the world and date other people and try to find a relationship that was right for him. And he failed, you know, he couldn't do it.
So look, it happens all the time. Two people pick up again years later, and sometimes it works. What you have to be, if you're gonna do this, you have to be confident that you're not going in to something blindly that, you know, really all that's changed is he's had time away to miss you. But the actual fundamentals of what made you not work before haven't changed. You need to be really careful of that. If the fundamentals have changed in the time that you've had apart, and two years is a good amount of time, don't get me wrong, is better two years than two weeks in some ways. 'Cause if you're apart for two weeks and someone says, no, I realize the error of my ways, Well, have the fundamentals really changed in two weeks? The things that broke us up? Probably not. Two years is a good amount of time, right? But you have to feel confident that the fundamentals of what broke you up before have changed. And that that means you can intelligently say things actually have a real shot at being different now. Otherwise you're just going in blind. So you may want to have those conversations with him.
Right?
Hey, I need you to get out of grovel mode. I need you to get out of desperation and panic and you're gonna lose me and you're freaked out. I need you to get out of that. Because right now I need to talk to you as two grown-ups who you're asking me to embark on a new journey with you. And we as two grown-ups need to have a conversation about whether anything is really different. Or whether you just miss me and you haven't found anyone better.
Right?
Because I don't want you to want me because you didn't find anyone better. Because it's not about whether I'm better. It's about you wanting me as a unique individual. It's not about whether did I find anything in two years that compared?
No.
I don't want to be that because one year from now, you might find someone who's better than me in some way. And then what am I going to do?
Right?
I don't want someone who's weighing me up against the rest of the world. I want someone who's decided, who's made a decision. that they want to build a life with me. That's what I want. And it has nothing to do with whether I'd beat everyone else on every category or not. That's, you know, that's a card game, right? I'm not in this for you because I'm not gonna be with you because you didn't find anyone better in the last two years.
Right.
I don't want to be his backup plan, you know?
Not even his backup plan. I don't want to be the person you come to because suddenly you realize I'm great.
Yeah. Right?
Love is a decision. Commitment is a decision.
A big one.
Right?
You don't commit to someone because you go, I'm never gonna find anyone better.
Right?
You commit because then what happens if you do? You commit to someone because you say, I feel it in my bones. I want to be with this person and I'm gonna go all in with this person. And whoever comes along in my life from now on, it doesn't matter. It's not about whether someone's better or not. It's about the fact that I've decided to build this relationship. And so that's what I would do. I would have a real conversation with him, a serious conversation with him, not based on romance. Because of course it's romantic after two years being apart to get back together again. Fuck, that's exciting. Yeah. Of course. How could it not be? How could it not for the next year be a honeymoon or six months or whatever. But it's not about the feelings. It's not about the honeymoon. It's not about the romance. It's about Have the fundamentals changed? And I need to talk to you as a grown-up now, not as someone groveling at my workplace, but as someone as a grown-up who's either gonna be in a serious relationship with me in my life, I build something with me, or someone who is just here because they're panicked.
And I don't want you here 'cause you're panicked. And I kind of feel that now that you mentioned it, because he keeps saying, like, okay, I'm 37, you know.
Like, I don't wanna be 40. That's about him. And say to him, that's about you. that's not about me. And unless I feel it's about me, and until I feel it's about me, you being panicked is not a good enough reason for me to give up my life.
I want you to join me in Miami this October for the brand new reimagined Matthew Hussey Retreat. We have gone from a six-day event to a two-day event, which means for those of you that logistically couldn't find an entire week in your schedule to be with us, you now don't have to. You can come just for the weekend. And we have made the ticket price financially accessible for so many more people. Plus, there's an early bird discount right now for this month. That means the tickets are the cheapest they're ever going to be this year. So come check it out, mHretreat.com while those tickets last. I will see you there and hopefully in Miami in October.
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