Don't Get Into A Relationship With Someone Who Has This Trait | Rewind

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Sam.

Hey everyone, it's Matthew Hussey here.

With the Love Life podcast.

A quick episode today about what I see as one of the biggest red flags you can ever come across in early dating. And one of the things you really should be careful of if you see it in someone that you are seeing right now. This is taken from a live Facebook room I did with Dr. Tracy and Dr. Morgan, two therapists who I had a wonderful conversation with, and we talked about the warning signs of relationships you should avoid early on. Before you get into that episode, I want to make sure everybody knows that we have the live in person Matthew Hussey retreat coming up from the 30th of May until the 5th of June. If you want to spend six days with me and my team in Florida by the beach working on transforming every aspect of your life, this is the place to do it. We only have one of these events this year. It's the first time we've done it in two and a half years because of COVID And we are so excited to be back with this transformational event. This is not a dating retreat. This is a life retreat for anyone who wants major change in their life. I'm so excited for everyone who's coming. If you want to join us, go to mhretreat.com now. Enjoy the episode.

What should people be looking for in terms of red flags? Matthew, maybe you want to start with this one. Where do you think some of those top things are that women should be looking out for when it comes to red flags in our romantic relationships?

I think to me, the ultimate, perhaps not the ultimate, certainly one of them, the biggest red flags is someone who can't say sorry.

Yes, that's a good one.

I really believe that between two people who can acknowledge wrongs and take responsibility for them and apologize for them, I think that there's hope and I think that there's progress that can be made and you can build on mistakes, but someone who is unwilling to even acknowledge that they did something wrong or acted poorly or selfishly or made A mistake that is, that is an extension, an impossible person to build something sustainable with.

You just hit it right at the start. You know, I think about this respect that we need in our relationships and having humility and showing up with that is so important in building a strong and solid relationship. That is definitely a red flag to be looking out for.

Yeah, I totally agree. I think it's like piggybacking kind of off of what Matthew said, but this sort of like closed off itness to change. Right. When we're with a partner who is like kind of this mentality of take me or leave me, you know, this is who I am, don't try to change me type of perspective can be such a massive red flag because when they can't see that we're all flawed in some way, there's, there's always room to grow and then they're resistant to the idea of change. It makes it really difficult to be in a relationship with somebody like that. I think something I see a lot in clients that I work with is something I call crazy making. That's a massive red red flag and it's essentially just inconsistency. Somebody says they're going to do one thing and they do something completely different. And a lot of times then you end up confronting this person and they have this way of kind of flipping it back on or making you feel like you're making a big deal out of, out of nothing. And this can really start to make you feel like you're absolutely losing your mind in your relationship.

Yeah, go ahead, Matthew.

No, I just, I couldn't agree more with that. I think that the, that you highlighted two extraordinarily important things. One is someone who says they're going to do something and doesn't. And I really, really think that relationships, the entire basis for them is trust in the transaction. Hesitate to call it a transaction, but when I say I'm going to do something, you can trust that I'm going to do it. Or at the very least if I don't do it, I acknowledge that I haven't done it. I don't pretend I never said that in the first place. I don't hope that you won't notice. I, I, or if it turns out I just really did forget, I apologize for that. But the consistency between what I say I'm going to do and doing it is, is absolutely huge to any kind of relationship and the trust that gets built within it. And you know, Morgan, I really agree with that. The idea that someone makes you feel Crazy for saying or thinking something. The basis of a strong relationship is, is vulnerability and humanity. And now, now there's a distinction to be made. Because some people, I think they do what I call dumping, which is when vulnerability, vulnerability may say, maybe I'm not feeling very sexy right now. You know, to say that to someone may be a vulnerable act. To admit that right now you're going through a chapter where you feel a little insecure. Saying that to someone ten times a day is no longer an act of vulnerability. It's making someone else responsible for the way that you feel. And that's where to me, it goes into what I call dumping. But to rewind if when we're being vulnerable with someone about something that's affecting us and they make us feel like an idiot for that, they make us feel embarrassed and ashamed and judged and whatever it may be, that is a really, really difficult thing. Because the hardest thing in a relationship is to be vulnerable and to feel safe to be vulnerable. If when you're vulnerable, it's. It's not rewarded, it's actually punished, that's a really hard thing to, to come back from because you'll find yourself shutting down and, and departing from your real self.

Thanks for listening.

I hope you enjoyed that episode.

Feel free to leave us a review on itunes. And like I said, if you want to come and transform your life with me for six days in Florida between the 30th of May and the 5th of June, come to mhretreat.com and check out the in person retreat program. Is one thing to notice red flags, is another thing to have the confidence to act on them. The retreat is about building that kind of confidence. And even if you can't come to the retreat, come join us on our new website. A lot of you have not seen the new website is really beautiful. We worked really hard on it. It's howtogeththeguy.com if you haven't been there in a while and the cool thing is on the homepage of the website, there is now a tool where you can put in the thing you are struggling with in your life right now. And it will recommend the best path out of my content for you. Where you are right now, that's@howtogetheguy.com All right, I will see you next time, guys. Thank you so much as always for listening.

Sam.