In this podcast segment, host Dara Ladjevardian takes a call from Christine, who fears being hurt again after a past relationship where she over‑invested emotionally and received little in return. Dara guides Christine through a series of reflective questions, helping her distinguish the logical lesson she articulated (balance give‑and‑take) from the deeper emotional lesson (avoidance of investment to prevent pain). Together they reframe the past experience, identifying an empowering lesson: recognizing the power to walk away when a relationship is unhealthy. Dara encourages Christine to be proactive—communicating early, gauging a partner’s commitment, and investing energy generously while maintaining the ability to set boundaries and leave if needed. The conversation ends with reassurance that many potential partners exist and that Christine can approach future love with both openness and self‑protection.
Chapters
High-interest debt is one of the toughest opponents you'll face. Unless you power up with a SoFi Personal Loan. A SoFi Personal Loan could repackage your bad debt into one low fixed-rate monthly payment. It's even got super speed, since you could get the funds as soon as the same day you sign. Visit sofi.com/power to learn more. That's S-O-F-I dot com slash P-O-W-E-R. Loans originated by SoFi Bank, N.A. Member FDIC. Terms and conditions apply.
NMLS 696891.
Thank you so much for calling in. What was your question, Christine?
So.
I always open up myself and I'm very vulnerable. But as soon as they try to take action and they show that they care back, I start to pull away and I start to not want to commit, even though consciously I want to. And I don't know if it's a subconscious thing and I keep making excuses.
Or... What are you afraid of?
That he's gonna hurt me and what happened last time is gonna happen again.
And what happened last time?
I was completely committed and I put too much of myself into the relationship when he wasn't giving enough back. And I just don't want that to happen again.
So let me ask you a question, Christine. What lesson did you learn from that relationship? What did you Take the lesson to be from that time that you got hurt? What did it teach you? Did it teach you- A healthy relationship.
Like give and take, and I shouldn't give way more than I get back.
That's the logical lesson you took. But the emotional lesson you took was quite different from that. Because if you say it out loud, that sounds very, very normal, very reasonable. But if you actually look at your behavior, It probably speaks more of this lesson. The lesson I took was never invest because you'll get hurt. So I think we need to go back for a moment to that relationship where you get hurt. Because that relationship where you were hurt, that was kind of a defining moment for you, wasn't it?
Definitely.
So now in life's defining moments, we have to decide what they mean. So you have to now decide what lesson you want to take from that. Because the beauty of life is that we can go back to any experience from any moment of our life. And we can't change the past, but we can change what it means. And we have the potential to time travel back there anytime we want and change the meaning. So what if we were to revisit your past right now and revisit that relationship and change the lesson to a more empowering one, to a lesson that actually would help your love life today, not hurt it, but still at the same time allow you to protect yourself? What lesson would you take from it now?
That I need to be more proactive and I need to figure out where he stands before I commit more.
So perhaps the lesson is, if I learn to communicate better and not be afraid of the answers, I'll find out what I need to find out about a situation. That's one potential lesson that you could take. I think there's a real big lesson here that's bigger than all of these lessons, and I think it's this. That relationship taught you that it's possible to recover because right now you're out there living. But it also taught you that when you know something isn't right, you have the power to walk away from it.
Right.
You have the power to leave. And I think something that's really scaring you right now is what if I invest in someone and I get close to them and all of a sudden they start treating me the wrong way and they don't give me the love that I deserve, but I'm not strong enough to walk away. Because I'm too close to them and I'm too bound up in this relationship. I think you're afraid to get into that situation again. But I think the real lesson is that you're strong enough to walk away from any situation that isn't right for you, even if it hurts. So the next time you go into a relationship, you can know that you can invest and you can get close to someone. And if it doesn't work out and if that man doesn't prove to be worthy of you, you have the strength to walk away.
Yeah, and there's plenty of other people out there.
Plenty of other people out there, as you are proving, by the way, right now. Your goal right now should be to go out there and invest in people and be generous with your energy, but walk away when you know they're not worthy of it. Not walk away just because you're paranoid and scared.
Thank you so much. That makes so much sense.
Thank you, Christine. It's been such a pleasure to have you on the call.
