How to Find Love & Level Up Your Confidence With These 7 Simple Steps | Matt Monday

One of the things that I think makes a year really exceptional is feeling like we really lived that year. One of the things that allows me to feel like I've lived is when I feel like my life is rich in experiences and rich in relationships that I'm proud of, and that there's a sense of growth and expansion in my life. And so in this video, I wanna talk about seven different habits, some of them quite subtle things that can lead to a life that is rich in connections, that is rich in experiences, and that will create a more powerful social life for you this year and will massively increase your chances of finding love. And every one of the habits that I'm gonna give you today serves four different masters at the same time. The first is they actually increase our love for life. Because when we're really living and when we're having different experiences and meeting new people or strengthening our relationships, we love our lives more. We give ourselves more reasons to be really immersed in this amazing life. The second goal they serve is that they make us better conversationalists. because the more ways that we're injecting newness and fun and connection into our life, or even just new learnings, the more we're going to be better in conversation. We're going to be, you know, the people that have the best conversation tend to be the people that really live. The third big advantage of these seven habits I'm going to give you today is that they're going to get you out of your comfort zone in small ways. And when we get out of our comfort zone, we build our confidence. I think one of the big reasons that we're afraid to leave a relationship or we accept bad treatment from someone is because we're insecure, we're worried about what our life is going to be without this person, we're worried we won't survive, or life's just going to be a lot worse. But when our life is rich outside of a person, someone leaving you doesn't have this, it doesn't instill you with the same dread, the same fear, because someone leaving you doesn't mean your life is leaving with them. and lastly, the seven habits that I'm going to talk about will increase your chances of finding love because they're actually going to make your life bigger in really crucial ways that serve your love life. So with that said, let's jump in. These are the seven habits that will help you transform both your social life and your love life at the same time. the first habit is to make micro missions for your social life. In the times in my life where I've been on tour, especially in the times when I was single, so I wasn't traveling with a partner. and I wasn't traveling with a big team. I had the somewhat lonely experience of traveling from city to city on my own, ironically, to talk about connection. But I was going all over the world, doing these events, getting off of planes, getting in cars, going to hotels, and doing much of it by myself. And I would have this urge when I was there to feel like I was making the most of it. So I would set myself a micro mission. Every time I got to my hotel, I would say, I am going to find the nearest cool bar, like some well reviewed place that feels like it's got some fun or it's in a cool area or a cool part of town. I made sure it wasn't far. from my hotel because the moment it was too far, it became kind of overwhelming. So go for one drink, sit at the bar, and stay for half an hour. That was my micro mission. And sometimes I would go and I would have that drink and I would make small talk with the bartender and I would leave and that would be that. And nothing that great would happen, but I would be in a new place. I'd at least see something. And I felt like I didn't just stay in my hotel room and order room service. Other times, I might get chatting to the person next to me, someone might start talking to me, I might be brave enough to talk to them, but a whole conversation would happen. Before I knew it, I was getting recommendations about where to go next or where to try in the city tomorrow, or I was even getting invited somewhere in some cases. But some unexpected encounter or evening would occur as a result. None of it occurred because I set myself this overwhelming task of going out and having this big evening, this big night in the city. 'Cause the moment I told myself that it was overwhelming and I would just go, I can't, I can't deal with all of that. But the micro mission of a bar nearby, one drink, 30 minutes, sit at the bar, and then you can call it was enough to get my brain out of its own way. What's the micro mission that you could give yourself this week, this month, or even as a regular mission this year that is going to create that little crack in the door that's necessary for newness to enter. It could be a micro mission of once a month, I'm gonna go for coffee with someone that I don't see very often, but I'd like a closer friendship with. Or someone that I've met that month that's going to increase the size of your social circle. That's going to potentially start getting you invited into new communities. Because when you start start hanging out with a person that is only a loose connection that you wouldn't call a friend, and you start getting a little closer to that person, there's every chance that that person now invites you to something where you don't know anyone and all of a sudden it builds a new community. That micro-mission once a month can change your life. And by the way, I said to you that all of these serve four masters. They get you to love life more. They get you out of your comfort zone. they get you to be a better conversationalist, and they can help your love life. Well, how does this one specifically help your love life? One of the greatest ways to find love is to get into new communities. And one of the greatest ways to get into new communities is by hanging out with people you don't normally hang out with. The second habit is a mindset that I would tell myself, I would habitually remind myself of this anytime I got invited somewhere. because for me as an introvert who also in my lifetime has suffered with shyness, I used to be a lot more shy. I'm still just as introverted, but I used to be a lot more shy. And what I found was I needed little hacks to get myself to actually say yes to things because my instinct was to say no. I don't know if you have that experience. You want to say no, even when you said say yes, you then end up regretting it. And you're like, oh my God, now I have to go to this thing, especially if there are people there that you don't really know. Then that feels even more overwhelming. I would tell myself, you, can always go home. For me, that little mindset hack of youf can always go home was almost like a way of speaking to my inner child. You're an adult now, remember? You grew up. You could do whatever you want. If you're going, it's 'cause you're deciding to go. And if you decide to go, you can also decide to leave. you can always go home. If you get there and 30 minutes later you're like, ah, I'm done. You can go home, but go. So that habit, small mindset shift, every time you get invited somewhere and that instinct is to say no because you're afraid or because it seems overwhelming or even because you feel like it's you're too busy in your life right now, I can always go home. Now habit number three is gonna seem like an interesting one to throw in the mix of all of this. Consume new content. We tend to be attached to the kinds of things that we are used to. And that's true for books and the kinds of books we read. It's true for music and the songs we listen to. It's true for the radio station we might listen to or the podcasts we listen to. It's true for the kind of movies we watch. And we live today in an even more dangerous environment for our comfort zone because the algorithms of Netflix or Spotify or YouTube or Amazon are all pitching you more of the things you already listen to. And we start to go deeper and deeper down the rabbit hole of our own echo chamber where we're hearing the same things, we're having our own existing interests reflected back at us, posing as newness, but actually more of the same. Again, what did I say? Every one of these habits serves four masters. Loving life more, being a better conversationalist, getting out of your comfort zone and improving your love life. Let's look at this one. How does it improve those four things? Well, I think that the more we absorb in life in new ways, the bigger our life gets, the more we see how big the world really is. And that starts to get us excited about life again. Instead of our world contracting, our world starts to open up. How does it get us out of our comfort zone? Well, if you're used to reading nonfiction self-development books and all of a sudden you pick up a Haruki Murakami book that's a fiction that is in a completely different category and you never read it and it starts to feel a little bit out of your depth, that's going to push you mentally. right? And it's actually going to build your confidence if you can stick with it instead of bailing on it after two pages. It's going to improve your conversation because all of a sudden you're going to have new things to talk about. The person who only ever reads self-development books, it's all they ever talk about. That's the only thing they know how to say. But when they get taken into other waters, other interests from other people, they're lost. They don't know how to relate it to something that they've been engaging with. So, it's finding newness that leads to great conversation and it improves our love life. Because when we meet someone, we start to show ourselves to be this more interesting, rounded person who's surprising. You know, someone thought we were this person and then we bring up a reference about this or we talk about a song we like in this category or they go, I thought I knew you. I didn't know you were into this as well. We start to become more enigmatic. So consuming new content is actually a way of improving everything in our lives, improving our social life, improving our love life, improving our own confidence. We were in Tokyo recently and my brother just went to Tower Records. One of the only, it might be the only Tower Records left in the world, I'm not sure. But he was in Tower Records listening to different vinyls and different songs at random. He was like, I just went for a few hours just to discover new music. he just went and he didn't go in search of albums he already knew. He just started listening to new music with the headphones on in the store. And he came back and he started introducing. He was like, you got to listen to this album. One of the albums he introduced me to, I literally listened to on the entire plane ride back. And that was because he went in search of newness. Takes bravery to do that. It takes us being willing to just go in search of something awesome that we don't already know. And that ends up making us more interesting to other people. I'm now grateful to to my brother for introducing me to newness that he discovered because he was pioneering in a way in his life. Consume new content. While we're on that subject, by the way, I write a newsletter every single week that's completely free and is delivered to your inbox every Friday called the Three Relationships. Every week I write on the subject of one of the three relationships. I believe that there are three relationships that determine our quality of life, our relationship with ourselves, our relationship with life, and our relationship with other people. and every week I write a letter on these relationships that I think can help you. So if you want some newness from me, not just these YouTube videos, but subjects that I don't always cover in my YouTube videos, but I do in my private newsletter, come join us. It's free and you can sign up at www.thethreeRelationships.com Habit number four, do a different version of the thing you already do. This is a subtle one because we often think about introducing newness into our lives or making our lives bigger as doing something brand new, trying a new hobby, you know, visiting a completely different country. But I also know there's a more subtle way to start to build your life in 2025, which is to take things that you already do and just do a different version of them. So, for example, if you take a Pilates class in a specific place, in a specific part of town, you could literally just choose a different part of town and go and try a class there. And the beauty of this is that you're seeing new places, you're sort of expanding the territory of your life, but you're also upping the chances of meeting new people. If you think about the advantage of dating apps in finding love? What is the real crux of why dating apps matter, why they work? A dating app simply means you can meet someone who goes to a coffee shop you don't go to. One of the greatest advantages is that they get you to meet people that you wouldn't meet in your normal path that you take in life. You go from your house to work to your standard coffee shop that you always go to and back again. You go to the same gym, you hang out with the same friends, and all of that means that you actually end up meeting the same people over and over and over and over again. We can actually start to benefit from this dating app effect by doing a different version of the thing we already do. When we go to a different coffee shop, we're exposing ourselves to the group of people that go to that coffee shop, to that community, and therefore upping our chances of actually meeting our person. Not to mention just getting outside our comfort zone a bit, shaking things up a bit, creating new grooves in our mind, which is a good thing. It stimulates us. It expands our world. Whereas many people, especially as they get older, their world tracts. They do the same things, go to the same places, and there is no newness anymore. Now, number five is a bigger leap. Each year, I have a habit of putting something in my year that really shakes me out of my comfort zone or that is completely new or shifts me in some fundamental way. Last year, I can think of two big things. Audrey and I took a trip to Africa, which was something that we had never done before. And it was truly the trip of a lifetime. It was a genuine adventure. It wasn't us just going and sitting by the side of a pool. It was us going and having a true life-changing adventure. The other one that we did was the two of us we went to a mindfulness retreat together. We went to essentially a three-day meditation course. And it was an investment in time and money, but it was a chance for us to genuinely do something that we wouldn't normally do. And for me, as I'm trying to learn more about mindfulness and I'm trying to put create more of a practice in my life for that, It was a way of me saying, I am taking this seriously and I'm really going to do something that shifts me. And it did. It really did shift me. It was an investment to say, I'm actually going to put this in my year when I could just work more days or I could just, I could be doing something that was way more comfortable. I could be doing something way more in my comfort zone because it was really outside my comfort zone to go and sit there and do that. But instead we said, no, this is one of those big moments in the year where we're going to expand ourselves. put something like that in your year. And for those of you, by the way, that would like to do something like that with me in October of this year, I am for the first time doing something I've never done before, which is taking my six day retreat program and transforming it into a two day coaching retreat for Everyone who has always wanted to come to my retreat, this is the perfect year to do it because so many people couldn't attend it before because the logistics were difficult. People didn't necessarily have seven days to take off of work. People couldn't necessarily get childcare. We had teachers who wanted to come, but it was in term time. We have made it two days so that logistically it's way easier for people to find the time in their schedule to come and do this. Men weren't able to come in previous years. We had it as a women only program. gram. But now, men, if you're watching this, you can come as well. You are more than welcome. We would love to have you there. The event is happening on the 18th and 19th of October. It's happening in Miami, Florida, and it is going to be at an incredible venue. I cannot wait for you to see. And by the way, there is an early bird offering right now just for this month. That means that you can get significant discounts on every category of ticket, whether you're going for the VIP experience or general admission. There are really great discounts right now that are only available for the early bird special. So get those while you can at mhretre.at.com. i really hope to see you there because this is going to be an incredible event and this is actually going to be, in many ways, the big moment of my year. This is the thing I'm putting in my year. That is going to be a huge growth moment and something I'm really excited to share with you. So I hope to see you there. Okay. Habit number six. this is something that I am playing with in my own life right now and looking for what the right way to do this is for 2025. So I want to offer it to you, not as something that I've been doing, but something that I'm looking at doing for this year. This is the idea of having some kind of routine social event or plan that is in place on a regular basis in your life in a way that you kind of don't have to think about. Years ago, I used to talk about the idea of a happy hour that we did every fortnight. And this was the idea that you have a certain place that you go to for coffee or for drinks that any friends of yours can come to at the same time, every couple of weeks. Every week felt like it was potentially a lot at the time. So I was like, every two weeks feels manageable. but it was something that you could invite friends to and you could even invite their friends. So you could say, if you want to bring someone, bring them. I'm going to be at this place at this time. Come join me for a drink or come join me for coffee. Having this regular thing gives you something that's in the diary that you don't have to overthink. Let's say you do it every two weeks. You're never more than two weeks away from having something to invite someone to. if you meet someone you like, if you have coffee with someone, or if you meet someone in your local place that you go and you want to hang out with them more, you can be like, by the way, next week I'm getting together with a couple of friends. We do it every couple of weeks. You're more than welcome to come. You've always got something to invite someone to, even a date, maybe. Right? That's the other cool thing is if you're getting on well with someone and you want to invite them to something very casual and low-key you can invite them to that. have a regular social routine. The last habit, number seven, is social stacking. This is where you take something that you already do or want to do and you combine it with something that can actually build your social life or your love life. So, for example, I live in Los Angeles. I like hiking. Do I like hiking? Yes, I like hiking. Sometimes I have to remind myself because I don't want to go a lot, but every time I go, I'm really glad I went. So, my brother Steve and Hussie recently moved to LA, and we are both busy and we try and find time to sync up. And what's been really lovely is calling him up and being like, Hey, I'm doing a hike this weekend. Notice that I'm doing a hike. It's not even a, Do you want to do a hike together? It's just, I'm gonna go on a hike. Do you want to come? Because I'm gonna go anyway. That's the whole point. This is something I would like to do regardless, even if I went on my own and just listened to music. But I say to him, Do you want to come on this hike with me? And then we go together and we end up spending two or three hours, even an hour sometimes, talking in a way that we wouldn't normally if we were sat around watching the TV and also doing something that I want to do anyway in my life. Where could you make more use of this in your life so that your social life isn't always something that you say, I've got to find the time for. It's something that actually integrates into your world in a way that has a whole other win for you and a whole other win for the other person. If you can find a way to take something that's a genuine win for everybody involved and combine it with that social time, it's amazing how much more social time you'll get. And in some cases, it's actually more quality social time for me. the hike is absolutely better time for connection for me and my brother than spending time doing something where I know we wouldn't end up talking anyway. By the way, as you're listening to all of these habits, you will realize that many of them do involve having more confidence. Many of them do involve getting outside of our comfort zone. And to make the most of them, we also need the ability to be able to speak to people in these places when we get there, to interact with strangers if we're trying to find love, to interact with strangers in a flirtatious way that could actually lead somewhere. I have a free training called Dating with Results that is going to show you how to build your confidence, get outside your comfort zone, begin a new chapter in your love life specifically, and connect with more people and create attraction. If you haven't watched it yet, go to Dating with Results www.lovequotes.com and try that out. It's completely free. It's a really great one hour training and it will set you up for a much, much higher chance of finding love in 2025.