5 Dec 2016 · 5 min
Matthew Hussey and others discuss how to invite a partner to spend the holidays together without creating pressure or scaring him away. The episode covers timing, framing, and what to say to keep things light while expressing what you want.
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Welcome to Love Life.
I'm Matthew Hussey. Now, do you ever feel like you're.
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How to do it. Short and sweet episode today, but I know the holidays are coming up. So I wanted to, I had a question from somebody the other day and she said, if you wanna ask your boyfriend or the guy that you're seeing to come and spend time with you and your family over the holidays, how do you do it without seeming like you're too desperate or putting him under pressure. So here's what you do. This is going to be a very easy one. All you say is if you haven't got a lot going on or if, you know, you know, if for any reason you don't want to spend time with your family or you want to come and spend it with mine, we'd love to have you and I'd love to spend time with you that day. And don't worry, I'm not we're not going to start calling you part of the family or anything like that. I just wanted you to know you're welcome. and I'd love to see you. This is a really nice way of handling this situation because on one hand, you're not asking him, what you don't wanna do is say, do you want to come to mine for the holidays? Because as soon as you do that, you put him under pressure. You make him have to answer you yes or no. And that's not always a nice situation to be in. Instead, when you say to him, if you haven't got something else going on, we'd love to have you, or I'd love to see you, then that allows him to come back to you and say, actually, you know what, I do have to see my family, but I'd love do it with you on another day. Or yes, I'd love to, but he'll feel like if he does say yes, he sold himself on it, you didn't pressure him into doing it. And also, the reason I slipped in that little line about saying, you know, don't worry, I'm not gonna start saying you're part of the family or anything like that. It's just your playful way of reminding him that this isn't your way of trying to move the relationship five steps forward in one go. He doesn't have to take it super seriously. It's just a chance for you guys to spend some more time together. And of of course, the benefit for you, 'cause you may say, well, I want him to take it seriously. Well, I say to you that if he's spending this time with you and your family, he's gonna get more invested in you anyway. He's gonna get more attached to you anyway. So you don't have to try and force that. The fact that he will be spending it with you is gonna do that all on its own. So that's it. Go talk to that person that you care about. Let them know that it's an option. It's a nice risk-free way. of inviting them over to your place for the holidays to spend time with you and the people you love and enjoy it. Even if he doesn't go, by the way, don't take it as some massive sign that he doesn't like you. He has his own stuff going on as well. But it will also mean a lot to him that you invited him. It's a very loving thing to do. Good luck. Enjoy the holidays, my friends, and I will speak to you soon. If you aren't following me right now, go to facebook.comcoach Matthew Hussey.
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