How to Know if He’s a “Good Guy”

This is an ad by Regain Couples Therapy and features real testimonials. This was our first time trying therapy.

And honestly, it was long overdue.

Looking back, we just wish we had started sooner. Regain's qualified therapists help couples when they can't get there on their own. We thought it was intimacy issues, but Andrea helped us uncover a deeper root cause we hadn't even realized was there. Visit regain.com/couplespod to get 10% off your first month. Regain, powered by BetterHelp.

Today, We'll attempt a feat once thought impossible, overcoming high interest credit card debt. It requires merely one thing, a SoFi personal loan. With it, you could save big on interest charges by consolidating into one low fixed rate monthly payment. Defy high interest debt with a SoFi personal loan. Visit sofi.com/stunt to learn more. Loans originated by SoFi Bank, N.A. Member FDIC. Terms and conditions apply. NMLS-696891.

Hello everybody, this is Matthew Hussie with Love Life. Do you know the number one most powerful technique you can use to get any man addicted to you and only you? Take a second to see if you can figure it out. Don't worry if you can't guess what it is. It's simple to use, but it's also easy to overlook, which is why most women will never use it. I'll tell you what this subtle trick is in just a moment. But first, let's get to the episode. We have a caller on the line here at Love Life. Her name is Chantelle. Chantelle, are you there?

Yes, I am here, Matthew.

So good to hear your voice. How are you?

Fantastic. How are you?

Good. I'm great. I'm great. I'm excited about your question.

Awesome. Okay. So here it is. What are some tips I can use to tell if a guy I'm thinking about dating is a good guy?

Well, so that's a good question. I'm glad you're looking for a good guy because it seems to me too many young women these days are proactively looking for a bad guy. It's a really weird thing. I go out, I go out at night and sometimes when you're in these cool spots, you see women just proactively paying attention to the worst Type of people. And it's really soul destroying because you think, oh, God, this is the world we live in. These idiots get all the attention. And there's really lovely people that just get treated badly because they seem like they actually have a heart. Right. I think the key is to actually look for people that... Let's start at the basics. Does this person look like they have a good sense of morality? you know, do they, do they look like they're a kind person? I won't say a nice guy because I, I mean, if you've listened to some of my previous episodes, you know, nice is not a word that I'm in love with. I find nice too often is just about people, kind of people pleasing. But kind is different. You know, you're looking for someone who actually has a sense of kindness. For example, when I go up to a woman to talk to her and she has a kind of a very mean demeanor where she comes across kind of bitchy in that moment. I'm like, oh, you know, this is, this is, I now know you're not someone that I, I really want to speak to because even if you didn't like me, the woman of my dreams isn't mean to someone when they come over. That's, that's not what the woman I want to end up with does. So even just that little moment, I'm like, oh, you that's already a departure from what I want. So I would be looking for the micro cues, the little things that he does that show you that he's a good, like a kind guy versus someone who doesn't care too much about other people's feelings. Now, look, sometimes you only know these things once you start, once you've been on a date with someone, right? That's when you begin to know, and then you look for the little things, you know, does he, it's not always about, Old-fashioned acts of chivalry. Did he pull out my chair? Did he open my car door?

Yeah, exactly.

It's not always about that because the reality is there are actually guys who have mastered the art of being chivalrous and are just terrible people. You know, there are plenty of those in the world and I know many of them. They're really good at the showy acts of being a gentleman, but when it really comes down to it, they don't care about people. So I would be looking at the little things, you know, does, Are there are there moments when he shows you that he's actually sensing how you're feeling or, you know, he sees you cold and wants to look after you in that moment or he knows that you you're going to get a cab back to your place? Does he offer to, you know, is he worried about how you're going to get home? Is, you know, is he does he want to walk you to the to the bus station or to the train or to the cab or whatever? In little ways, is he actually showing you that he's a caring loving person. Does he put you first sometimes? Right? We don't, none of us put someone first all the time. That wouldn't even be a healthy way to live. But does he sometimes put you first or is it always about him? Does he always want to do things on his terms? You know, is it always about you coming to him? Is it always about doing what he wants to do? Does he show that he respects you? You know, there are so many little moments when I see men not respecting women and not respecting their opinions. Does, you know, when you offer an opinion, does he make fun of it or does he actually, is he engaged? Does he just talk about himself or is he curious about you and your life? Or is he just busy talking about how impressive he is and what his job is and what car he drives and whatever else? So you're, you're looking for those little moments where he shows kindness A sense of appreciating that sometimes he's gonna put you first or he's gonna, he's not gonna be so narcissistic that it's all about him. He is into you and appreciates you and does he show an interest in your life? You know, so kindness, respect, two very big words. And I would be looking out for little moments that he shows those two things. And by the way, these two things are, I find, They're not, when we go out, especially in cool scenes, they're two things that are severely lacking. I spend a lot of time in New York. And when I go out in New York, kindness and respect are two things that seem very, very lacking a lot of the time. There's a lot of, there's a lot of, I quote, coolness, like people being cool, but there's not a lot of kindness and respect. And when I see someone who's kind and respectful, that person really stands out to me. And by the way, the more attractive they are, you know, the better looking they are or the hotter they are or whatever, it doesn't do it for me unless kindness and respect comes with it. When I see someone who's hot and they're kind and respectful, that blows me away because it's a really rare commodity. Don't worry about hot guys. Hot guys are easy. They're the hot guys are everywhere. Right, they're everywhere. You go into any department store, go into, you know, the gym, go out at night, you're gonna see hot guys. But finding a hot guy who's kind and respectful, that that's not so common. And those are the ones that you should be valuing. Okay.

Okay.

All right. I think we did some good work here, Chantelle.

Yes, I think so, too. Thank you, Matthew.

This was good. I enjoyed that. [Speaking of the answer to the question that I asked you at the start of the show. What's the number one most powerful technique to get any man addicted to you? Compliments. It sounds simple and it is. A well-given compliment will make him melt in your hands, but the exact words you need to use are crucial and easy to mess up. That's why I've created a special guide for you where I give you my 5 most powerful compliments that you can give to any man to create a deeper connection. To download your 5 Compliments Guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com/compliments.