24 Jun 2022 · 1 min
Matthew Hussey breaks down the "I can't let you go but I won't commit" dynamic as a self-serving tactic. He says after three months, a partner should show clear intent, and advises setting firm boundaries: walk away if commitment isn't on the table.
June 24, 2022
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November
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Your choice is not to commit to me. My decision is that that's not interesting to me and I'm gonna go and find something that has actual potential. welcome, everybody, to the love life podcast. I am Matthew Hussey, and this is a little rant I went on at one point or another that I think is really going to help you today. Also, don't forget, leave us a review on iTunes. We really appreciate it. All right, enjoy the episode. When is the right time to walk away if he doesn't want to commit? I was seeing a guy that I really like for a year and four months. The problem is that he doesn't want to let me go and still doesn't want to commit either. I don't know what to do with this situation. Rant time. No one can hold you anywhere. He didn't put you in a cage and say, I just can't let you go. I'm sorry. The victim is me. I just can't let you go while I lock you in this cage over here. I'm the one who's suffering. I just I can't commit, but I just can't let you go. I'm the victim here. Stop allowing that to blind you to what's actually going on. The story here is not that you have someone who's so into you. The story here is you have someone who can't make a decision to commit to you. When someone says, I just can't let you go, that's all about them. That's all about them. At its extreme form, that's narcissism. It's, I am prepared to ruin your life because it's more comfortable for me to do so. I just can't let you go. That's not about you. It has nothing to do with you. It's not a generous act. It's not about your well-being. It's not about your happiness. That's about him. That's about his emotions, his comfort, him being able to have whatever he wants when he wants it. I just can't let you go. But I don't want you either. But I just can't let you go. I am gonna be Goldilocks. I just not too hot, not too cold. I just need it just right. I just need it like it's my favorite. Not committing to you, but not having you leave either. I just need my favorite. My favorite is you just giving me your time and your energy and your attention and your love and your intimacy, even though I don't commit. That's my favorite. That's my favorite. My favorite is not committing to you, not going all in, but just not letting you go either. That's my favorite. I just can't not have my favorite. This is the essence, the seeds. I'm not calling someone who does that a narcissist. I think that label is thrown around at a wild level. There is way, way, way too much. We're too quick to diagnose people. But in there are the seeds. of narcissism. And you have to hear that for what it is. I don't want you, but I can't let you go. In other words, I don't give a fuck about what's right for you or what's going to make you happy or what's going to be good for your time. What I care about is me. We cannot have this. This cannot be. This is not a recipe for living a good life is to live like this. You have to have boundaries. You have to stick to them. Someone says, They don't want to let you go. Here's your response. Oh, you seem to have something mistaken. You seem to think that you're the one who's controlling this situation. When you tell me after how long? A year and four months. By the way, after three months, someone should have a good idea of what they want with you. I'm not saying after three months they have to decide they want to marry you, but after three three months, if someone can't say enough to say, you know what? I really want to give this a shot with you. Let's see where it goes. We don't have to decide our entire future right now, but I can at least decide not to screw other people. Let's do that. If after three months you don't have that, that's a red flag. After a year and four months, someone saying, I can't commit to you, but I can't let you go, you are mistaken, sir. You seem to think that it's your choice as to whether you let me go. It's not. Your choice is not to commit to me. My decision is that that's not interesting to me and I'm gonna go and find something that has actual potential. Because the guy that doesn't want me but can't let me go is boring as fuck. Hey everyone, before you leave this episode, don't forget we have the virtual retreat date set for November. It's the last one of the year. You can get an early bird ticket by going to mhvirtualretreat.com that's it for today I'll speak to you next time.
