If He's Not Chasing, Why Are You Investing?

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NMLS 696891. I'm not being pessimistic. I am just, I'm not prepared to like expend my excitement all the time in those ways. Life is enough for me. Like what's happening right now is enough for me. I don't need for this thing that this person who just called or sent an email, I don't need for that to be the thing that's like giving me my reason to be today.

Hello, everyone. Hello, Matthew Hussie. Well, Matt, I'll cut to the chase, as it were, because the other day I was doing a Facebook live based on a Blog I did. called if he's not chasing, why are you investing? This is a very common phenomenon where you get some, you have a great day, you have an intimate moment, you have something with a person, a guy, it feels great, you've had a bit of texting, and now you've reached a little bit of that hook point. And so what happens at this point is, The brain goes into a kind of overdrive where every single action that person takes now is extensively analyzed, broken down, and every single action they take, even the most minor positive action, is assumed to be an important signal. And even if there's that distinction in economics about signal versus noise, Noise is just messy data that doesn't mean anything, but you can assume it's a signal. And a guy just reaching out because he didn't talk to you in days, but he just sent a little emoji. Someone will then go and pour over that and go, what did it mean? He sent the emoji then, what does he really want? And really, there's not really anything to actually analyze there. The bigger macro, the bigger picture, is clear. But the way I've likened this, and people really liked this analogy, is that it's like you are putting your ear up trying to crack a safe and figure it out. And if I could just get the combination right, but you can already see in the safe, and the safe has nothing in there, but you're sitting there trying to crack it and open it, thinking that when I look inside, something's going to be different. And this is what happens, I think. I think that people get a lot, there's a weird point in dating where our brain then is on the, we're hooked into this person. And so now we just endlessly analyze their actions instead of acting.

Yes. Well, this is part of the, this is the problem with having sold yourself on someone. before it's before there is anything there. The, you know, we do this not just in our relationships. We do this in all sorts of different ways. We do it in business, too. I it used, I, I don't, you know, when TV shows come to us now asking us to go and be on a TV show, rarely do we yes, unless it's particularly interesting. But back in the day when we thought the idea of being on TV was quite exciting, the danger of, you know, you get a call from a producer who says, we think we want you on the show. You immediately run and you tell everyone in the company, we got a call from this producer and we think that they want us on this show and everyone starts talking about it. And then the next day you get on a call and someone says, so, any news from the show? And you're like, no, I haven't heard anything yet. And all the while, you're getting yourself worked up about it. And then if two weeks from now the show sends a message, you go, Everybody, the producers just sent a message. They think that they might want us on, well, they haven't said any, there's nothing new, but they reached out again and everyone goes, oh my God, that's really exciting. And I've made a habit in business of, I mean, people think that sometimes maybe they even think I'm a little boring for it, but I don't get excited about opportunities.

Really.

I think what is is fun. When I get a really big offer for something, you know, Steve, the first thing I'll say is if someone says, what was that email about? Or what was that phone call about? I'll be like, oh, it's so and so. They want us to go and do this thing. and someone will be like, that's amazing. And I'll be like, yeah, I mean, we'll see. We'll see. And it's not, people think I'm being pessimistic. I'm not. I'm not being pessimistic. I am just, I'm not prepared to like expend my excitement all the time in those ways. It's, life is enough for me. Like, what's happening right now is enough for me. I don't need for this thing that this person who just called or sent an email, I don't need for that to be the thing that's like giving me my reason to be today. And what I'll do instead is I'll say, it's just really, you know, like, oh, such and such a company, this major company just came and asked us to do some a partnership with them. I put no stock in the idea that that's going to happen. Zero. All I do is I'll say, if it's you or dad or whatever, I'll be like, you know what's just really nice? It's just really flattering that they're even considering us for that. That's just cool. I don't know if anything's going to come of it, but it's just, by the way, how awesome is it for where we are in our company right now that that kind of a company is even wanting to do a partnership with us? is even entertaining the idea. That's super cool. That shows how far we've come. Whether it happens or not is irrelevant to me. But the fact that they sent an email asking is just a really interesting example of a really interesting reference point for how we come across to the world. That speaks highly of us that they were interested at all. So, I take the win to me is what's happened. It's not what's gonna happen. And I don't get myself excited about everything that could happen because it's, to me, a waste of energy. It takes me out of this moment right now where I am. And I see this in dating all the time. Instead of just being like, I had a great date last night. You know, it was a really cool date. And everyone's like, and the friends are all like, oh my God, tell me everything about it. And you're like, I always want to be like, everyone chill the fuck out. Like they had a great date last night. Let it just be a great date. Just say, like the next time you have a great date, just be like, we had a really nice time. You know, if nothing, whatever else happens, it was a really nice time. And let it unfold. Don't create the story with the people around you. before anything's even happened because now you start to get excited about things that aren't worthy of your excitement, that are dangerous to get excited about because now you can't even be surprised. You are literally living in a place where in order for you to be happy, what this person does has to now live up to what you've got in your head. Just for it to be on a level with what everyone, like you and your friends have done. And friends are the worst for it because they, I don't like, if I tell people about business opportunities, they're always like, oh my God, that's so amazing. Congratulations, man. I'm like, don't celebrate something I don't even have. It's not even real.

Yeah.

But you're already giving me the accolade. You're already giving me the credit for it. And it's not even happened. I don't want that validation. I don't want it. That's why I don't, Steve, you know, I don't bring things to team meetings every week that are going on and opportunities that are just kind of floating in the air right now where people are hitting me up. I don't come to a team meeting and say, guys, you'll never guess who contacted us last week. Most of the time, the team hear about something when it's like in the bag. And I'm like, oh, by the way, I'm going on this major show tomorrow or we're doing this major partnership with such and such and the contracts were already signed. And everyone's like, How do we not know about this? And I'm like, because I wasn't excited about it until now. Until the ink was dry, just wasn't excited about it. So I didn't bother to tell you about it. And I just think people should treat their dating lives like that a little more. Because otherwise we are just getting each other amped up over nothing.

And all the friends swarm around and you get the one lazy text from him and then the friend's like, E-text, let's have a look at it. What did it mean? And again, you're safe cracking now. You're trying to like figure out the code. It might, that text might meant nothing. It might have been like the laziest, most rubbish text, but now you're all in safe cracker mode. Like let's try and figure him out. And yeah, like you say, again, you're analyzing instead of actually zooming out and being like, is there, is he investing here? Is there a real thing here? Is there something solid I can actually hold on to?

Now, by the way, in the comments, because we're obviously streaming this live right now as well on Instagram, Plammy says, yeah, but can you not be happy? I am happy. That's the thing. It's not that, like, can't you just let yourself be happy about this opportunity? I don't need this opportunity to be happy. That's the point. I don't need what that plan me and I love you because you're always commenting on our stuff and you're a trooper and I know you're asking it from an interesting place. Big love, big love, plan me. But what you're really asking is can't you let yourself get excited? Because it's not happiness. Happiness doesn't come from an opportunity. That's not happiness, right? If that's what happiness is, then we're screwed. Because the moment that guy, that business opportunity, that thing goes away, What are we gonna be sad? So it's not the opportunity can't make us happy. Now, if you say, well, can't you allow yourself to get excited? Do you have to, like, I can see the argument for, like, do you have to strip the romance out of it? And again, I know people might get bored of me making, like, a business analogy, but it's so real to me because it's so relevant. If when a business opportunity comes through, that I don't need to feed off of the excitement of that because there's other really cool things happening. So if that happens, like if someone emails me, I send an email back saying, oh, here's my assistant or whatever, let me know, let's see if we can figure something out. Once I've done that, I move on in my day to the next thing. I'm not sitting around waiting for that email back from them. I'm because I'm in an abundant place where I'm like, I've got 10 other exciting projects going on. I've got other things. This is not if this doesn't happen, this is not a big deal to me in my life. I've got other great things happening in my life. Dating should be the same. If a cute guy messages you or whatever on a dating app, fine. I'm not saying don't feel excited in that moment. I'm not saying be a robot and you get the message and you go, this is interesting, but it means nothing yet. I'm saying see the message, get the little rush. By the way, as if I could stop you from getting that. I don't have that kind of power. You're going to get the rush. So I'm not worried about taking away your rush. You're going to get that. But once you've sent the message back, go get on with your day. Go like now go and have a great day. You cannot sit there now. Don't now tell the story to four different friends. This guy messaged me on Instagram. This guy messaged me on for dating app today. Oh, have you seen this guy? Here, look at him, look at him, look at him. Let's all build the story together. Let's all talk about it. Let them say, oh my God, he has a golden retriever. He's perfect for you. You love golden retrievers. Oh my, and he lives locally. Oh my God, you have to tell me what happens with this guy. You have to tell me like, this is so cool. And oh my God, he said that thing in the, he's wearing that top. You know how you love those sweaters? This is, oh my God, I'm so happy. This is so exciting. And then two days later, did you go on a date with Mr. Wright yet? Did you go on a date with that? Like, you know, you can't compete with the story that all of your friends and your tribe is creating out of this now. Your job is not just to calm you down, it's to chill everyone else out too. Because their stuff will not help you. The way they feed into the story and amp you up, he can't compete with that. How can he compete with that? Things have to be allowed to happen organically and they can only happen organically if you're actually here right now, be on the date you're on, be on the text you're on, be on the day of the courtship that you're actually on. Don't be on week four. When you just got a message from this person this morning. Don't be six months from now when you're on date three. Be on the date you're on. Be in the phase of the relationship that you're in.

Don't be on Return of the King when you're on the Fellowship still.

You haven't even left the Shire, Steve.

These are Lord of the Rings guys, keep up. You're on the first book, and you're reading about Buddy Minus Tirith. Oh, that's not till book three.

Right? Now, when Sam's leaving the Shire, and he's about to go on the quest with Frodo, and he stops, and he says, if I take one more step, it will be the furthest from home I've ever been. That's a true acknowledgment of where you're at. He's about to take a step that's furthest from home he's ever been. That's a true acknowledgment of where he's at. So and so just asked me to move in with them. If I do this, it'll be the biggest commitment I've ever made. That's great. Talk about it in that moment. But talking about it before you've even left the Shire, Steve. No, no, no. You're not gonna get the ring to Mordor that way.

I mean, you don't have the fellowship for the start. I mean, so we've said it all, guys. I mean, we've said it all.

I think we've probably done it, and we. It's an episode. That's a podcast.

And that's talking, guys. So get reading.

Get reading. Well, if you want to. If you want to leave us a review of the podcast, we'd appreciate it. You know, tell everyone that you liked it. Tell everyone what you get out of it. It would mean a lot and it makes other people give it, take a, you know, look, we live in a world that's just so full of content, so full of, does the world need another podcast, Steve? No, it doesn't. But, you know, maybe it needs more.

Don't start with that.

No, I'm just saying, it's not, we're not trying to contribute to the noise. We're trying to be, we're trying to do something that's actually worth people's time and attention in their day. We don't want to hijack their day. We want to add to it. And if you feel this has added to your day, then help us tell other people. Leave us a review on iTunes and subscribe to the podcast on iTunes, on Spotify, on Stitcher.

Matt is here.

And we'll see you in the next episode.

And if you want to go, if you've been, you know, you want to get back out there, spring is here. Go and download our free guide, 3SecretsToLove.com and it'll help you start taking those baby steps to move forward. Hey, also you Instagram people, why don't you come and follow Stephen @StephenHussie, you're on Matthew's Instagram. Come and get the whole Hussie set.

You can follow Stephen on Instagram @StephenHussie with a PH.

StephenHussie, there you go.

Thanks, Steve.

Thanks everyone, thanks Matt and see you soon Pickles.

See you later everyone.

I see the blog sites, Ookie Woop.

Got a new wife, Shorty got a new boo.

Yeah love beautiful.

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