13 Mar 2017 · 1 min
Matthew Hussey argues that a growth mindset, not fixed circumstances, determines what you can become. He uses his friend's insecurity about lacking formal education to show how belief in your ability to improve is what actually matters. He offers five specific compliments designed to make someone addicted to you.
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Matthew Hussey here with Love Life. I am super excited about today's show because we have a great topic to discuss. But first I have a question for you. If I told you there were five things you could say to get a man positively addicted to you, would you try them? If the answer is yes, then be sure to listen until the end of today's show because I'm going to tell you how you can get your hands on those five magic phrases. Now let's get to the episode.
I.
Was having a conversation recently with someone very dear to me who expressed that she didn't feel educated enough. She didn't feel like she was smart and in the moment was talking about this as a major insecurity that she had. And I suddenly thought of all the different people in the world who have different insecurities about what they don't have in life, what they lacked growing up. In her case, she felt like she really didn't take education seriously for a long time and she dropped out of school early and went to work very early and as a result feels like she never really was educated in the way that a lot of her peers were and feels self conscious. When the topic of conversation gets onto anything that feels intellectual to her, she either switches off or kind of runs and hides, changes the subject. She feels self conscious. I was fascinated when she told me this because this person is one of the most streetwise, savvy individuals that I know. And she's also someone that, because of what she's been through in her life, is one of the most emotionally fit and strong people that I know. So she has amazing advantages which she's not focusing on when she's focusing on what she doesn't have that other people have. Well, you have to remember, one layer of wisdom I believe is understanding what unique advantages our life has given us now. They're not necessarily the same as the advantage that the person that we're now friends with got when they were growing up. Different people learn different things. Some people become amazing dancers growing up, other people are amazing with people. Whatever it is for you, the first level of wisdom and confidence is to understand that there are things you got growing up that give you a unique advantage over other people, even if they have an advantage over you in a different area. So we have to accept the assets that we were given in our childhood and as we grew up. But there is a second level of wisdom to me, and that level of wisdom is understanding that just because you don't have something yet, it doesn't mean you can't acquire it. My point is what George Eliot said, which is that it's never too late to be what you might have been. You can start now. You don't know how to dance. You've never been able to dance. Fine, go learn to dance. You've never been good with languages. Fine, go get good at a language. You've always wanted to play an instrument. Fine, go start playing an instrument. There's a. Psychologists have come to define two different mindsets. One is a fixed mindset. The other is a growth mindset. The fixed mindset is the person that believes that whatever the abilities they have now are really the abilities that they have that they're not able to achieve more, to grow more. The growth mindset. Those are the people that believe they can improve at things. They believe they can be better. And that's the only thing that's required for growth, by the way, is the belief. Not that you can be the best, not that you can be incredible, but that you can improve. By the way, the time when you really start surprising people is when you don't just have the strengths they believe you do, but you start surprising them with strengths they didn't even know you had. That's when people realize they don't know you quite as well as they thought they did because you just keep growing and changing. If you're doing life right, the people around you should always be on their toes as to who you are and where you're going. It should never be something that's fixed in time, because of course, you do not have a fixed mindset. You have a growth mindset. So that's it for today. Do not put a label on yourself and tell yourself what you are and are not. This isn't about pie in the sky thinking I could be the best at everything. No, you can't. Not everyone's going to be an Einstein. Not everyone's going to be a world class violinist. We're not going to all be the best at everything. But we can improve and we can change perceptions by understanding that we can grow in areas that we may have always already written off for ourselves. Well, I made you a promise at the top of the show that I would reveal five things you could say to get a man addicted to you. And it's time to deliver. These are actually five compliments, and I've put them together in a free guide that you can go download right now. To get your free guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com compliments.
