This is a podcast episode titled "(Rewind): If You Want To INSTANTLY Heal Your Heart Break, Listen To This." released on September 1, 2023. The content features a conversation primarily between Matthew AI and Stephen discussing emotional healing and self-care after heartbreak. The episode includes personal reflections, advice on managing emotions, and an announcement about an upcoming live retreat in October. The podcast also contains an advertisement segment for Regain Couples Therapy.
Questions this episode answers
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October 9–15 (six days), Fort Lauderdale, Florida; register at mhretreat.com.
Chapters
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But you're actually not going to feel like this forever. It can't be. It cannot be. There is just no way. You are gonna get better. Hey, it's Matthew here. Welcome back to Love Life.
Short episode for you today.
I wanted to share a clip of.
A conversation that I had with my.
Brother Stephen because it resonated with so.
Many people who heard these two simple words that I share for getting over heartbreak. Check it out.
When you first have the moment of a breakup, It's like you have the shock and all the tears and the moment where it happens and it's kind of this shocking, traumatic moment. And then it's kind of like that bit in the Dark Knight where Bruce Wayne is thrown into that pit, you know, that prison with the big circular prison and up somewhere is the light, but you are just stuck in this dark hole. and you have no idea how you're gonna climb out of it. What's your initial thought on when you're faced with that kind of black hole you're in? What do you think people's, what's kind of your first instinct with your wisdom and experience now of when that moment happens?
This terrible feeling you have right now about losing this person. They're the love of my life. I'm never gonna get over this. I'm gonna miss them like this forever. When I see them with someone else, I'm gonna have a full breakdown. I'm never gonna meet anyone like them again. Emotions change. They just don't stay the same.
And.
That much you can rely on. You're actually not going to feel like this forever. It can't be. It cannot be. There is just no way. you are going to get better and your emotions about this situation are going to change. Your feelings towards this person are going to change. They're not going to stay the same. Your feelings towards other people are going to change. Someone else is going to come on your radar and they're going to be interesting and you'll like something else about them or love something else about them. And so it will all change. None of this is going to stay the way that it is right now. So, those two words, if nothing else, if you're at the worst moment of your breakup, if nothing else, just remember emotions change.
Well, you're absolutely right. You have to have like a degree of faith and, well, it's rational as well, but it's a rational understanding of this pain cannot, this isn't going to be my life. People don't just stay in this shock forever. But I think it's so important as well that you engage in a procedure of emotional, for lack of a less cliche word, self-care. Like you have to start that you have to put yourself on the right path to not prolonging it. You've got a wound and now you've got to start applying the right antiseptic, the right bombs and ointments, wrap the wound. You kind of have to do the right things now. Do you have to go, okay, I'm gonna start building the ladder of self-esteem again. I'm gonna turn self-hatred into self-love. I'm gonna start treating myself like someone I care about. And if I was just looking at this person from the outside, I would be like, okay, let's just get you out for a walk today. Let's get you to go and have a chat. to a friend who brings you a bit of joy or someone who you know makes you laugh a bit and just gently do a phone call, do one phone call. And I think these things, if you just start that little upward spiral, you can, things start to get a bit better each day.
I agree.
You know, the word gently is kind of interesting because There's certain parts of it you're just not gonna outrun Like when you're truly heartbroken youn're not just gonna like gym your way out of that Do you know what I mean? You're not just gonna nights with friends out your way out of that. You're not gonna party through it until yeah, or even you know self-help your way out of it through you know It's listening to so many podcasts in a day or a week or whatever. Those things are things that realign your focus. They build other muscles. We've talked before about it. If you imagine it's like one part of your body is injured. Let's say your heart, your heart is injured. So you're training other parts of your body. You wanna keep doing that. 'Cause you don't wanna wake up when you feel better, Being heartbroken is one problem, but you don't wanna wake up in six months with six problems because you being heartbroken meant that you didn't do any, you didn't work any of the other muscles. If you injure your shoulder, you've got a problem, but you don't wanna wake up six months from now with weak legs or a weak core or a bunch of problems that have come from eating badly or You know, those things don't have to be problems alongside it. So it's like sometimes I think we're so focused on trying to make the injured muscle feel better instead of being like, that thing's gonna be injured for a minute. That's okay. You don't have to try to speed that up to an unnatural rate of healing because when we do that, typically we're lying to ourselves in some way. you know, we're. We're telling ourselves everything's all right and making ourselves so absurdly busy that we have zero time to even think. But the moment you have down time, the moment it gets to 11 o'clock at night and your head hits the pillow again, that stuff's all coming rushing back in anyway. At some point it catches up and you still. You still have to go through the hellish part of it. You can make it. reduce it, but you're still gonna go through the tough part. But you wanna make sure that you accept that you have a problem, an issue. And by the way, it's not, in a sense, it is a real problem, but it's also a real problem. There's a real opportunity. It's a real opportunity for growth. It's a real opportunity for healing. It's a real opportunity for self-care. It's a real opportunity to build your relationship with yourself, self-love. It's a real opportunity to show yourself that you can deal with very difficult things in life. It's a real opportunity to to build your kind of toughness and your resilience and the invincibility that comes from knowing you can get over anything, which is gonna make you really valuable to the next person. I'm more valuable to people because of my heartbreak. There is no question about it. I am more valuable because of heartbreak in my life. I would be less valuable in this conversation right now if I didn't have heartbreak. And anyone who has been through heartbreak, you may not be out there coaching tons of people or making videos, If you're out, if you've just got a friend or a family member or someone in your life who comes to you for help, you're gonna be more helpful as a result of this heartbreak. It's gonna make you a better, more useful person in the world. Your suffering will make you more useful in the world. So it's only a problem to the extent that it hurts. It's not a problem in the sense of your growth. But right now you have an issue. But you don't wanna wake up with six more issues six months from now because you didn't take care of the other things. except that it's gonna be. There's gonna be a tough period. That's okay.
All right, everyone, that's it for today. Before you go, though, I have some big news. We have dates for the live Retreat this October. It is going to be from the 9th to the 15th. It's taking place in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. We are going to be spending six days together by the beach working on your greatest life challenges. Whatever you're trying to work on, deal with, get over or create in your life, we are going to do it together for six days. I cannot wait to apply. Go to mhretreat.com and it is my sincerest hope that you and I get to spend those six days together this October.
