The episode opens with a brief advertisement for Regain Couples Therapy, featuring testimonials and a discount link. The main conversation follows host Matthew Hussey (the Love Life Podcast) and guest Roy, who shares his painful experience of an ex-partner moving on quickly after a five‑to‑six‑year relationship that ended in August 2018. Roy describes feelings of inadequacy, lingering attachment, and the ego’s role in his suffering. Matthew and Roy explore how the ego fuels hurt, urging Roy to "kill" his ego and view the breakup as a necessary death of a part of himself. They use vivid metaphors of battle, hell, and resurrection to illustrate transformative grief, emphasizing that enduring hardship can forge a stronger, more compassionate self. The dialogue offers practical mindset shifts—recognizing that the right person must choose you, reframing disappointment, and focusing on personal growth. The episode concludes with a promotional call‑to‑action for Matthew’s free "Three Relationships" email series, encouraging listeners to sign up for weekly advice on relationships with others, oneself, and life.
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So when we're saying, but we were.
So close, not being chosen by someone is should be the greatest turn off in the world. Hey, everybody.
Matthew Hussey here with the Love Life Podcast. Excited for you to hear the episode today.
Let's get into it.
What's your name?
Roy.
Hey, Roy, how are you?
Good, Matthew, thanks. I've had a ex talk about you a lot, so I thought I'd come check you out, but so.
Yeah, that's. I was.
Well, thank you for being here. Yeah, yeah. I enjoy everything. you have to say it, but I'm a man, so I mean, I'm just trying to figure out what I can take from the male perspective and also how do I change the way that I like, I'm very, I guess, reserved and I dwell on my hurt because I mean, we're people, but like, I have a problem with my ex moved on fast and I was trying to It hurts, man. You know, it's like we were together for like five, six years. And when they move on fast, it makes you feel like you're not good enough. And I just want to know how can I change my way of thinking? And it was just they were waiting on me and I was waiting on them. And it just they just decided to go one way. I mean, how do I change my perspective on letting stuff go? Because that's what I need to do. I need to let stuff go. or I'm gonna be unhappy for the rest of my life. Yes.
Roy, you're going through an incredible amount of hurt. When was it? When did this happen? When did she move on?
I guess we split up in August of '18. Yep. I would say it was probably a good four months after.
Yep.
So.
It'S incredibly painful. Part of the pain is you continuing to convince yourself that this must on some level have been the right person and that your right person is now with someone else. Now, I don't believe that. I believe that the right person can only be the right person when it's two people choosing each other. So, part of the pain we hold on to is believing still that we had this jewel that's gone. And as much as we may have loved someone, as much as we may have thought someone was incredible, they may have had wonderful qualities, we may have been incredibly attracted to them, they may.
Have been all these great things, They.
Cannot represent that true dream relationship if they don't choose you. In fact, someone not choosing you is just about the biggest departure from your dream relationship you could ever imagine. So when we're saying, But we were.
So close, Not being chosen by someone should be the greatest turn off in the world. Not because there's something wrong with that person, but because how on earth, when I was a kid and I dreamt about my dream relationship or in my last 10 years or 20 years before I met someone, when I was dreaming of my dream relationship, it couldn't have.
Been the one where someone decides to.
Go be with someone else.
That wasn't it. So this isn't it. Then there's the ego, the ego element.
Of someone chose someone else.
Why not me?
What did that person have?
Why wasn't I good enough?
And now we take the baggage of that forward. The greatest advice I ever received was kill your ego. Because that motherfucker has no place in your growth.
None. None.
I box a lot. And when you go into the ring and you are worried about getting hurt.
When you're worried about yourself, that's ego. When you're worried about the size of.
The other guy, and this guy's skills and that's ego. When you're worried about I came in here to do a job, what's my job? Then ego goes out the window and there are certain, we're all gonna die many, many times in our life. We're all gonna die. You just died.
Right?
A piece of you has to die.
Right now.
You'Re going through hell.
It's been awful.
Someone ripped your heart out.
That's hell.
But I want that version of you that goes through hell and comes out and has something to say at the end of it. That's the version of you I want. Do I want the version of Roy who hasn't been through that? Nah, it's boring. That's boring. I don't want that, Roy.
I want Roy who's been to hell and back.
I want.
I want Roy, who had to go die, resurrect himself, and then come tell the rest of us how to do that. I want that Roy. That Roy is interesting to me. I want weathered, scarred Roy, who's been through shit, who has interesting things to say. That Roy is much more interesting to me. And we learn far more, far, far more. We become far stronger by what goes wrong in our lives than what goes right.
Far more. And so this, all this you're going.
Through, this is just like, you know, like a, like a great stew. Like it's just adding flavor, just like it's just making you more and more interesting, more and more complex.
It's going to make you more compassionate.
It'S going to make you kinder, it's.
Going to make you more empathetic to other people.
It's going to give you more to.
Bring to your next relationship. It's going to make you such a strong person.
And you get through this and you deal with this, what?
Fuck do you have to be afraid of?
I've died motherfucker, you can't scare me.
Right?
You see that?
So there's the ego element, kill your.
Ego, kill that shit.
That guy has to die. So bigger me comes back.
Right?
And then there's the morning because you think you've lost the person you're supposed to be with. I can promise you you haven't because unless someone chooses you, they ain't the person you're supposed to be. be with. You could be disappointed.
You can be disappointed she wasn't the.
Person, but you can't grieve like she was the person because she's not.
Disappointment takes a minute to get over.
Too, but it's much easier to get over than true grieving of I've lost the love of my life. You didn't lose that. That's still to come. Something better is coming for you. I promise you, my brother, I promise. Okay?
Thank you so much for listening to the episode.
I hope you enjoyed it. Before you go, make sure that you do this today. I promise you, every week you are missing out by not doing what I'm about to say. I am sending a private email to a group of people who have registered for it every single Friday. The email is called the Three Relationships, and every email is packed with advice on how you can improve one of the three relationships that I believe determine the quality of your life. Your relationship with other people, your relationship with yourself, and your relationship with life itself. It's a super valuable email. People really look forward to it. This is not the kind of email that you don't open. It's the kind of email you can't wait to see in your inbox every Friday. Go over to thethreerelationships.com to sign up for that email for free, and I will see you in your inbox this Friday. Thanks for listening everyone. I'll see you in the next episode. Be well and love life.
