27 Jan 2023 · 5 min
Matthew AI and other speakers discuss how to find closure after a breakup. They explore the emotional process of moving on and what actually helps people heal, rather than just waiting for time to pass.
696891
10% off the first month
High interest debt is one of the toughest opponents you'll face unless you power up with a SOFI personal loan. A SOFI personal loan could repackage your bad debt into one low fixed rate monthly payment. It's even got superspeed since you could get the funds as soon as the same day you sign. Visit sofi.compower to learn more. That's s o-fi.com P-O-W-E r loans originated by SoFi bank and a member FDIC. Terms and conditions apply.
NMLS 696891 so I can't make you say yes to trying this again, but I can tell you what I'm willing to do and what I would love to do to make this work. Hey everyone, it's Matthew here. Have you ever had a breakup so painful that you feel like you've just lost the one person you were supposed to be with? If that feels like you, this clip is going to help. I spoke to the Girls Got to Eat podcast about getting over heartbreak when it feels like you never will. One of the things that really freaks people out in a breakup is one of the reasons they're looking for closure is is there anything I can still do? Like I could fix this. I could. I need them back. So there's, there's that element to it. And I think what people need is to be able to sleep at night. And there are productive conversations you can have with someone that will allow you to sleep at night. For example, you saying to the person that's just broken up with you very calmly and in a neutral way, I care about you deeply and I love you deeply. And I believe that I'm willing to give to this relationship on a level that is irreplaceable. And I know that there are things that you must wish were different about this relationship or you wouldn't be ending it. I'm prepared to do everything in my power to to work on things that I need to work on. If there is anything that is genuinely falls into my lap that I need to work on, I am willing to do that work because this relationship matters to me. If you want to make this work and you care about me and love me on the level that I do you, I trust that you'll give us a shot based on that. But if you genuinely don't want to fight for this or don't even want to allow me to fight for this, then it then you must be right. This must be the wrong relationship. So I can't make you say yes to trying this again. But I can tell you what I'm willing to do and what I would love to do to make this work. And other than that, I'm going to have to. I'll be moving on unless you tell me otherwise.
I think that's totally fair, and it sounds confident. People, like, let's be real here. People break up, they get back together, they get married, they're together forever. It happens. You know, it's not. I don't totally believe once it's called a breakup because it's broken. You know, like, I mean, I own the book, whatever, but, like, I just think sometimes people don't have the tools to express their needs and things like that. And a lot of times it is totally over forever. But when you still have a lot of love for somebody and there's work that could be done, I think that conversation is really important.
And what keeps people up at night is the idea that, well, what if it's the question, could I have done what if I could have done something?
Well, so ask the person.
Yeah, you tell me what it is, because I'm willing to fight for this, and I would love to know. But if you don't want to fight for us, I can't do any. Then I can't help us.
But to me, that's a very confident way of saying that. I think people are very afraid to say that. Everybody is. You know, I said to somebody once, I'll change everything about myself to be with you for one more minute. And that was somebody I was engaged to. But I think just in general, the way that you phrased it is very confident and there's no shame. And saying, hey, I want to work on this, and I work on me. If you really don't think that that's the case, then, you know, I'm fine to walk away, too. And that sounds like you still hold the power, even though you're being super vulnerable.
Well, and then just to tie it back in, I think you walk into that conversation knowing that the person could say, there's nothing you can do.
You have to.
And, yeah, then, then. But it's like, then you get to sleep at night.
But that's the purpose. The purpose isn't getting them back. The purpose is sleep is to sleep at night.
Yeah.
Hey, everyone, before you leave here today, don't forget to check out our early bird special on the virtual retreat. You can get an early bird ticket by going to MH Virtual Retreat.com.
This is an ad by Regain Couples Therapy. Let's be honest. Loving your partner doesn't mean you always like them. And guess what? That's normal. Regain offers couples therapy that's flexible, affordable, and 100% online. Whether you're reconnecting or working through conflict, Regain is here to support you both. See why people wish they'd try couples therapy sooner? Visit regain.com couplespod to get 10% off your first month. That's regain.com couplespod.
