Listen To This BEFORE Sleeping With Them... | Rewind

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Do you ever struggle with the age-old question of when to sleep with someone new? Can you move too quickly? Or what if you want to take it slow, but if you take it too slow, are you at risk of them turning their attention elsewhere, especially in this world where people feel like they have a buffet of options? And what if you sleep with them really early on, like a first or second date? Is there a different way you need to handle things? How do you set the pace of it after that, and the conversation might be a bit awkward after? We talk about that in this very cool clip. Well, I don't talk about it. I am Stephen Hussey. Matthew and the awesome Ed Mylett talk about it, and you can check out the Ed Mylett Show. That's Ed's podcast. Go and have a look at that, and Ed is on Instagram as well. Just look for Ed Mylett. He's got awesome stuff. Also, don't forget you can go and download our free guide at nine texts.com this is going to give you nine texts that you can use in various stages. There's some conversation starters, there's early dating ones, flirty ones is one when you want to turn up the heat a bit or add some connection or fun or playfulness. Go and check them out at 9text.com. All right, over to Matt and Ed.

What advice I'm curious, or do you not give to a woman about sleeping with somebody that first date when it comes up? Because I think one of the other things that's happened, if I'm being real about these dating apps, is that process has also been sped up because I think these men are like a lot of men who are out there like, well, if you don't, someone else will. I'm swiping as well. Do you have any advice specifically on that topic?

Well, firstly, if I don't, someone else will sleep with him argument is a race to the bottom. So that's definitely not a good reason to jump into bed with someone. A good reason to jump in bed with someone is I like you a lot. I'm having a lot of fun with you. I feel comfortable with you. I feel respected by you. And I think this would be an enjoyable thing to do. I avoid any kind of a rule that says when someone should do something. But there are some things that people should bear in mind. Firstly, know yourself. Self-awareness is key. in intimacy. If you know that sleeping with someone right now, if it doesn't go anywhere, is going to make you feel used and is going to in some way make you feel negatively, you're going to beat yourself up, then wait. Because there's nothing sexy about someone who jumps straight to frustration, anger or shame. After intimacy. You know, like, I always say to people in general, don't, the whole, oh my god, did we do that last night? I was so drunk. That's for college kids. Be a grown-up. Like, if you did it, own it. That was fun. Right. And if, by the way, that was a little fast for you, and he says, hey, you wanna get together again tonight? Yeah, but in all honesty, that was a little fast for me last night. Had the best time. With you, but that was probably a little faster than I'd normally be going. And let's take some time to get to know each other. Why don't we go to lunch today? You know, so it's, there's own what you do. Yes. Because when you don't own it, it's like... Can I add to that for a second? Please.

For those of you that do have a moral or ethical stance, religious stance about that, not only should you not violate your own morals, ethics, or religious beliefs in order to accommodate somebody else because you regret that, but one of the most unattractive things you could possibly do is not acting congruence with who you are.

That's right.

Then there's a lack of, it's ironic, but even if you did do that, there's a lack of attractiveness to you now that I know you easily violate who you believe you are. Now I don't really know who you are. So if you have that stance where that's not something you would do, some of you even gonna wait till you're married. And I know that that's not the vast majority of the audience, but that's certainly a portion of my audience. And I would just say to you that if that's the case, then you.

Need to be upfront and transparent about that from the very beginning so that person knows what you live by, correct? That's why owning it is so important, because it says, I didn't do this last night because it was a mistake, or I was so easy, I was so easily deviated from my values or what I am. I did it because I wanted to. But if tonight I don't want to, I'm gonna own that too. So I, and the only, the argument for waiting, If anything is the I'm gonna, not from an ethical standpoint, but from a personal standpoint, from a practical standpoint is there might be certain people where I want to see if there's a real connection and gauge intentions a little bit first. Which doesn't matter if again, if you're not gonna feel bad at the end of this, it doesn't make it the wrong thing to do. But you might say with certain people, I'm gonna gauge someone's intentions a little bit more to see if they're actually serious about taking something forward or if they're even seriously open to a relationship right now. Yeah. I'm gonna give it a minute to figure that part out.

Very good.

And the argument is sometimes made when I say things like this, you know, oh, well, women should, you know, like, feel just as free to sleep with a guy quickly or whatever. Of course, of course, but. I would actually, as I've got older, it also, I know I'm different in the sense that I think.

You know.

Sex means different things to us sometimes at different stages of our lives. And what we might do in a much more cavalier way at one stage of our lives, sometimes we get to another stage where we go, you, know what? I don't need this thing with someone I barely know, but it's more It's more fun if I give it a minute. It's more fun if I allow this to play out and have more story that takes place before that moment. So that's something I would say to men and women. There's a kind of stereotype that it's just men want to jump in bed quickly and women don't or whatever. But I would say the same to men. Sometimes I'm like, with guys, I'm like, if you really like this person, give it a minute. You don't have to rush into trying to take someone home tonight or whatever. If you really like this person, get to know them a little bit. What's up guys? I wanted to take a brief moment to let you know that I have a free guide that can help you in your dating life right now. It's called the Nine Texts and it gives you nine messages that you can send to somebody to create more attraction today. go check them out at nine texts.com. it's free and you can be reading them in the next 60 Seconds. From navigating headlines, fentanyl poisoning, more prevalent than COVID deaths, car accidents and even suicide to a proven strategy for Success. If you do that every day, it changes the way you go through this world.

That then translates into something physical as.

Well as something chemical in your brain. Critical and relevant information to help you navigate through life. It leads to a higher degree of success. Fill in the blanks. Available on Apple Podcast and Spotify.