Matt answers YOUR dating questions!

Hello there, listeners, and welcome back to the love life. podcast with me, Stephen Hussey. I am your host, as always, and I am going to give you a good old dose of Matthew today, as he recently did a Q&A on YouTube answering people's dating questions. And I thought it'd be fun to share that with you. What's happening here? Well, I feel like London just took a little chill today. I feel like We're just about entering autumn, or as the American friends like to call it, fall, fall. And, you know, there's a little snap of cold in the air, the leaves are starting to change, and I feel like we're getting into the final quarter of the year. And Lord knows what that's gonna have in store for us given the last three quarters. It's been quite a year. hopefully we can have a nice, good, positive finish. And I hope you're keeping healthy and well wherever you are and taking care of yourself and physically and mentally. And yes. So in this Q&A, Matthew does mention our Love Life members area. Just so you know, obviously that was recorded on a specific day and he mentions that In our members area, we'll be doing a webinar. He says tonight and obviously it's not tonight because it's a podcast and you could be listening to it any night. So just bear that in mind when you listen. But of course, in the members area that he mentions, we do have regular webinars and you'll have access to them once you join at askmh.com and you'll be in our exclusive VIP club where we actually get to do live coaching with you guys and actually answer your dating questions in real time. But Matt will tell you about that in the little Q&A here. Oh, by the way, I've been doing a bunch of Instagram lives lately. If you want to hear me rambling about things that aren't all love life related, but just having little evening chats. I've been having some fun doing that on my Instagram, so you can go check that out. I'm @stephenhussie on Instagram, if you want to go and have a look at those. And of course, Matthew's Instagram page, @themathewhussie, where you can get all of our content every single day. So, yes, that is all from me. If you'd like to email the show as ever, it's podcast@matthewhussie.com. Let us know your thoughts, your comments, episodes you'd like to hear in the future, stuff you'd like us to talk about on the podcast, all of your suggestions and missives. That's podcast@matthewhussie.com Okie dokie. I will see you all very soon. I'm gonna hand over to Matthew now. So, over to the big guy.

All right, let's have a look, shall we, at some of these questions coming in? So how to deal, Hannah says, how to deal with men who are flaky? Well, the thing with flaky people is you have to, oh, let's see. The thing with flaky people is you have to treat them so I suppose, like you would, someone in business is if someone canceled on a business meeting with you, you would initially think, okay, i'm not going to make a big deal out of it. Maybe if they want to see me again, it's got to be a little bit more on my terms. I was prep prepared to go to their offices. Now they're gonna have to come to mine. So you kind of you, you. It's almost like if you were willing to go 50 50 on the effort when someone's flaky. Now you reduce your effort to 30 or 40 and they have to come 60 or 70 to prove that they really do want to see you. And that's kind of a healthy approach to it, is that you don't just shut the door on people. You don't give zero chances, but you do start to reduce your effort and they have to put in more effort. And of course, at some point you can say to them, Hey, if we're gonna do something, let's actually do it, because you were a real flaky git last time. Don't use the word git unless you're from the East End, because it won't make, unless they're, I suppose, from the East End of London, otherwise it will not make sense to them. But calling someone out, even playfully, about something that you don't like is a kind of fun way to do it. Sometimes people get a bit serious in the way they call people out, and then the other person feels judged. You can call people out playfully, but call them out nonetheless. How does a woman confess to her crush? Well, you just, well there's two ways of doing it. You either say to your crush, Hey, I like you. We should go out sometime. Confess is a strong word. It sounds like you've done something wrong. Or you simply start flirting with them without saying, I like you. Start flirting with them. Start giving them a little compliment here and there saying, you look really good in that jacket. Make a bit more eye contact than you normally do. is a good way of doing it.

And.

You know, when there's a flirtatious energy, you might stare at them more. You know, you know when you have a friend and you stare at them in a very friendly way, like they're having a conversation with you and you go, yeah, yeah, that's great. Oh, that's really funny. But when you actually like someone, there's a sort of, there's a sort of look that you give them when you're listening to them, like you get lost in their eyes a little bit. You know, it's a way of communicating. I'm looking at your and I'm thinking about more than the conversation we're having right now. So, you know, just flirt with them and see if they flirt back, invest and test. You know, what's the result of me giving a little bit? Do they flirt back? Do they compliment me back? Or do they keep it very platonic? All right, what else? By the way, tonight we've got a webinar happening for my members. Are you a member? Would you like to be a member? Well, you can become a member by going to askmh.com if you go to askmh.com can I write that as a comment? Let's see I don't know. I don't know how to do this Ask if you go to askmh.com that's a s k m h.com it should be in the description of this video you can actually go and sign up for a free 14-day membership where you can become a member for 14 days and try out what is it like to be a member of the Matthew Hussey Love Life Club? You can come and join the one hour, maybe a bit longer webinar that we're doing today at 7 p.m. LA time, 11 a.m. No, sorry, 7 p.m. UK time, 11 a.m. LA time today, and if you're on Eastern time, that's at 2 p.m. But we're gonna be answering your questions live, so if you have a question, even maybe you wanna come on to video and have a chat with me where I coach you. You even have that opportunity as a member. So go to askmh.com to join that free webinar today. I'm just joining for a few minutes right now, but in that webinar, I'm gonna be there for a lot longer, answering lots of questions. My God, there's a lot of questions coming in. Okay, let's have a look. Someone says, Firdaus Abad says, How can I be less insecure in a relationship? Well, a huge part of it is not relying on a relationship for your security. It has to come from somewhere more nutritional. If you imagine a relationship is, my God, it's like weather, isn't it? You don't, you obviously you want to be in a relationship where the weather is consistent. If you find you're in a relationship where the weather is always stormy one day, sunny the next, so capricious that you don't know what kind of person and treatment you're going to wake up to each day. then that's probably not the right relationship to be in, especially if you're prone to a sort of anxious attachment style. But if you find yourself in a relationship where the weather is consistent, there's still going to be fluctuations in weather. There are still going to be days where your partner's not going to be around, where they're going to be busy with other things, where you may not be the priority in that hour of the day or those 10 hours of the day. And that's where our own internal security has to kick in. The heat has to turn on inside that turn on the temperature on our own confidence. And that has to come from what we value ourselves for. It has to come from the purpose we have in our own life that isn't just tied to our partner. It has to come from the hobbies, the passions that we have. And of course, just the feeling that we are enough that even if our partner were to leave us today, we would still be enough. Our worth isn't based on who is with us or who we have on our arm. It's based on our intrinsic value as a person in this world. What else? Let's see. A orio katira says, hello. Do you think a 52 year old that has never been married can actually get serious and make a commitment? I'm talking to a guy who is 52. and has never been married. I'm 56 and divorced. Well, yeah, of course. I think anyone can get serious at any age. But I do think that you have to look at someone's patterns, what's been the pattern of their life. Ask them what's been the pattern of their life. Often people will tell you, I don't. Most people aren't really disingenuous when it comes to that. They'll tell you what their pattern has been and. And then ask what's changed? If some, if they're making noises that it's changed and that they want something more serious right now, how do you know? What are they telling you? that backs that up. Do you buy into that story? Does it sound legitimate to you? That's, you know, anyone can make a change, but of course we have to believe in that change. And what someone's telling you has to feel like, oh, this is a real change. I can see how someone would have been this way up until now, but is now genuinely looking for something different in their life. But of course, you also have to pay attention to where you see them reverting to old patterns? Do their actions match their words? If they're telling you they now wanna be married and in a relationship, do their actions actually match that? Is that what you're seeing in the way that they're investing in you? The sacrifices they're making, the compromises they're making, the time that they're taking to spend with you? Are they orchestrating their life around this goal that they say they have? It's a bit like someone who says, I really, I'm ready to start a business, you know, but all you see is talk. You don't see them actually doing anything. They've been planning this business forever. They're not doing anything about it. So that's where, of course, you're, you have to be sober. You can be excited, but you have to be sober about looking at whether what they're, what they say their goal is matches what they're actually doing. Lots of questions. Maybe we'll do one more. How to get over an ex who came back and And again, ghosted, says Sneha. How to get over an ex who came back and again ghosted. Well, the fact that they came back and then ghosted should make it easier to get over them. If someone came back was perfect and then, morbid as this may sound, got hit by a bus, oh, that might be difficult. But if someone comes back, gets you all worked up again and then ghosts you, that should actually be easier. That should be confirmation that this is the wrong person. why would I want a person like this in my life who toys with my emotions in this way? This is the opposite of what I should be looking for. I should be looking for someone who makes me feel loved and. And brings a sense of stability, albeit excitement, but stability to my life. And this is the opposite of that. This is suffering. Why would I want someone who makes me suffer? That's how you get over that person. Realize they don't represent excitement and love and joy. They represent. suffering. Amazing. Well, guys, look, I'm gonna hold there for a moment because we've been going for 10 minutes and I want to keep this brief because I'm going to be on for an entire hour and maybe even a bit more on my live webinar today. If you're not a member, you won't be able to see that. But the good news is that you can become a member in 30 seconds by going to askmh.com. that's a s k mh.com and you can try the membership for 14 days for free just to see if you like it. And if you don't like it, you can just cancel. Either way, if you join for free, you can watch the webinar today. You can even cancel today if you want, if you'd like to after you've watched the webinar, but at least come and join us and see what it's like. If you've enjoyed this and you want more and you want me to dig in in more detail, that's exactly what we do. And we bring in live callers. Some people get on video and ask me questions. I live coach people. I deal with Q&A like I am right now, but we dig in deeper and on many more questions. I'm going to be talking about dating, you know, why guys lose interest. I'm going to be talking about getting back into dating. If you've been out of it for a minute, I'm going to be talking about why we're always attracted to people who are not interested, not the ones who actually like us. We're going to talk about dating and older age groups. Today we're going to talk about all different things. So it's gonna be great. Go to askmh.com to come and become a member and I'll see you there. Thank you YouTube for having, by the way, this platform is like my OG platform. I've been here since I was, I think, 19 years old and we're still going strong and I love you guys who are in our community and comment and engage with us. It's so cool. I'm proud of what we've created here and I'm proud of you guys. So many of you have been with me for a very long time. and I so appreciate you. I love you and it means the world to me. So I hope that you'll dig in a little deeper with me and come see what it's like to actually be a member as opposed to waiting for a YouTube video every week. But you know me. Regardless, even if you don't, I'll keep making those videos every week. I thank you for your time, guys. I appreciate you. I'm gonna try and figure out how to end this thing now. Bella, Janica. Swaytey, Caitlin, Sandra, thank you for all of the questions I haven't had time to answer. S. Marissa, Gel, Sonia, appreciate all of you. All right, guys, I'll catch you later.