My #1 Tip to Take Control of a Tense Situation

Matthew Hussey here with Love Life.

I am super excited about today's show.

Because we have a great topic to discuss. But first, I have a question for you. If I told you there were five things you could say to get a man positively addicted to you, would you try them? If the answer is yes, then be sure to listen until the end of today's show because I'm gonna tell you how you can get your hands on those five magic phrases.

Now let's get to the episode. I'm gonna reveal something that happened to me a little while back when I first got to LA. I got brought to LA for a TV show called Ready for Love, which, if you don't know, the story of that show was a terrible, miserable failure. But there were some interesting things that the show taught me, and being part of the show was a very interesting experience. There was one particular moment about midway through the season, which was incredibly difficult or could have been difficult and could have been disastrous for my credibility if it was handled wrongly. And I'm gonna take you through this step by step because I think there are things that we can all learn from this in our own lives. Essentially, there was a woman on the show called Taryn, and I was on stage during the live show. There was a big stage element to the show with a live audience, and the women were on stage and we were critiquing them on the dates and talking about what they did right and wrong. and I was speaking to Taryn, who I didn't have much love for. I think it's safe to say and thought she wouldn't go well with the guy. And also that there was a whole more negative side of her that we weren't seeing right now because I. She was playing it very well. She was playing a very kind, positive person, but actually underneath it all, there was quite a nasty person, I felt, and so. I went on this slight rant about what I think was the problem and why they didn't go well together. She didn't take this very well and I think probably had been building up for a few weeks because I hadn't shown too much love towards her since the beginning. And she proceeded to try and eviscerate me in front of the entire audience on TV. She said, I'm sorry, how old are you, Matt? You're what? Like this self-professed guru? I mean, are you even in love? What do you know about any of this stuff? I mean, most people in your profession have actually lived a little and know something. And she went on and on and on. Now, the first thing I didn't do was interrupt. Had I jumped in mid-sentence and interrupted, it may have looked like I was trying to cut her off and not allow her to make her point. that may have made me look weak. It might have made me look like I was scared about what she was gonna say and that there might actually be some validity to it. Instead, I just sat back and watched, and I was able to write it out. And I let her talk and talk and talk until she was completely finished. Now it's time for me to say something. Now, here's what I also didn't do. I also didn't rush into defending myself against each one of these points, because the danger, of course, of trying to prove yourself to someone is that you look now like they own you. I said, Taryn, and then I paused, which again, by the way, all of this is one thing I should say is all of this is buying me time, right? 'Cause if I can let her talk herself out, she's likely to trip herself up on her own logic. She's likely to say something too emotional and show herself to be the one who is being unreasonable. Most people, if you give themselves enough rope, will hang themselves. So I gave her enough rope to hang herself, but at the same time, while she's doing that, I'm thinking about what I'm gonna say next. And always remember this in an argument. Allow someone to talk. Allow someone to take the stage for a little while, because all it's doing is giving you time to think. Why do you think people are so much more witty and clever in text messages? Because they have time to think. They take a moment. So I said, Taryn, and I paused. And then I said, thank you for proving my point. Of course, my point all along had been that she was difficult, that she had a nasty side and that no one was seeing it. Of course, in the last three minutes of the tirade, we had just seen a nasty side. That then allowed me to win back the audience because the audience are looking at it saying, he didn't try and prove himself. He didn't try and get in the mud and fight that out. He just calmly said, thank you for proving my point. This is what I've been trying to tell everyone all along. And rather than now focusing on everything that she just said, we're now focused back onto this person. One of the key ingredients for dealing with conflict is to not be drawn in on an emotional level. To allow yourself to remain separate and logical. And whilst, by the way, when she came at me like that, what do you think the audience was doing? What do you think the rest of the women on the stage were doing? All of them were chanting in a Jerry Springer-like fashion, waiting for me to erupt. Now, if you take on the energy, you're screwed. If you can keep a cool head and ignore the emotions of everyone else and stay independent in your own state, you'll be able to control the situation. That's it for today, my friends. I actually have some videos of this lately in my YouTube channel. I've been making a couple of videos related to your personal impact and influence with others. People have been really enjoying them. So if you want to see them, go to my YouTube channel. If you just type in Matthew Hussey in YouTube, it will be the first channel that comes up. You'll see me check them. I think you'll really love them and get a kick out of a different type of learning than just your love life. Thank you my friends, I will see you soon. Well I made you a promise at.

The top of the show that I would reveal five things you could say.

To get a man addicted to you.

And it's time to deliver. These are actually five compliments and I've put them together in a a free guide that you can go download right now. To get your free guide, just go to lovelifepodcast.com/compliments.