25 Nov 2022 · 4 min
Stephen and his brother explain story-trumping, where people on dates try to out-impress each other with bigger stories instead of actually connecting. They propose a simple fix: acknowledge their story, compliment them, ask a follow-up question, then share something of your own. This balanced exchange lets both people have a moment and tests if they're genuinely interested.
What it becomes is just two people trying to impress each other and not realizing that one of the ways to impress each other is being impressive.
Hey guys, it's Matthew. Welcome back to the Love Life Podcast. We've been trying to mix it up lately and give you an assortment of different kinds of episodes. Sometimes they're longer with me and Stephen, sometimes they're shorter, something from the archives, a key moment, a key rant I went on, something that we think can help you that's a little more bite-sized. So check this one out and I'll speak to you at the end of the episode.
Hey everyone, I'm here with my brother Stephen today. The reason I wanted Steve here is not because he is often requested on these videos, but also because some of the blogs that he has written for our site, howtogeettheguy.com, have done extraordinarily well, haven't they?
They've been a smash.
He wrote about a concept on the blog that did really, really well and resonated with people. And it was about one of the biggest mistakes that women make when they flirt on a date, or at least I guess when they're trying to flirt. And let's to be fair, I think men do this equally. So this isn't a woman thing, it's an everyone thing.
Oh, I think this is a people thing. What I've noticed that happens on a date sometimes is that we're always trying to impress someone and usually someone says, oh, I went to China last year. And what they're really saying is, I did something that's quite cool and they want to talk about it. But then what the other person will do is they'll go, oh, I've been to China as well. I went to Shanghai. Oh, did you go to this spot? And they'll go, oh, no. Oh, you should go there next time. And it's kind of what I call-- It's horrible. It's like story trumping. That's what I think.
Well, they don't just do it about themselves. They'll say, even if it's not themselves that can have that claim to fame, they'll say, oh, my friend lived there for 10 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they'll go, I lived there for three months. My friend lived there for 10 years. Yeah. As you say, what it becomes It's just two people trying to impress each other and not realizing that one of the ways to impress each other, which you have mentioned and termed as being impressible.
Yeah, yeah.
And you know what? It's not, I feel like it's not always just an attempt to be competitive. I think actually in a strange way, it's someone's desire to connect. Yeah, exactly. Someone actually thinks that they're connecting when they say, Oh, you know something about that? Here's everything I know about it.
They don't always think they're trying to win. They're sometimes trying to actually, they go, oh, great, now I can deliver this. They kind of don't know.
It's like, like me, like me, like me, like me, right? And it's a shame because the greatest way for them to connect right now would be to show that they have acknowledged and enjoyed something that that person has said. So I think in a strange way, It's coming from a good place a lot of the time. And if you said to someone, what you're saying here is actually taking something away from someone. It actually is robbing them of a great feeling. They would feel sad about that because they would wanna give someone that feeling, but we don't even realize we're doing it. Now here's my question, 'cause I think someone will be, there'll be people listening to this and saying, okay, fair enough, right? This woman goes on a date and she listens intently and is excited and shows that she thinks it's wonderful and asks more questions instead of jumping in with everything she knows immediately. But what if she says, okay, I did that, but he just kept talking. And at no point did he actually ask me a question. It was all about him.
Yeah, I think what you do, like, let them have their moment, then offer something yourself and see how they respond.
Okay.
So it's like a test. You then see, do they actually show interest?
Yeah, I agree with that. So don't fall into the trap of Simply asking question after question and never contributing information.
Like giving the acknowledgement, compliment, interest, and then you follow up.
Acknowledgement, compliment, interest, which can come in the form of asking another question about it. Yeah. And then contribute what you can contribute to the subject.
Yeah.
Okay. I think that was great.
I hope you enjoyed that episode everyone. Don't forget go over to askmh.com to join an entire community of amazing women who are working on their confidence, not overthinking and just feeling amazing in their own skin. You can join that community and it's a beautiful place to be by going to askmh.com and be part of my exclusive coaching experience. I'll see you there.
