STOP WAITING For Them To Message And Do THIS Instead | Rewind

Once again, you find yourself checking your phone every three seconds to see if those three little dots are coming up on your phone that show that hope is on the way.

Hey, everybody. Matthew here with the Love Life podcast. I want to give you a scenario. You met someone new. You like them, but you're stuck in anxious waiting mode every time you send a text, hoping that they'll message back. If you've gotten stuck in this mode of constantly checking your phone in anxious ways, this message is for you.

You are waiting for a text message or for someone to call you back or someone to ask you on a date again or to express that they still love you, that they're thinking of you. But right now, your phone is blank. There is no message. There is no phone call. There is no person giving you that validation that you're looking for. And the result is that you are anxiously waiting. I believe that this anxious waiting, when we're sat by our phone, staring at it, waiting for this person to show up and reassure us that we are still being thought of, that we're still attractive, is responsible for so much unhappiness on any given day. The problem with waiting for someone's reassurance is that it doesn't last. You know, someone could text you right now and you'd feel good, you'd feel elated that they reached out to you. But that feeling lasts minutes or hours before the anxiety creeps back in again and you start asking the same questions. Are they thinking about me now? Do they like me as much as they did yesterday? And so on. So there has to be another way. And it can't just be distracting ourselves, because I think that's a lot of people's answer is, well, if you're feeling that anxiety, if you're feeling like you're thinking about someone too much, just distract yourself. But we all know that that's paper thin. Because you could be with your friends doing something that should be fun. And you once again, you find yourself checking your phone every three seconds to see if those three little dots are coming up on your phone that show that hope is on the way. They are about to text you. We cannot live like that. And it also makes us bring bad energy to the people around us. It's not about distraction. It's about something deeper than that. The cure is find something meaningful for you to do right now. Go deeper on something. Now, that could be to read a book that brings meaning to you or that is really teaching you about something that you're curious about. It could be Deepening a skill set you have by focusing on something difficult and practicing it. It could be losing yourself in a project or something that's related to one of your passions. If you can lose yourself for an hour in something that gives your life color and meaning, and outside of that relationship now you're into a better state. Because I know that there's, there can literally be a 30 minute to a one hour difference between feeling despairing that someone isn't reaching out to you and actually feeling pretty great because you did something meaningful with the last hour that has made you feel full, that has given you purpose and allows you to come back to that person with a great energy. You may not know what to turn to in those moments that is going to give you meaning. You may not right now have books you love losing yourself in or skill sets that you're set on practicing or mastering or work projects or passions that give your life meaning outside of this relationship that you're focused on. And this is what's so interesting about this concept to me, is that we often relate that anxious waiting to insecurity, to a lack of confidence. And yes, on some level it's tied to that. And you know, twice a year I run an entire five and a half day retreat specifically to transform people's confidence. But what people forget, what they don't realize. One of the other things I do on the retreat is change people's sense of purpose. Give them something or many things that they can focus on, that they can connect with, that reinforce their sense of richness in life, that give them a focus, a burning desire to work on something, to train a part of themselves, to educate themselves, to learn something new, to try something new. A sense of fulfillment and purpose that has nothing to do with their love life. And I think that's one of the most powerful things you can do for yourself. So the retreat removes your anxiety by doing both of these things, making you as confident and as high value as you can possibly be, but also showing you how to build a rich and full life that is full even when you're away from somebody. You don't feel like you're deficient simply because someone's not texting you back right now or not calling you. And that's the greatest way to be attractive to that person in the first place. I can give you a hundred different lines to use, but the greatest attraction is when we meet someone who has this full and complete life that doesn't depend on us. And they are their own person in their own right. If you want to do this for yourself. If you are sick and tired of waiting around anxiously for somebody to reach out to validate you, to text you, to call you so that you can feel good, and you want to feel good right now so that you can bring your best energy to that person when you do engage with them. Try the Retreat.

I hope you enjoyed the episode. And a quick note before you go. The Virtual Retreat is coming up from the 2nd to the 4th of June. If you want to do three days of coaching with me, go to MH Virtual Retreat. I promise you it will be here before we know it. If you know you want to join us, now is the time to get on board. That's MH VirtualRetreat.com.