Subtle Flirting Moves That Actually Work

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Welcome back to the Love Life Podcast with me, Matthew Hussey, Stephen Hussey and Audrey Hussey. We are talking today about flirting, something that feels really misunderstood by a lot of people, completely avoided by others. Some people are afraid to flirt because they don't want to be rejected. Other people feel like it's just not in their nature to flirt. Other people feel they're too old to flirt. Some people are afraid to flirt because they don't want to ruin a good friendship. What's your reason? What do you experience when you try to flirt with people? Does it come naturally? Do you feel like it's not working? Are you getting the attraction that you want? Or do you feel like you keep getting friend zoned? Today we're talking about all of these things. We've got all sorts of really wonderful things coming up. We've got a Love Life line. Someone's called in and asked us a question and we have answered it. We've had an email that's come in that Audrey refused to answer. We'll talk about that. We have what do we have an episode of Steve Sleeves coming up.

Why do you always say it's so weird?

And if you are a Love Life member, one of our live loves, we have some great stuff coming up. On July 21st. We have own Yourself in Early Dating, which is a live coaching session with Audrey Hussey on July 23rd I am going to be doing a Q A session with all of our members. So if you want to ask me a question personally and be with me for that time, I'm going to be there on July 23rd. On August 5th 5th Stephen is going to be doing a very special session called the Flame Method Roadmap where he shows you how to design a life this year that brings quality people into it so that you don't feel like you're always having to go out into your life to meet someone from a dating app or to hope that one day you're just going to miraculously bump into someone on the street. All good stuff coming up. That is inside Love Life. If you are not a Love Life member, AKA one of our live loves, you can join us by going to to join lovelife.com not only do you get all of the live sessions we just talked about, you also get the entire library of Love Life courses. You also get the live events that we do across the year in different cities that are exclusive for Love Life members so that you can actually come out and be with us. And of course you get round the clock access to Matthew AI whenever you need it. There is no better time to be part of the Love Life coaching program. You can join us by going to join love life.com also big news right now. This is extremely timely. I just held a massive event on confidence called the 30 day confidence challenge. This is an event where I gave five missions for people all across the world. We had thousands of people show up and over 30 days we're going to be going through these missions together that are specifically designed from 17 years of my working with people in their confidence in their lives to improve our confidence in 30 short days. Now, if you missed the live session that I did, it's not too late. You can still watch it for free by going to mhreplay.com and for registering for the 30 day confidence challenge. You'll also get access to to the private free community that we have inside the Love Life app where we have a special space that is specifically designed for everyone going through the challenge. That means that you're not too late. You can still go with us on this 30 day journey. You haven't missed it. You're like Scrooge on Christmas morning. Christmas came. It's here. You didn't miss it. Go and watch the live session@mhreplay.com and by registering you'll also get access to to the community. David, did you know that Steven and I came in to work in the exact same outfit.

I can see that.

Have you seen that? It's not just a blue T shirt. Look at the trap. Lift up your legs, Stephen. Look at the trousers.

Yeah.

I don't know how it happened, but we're both wearing gray sweatpants and a navy blue T shirt.

We are. It's embarrassing, to say the least.

Little faux pas.

Who's going to change?

Who's it embarrassing for, Audrey?

No, I quite. I. I am enjoying it, actually.

Thanks.

It's like we're real, bro. We're like Mario and Luigi, except they had the good sense to wear different colored overalls.

Right. I don't like thinking of these as my overalls.

Well, we're really, really excited about this episode today, guys.

Why?

The way you looked at me when you said no.

I just want to know why.

Because it's all about flirting, and people really enjoy content about flirting.

Oh, that's why.

And we have some really, really interesting and sometimes controversial things to talk about on this today's episode, so.

And it's about flirting in tricky situations as well.

Well, we had a question in that Audrey flat out refused to answer. That's coming up. As soon. As soon as she said that, I went, that's definitely staying. But yeah, we had a. We had an answer from a listener, a question from a listener that Audrey said, I'm not touching that.

No, not touching it.

Sacrificing us instead.

Yeah. So me and Stephen will weighed in on that, on that grenade. But we are talking about flirting today. We've got a poll, haven't we, Steven?

We do.

That's coming up.

And by the way, we're not just talking about flirting today. We're talking about flirting specifically with people that are already in your lives. So, yes, people who you're friends with, people who you know, maybe someone you work with, someone that you, you know, he's already in your life. Someone you see at the gym, maybe that's very common. And how to actually flirt with those people, which I think is a very different game to flirting with a stranger in a coffee shop or in a bar.

Well, the comments around this that came in when we put up a poll were very interesting. There's a lot to say that David and Stephen put a piece of Pew Research center research on my desk.

Research center research. Research center research.

That is what. I put it on his desk.

Yeah.

That's literally what David wrote.

So that's actually my bad. But thanks, Audrey.

Yeah, thanks, David. So apparently, aside from in person, Flirting. Social media is the most common way teens express interest in someone they have a crush on.

That's gotta be right. I mean, I mean they, they talk about how many teens don't do much these days.

So I mean, I would say it can't, it can't. In person, flirting doesn't even feel like a common. It should be a common way anymore. No, like social media is the common.

Way, but what's the third way? Let's think in person social media.

What's the third way in the cloud.

Manifestation?

Flirting with an AI, I guess.

Yeah. What phones? Texting. Are they saying texting is a whole third way?

Maybe.

It goes on to say, although most teen romantic relationships do not start online, even that I reckon is like questionable these days. This is. By the way, this is the thing that gave away that this study must be a couple of years old because.

It said or written by a couple of boomers.

It says digital platforms serve as an important tool for flirting and showing romantic interest. Half of teens say they have friended someone on Facebook. That is immediately where I went. Something's wrong with this because there's no way 50% of teens are on Facebook. So immediately there are no teens on Facebook.

But it says Facebook or another social media site.

Yeah, but why did it lead with Facebook? Who was this?

I think it was written by boomers, by people of the generation who use Facebook.

Yeah, they just went with the one platform they knew the name of.

Right.

Half of teens say they friended someone on Facebook or another social media site as a way to show romantic interest, while 47% have expressed attraction by. By liking, commenting on or interacting with that person on social media. That's got to be higher than that today.

I also think that's not just teenagers. Surely that's just everybody like flirting. Especially when it comes to people that you already know. Flirting on social media is kind of the, the perfect crime. Not crime, the perfect.

What are you doing on social media?

Yeah, it is. It's the most low key way. But it also does leave a trail if you embarrass yourself.

Does. Do you think liking someone's post sort of. Cat. I mean it definitely can be a reason that people have arguments when they're in relationships. When someone keeps liking hot people's posts. But outside of the context of a relationship, there's to me something sort of that can end up being so futile about the idea that I'm somehow flirting with someone by liking their post along with a hundred other people.

I always see. I always used to See it as, like, men putting out feelers. Almost like, I'm just gonna sprinkle some likes all over all these different people and see if I can catch a bait. You must never respond to a. Like. A like is not enough energy.

You mean respond, what, with a DM?

Yeah. Or like, if someone slides into your DMs and sends fire emoji. Now I'm showing that I'm a millennial because that's definitely something that people used to do a lot.

Throwing around fire emojis.

Yeah, but you can't be responding to fire emojis or Likes. They're not enough. Not enough activation energy is required.

It's got to at least be a relevant DM to the story you posted.

Yeah, it's got to be like a conversation starter. A bit of. Bit of skin has to be in the game. Not just a. Not just a like or an emoji.

I don't think, to me, that's always the thing with flirting is you can't keep calling something flirting if you never graduate. It's. If you never send, like, you know, if you keep sending little quick messages to their stories, and then they keep sending quick little messages to your stories, and six months later you're in the same place. I'm like, it. That flirting has lost its. It's like a piece of, you know, gum that's lost its taste.

Yeah.

It's flavorless.

I mean, we often get messages from people who say, like, why. Why have I been in this situation for three months and nothing's happening? It's like, why are you not upgrading?

Yeah.

The point of any stage is you don't just sit in it. Like, that's like saying, I've been on, like, 10 first dates with this person and we've, like, never moved forward from there.

I'll tell you why people don't upgrade. We did a poll and it said, we asked people, have you ever struggled to show romantic interest to somebody that you know in your everyday life? So, you know, that's why people aren't greater rapes, because they are struggling to show interest because they're afraid of something. And we. We gave them the options of if. Yes. What are your reasons? What areas do you struggle with? One option was, I don't know what to say. Another option was, I'm scared of judgment. A third option was, I'm scared of rejection. And the fourth option was, I want them to make the first move. Which one do you think got the most votes?

I'm going to go with I'M scared of rejection.

What do you think, Stephen?

I think it's either. Yeah. Okay. Scared of rejection.

You are both correct.

It was the next was the second biggest one. I want them to make the first move.

Yeah, scared of rejection got 46 on Instagram and third and I want them to make the first Move. Got 30. We also asked the same question on YouTube and it was actually more of a tie with 37 of I'm scared of rejection and 35. I want them to make the first move.

Well, those two just go hand in hand because the the idea of someone making the first move means you don't have to worry about getting rejected.

That's true.

You've someone has assured you that they like you. Audrey, do you know why my sleep score has improved?

Why?

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So how do you put feelers out? If you're in a situation where you're afraid of being rejected or you're afraid of, you know, you. Maybe you want someone to make the first move. Maybe you want to be kind of the more passive one and you want to kind of feel a bit safer in a situation. But, you know, everybody needs a kind of green flag that it's okay to approach you. How do you start that flirting process? Do you guys have any thoughts?

I. I think sometimes we think of flirting too literally. It's good. Flirting is all just a spectrum of inviting behavior, right? And some of it is teasing energy that you have to be careful with that one because that can be got wrong. Some of it is just warm energy. Some of it is to do with touch. Some of it can literally be just being, you know, someone who's positively emotive, smiles and, you know, has a nice way about them, but invites conversation or invites someone to be closer to them. All of these things can be a version of flirting. So if you just have someone who, for example, like, touch is a really interesting one. There's. Touching is a great way to flirt. And a lot of people when they're. When they like someone, the irony is they don't touch that person because it feels too scary. So now what happens is they look like they lack warmth. They actually end up looking colder with the person that they like and want something to happen with the most. But even touch can be broken down in lots of different ways. So someone can. You can be making a point to someone, and as you're making a point to someone, you know, reach over and. And touch them as you're making a point. And that little touch there is like, it can be a little moment of flirting. But what's interesting is sometimes you don't even need to touch someone for someone almost to register a touch. Yeah, like if. If I was making a point to you and we were here and I just did this, I didn't even touch you. I just, like, got closer.

For our audio listeners. What are you doing? Describe.

That's a good point.

Describe.

I keep thinking we're just on YouTube, but we're not. People are listening to this on the podcast. But if I. If I touch your arm, you reach.

Over and you almost touch as if you're hovering over my arm, as if you're about to touch about.

Well, no, in the first instance, I actually touched you like, okay, in the first instance, I was saying something to you, and I reached over and I touched your arm as if to say, like, oh, you need to hear this. You know, that can be a moment of flirting. Another moment of flirting is just if, as I'm saying something, I gesture over towards you as if I'm going to touch you, but I don't quite touch you, but you feel me almost, like, getting closer. And there's almost that feeling of like, yeah, but not in a creepy way. Just in a. Like, oh, they just got closer to me. Yeah, that can be a version of flirting. It's very subtle. But that alone can be flirting. You know, just also, like, if you.

Were just standing with them looking at something, and you. You were just next to them so that you just, you know, your shoulders are just touched. If you're both looking at something, looking out at a view or screen or whatever, even just registering there, they're right next to you.

We have a program that we run called Club320 for, like, 50 people year round. And a couple of weekends ago, we were a getaway with these people in Cape Cod. And one of our Club 320 members came over to me and she was like, I took a piece of your advice about touch. Like, you told me that if I want to upgrade something from a platonic relationship to something more, I need to introduce the kind of touch that I wouldn't normally do with this person. And so she said, we were sat next to each other and I, like, just rested my head on his shoulder for a moment, like, almost like a tired gesture. Like, I'm tired. And then just, like, put her head on his shoulder. And she said there was an instant shift in the energy. Like, he put his arm around her. Like, it was like a green light to him.

Yeah.

And he put his arm around her. And then, like, I don't know if it was hours later or later on in the day or whatever she. He said to her, like, I was a bit surprised. Like, I didn't know that you, you know, you had those kinds of feelings. And she was like, well, you know, like, she. She just acted a bit kind of coy and cheeky. They're now together, and this is someone that literally, she was like, I just. I always wanted more. And I just played the friend the whole time. So she just upgraded the interaction through touch in that way. And that was a form of flirting. It wasn't like this big overt. Like, I think people often think of flirting as these. Like, I'm now gonna talk sexy and have this fun, like, flirtatious language with you and whatever. And it all feels a bit like theatric.

Sex and the City.

Yes, exactly. But this isn't who you have got sex.

And this is you all wrong by that comment.

Which one would it be that Stephen's talking about? Would it be Samantha?

No, she's saying I'm wrong about the show.

The show. Yeah. It's not like. It's not. No, it's not Sex in the City at all. And everyone who loves Sex and City agrees with me.

Yeah, but everyone's, like, quite witty in that. And, like, it was all very, like, bing, bang, bang, like, I'm flirting.

No. Or both New York.

Yeah.

Well, there's also the flirting that can happen if, like, let's say you are flirting with someone on social media, as all the. As 50% of the teens are on Facebook these days. If you are flirting on social media, someone could post, like, a story of them doing something. And let's say you've already had a bit of, like, banter or whatever, but you're. You've already been in the DMs having a bit of banter, but you're not, like, entirely sure that the banter you've had with this person is truly flirtatious. Or if this person just sees you as a friend or thinks you see them as a friend, you. They could post a story and you could literally just send them a DM or reply to the story that says your arms in this picnic.

Oh, that's quite bold, though, for all of the. What was it like, 37 of people who said that they were afraid of rejection. That's quite scary. And I think it's super hard, especially for women, because I think that women are expected to be courted and to hang back and to let kind of men make the first move. So I don't disagree with you, but I'm saying how do you overcome, like, the fact that as soon as you send that, you're going to want to throw your phone out the window and move cities?

Well, let's come back to that because there were some comments in response to this poll from people to that effect. And I do want to talk about that. Let's keep going with a couple of techniques. I want to circle back because that's a very important point.

I think on that DM example, you gave one thing you can also do that gives you, like, plausible deniability. If you, like, is throw in, like, something you could do together, like, like someone Pop us say they put up a story going, I got a new Nintendo Switch and I'm playing Mario Kart. You could, like, respond being like, ah, I've played this game so many times. Like, we should have a challenge sometime. Like, even just like, I'd love to challenge you sometime to a race. Like, you can just do something that it's not even you're asking. You're almost like throwing the pebble out and they can pick it up and run with it, or they cannot. But you can do things like that. Even at party and conversation, if someone mentions something interesting, you can be like, oh, we should go to that sometime. Or like, oh, man, if you go to that, let me know because I want to check that out. Like, you can throw. Even just throwing in ideas of a future thing you can do that can be a way of just putting in someone's head, like, oh, I can ask, like, because they said it, you can even. And, and I think we made this point earlier. Like, if you're talking to someone at a party or an event, you can show them attention and interest. Let's say you, you could even compliment something they say that they're into, that you really connect with, even throwing out a physical compliment. But then if you then just go off, like, you don't even pursue at that moment, but then you go off, show yourself having a good time, having fun, being with other people, you can then kind of gravitate back and it's like your connection feels stronger then. And it says something like, oh, they came back to talk to me again. Then that person registers that as like, oh, let's connect again. I want to get more of this person.

Yeah. The way I think about that is closing down space and then recreating it. It's like a very important concept in attraction in general.

Yeah.

Is that ability to close down space when you want to connect with someone, but then demonstrate an ability to leave. And a lot of people don't do that. They don't. They. When they get talking to someone, then they just like. It's almost like it can even be an anxiety thing of now. I don't know what to do. I'm just going to keep talking to them forever. And you know, that person now feels kind of burdened with us and can't any longer just take us in. And as an attractive person, they're sort of saddled with the pressure of continuing a conversation. Whereas if we can have an interaction with someone that's enjoyable and then demonstrate an ability to walk away, leave them Wanting more. Yeah, Go dance with your friends. If you're somewhere where, you know, that would be normal and appropriate, or, you know, just leave and talk to someone else at a gathering, whatever, then what happens when you can circle back to that person is they've had a chance to sort of miss the interaction. If they like you, they've had a chance to feel your absence. You've demonstrated an ability to operate as this independent person in the room, which is attractive. You've given them a chance to observe you, which is nice, letting someone observe you from afar.

Because sometimes one of the key things to attraction is actually letting somebody observe you. And as a. Like. Like, not even. No eye contact, almost as if you don't know that they're observing you.

Yeah, yeah. It's a. A nice one. You can even do this very quickly. Like, I'm talking about a scenario where you were talking to someone for five minutes and then you broke away and then you came back again. But you can even do this on a micro level if you're just standing next to someone. Like, if I was having a conversation with you, Stephen, and then I. Audrey was off to my left, and I turned to Audrey and I said something. You know, she was holding a plate of food, and I was like, oh, my God, that looks so good.

Yeah.

Where did you get that? Okay, I'm going there later. Thanks for the tip. And then I just kept talking to Stephen. Like, I've put me on your radar. Like, had a quick moment with you. But then, whereas you might have been thinking this was, like, a big excuse to just talk to you, I now continued to just engage with Stephen. So it's like a nice way of just tapping someone on the shoulder without actually having to engage in that moment. I don't think people do that enough.

I love all of these. I have another one as well, because all of these are really good in the context of, like, a party and somewhere that has a lot of kind of social hustle and bustle. I think, you know, I think of a scenario like a gym, which is where a lot of people, you know, get crushes and find people they're attracted to. Something that I think can also be a way into flirting is creating shared jokes and, like, a shared world on something. So you can do this at a party, but you can do this in the gym. If you kind of almost find something in the very beginning to joke about and to find funny together, and then you go off and do your own thing, and then you come back together and make the joke. About the same thing again, like the callback on that same joke. So if you're at a party, you might like joke about something on the buffet and be like, oh, I can't believe they haven't got any soft crab. What kind of party are we at today? You know, like as a joke and then it kind of like creates this funny thing and then later on you can have another joke about soft crab.

I like, you can tell that Audrey doesn't eat crab because she's not calling it soft shell crab.

I don't eat crabs. That just seems very barbaric to me.

I can't believe there's no soft grab at this place. What kind of buffet is this?

Nor any harm.

Hard shrimp. Jeez.

But you know what I mean?

I like the idea of you using a crab example when you just don't. You have no interest in crab whatsoever.

I was trying to think of an obscure food.

But you are right. Yeah, you are right. You can come back and you can play on that more.

But also when you think about it, I think it's genius because then also it gives the other person the opportunity to message you on Facebook or other social media platforms after that event, after the party, after the gym, and be like, I found this great restaurant that do the best soft crab.

Yes.

If you want to go sometime, you're actually opening the door for that to be like a kind of thing between you two. You know what I mean?

Like, and they could just send you a Google link saying, apparently the best soft crab.

Exactly, exactly.

And now a word from our sponsors. Audrey soft crab coming this November.

Another one I think is really crucial here. And this is for people who like, get stuck. Like they're flirting with a friend or they like to flirt with a friend. Someone in our love life coaching program said, I don't know that I know how to flirt in the traditional sense. It doesn't feel authentic to me. I've noticed that. I'll low key bully someone instead. Lol. No insults or anything cruel. Just being a smart ass and screwing with them a little. I like to test their wittiness, I guess. And this is something I think comes up on dating apps. It comes up with people who do often get in that, like, why doesn't that person, why after the date, weren't they into me? And I think some people's default is to go to this like, sarcastic, witty, that kind of banter. I think that doesn't work unless you have to playfully challenge someone in a way that feels easy. Like if you if someone said, like, oh, you're a big reader. And they were like, yeah. And you said, I noticed you're reading Dostoevsky. And they were like, yeah. And you said, well, I think Tolstoy is much better. Personally, I find Dostoevsky, blah, blah, that's not, like, challenging. That's just shitting on someone's.

Yeah, you should go nerd.

Yeah. But you could be like, yeah, you could be like, oh, my. Like, wow. See what Audrey thinks of readers.

No, I was just. I was waiting for Matt to. To give me exactly the look he gave me. Sting guy.

And you can. You can challenge in a much more fun and open and cute way with that in more being like, you know, oh, my favorite Russian is Tolstoy, but I haven't read enough Dostoevsky. Or like, you can play with that. Like, I guess we're both like, you know, I guess we're both, like, naturally moody people because we both like Russian writers or whatever. Like, you can have way more fun with that than being like, I'm gonna now turn this into a sarcastic and I want you to come back at me, and I'm gonna come back at you. That doesn't. It often just doesn't read as well as you think it would. You have to throw compliment pebbles in or playful challenges that people feel like, oh, they're with me in it, not they're attacking me.

Yeah.

Can.

Can I. Your humble producer. Just because you. You said it earlier about the post about the arms. I think that this, like, and Audrey had a qualm with it where you were like, oh, that might be a little too forward to say, oh, your arms in that picture. That does kind of what Stephen's saying. It's kind of just been on my mind to just post and say, this post only proves that I could beat you in an arm wrestle. And the reason why I like that is that it shows that you notice their arms, but then it dulls that noticing of their arms by deprecating it by saying, I could beat you in an arm wrestle. But then it dulls the meanness of, I could beat you in an arm wrestle with. I'm included in this and I'm putting my own stakes on it. And it allows them to have, like, a chance to, like, kind of fire back.

And does it run the risk of making someone feel scrawny?

I. I think I can maybe. I might be able to evolve that a little bit to they post a picture that's clearly like, them looking good and physically strong, and you say, I Still think I could beat you in an arm wrestle? Yeah, like, I think that then it's like the still is what makes it a compliment to their arms.

And you need the smirk face and a little smirk face, a little smirk emoji face.

But I think it's good because it gives. And especially I think for me, like, if I were to get something like that, it would be like, it would trigger some kind of, like, wait, like, I fall for that trap so easily. Easily, yeah, I fall for it so easily. And it would be a fun way. It would be a fun way to call back too, as well. It's like, all right, well, I'm gonna get in a situation where I can, you know, prove myself.

Yeah, there.

So I, I, yeah, I, I think it kind of does a couple of the things you guys talked about.

It does this playful, like, it has this very playful school playground effect that does, that just does work on adults. Like, I think we sometimes think of adults too literally. And part of our inability to flirt is a, is a reflection of how we take ourselves too seriously because then we think everyone else is that serious too. And, well, I wouldn't say that because that's childish. And I'm not like this. I promise you. There are people listening to this who are going, oh, this is flirting for young people. Because they have decided that whatever age group they're in, it doesn't apply to them. And that would be to fundamentally misread the people you're trying to attract. Yes, because flirting has its own energy. It doesn't live in the hyper rational, hyper logical world of everything else. Like, yes, when you're talking logistics or what you enjoy in life or what your life looks like with someone who's 67 and you're 65, you're gonna have a different conversation than two 25 year olds would have with each other. But when you're flirting, not so much. Like, when you're flirting, you're still just both stepping into a playful energy. And sometimes it's silly and sometimes it is childish. That's like, you know, the, the sometimes.

It'S literally role play. So literally, like, you need a bodyguard. Oh, we're both spies. Oh, we're on this trip. You can role play when you're like going on a trip together and have a whole little silly thing in a game. You're a shrimp and I'm a soft shell crab. Soft crab, soft crab. Like, yeah, loads of it can be like playful, imaginative, it can sometimes be sexy, it can sometimes be not the shrimp and Serious.

I do want to say this person who, this person who messaged in Angie, you know, the. That thing of flirting feels inauthentic to me. And what feels authentic to her, she said, is like low key bullying someone, which she says with a laugh. But, you know, we all get what she means. You know, she says just being a smart ass and screwing with them a little. What that says to me is what feels inauthentic to me is vulnerability. And what feels authentic to me is having my guard up. And that's not really what's authentic to you. It's just where you've learned to operate comfortably. You don't need to be constantly testing someone to see if they're witty. Witty people will show you they're witty. They don't need you to test them. And, and. But what you might do with someone like that is scare them away if they feel like everything has a sort of acerbic quality to it.

Yeah. Because then they have to be guard up.

Yeah. And you're constantly like, it's kind of exhausting to be talking to someone who's constantly making you like, have to spar with them in that way. You know, I actually think that there's something very beautiful about the contrast of someone who, you know, is a strong character who can say something soft and sensitive or sweet. You know, if you, if you bumped into someone in a coffee shop or whatever and they are that slightly stronger personality, or there's, someone who's, you know, maybe a little harder on. Bit more hard shell crab on the outside it. When it's hard crap. A bit more hard crap. If when you get home, you sent them a message and you were like, well, that. Not gonna lie. That made my coffee shop visit more fun today. Like that's. They. They sense a sweetness.

Yeah.

To you and that's that contrast. And David, you pointed this out earlier when we were speaking off the show that can you make that point? You said. Because when I, when we talked to you about, like, what's flirting to you, what in the past, what has flirting been to you? You made a really good point.

Yeah. Just showing contrast and it being okay to kind of display your skills and display the ways that you're unique and different. So when I was younger and even, you know, now to my current partner, I would, you know, will show that I can be really skillful and dexterous with something. Like I have like a weird ability to spin a spoon. Right. But then I can also be athletic and I can still like, you know, do a dead Sprint pretty quickly or. And then, you know, show that I can be artistic and I can. I can. I like. I like music, I can sing. And I think a lot of time people actually become uncomfortable to show contrasts because they're like, oh, but this part about me is kind of. It almost disqualifies that other part about me. This is what I am. And I always thought that people got really excited when you could see, when you could show that you're all these different things.

Yeah.

You know what?

That's what we call unique pairings.

Absolutely. And what. That reminds me, a really good way to flirt with someone that, you know is invite them to a workout class. And if you're athletic, if you enjoy working out, if working out, if you haven't worked out in, like, three years and you're like, this is going to be absolutely absolute hell, maybe don't do this, because you probably don't. That's not, like, gonna make you feel good and confident. But if you're somebody who's athletic, who enjoys working out, invite them to a workout class because there's, again, that kind of, like, you know, they'll see that resilience in you. They'll see you, you know, sweat a little bit, which is kind of sexy. They'll see you, like, show that different side of you that's more athletic, that's got grit, that's got resilience, etc. And so I think that's a really good, organic way of displaying what you're talking about, David. That kind of contrast is that they might have seen you in a work setting, a, you know, fun setting or whatever, serious setting, and then suddenly they see you in this whole other light, which I think can be super attractive.

I love that. A big theme that I want to just say for anyone who's struggling to flirt is one of the most important parts of creating chemistry is the. Is demonstrating desire. It we. When we want to, like, connect with someone and move things forward, it's almost like the last thing we ever want to do is actually show desire for someone. But desire is a really crucial component of chemistry. And desire doesn't have to be I want you. Desire can just be pointing out that there's something attractive about someone. Or you, you know, you. You could be on your second date with someone, and someone can be telling you a story, and you kind of slightly interrupt in a way that you say, like, you look really handsome right now, just in case you didn't know. Anyway, carry on. I didn't mean to interrupt, but how.

Do you overcome the fear of rejection in all of this. So I think, yeah, that's also true. But I'm just, I'm at home listening and I'm going to. Yeah, but that's the whole point. Demonstrating desire is absolutely terrifying. And like, how do I do that? Because what if I demonstrate desire and I don't reciprocate, which is mortifying.

Well, I, I remember writing it once as desire without dependence. And I think there are ways to express desire without showing you are reaction seeking and with, without showing that. Yeah, it's like even if you, you can show you want an opportunity without making it look like this is the only thing I'm staking everything on. But you could be like, oh, I really want to do that, or that sounds really exciting. And I think similar in attraction, you can, you can show someone there's something about them that's unique or interesting or that you think it'd be fun to do something together. But like, you're also just like, yeah, let me know if you feel like it. Like, let me know if you, if you're up for it. Like, you can show someone that and put the ball in their court. You can do things with plausible deniability that I'll just like, you know, that shirt looks great on you in a DM or whatever. It's still plausibly deniable. Right? You're not like having to ask something. You're not saying, do you like me too? Do you like fancy me as well? But yeah. So I think there's ways to do it. You're just inviting. All you're doing is opening the door so people can hit the ball back. Then you have to see, do they dribble with the ball, do they pass it back? You know, it's like you're doing something with it, putting it over to them.

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Okay, so I have a question for you guys. You have been going to the gym for a few months and you really fancy a personal trainer at the gym. And you know each other's names, you've talked a few times. There's maybe been a little bit of what you've perceived to be a little bit of flirting, a bit of like low key interest, whatever. And then you, you know, slide into his DMS or her DMS non gendered and say something about, you know, the way they look or whatever, any of the things that we've talked about today. And they maybe they heart it, but they don't respond. Maybe they don't respond at all. What do you then do? Because you're then mortified and in your head going, oh my God, they don't like me. I can't go to this gym anymore. This is so embarrassing.

I don't think I would feel any of that stuff.

Well, I think a lot of people would feel that stuff. I would feel like that.

It depends what you say.

It depends the level of a move you make. Right. I do. I'm, I'm an advocate for like inching forward slowly.

Yeah.

But my question to you is, what do you do if you've inched forward in a way that you perceive to be putting yourself out there and then you don't get that response. The reason I'm asking is because I want to give people a contingency plan so that they feel like they can be more brave and they know that if it doesn't work out, they have a strategy that doesn't mean they have to, you know, quit the gym or.

What is Your example of the move they made.

I don't know. Like, let's say they said it could be anything. It could be like you're in the gym and you say something like, you know, they talk about somebody movie and you say like, we should go and watch that sometime. And they go, ah, yeah. And then they never follow up. Or you're, you go, you slide in their DMS after a story and you say something like, your arms look great in that picture. Or, you know, you send them a restaurant and say, like, I thought you might like to try this place, something, whatever it might be like. And then that person doesn't reciprocate in the way that you want them to. What do you then do?

But I think those things would all feel like a leap from having just had a very platonic set of interactions with someone at the gym. Like, when I think of the person at the gym, I think of what are some ways that I could bring some kind of energy or progression to this that gets us out of the very habitual kind of routine of conversation that we're in. Because that's what happens with people. We get in a. In a ruthless. Of interacting with them in exactly the same way every single time. And part of the game should just be, can I do something that's a little bit of a pattern break from what we've done before? So we could be talking about movies and I. It could be. I don't. What's an example? Let's say we've had a very like, nice scene. Every exchange we ever have is always me laughing at every one of their jokes is always me smiling at everything they say and agreeing is always like, that is the same energy all the time. So maybe the next time you talk about movies together because you have a little exchange and you. What they're like, what have you been up to? And you say this, I've been watching this movie. And they like, I just watched this movie, you know, I just watched this old movie and I really didn't like it. Blah, blah, blah. Maybe that's your moment where you go, okay, I'm going to tell you why you're wrong. And in that moment, like, someone's like, oh, wait, what's this? I'm going to tell you why you're wrong about this movie, okay? And then you speak. What you're doing is breaking rapport, where up until now all you've done is agree with them on everything. And that little moment of breaking rapport changes the dynamic a little. It shows that you're someone who's happy to break rapport. It shows that you are not trying to just please them all the time by agreeing with them. It creates a little friction in a playful way.

I love that. But what if you've already done that and it still hasn't progressed? What's the next step after that? Because surely making a move would be the next step. So there's a lot of people who we speak to who say, I have been flirting with someone at the gym. So they already feel like they've kind of got that, you know, banter, interaction. Maybe they've got some inside jokes, maybe they've got those things and that what they're trying to gauge is like, are they interested? How do I actually progress it? How do they do that without fearing rejection?

If I. If I genuinely felt like I've been flirting with this person at the gym and they're flirting back with me, then one of two things is true. Either they do this with everybody and they're just being sweet and it's not anything and they don't want anything more, or for whatever reason, they're holding themselves back. I don't know, are they. Do they work in the gym? Do they. Are they worried about professionalism? Are they thinking that that wouldn't be appropriate? Are they worried that you'll think it's not appropriate? Is there something going on there? Are they a bit shy? And the only way that you know that really is by going, what's a little bit further? So that might be saying to someone, I'm going to go and grab a coffee after class. You're more than welcome to join and seeing what they say, like, they, they might say, oh, I've got something else, or whatever. No worries. Have a great day. You know, you're, you're, you're putting it out there and you're giving them that chance to step into it. What we can't do is get, like, if you do that and they don't respond to it, you can't keep telling yourself a story about what it could be.

Yes.

You have to say, if they. At a certain point, it's like, you want. I'm not, I am not someone who thinks if. And specifically speaking about male female dynamics, when women are like, if he can't come up to me and ask me out, I don't want. Like, I'm not interested. I always think that's a ridiculous statement because there's loads of reasons why someone might not come over and ask you out or talk to you or Feel like that's appropriate or doesn't know your relationship status or what. Like that you. That's just an insane judgment to put on someone. But if you are walking up to someone and opening the door and saying all you have to do is walk through it and they don't walk through it, then at that point, that logic does hold up for me. Because if this. If they're so shy that you inviting them to coffee and them not be taking you up on it, they can't then the next week say, hey, I'm going for coffee today if you want to join. If they can't do that, then I. I don't know. I wouldn't want to be stuck on an island with someone. Yeah, like that I would. That's not a person who's proactive enough to be a teammate, in my opinion.

That's how you get them. You trap them on a deserted island.

Sorry, missed the point.

And that's it. You're like. Sometimes you're just putting, like, you're planting the seed, like, the desire without dependence, like, I'm gonna do this if you want to come join. And it's like they're kind of a dummy if they don't take that at some point.

Yeah, true. If you were on an island, you would die.

But plenty of soft crab on an island.

Depending on the island you get washed up on, there could be a whole abundance of soft crab.

Let us know what you guys thought about all of this. Did we miss anything? Is there anything else you'd like us to cover?

You can email us if you like soft crab.

You can email us@podcasty.com subject line soft.

Crab.

Had to be the soft crab.

Are you listening to this episode right now? Wondering what to say to someone in your life? Maybe it's someone you just met. Maybe it's a stranger that you keep bumping into in your life somewhere, a class you take. Maybe it's someone that you want to take it to the next level with. But you're wondering, what do I say? You're afraid of getting rejected. You wish you could be sat around the table with us right now and just ask me directly, Matthew, what should I do with this person? If that's you, then I want you to do me a quick favor. Go over to askmh.com and ask Matthewai the exact question you need to know the answer to. It might be asking for a text message or a conversational script or something that you should do in this situation. Matthew, AI will have an answer for you. And what's great about Matthew AI is you're getting my answer. So go over to askmh.com you can call or text me and ask your question right now. And if it's not to do with flirting, no problem. Ask the question you really want to ask that's most relevant to where you are. The great news is you can try it for free. It will blow your mind because it blows everyone's minds. And then if you love it, you can become a full time member which gives you unlimited access. Go try it out@askmh.com I can't wait to see what you think. All right, back to the episode. By the way, there are a couple of comments from people who said in response to the poll this very same thing they said don't want to mess up. Their reason for not flirting is I don't want to mess up a good friendship when having the relationship would require quite a bit of sacrifice and seems logistically difficult. That was one another person said, I'm not scared of rejection. I'm scared I'll lose the friendship or things will be awkward afterwards if they reject me, you know. Unhatched eggs.

Now we're on eggs. Crab, shrimp and eggs. Go on.

Unhatched eggs. That's what that is. It's. I've got a little unhatched egg. There might be something in it if I cracked it open. I think there could be. I'm going to fantasize about what's inside the egg but I'm not going to crack it open. I'm just going to keep the egg and keep it nestled and just, just hold on to it for as long as possible. Because what we're really afraid of is we're going to crack the egg and there's just not going to be anything in it. And you know, we, we, we say, oh, I don't want to lose them as a friend or whatever but I always have to ask people, how close are you? Be honest. How close are you? Is this one of your best friends? Like is this your best friend in the whole world?

You're not supposed to want to have.

Sex for friends and if it is, do you want to live in self torture of being in, in love with your best friend in the whole world? That's, that's not going to be a healthy place to live.

No, it's not.

I love the unhatched egg.

Yeah, get rid of those. Don't crack open the egg. See what's in it and if there's nothing in it, keep Moving on. It's not. Don't live your life just nestling these little unhatched eggs under your warm cheeks.

You could have sent feathers.

But seriously, look at this one. Right. Don't want to mess up a good friendship. When having the relationship would require quite a bit of sacrifice and seems logistically difficult. I don't believe they're close friends.

I don't believe that.

How can they be close friends if it's that logistically difficult to have a relationship with them? This sounds like a person that's a thousand miles away that they're not close to. And there's using the quote friendship as an excuse not to take a risk.

To nestle the egg.

Crack open that little egg. All right. Now, we did say we would get to the email that Audrey refused to answer.

Yeah, I still refuse.

This one was from, I'm gonna say E. Just so that there's nothing traceable here that. That, you know, would get this person in any kind of hot water. Although it does sound like she's gonna get herself in hot water. She said she emailed into podcast matthewhussey.com which is our. Who wants to send us a question? How do you recommend we flirt with a superior such as a boss or professor? I'm going to take a wild stab at this person being a professor without crossing professional boundaries and putting yourself or anybody at risk. If you've shared several prolonged glances and caught him stealing glances, you have felt the chemistry when talking to each other and have seen the body language while talking to him, but haven't asked for the phone number. And that is from E. Now, Audrey, you refuse to answer that because you just felt there's just a lot of trouble that's going to happen out of this.

Yeah.

And I agree. I. This is not. I listen. The first thing you should do is figure out what your exit plan is from this company or how you're going to deal with it. When you hook up with this person and all of a sudden you're either working under them or in their class looking at them every day, that is going to be. You are creating your own chaos. Six months from now, the work relationships tend to fail as often as any relationship. The only difference is with any other relationship, you're not then stuck with that person in a place that should, in theory, be your escape from a breakup. You're one of the great saviors after a breakup is that I can lose myself in my work, I can lose myself in my hobbies, I can lose myself in my passions. If. If the very place that you would go to lose yourself in. Heartbreak is where the heartbreak is. Then you have to consider that when you're getting into something. So listen, E, we've given plenty of flirting advice here, so you can decide what to do with all of that. I dare say we've said some things that might even be helpful to you. But I really would caution you that it's so easy on the way in to only focus on the parts of this that are exciting. It's the reality that we don't focus on is. Okay, let me for a moment, picture what happens if this doesn't work out. What does this part of my life look like if it doesn't work out? And remember, if it gets really, really awkward, it's often not the boss who's the one that goes. It's sad to say, but it's the other person. So you're not the boss in the scenario. He might, he might get in trouble, but you're the one who's probably going to feel like you don't want to be there anymore.

Yeah. And your own protection comes for, like, you do just have to think in these terms of like, what if it ends? Where does that lead to? What's the result? And that even might be why he's only stealing glances and not pursuing it, because maybe he might even be like, purposely not, you know, not pursuing this for that reason. You don't know. So, yeah, it's just like the risk reward on it is just probably not worth it if it's a colleague. That may be more of a debate.

I'm not, by the way, I'm not saying no one should ever get together.

No, I mean, it's one of the places people work.

Yeah, we have. Sorry.

People meet people.

Yeah. In the real world, people meet at work. It happens. But it is getting into it with someone who's your boss, that's way trickier. Is trickier way 100%. All right, we have a love lifeline. David, do the honors.

Hi, Matthew and Love Life team, this is Sonya. I'm a 61 year old, attractive, healthy, fit, engaged in life woman who has been single now for about a year and a half and have done a lot of healing and ready for dating and have put my toe in the water. Signed up for Modern Playbook and the Love Life Club. And my question for the podcast has to do with. I'm definitely being a social butterfly now and I'm really proud of myself. So that's been fun. I'm trying the apps and I am really resistant before I even get started. So I have an account, I have likes, I have men approach me and the. The clear no's are easy.

Easy.

There are very, very few clear yeses. And then there's this category of man who. There's no red flags, but I'm just not inspired. And a part of me thinks that I should just, you know, go to coffee because I know myself. Attraction for me can be. Is all energetic. It's in their energy and their presence. But I won't know until what's happening here. Sorry, I won't know until I meet them. And yet I feel so uninspired. So it just feels like a chore. It really does. Like it both feels like a chore. But I want, I feel like I, you know, to maximize my opportunities and exposure. So, yeah, I don't know. Any advice how to get over the resistance should I bother going out to coffee with when I don't feel inspired? Do I need to have even just a teeny bit of inspiration to say yes? Because as I know you've heard from more mature women, it's like my life is so precious every single second, every single moment. I've gotten over all sorts of things having to do with settling and waiting, and I become really intolerant of wasting one precious moment in my life. And so every time I even think about going on a coffee date where I'm not even really inspired, I'm just really trying to minimize chore energy because I'm all about joy right now. So would love your advice.

Thanks.

That Sonia, thank you so much. That's a such a great question and really well, well put. And thank you of course, for being one of our live loves.

Live love.

Look, I want to say, I think that everything you said is so relatable. None of us want to waste time, especially the older we get, the more we realize A how precious our time is, B, what we enjoy doing. We know ourselves. We know exactly how we'd be spending our time if it wasn't wasting it on a date and who we'd be spending it with or what we'd be spending it doing that we'd enjoy. And so it can feel like the bar is just really high for the kind of person that you want to get together with. The challenge is that dating apps don't mimic real life. They don't give you or other people a chance to really show your true qualities. There is something fascinating about the fact that most of us at some point have had a really wonderful attraction in our lives with someone that we know, we would not have picked out on a dating app. Like, I would argue most people have had that experience. You can look back, there's someone in your life, you go, I wouldn't have picked them on a dating app. But there was something about the chemistry in person and that you probably only. Well, you certainly only ended up having that attraction with that person because you happened to meet them in a different kind of environment. It might have been that you met them in a social gathering and there was just something about their energy and the way they presented themselves and the way they talked that got you interested. Or it might be that you accumulated that interest over time. You know, you met, you did a class with them, and it wasn't on day one, you were so struck by this person. But over a series of days and weeks of getting to know them better, something about them really kind of started to connect with you. And again, you, you would not have picked them out of a dating app. So part of it is almost a little bit of, I want to say, humility that we don't know who we'll be attracted to until we're in front of them. We just don't. We think we do. We think we're an amazing judge of that. In truth, we're not. We don't know. And there are other people out there, like you who are great, who themselves are going, oh my God, do I really want to be on this app? Do I really want to be here right now? Like, I'm struggling to find someone, but I'm not meeting that many people in my actual, like day to day life. So I feel like I have to be here, but I don't really want to be here. Like, there's the, there's the equivalent of you on the other side who is looking for you and is struggling for all the same reasons that you are. So that's also part of the, the kind of humility and, and in some ways, actually I think a kind of compassionate, empathetic, loving awareness. It's almost like those, you know, there's those meditate kinds of meditations that are about. I forget what they're called, but there's meditations that are about like extending compassion outwards.

Yes.

To the world and people in it.

I think that might be called meta meditation.

I think they are called meta meditations. You're right.

What's it called? Isn't it called the Love and compassion prayer or the. There's something. There's like an actual prayer which is but there's a.

There's a specific style of meditation that's about that, like extending compassion outwards. And I think that there's almost a version of that that's very beautiful that you can do for your love life where you kind of imagine that there is someone wonderful just like you who really wishes that they would come into contact with you and is looking for that opportunity, is looking for that way to meet you. And if you can extend that outwards, what starts as a very resentful dating mission actually can end up being something in. In a way actually quite romantic, because it's like, yeah, there's loads of crap in dating, but you two are trying to find each other. That person is out there trying to find you. And so instead of resenting everybody, you go, I need to do that. I need to help that person as much as I possibly can in doing my part to help them find me. And. And vice versa, that I find to be a very beautiful idea. And I actually find it to be quite an inspiring idea. And the last thing I'll say on this is just that, you know, Sonia, you said you're not feeling inspired. I actually think it's important that you ask yourself, what. What do you need to get inspired? What does it look like for you? And. And think back to some of the attractions in your life. I guarantee not all the attractions in your life started on day one, where you just saw someone and were bowled over. There was something about when you got to know them or spent time with them. There was something about their character, their way that maybe their humor, their way of engaging with the world that made you either respect them or really like them or just love their energy or something. There was something that inspired you, and it didn't always arrive in the first 30 seconds. So what you can say is, okay, what kinds of conversations, if I had them with people, would enable me to get inspired or to see if I could be inspired? Because it's not just looking at a screen and a few lines on a profile. And it's not just the first three messages you exchange with someone. It's some kind of interaction that you can be a part of leading. You have agency there. Instead of expecting someone to inspire you, go out as if you are interviewing to be inspired.

Yeah.

And ask the kinds of questions or have the kinds of conversations, even if they're playful conversations. Try being your normal playful self and see if someone meets you there. You might be inspired by the way someone does meet you there, but no one has a chance to meet you there. If you don't go in having the kinds of interactions you'd love to have with someone that really inspires you, if you're waiting for them to be the spark for those interactions, you're getting it backwards. That's not, that's not creating culture, that's not leading in dating. That's just expecting something to land in your lap. And that's not, that's not how attraction happened every time for you in the past, and it's not how it's going to happen every time for you in the future.

And if your time is precious, which it is for all of us, there is a difference between that, I would say, and being miserly with your time, I think you have to also be willing to give it. Sometimes I don't. I could be invited to some party and be like, I've got so many other things I'd like to do rather than go to a party. But the generous thing might be saying I could meet some really interesting people at this and I'm actually going to have to be generous with my time to do that. If I'm just hoarding it. If I'm being really precious and saying I'm just gonna say no to nothing that moves me, well, maybe that party, that event, that gathering really would move me. But I could always have a reason to say no. I've got. I've got other things I want to do. So I do also think you have to be a bit generous sometimes with your time.

I agree.

I love that answer. Guys. Well done.

Thank you.

Yeah, really good.

We had a couple of comments on recent episodes. 1 On episode 288, should you date your type? The truth no one tells you. This one was from Chenjala who said, I have finished every single episode you have done till late from late June so far. And this one is my favorite one. The wit, the insights, Cold brew. I just come back to this again and again. So if you want to see, listen to the episode that Chenjala is talking about. That's episode 288. Should you date your type? Episode 298. This one is from ann3311 who says this was the episode. Of course I did. Interviewing Laurie Woolever who was the right hand person to Anthony Bourdain for a long time and just wrote her own book. Thank you for sharing such a vulnerable episode. It's unrelated to this particular topic, but would you be able to address the large audience that is trying to date with STIs especially since they are so common but hardly get discussed. Yeah, I think that we should definitely talk about that at some point. I, I want to, I'll say this really fast. A huge part of this is owning it not as baggage but as just information. When we have something like that we, it's so easy to make it our baggage and to think that no one is going to want us because of this thing. Everyone has something, everyone has something they're worried they're going to get judged for or something that they think is going to turn someone off. This just happens to be your thing but doesn't have to be baggage. You want to own it confidently inform people, right? This is at the appropriate time, inform someone. By the way, I wanted to let you know that this and be matter of fact about it. Don't wince as you're saying it. Don't give a look as if like you're now going to run away now that you know this. Instead just inform them of it. And by the way it firstly, people who are real grown ups in this world, they've been through shit too. They've got stuff going on too. So when they see you owning your stuff, real C is real. Like that's something, that's something for you. Okay, they've got their stuff. You just gave them permission to be more honest about their stuff too. And just remember as well that just because you're educated on your sti it doesn't mean they are. So when you express I've got this sti, I just wanted to let you know, or like this is what I have this, I just wanted to let you know, make sure that they understand what that actually means. Like I, I want to let you know it's dormant. It hasn't like if that's the case, oh, this isn't, this hasn't been an issue for me for a very long time but I have it and I just wanted to let you know it's not something you have to be concerned about from the point of view of catching something or it's not like be, lay out the facts. I'm not saying lie about the facts, lay out the facts because a lot of the time people will hear something and they'll assume something worse or they'll think oh, but that, what does that mean? You can educate them on what it means because you know more about it than they do. So matter of fact, confident is not baggage. And don't be afraid to educate someone on the reality of it because it actually might be the case that what they have in their head is far worse than the reality of the implications of it. I think it's that time now. David, I'm not going to allow you to tell me that the theme song to Steve Sleeves is still under construction. If you are working on a more, a more enduring, intricate version of the Steve Sleeves theme song, that's okay. But we can't be without a theme.

No, I, I, I Sorry, I was just finishing a note.

Was it about the lyrics for the Steve?

No, no, no, I, I, no, I, definitely, I, we, we, we've got something and it's good and we worked really hard on it. So I was just writing something about.

I think, I think the idea they're gonna fly the team out to Japan to go and record it to kind of like get, get a different flavor to it. Yeah, you know, like when you send a band away to record an album.

Well, I'll tell you what, until we do that, can we just have some sort of acapella version?

Yeah, no, I mean, like I said, I worked on something.

Okay, go for it.

I'm just looking at the, I wrote it down here. Hey Steve, what's up your sleeves? Write a song that's the theme song for Steve Sleeves.

The minute.

Quite close to hey Jude.

Quite close.

I don't see, I don't see the comparison.

Yeah, I don't know if we get away with that.

I think you're allowed a small amount.

The minute, the minute you think you.

Do your boss proud, the minute you think you know what's up his sleeves, then he'll reveal what's up. Much more up there. Okay.

Soft crab.

Why is there so much soft crab up these sleeves?

Do you like it?

I don't think that we can use that time. It will pass for today.

Okay, that took a lot of.

We don't get any legal letters.

That took a lot of work.

So.

Okay, if Apple Records strikes this video.

Then we'll know why. David.

So back to the drawing board.

Back to the drawing board.

Shoot.

All right, Steve, let us know what we're doing here with today's Steve Sleeves.

We're doing Stock Talk, Flirtation Edition.

I don't know what that means.

I pretty self explanatory. I think what we've got here is it's nothing to do with actual trading stocks. It's to do with stock photos.

So, so sorry. How is this going to work for audio?

We're going to show it on video for YouTube and then we're just going to, we're just Going to briefly describe what's in the pictures.

You guys will describe. So he's going to give it to one of you, and then you guys have to first describe what you're seeing. And then. But you'll get the game, so. But what's the game?

So the game is I'm gonna give you these pictures of things people are doing, different scenarios. You might come across someone. I just want you to figure out what. What would your in be to flirt with this person?

Okay.

What would your. What would your way in be?

So that is a man and a woman canoeing.

Yep. Kayaking next to each other. Right. So one of them just come up to the boat. You're kayaking together. What would your in be? Maybe you just drift past.

Oh, like, you mean like you're the. You're one of them drifting past the other one.

Right. And you got a flirt.

I have it.

All right.

What's your Pocahontas name?

That's not bad.

I think it's quite good.

I don't get the reference. I mean, I don't remember that bit in Pocahontas. What happens?

Well, they canoe, don't they?

I saw it when I was, like, 11.

Well, you should re. Watch it. It's a very good Disney. Very underrated, in fact. Yes. They canoe a lot. And she's. She's, you know, she's going around the riverbend and deciding whether to go with Cockwam or carry on. Being a free spirit. And so I think I would say, oi, what's your name? Well, I'm convinced her. Right. I'm canoeing past her.

You might be together. You might just be cruising.

I need to know these details because then it changes.

It's your imagination. It's what the stock photo invokes.

Okay, fine. So I'm canoeing with her, and I'm trying to flirt with her. I'd be like, all right, let's give each other poker hunters names.

That's quite difficult, though. What's a Pocahontas name?

Soft crab.

You could just sort of paddle up next to them and say, so, should we race?

Or you could be like, move. You're taking up the whole river.

How many photos have we. That is a good one, actually. That's a really. Oh, that's the best.

That's the best.

Stephen's come in late doors with the best one Move. You're taking up the whole river. That's really good. And it gets funnier the more there's no one else around.

If it's a massive body of water.

Yeah. Yeah. It works on lakes. Works everywhere. Oh, that's really good, Steven. Well done.

Okay, next one. So this is a gentleman hanging off a tree branch.

It's sort of a man that is, like, is gripping the tree trunk. A branch? No, he's gripping a branch with both arms hanging upside down. Upside down like a monkey. And he's got his two legs wrapped around the tree as well. Oh, no, that's not. It doesn't work the other way around. Audrey's holding it so that it looks like he's.

I'm just trying to give us option.

Like, upside down, so it looks like he's on all fours on the branch. But that doesn't make sense. Okay, so you're saying you see that guy on a tree.

Yeah. In the park and what.

What.

And what do you do?

Yeah, you're chilling with your friends, and he's in the park, like, monkeying around.

He's in the park, monkeying around. You. This feels like in. Like in another time, David could have actually been this man.

Have been.

You say. Can I just. Maybe you say you. You compliment him on his grip strength.

All right, that's good.

Maybe you say, like. I'm. I'm gonna say it if no one else has. That is very impressive grip strength.

I'm sure you've been getting this all day.

I like the pause as well. I'm gonna say this if no one else has, because it almost sounds like you're gonna be like, what the bloody hell are you doing up here?

Instead.

Instead. Instead you hit him with the compliment.

That's very good.

I go, you. Is that oak? Yes. I generally climb willow and just get in on the shared interest with them.

Yeah. I'm a willow tree.

I'm a willow. I'm a willow.

I'm a willow guy.

I'm a willow guy myself. That looks like a nice oak.

I like that one. Okay, good. We've solved that one. That would result in something.

Okay, this one for Audrey, it's a woman really carefully looking at her plants.

And she's.

Is she drawing, Making a note?

Maybe she's kneeling down. She's looking at the plants. She's got what looks like a clipboard, and she's writing something on the clipboard.

You lay in front of her in a sprawled out manner and say, draw me like one of your French girls.

That's mad funny, though.

It could work.

It could backfire.

What if you just said to her, what's the plant saying?

That's good.

Like, she's translating.

Yeah.

Like, say you translate like what?

Yeah, I prefer the French girl.

Yeah. That's higher risk for someone who spent half of this podcast saying that aisle suggestions are too high risk.

No, I think it's so. It's so out there that people would. You could easily do that to a friend.

So it's too.

So it's almost.

Sorry.

It's almost too much.

Your arms in this pick. But it's not too much to lay in front of someone and say, draw me like one of your friends.

Yeah, because. Because hear me out. Hear me out. It's so bold that, like, I think it's just funny. And it's not even really flirting. And it doesn't necessarily express interest, but what it does is it lowers the guard and makes them laugh and. And then you have a conversation starter.

I think there's always a danger. If you have to be Jack Black to pull something off, then it should be a. Like, don't try this black test. Yeah, exactly. Do you need. Do you have to be Jack Black to pull this off? Just ask yourself. I. I like your one, Steve.

Okay.

What are the plants saying?

Okay. I'll be like, can you translate for me?

Yeah, I think it's quite clever. Someone. Some people might not get it.

That's true.

All right, next. Oh, okay. So this is a. A slightly older gentleman who is hula hooping in his. What looks like his living room with. Yeah.

I don't know if you just find.

Him in your house with red. He was invited and he's wearing red frame sunglasses and a sideways cap. So what are your. What. So just so I'm all clear, you're saying you're in that person's house or they're in yours.

I mean, they're there.

Okay.

And you might.

I don't think you should date this man.

Right.

You say it does. Stop it. Come back to bed. Enough.

Could you. Could you get an opening with someone who's just hula hooping? Is there a way you could.

Like, if someone's hula hooping.

Yeah.

They've got all the attention in that scenario. If they're. Anyone who's hula hooping is drawing eyes.

Are they?

Yeah, because people are just.

Maybe you say, like, what's your. Okay, let's time you. I bet I can beat you at hula hooping.

I've always.

And then you, like, turn it into.

Shocked at how hard hula hooping is.

I can't believe there's people.

Have you tried it?

Yeah, I'm So.

Can't do it, can you?

No, I can't at all.

I can't.

I've got like a fraction. Like a fraction better over.

I'm quite good at it.

Yeah. Then I. I would say you have to teach me because I've never been able to do this. And it's. You know, we can.

We can get.

When I see people do it, I'm like, that is like, one of the hardest things I've ever seen people do.

You just go up to someone and you go, why is that so hard? That's a good one. Why you. Why is that so hard? I'm not joking. I cannot do it.

Teach me.

And well, they'll. They'll cut. They'll say that. They'll be like, oh, it's not. Once you learn how to do this, you can have a whole conversation about that. I just. Yeah, I would just go up to someone and go, I don't understand why that's so hard, but it is because I can't seem to do it.

And how did you get in my house?

Get the hell out of my house.

What is that?

Okay.

What? Okay, so now this is a woman who looks sort of slightly Modelesque, who's licking a cactus.

Yes.

Is she licking it? I think she is eating it.

She's eating it, Licking it.

She's looking very sexual.

Yeah.

I didn't get that read.

You don't flirt with that person. That is you. You run away because that is danger.

Read. Read the signs.

Look at the eyes. For those of you that can't see, if you're not watching this on YouTube, this. She's making eye contact in a way that is really, really intense. I don't know what she's trying to say. I don't like it.

She scares Matt.

Yeah, it's a bit troubling.

I don't think we have a lot in common, Steve. So next. Don't flirt with her.

I don't know if we need to do any more of these. Let's do one more. Let's do one more.

Every time there's a Steve sleeves, I always think this is definitely the weirdest one. And then you do something like this.

Yeah. So here's the last one. Classic. Classic office hijinks.

Which one are you trying to hit on?

Okay, so this is two. Two men wheeling, like doing a race with two people in office chairs. They're pushing the chairs from behind, and there's a woman and a man sitting in the chairs being raced.

Yeah.

Looking. Looking like they're having fun and are excited slash scared, and you're gonna.

You're sort of in this scenario.

Good question.

Yeah. Who are you trying to hit on?

What do you mean, good question? It's your. You're the one who has the photo. We didn't invent this.

Maybe you're. Maybe it's not.

It's unclear who the. Who the main character of this image is.

I think. I think we just have to go with what's given us. You are observing this scene, and let's just say it's one of the pushers, one of the people pushing the office chair. That's who you're trying to allure.

So we're trying to attract one of the people pushing.

Maybe you say something. You look. You're trying to attract the person who's also pushing. Yeah, maybe you. You say, like, I'm concerned for this. You say, like, I'm concerned for the safety of the person in my chair. But I don't know what it is about you. I just really want to beat you.

Beat you. Like, what is in. I want to race.

Like, because they're racing, right? The 2p. There's two people racing people in chairs.

I like that. I don't know what it is about you.

Yeah, I thought you'd like that. That's the. That's the little.

That's how you get the man.

Slow, slow detonation. But you say, like, I'm concerned for the safety of the person in this chair. But I also. I don't know what it is about you. I just really want to beat you.

There you go.

There you go.

Playful challenge. All right, thanks for playing, everyone.

Thanks for playing. Stock talk, flirtation brackets. Flirtation edition is what this is listed as on the sheet.

Every week, a new game.

And you know what?

You said it as if it's stock talk. Stock photo, which refers to Stock photos, is a game that we play every week and that this was the flirtation edition today. A game that will. We've never played before and we will never play again. Almost certainly.

If this is your first episode, imagine what you think.

David's broken over there.

He was dying. And for anyone. For anyone who listened to this, I really had to.

I really had to twist Steve's arm.

To agree to this one. Yeah.

He was like, oh, yes. Stock talk. Flirtation edition.

I think what we've learned in this episode is that a lot of people need to be more willing to get out of their comfort zone and to actually take a risk.

Yes.

All right. There's I mean, there's a Hamilton line. I literally pulled it up while we were talking because I was like, oh, yeah, this is a great. There's always a Hamilton line for something. What does he say to Aaron Burr? He says, when you got skin in the game, you stay in the game, but you don't get a win unless you play in the game. You get love for it, you get hate for it, but you get nothing if you wait for it. And that's Burr is frustrated his whole life because he constantly waits and Hamilton gets out there and makes it happen. So if you know you need to get more out of your comfort zone, come and join us for the replay of the 30 day confidence challenge, where I'm giving you specific missions that we're doing over 30 days to increase your confidence. And the link to go to to join us in this challenge is mhreplay.com Like I said, it is not too late. Come and join us mhreplay.com the whole challenge is free, but it's already in motion and you should be there. All right, let's improve all of our confidence over the next 30 days. Thank you for listening to another episode of the Love Life podcast. We've loved it, we hope you've loved it, and we'll see you next time.