19 Aug 2022 · 3 min
Matthew Hussey advises sending one word, "boring," when someone keeps disappearing and coming back. It removes their ego validation and forces them to either leave or invest more.
Sam.
Hey, everybody, it's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life podcast. I am excited to share this clip with you today. Let's get into it. The other day, I was told a story by someone who had a guy coming in and out of her life constantly. And she got to a point where she was so sick of him showing investment and then disappearing. That one day when he texted her, asking her to go to dinner after having disappeared for weeks, she just messaged him back and said, hey, listen, I like you, but this dynamic we have where we start things up and then things go away again, and then we start them up again, it's just become boring to me. Like, it's no longer interesting. So if we're just gonna do the same thing again, let's not bother with this. When I heard that story, I thought, that is such a powerful word to use in that context. Cause so often people get angry. They get upse. Get hurt, and then they communicate all of that. And when we do that, in a way, we're still building up someone's ego. We're still showing them that they have a handle on our emotions. You know, you either come back and you get my excitement, or you come back and you get my anger and my frustration. I'm still making you very important in my life, even though you haven't been investing and you shouldn't be important in my life. But when you tell someone this dynamic we have is just boring now, you're shooting down their ego. You're no longer validating that behavior. And so what happens is someone either disappears or they realize in order to attract you, they've got to start showing you a very different kind of investment. So either way, you win, they disappear, or you get better quality investment. Try it the next time someone comes back into your life instead of rewarding it with either a positive excitement, which they haven't earned, or a negative energy, a negative emotion which shows them that they're still too significant in your life. Try simply telling them that what's going on between you is just boring. I hope you enjoyed that episode. Everybody, don't forget to leave us a review on itunes. I will be reading them. We read them out on the longer episodes of the podcast, so maybe yours will be read out and I will speak to you in the next episode. Thank you so much for watching listening to the Love Life podcast. We'll see you soon.
