The BIG SIGNS You Should KEEP TRYING With Someone You're Dating | Rewind

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Is the investment equal or do you always feel like you're the one investing a lot more than that person is?

Hey everyone, it's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life Podcast.

Thank you so much for being here.

I think you're gonna enjoy this clip. It's a classic from the archives. Check it out and don't forget, if you can leave us a review on iTunes, it would mean the world. It helps us spread the word about this podcast. All right, let's get into the episode.

So last week I ended with the conclusion on a bunch of terms like ghosting, zombieing, haunting that they all just represented low investment and therefore were all indicative of a central problem, which was that we tend to invest in people based on how much we like them, not based on how much they are investing in us. And I've said this ad nauseam over the course of the last decade of my life. The people that follow me a lot will be able to repeat this phrase easily because I say it so much. Invest in those who invest in you. Don't invest in someone based on how much you like them. But there is a challenge to this that I think is interesting because it adds a little nuance. Someone could easily say, but Matthew, and.

By the way, someone did say this.

I was on a podcast with Lisa Bilyew on her Women of Impact podcast. I am not a woman of impact, but I graciously was allowed to come on the podcast as an honorary male. She said to me upon hearing this, I love that, but doesn't that get you into a kind of standoff with someone where you're both holding your gun, waiting for the other person to draw before you do anything? Can it lead to a situation where relationships are simply transactions, where you wait for somebody else to invest before you do anything at all? This is where a principle comes in to temper this idea. We have to invest and then test. In other words, give a little and then see if they move a little to meet you where you are. I think about this from the first moment you meet someone, you know, you see someone in a coffee shop, It's like you both maybe you both are attracted. You both want to talk to each other. One person at some point has got to make it easier on both of you. Someone has to take responsibility for making it a bit easier. So what happens? Maybe one person goes and sits close to that person. That person, oh, there's a person I was making eye contact with is now sitting kind of close to me. Now one person says, you're all right. You know, I like that. What you've ordered there looks delicious. And then, oh, it is delicious. I've had it before. How are you? What's your name? Now you've got a conversation that's happening because both people, they put in a little bit, put in a little bit. Sometimes in the beginning, one person has to overcome another person's shyness and do something a bit more drastic. Go over and just start talking to them because this person is never gonna come over of their own volition. That happens at that stage. Then there's the later stages of, okay, when we're in the texting phase, I need to look and see, as Jamison and I have talked about previously in a video, am I in the blue?

We text all the time.

Simmy, the colours. Look at the colours. You're in the blue, mate. When I send them meaty messages where I actually say things, do they send me quick one-word or three-word answers? That's a form of taking a leap of faith that, well, I like someone, so I'm gonna let them know about it and I'm gonna see how they respond, but then actually paying attention to the response, is the investment equal or do you always feel like you're the one investing a lot more than that person is? Invest then test. I don't mean test in the manipulative game playing sense. Simply measure like what's the reaction in dating in general? I think one of the big problems is we don't do enough communicating but we do too much chasing. Communicating is letting someone know that you like them. I find you attractive. I'd love to hang out sometime. We should go for a coffee or I'm into you, you know, I like something about you or you look cute in that top or whatever. That's communicating. What I'm doing there is showing that I like you. Chasing is when you continue to invest in someone, you continue to keep chasing them, to keep giving them energy long after the point of having already communicated that you like them and without the equivalent return of attention of interaction from them. That's chasing. I'm a huge proponent of communicating and someone who is trying to stop people from chasing. When I say invest in who invests in you, It's not about always waiting for someone else to make the first move. Investing a little bit so that someone knows where you stand, so that someone knows that you like them, so that someone knows you're open to a date, so that someone knows that you'd like to see them for a second date, so that someone knows that you find them attractive, sexy, appealing as a human being. That's brave, that's vulnerable, that's courageous. Chasing someone is a sign of low self-worth, losing our own self-respect, and having put someone on a pedestal. And I say put someone on a pedestal because how can someone be so great that you continue to chase them when they're not giving you that back? No one can be that great because greatness, someone who's great for a relationship with you doesn't just come in the form of someone who's got great qualities. It comes in the form of someone who represents a great energy in your life, represents a great investment in you as a human being. you can't have one without the other. You can't have someone who's great for a relationship but doesn't invest. So chasing is chasing someone who you admire, who you think is great, but someone who ultimately is not actually investing in building something with you. Invest a little so that you can test whether you get anything back and only continue to invest in those who invest in you.

If you haven't already grab yourself a copy of the Momentum Texts program. In this program, I give you very practical things that you can do to move an early dating situation forward. Avoid messages that don't go anywhere. Avoid dates that never result in follow up or situationships that never result in a commitment. This is the most practical early dating program you will find, and it's super reasonable to get your hands on at seven Go check it out at momentumtexts.com.