The Classy Way to Have “The STD Talk”

This is Love Life and I'm your host, Matthew Hussey. It's so exciting to hear feedback from women who say things like, Matt, I tried the advice from your podcast and I met someone incredible that same night. But occasionally I'll hear something like, When something finally starts to go right in my life, I have trouble trusting that it's real and I just can't enjoy it. If you can relate, I want you to stay tuned until the end of today's show. Because there's something really exciting I want to share with you that has the power to change your way of thinking forever. But first, let's get to the episode. We have a caller and her name is Jasmine. Jasmine, are you there?

Yes. Hi.

What was your question, Jasmine?

So I was actually wondering, what is the best way to talk to a guy about, you know, STD testing, if they're clean, how to really light touch on that subject without scaring him off or seeming hypersensitive about it. And just, you know, how to not kill the mood almost, because that's very serious. You're trying to flirt and be cute, and that's not something cute.

So is it the case that you don't want to have any intimacy until you find that out?

Not necessarily, no.

But if you know you're gonna be regular with someone, you wanna make sure that you know where they are.

Exactly.

Okay. So I think firstly, the time to do it is not necessarily in the middle of the act, right? That's gonna drive both of you crazy, I think. And also-- Is that a mood killer? It's also the time you're most likely to get the least honest answer, right? When someone's hot and horny and ready to go, and you ask them, they're gonna be telling you, no, you're like, Let's talk about it tomorrow. I'm fine.

Yeah, exactly.

So, so I would do it. And by the way, that doesn't mean that you, you have to do it in a very ultra serious moment either. You know, the, the opposite isn't you going out to dinner to talk about STDs.

Right.

So there's somewhere in the middle where you could be at home together or you could be, you know, just, just sitting in bed together and whilst you're sitting in bed together, just bring up the subject, you know, I'm crazy attracted to you. And since we're having sex on a regular basis, or since things seem to be moving that way a little more, I wanted to ask the question, have you been tested recently?

Right. I guess, specifically, well, this situation actually happened last week, where we did get onto the topic, and he could tell that it was something that was bothering me. The date went amazing. We had amazing connection. But after the conversation, it went cold. So how do I go about...

Walk me through the conversation. How did it go?

Well, I asked him. He was tested and he said he wasn't, but he was tested like eight months ago and he was only with one girl and that girl was tested about a month ago. But he could tell that obviously I was bothered by it and that, you know, I was kind of like, I really appreciate people I could get tested. So I'm interested in pursuing it, but at the same time, I could tell that he probably thinks on some kind of condom Nazi or something.

Right.

You know, super sensitive to it.

A new term in my vocabulary, the condom Nazi. This is great. You brought something to my world today. Okay, so does he not want to use a condom?

He doesn't know, but we have.

Okay. I mean, here's my view on this, Jasmine. Firstly, I'm always suspicious of men who are too quick to go without a condom. I always find, personally, and this is a personal thing, right? 'Cause I'm the other extreme. I am my own form of a condom Nazi, but in the male form. You know, for me, I never wanna put that trust in someone. in somebody else's hands. To me, I take my own responsibility for my situation. Now, of course, people change that view once they're in committed relationships, they change their views of, you know, if they really trust someone, if a man trusts a woman on the pill, then, you know, he may decide to stop using a condom and so on. But I know that I'd be suspicious of someone who not knowing you all that well right now, but only just starting out with you. is already the one who's saying he doesn't want to use a condom. I, I, for me, if, if nothing else, fear should drive a guy to not want to do that. So I, I don't quite understand that position. But for this guy right now, I would be first questioning why he's so eager to, to not use a condom, because that, to me, suggests bad judgment. from the beginning, then I would say, okay, if he really doesn't want to use a condom, fair enough. That's his position. But your position is that you really need him to be tested newly in order for you to. To go there with him at the same time. If he likes you and he really does want unprotected sex with you, it's one thing. If he said, look, I'll keep using a condom, but really, I'm. I know I'm fine, so I don't want to get tested, but I. I'll keep using a condom. That's. That's the deal. Fair enough. But if he's the one who's saying, I really don't want to use a condom and I don't want to get tested, then I would, I don't think you're in the wrong and I think that you should stand your ground and let him know in a very classy and elegant way. You know that it would feel wonderful and intimate to be able to do that with you, but I really have to value myself and my health. And, you know, that's not that I don't trust you, it's just that things happen. and I can't put that in somebody else's hands. So I don't think the onus is on you to trust him. I think the onus is on him to show you that he's trustworthy and to go out of his way for you if he likes you. And I think he'll respect you more for standing your ground on it in a classy way, not in an aggressive way, but I think he'll respect you more for standing your ground on it rather than caving just to be in rapport with him and to make him happy.

Okay.

Yeah.

Thank you.

You're so welcome. You're so welcome. Thank you for bringing such an interesting issue to light. I actually really appreciate you bringing this to the show, 'cause we haven't had something like this before, and I love when we get a new topic. And a big message to all of you out there listening to me and Jasmine right now, if you have a new topic, bring it forward. It's so cool when someone does. And Jasmine, I thank you for that.

No, you're very welcome. Thank you for taking the time.

Well, we'll speak to you soon, all right? Have a great day. and you're doing the right thing.

Thank you.

Now, if you can't enjoy the good things that come into your life because you don't feel worthy, I have an incredible opportunity for you. I want you to apply for my Matthew Hussey Retreat on this powerful program. We'll go way beyond the tips I teach you in my podcasts. straight to the core of your deeper issues so that you can overcome them once and for all. I'll give you the tools to change the relationship you have with yourself so that you can finally achieve the core confidence you need to get the love, the success and the happiness you deserve. Right now there are extremely limited spots available on the retreat but one of them could be yours. To book your phone interview with one of my expert mentors just go to lovelifepodcast.com/retrieve.