The One Thing that Keeps Your Relationship Going Strong

Welcome to Love Life, I'm Matthew Hussey.

Now do you ever feel like you're.

Stuck in a rut?

We all do from time to time. The problem is just going through the motions cuts off our ability to grow and increase our happiness in life. Now what would happen if you actually began living each and every day with purpose? Let me tell you, it is possible to transform your life from ordinary to extraordinary. and it doesn't have to take months or years, but just a matter of days. Stick with me till the end of the show, and I'll tell you exactly.

How to do it. We have a caller on the line today. Diana, are you there?

I am.

How are you?

How are you?

I'm good. I'm good.

How are you?

I'm good.

What's happening? Anything interesting happening in your life this week?

Well, let's see. I was wondering if you could give me two to three pointers on how to keep the guy. I know you write a lot about this, but once the five months rolls around, you feel something's got to give in one direction or another. It seems to go in the direction I don't necessarily want it to. I make sure all those times spent together are top notch. It seems that way. I'm witty, hilarious, I'm cool, until they stand you up for dinner or fake their own death when you mention a family function. So, I was wondering, like a couple of pointers that you could give to take it to the next level without being that girl to have that conversation.

So, okay, wait. So are you exclusive? You're in a relationship?

No. I'm totally single. This is just a general question that seems to happen to me a lot.

But with people that you're monogamous with or with people that you're just kind of casually dating for that time?

I'd say monogamous, but haven't gotten to the girlfriend title yet.

Okay, so I. My big thing with this is I don't think you need to think about how do I. How do I keep. How do I take my game up a notch? Because, of course, if you. If you have that view over your whole life, that in itself can kind of be exhausting is how do I keep upping and upping and upping and upping my game every. Every year, I think, for me. big challenge of any relationship, old or even slightly old five months down the line is how do I show this person that I am not someone that is always predictable, that I grow, that I am evolving. And that's not necessarily about doing more and more for that person. Um, because hopefully you once you decide you wanna invest in someone, you're giving them a lot in month five already anyway, in year one and year two, you're not necessarily 20 years later giving them more than you were giving them in the first year or two years. But what you are doing is, what can be sustainable over the course of a life is the extent to which you evolve and grow. The two things that, look, there's a difference between love and desire. Love is the coming together of two people, the oneness of it all. You and I are becoming one and nurturing each other and loving each other and caring for each other. Desire is that thing that makes us want what we don't have. And the challenge, of course, of any relationship is how do you continue to want someone that you have already? That's a tough part of a relationship. And that's the riddle we're always trying to solve, especially in long-term relationships where we're trying to continue to have desire for this person that we spend so much time around. So for me, the way to maintain desire, which is the thing that I think you're talking about, is how do I continue to have this same level of attraction where this guy wants to see me just as much now? as he did three months ago, as he did in the week we first met. The two ways to do that are one, keep developing yourself, i.e. learn new things, develop new skill sets. Think about it. What do you wanna do? What do you wanna learn? What are the things you wanna get better at? Dedicate time to those things because the ways you evolve and change will keep someone guessing about you. They make you less than predictable. They make someone constantly wonder, well, who is this person? what am I gonna, what are they gonna be tomorrow that I don't even know about today? That's the first thing. And the second thing is be prepared to spend some time apart. This is something that a lot of people are not prepared to do when they really like someone is actually spend time apart is actually say you go with your friends tonight. I'll go with my friends or you go on holiday with your people. I'll go on holiday with my people. They don't do this because they're very afraid that if they do, they'll create space which will turn that other person in the other direction. So they say, well, if we're together all the time, they haven't got room to think about anyone else or a different life without me, and they'll stay with me. Well, actually, the opposite is true. The more they're with you, the more they lose that sense of themselves and their own space. The more you lose desire, because desire is created in the space between two people, and they start to wonder why it is that this person starts to pull away from them. If you want to create desire, create some space. Space creates mystery, mystery creates desire. And now you have two people that are very excited to come back together, not because they have to, but because they want to. So I think at the five month mark, if you want to keep a guy guessing, if you want to keep him excited about you, do your thing, learn new skills, evolve as a person, and take space for you where you need it. to be with your friends to go away. And secondly, encourage him to take space. That usually freaks a guy out, by the way, when you do that. When you actually tell a guy, you should go out with your friends this week. You should go on that weekend trip with your friends. You should do this, you should do that. When you encourage a guy to do those things, it's usually quite surprising to him. And it becomes attractive, even though he probably won't know what's going on, 'cause most women he's ever dated have never done that before. Does that make sense?

Absolutely. Thank you so much.

You're so welcome, Diana. Thank you so much for calling in. I really appreciate the question.

Thank you. Have a great day. I'm ecstatic to talk to you.

All right. Well, I'm so glad that you did call in and what a pleasure to talk to you. Will you call us again sometime, Diana?

Definitely.

Okay. Thank you so much. Have a wonderful day.

You too.

Okay, bye-bye.

Bye, man.

So earlier we were talking about being.

Stuck in a rut.

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There are a limited number of spots.

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