13 Apr 2016 · 6 min
Matthew Hussie outlines four rules for long-distance relationships: don't glorify it, act as a team, maintain sexual intimacy remotely, and set a concrete end date. The last one matters most, he says. Without a plan to close the distance, the relationship won't survive.
Matthew Hussie here with Love Life. Do you ever feel like you keep attracting the wrong kinds of men? I can understand how frustrated and hopeless this must make you feel at times. All you want is a good guy who appreciates you and treats you well, someone who's a partner in all of life's ups and downs. But instead you end up with jerks or you're not alone. So many women can relate. I want you to smile right now because today I'm gonna give you a simple way to get rid of the jerks and only attract quality men into your life. Before I give that to you, let's get into today's episode. Today's topic is long distance relationships. There was an article that came out on bustle.com recently which talked about long distance relationships as something to avoid like the plague. lake. There are many reasons, of course, why to avoid a long distance relationship. I actually happen to agree with most of them in this article. I think long distance relationships can be a nightmare and they get harder and harder as they go along. We miss someone like crazy. There's so much pressure on the time that we do see them because we feel like we really have to make it amazing. It has to be like a honeymoon every time. You're not even sure how well the two of you work together because, of course, when it is a honeymoon every time, you're never really experiencing real life together on a day-to-day basis, it's much easier to be in love for a week than it is to be in love over six months when you're seeing each other every day. So here's my quick rules for a long distance relationship. These are so simple, it's ridiculous. But I think it can be simple. First, think about whether you really do like this person. If they were at home with you 24 hours a day, would you really want a relationship with them? Or are you just glorifying it because it's long distance? and ask yourself that brutal question. If the answer is I'm glorifying it, I probably don't like this person as much as I think. End it now. It's not worth the pain. Because trust me, it's a painful road and you don't want to engage in that road and go down it unless it really is leading to something. Second, you two, if you're gonna do it, if you make that decision, you have to be a team. It has to be you two against the world. That's the only way this works. You two have to feel like you're both fighting this battle together and that no matter what anyone says, because of course everyone around around you. Many people will tell you that you're wrong for doing it. Many people will tell you you should just date in your circle or at home. Many people will tell you that it's crazy that you keep traveling so far to see each other. They will give you reasons not to, which means that the two of you have to be a team. The two of you have to be this Unstoppable unit. And if you're going to create any drama, create it around that. It's me and you against the world. People might tell us it's wrong, but we're gonna go for it because we really want this three. Have Skype sex. Have Skype sex as often as you can find the time. Do dirty things either on the phone or on a video camera on Skype or if you're afraid of video camera at least verbally over Skype. Now as I'm saying this there will be many people out there going oh Matt, I'm not really into that. I don't really do the phone sex thing. That seems really weird to me. I'm not into that Matt. Then don't have a long distance relationship. because don't think that you can keep going and going and going without having some sort of intimate relationship. It doesn't work like that. Then you're not in a relationship. You might as well say you're your pen pals. You might as well say you have a long distance friendship. Because what separates a friendship from a relationship? Sex. We all know this. So if you want to meet each other's needs, you better step up and start engaging sexually. Even if you're not confident, start small. Start engaging in sexual activity from a long distance. By the way, he will thank you for it, I promise. and last but not least, here's the number four thing. There has to be light at the end of the tunnel. You can't keep going and going forever in this long distance state without one of you at least creating some light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe it's that he's gonna come and live where you are. Maybe you're gonna go and live where he is. Maybe you're both gonna move somewhere and be somewhere different together. But there has to be something that you can look forward to that really is gonna show you that it's gonna change the whole dynamic. somewhere along the way, the both of you have to see that this is going to end, that there is going to be a point where all of this is going to have been worth it. And by the way, never put too much trust in a relationship where the other person isn't doing anything to secure that light at the end of the tunnel. If someone isn't asking the question routinely, how are we going to make this work? What do we need to do to make this work? And how are we going to end this Dynamic? then there's something wrong. It may mean that they're not even planning for the end of that dynamic, because right now this is just a placeholder. But have a distrust over the long term of anyone who isn't planning the escape from the long term or long distance dynamic into something that's more realistic over the long term. Ultimately, what are you doing this for? You're doing it so you can have a real relationship with another human being, not so that you can talk into a phone or into your computer over the long term. All right, so look, it's a hard road. If you want to do it, go for it. If you've met the love of your life and you have to go through this painful little journey for now, I'm all for it. I'm behind you every step of the way. So that's it. My four rules for making sure that long-distance relationships are worth it and they work. One, don't glorify it. Two, be a team. Three, have Skype sex, and four, make sure there's light at the end of the tunnel. [Speech] Okay, so we started off today talking about how you want to finally stop attracting the wrong men. I told you I have something for you that will show you how to make a quick shift that will bring the right kind of men into your life. Well, I've created a powerful training video for you called the 3 Mindsets that Drive Men Wild and it guides you through the simple steps that you can take to attract the kind of men you truly want. To get your free access to three mindsets that drive men wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com/mindsets.
