The Rejection-Proof Way to Ask a Friend Out

Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey and I have an amazing show for you today. But first, let me ask you: Did you know that there are three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild? Okay, you're right, confidence is one, but can you guess the other two? I'll give you a minute to think about it and we'll come back to this at the end of the show. But first, let's get into today's episode. We're back again with a caller and this caller's name is Karen. Karen, are you there?

Yes, I'm here.

Good to speak to you. How are you?

I'm doing very well. How are you?

I'm good. What was your question, Karen?

Okay, my question is, how can you tell if a guy you already have like a friendship with is interested in you more than a friend?

How long have you been friends?

Two years.

And do you see each other a lot or a little?

A little.

Like how much?

Oh, once every two weeks probably. And? But it's in a different environment, I should say.

In what sort of environment do you see him?

He actually is my tattoo artist.

He's your tattoo artist. Ah, I see. Okay. The plot thickens. This is interesting.

Yes. So, I mean, I read a lot about your, you know, listen to your book and YouTube and, you know, the whole touch thing.

Oh my God, how many? Wait, you're not getting a tattoo every two weeks, are you?

No, but I'm getting one that's really big. Well, done. That's taking a long time.

It has to take a long time because that's how you're seeing him right now, right? Yeah, but I don't, yeah.

Yeah, we keep prolonging it, it seems.

Does he go slower than a normal turtle?

Yeah, the first night was seven hours. Mm-.

How does it feel when you're with him? Does he, do you feel he flirts? And if so, in what ways does he flirt?

I do feel he flirts. Um, and he makes, but he's very shy. But he'll make subtle comments, but it's usually after we're done titillating.

Have you ever, at-- during or after a tattoo session, have you ever said to him, let's-- we should go grab a coffee or we should go and hang out?

Well, I kind of-- he asked me what I was doing the rest of the night, so-- this past Saturday. And I said, oh, I might go to a local bar with some friends. And he's like, oh, where? And I said, They have a comedy show there and stuff like that. And he's like, Connie, I'm interested in that. Let me know next time. I mean, they didn't have one that night, but he's like, what? He suggested it.

Okay. So, what I would be doing at this stage, because of course, what needs to happen is you need to take it out of the context of the way that you guys meet each other, which is in his tattoo parlor, right?

Right.

You need to take him away from that environment so that you can actually see what the two of you are like outside of that. Right now, it's still too much of a superficial connection where the two of you are just seeing each each other in that work related context. So I would be trying to, trying to pull him out of that and say to him, you know, for example, discuss move, like, discuss movies you want to see. And when the two of you hit home on a movie you both want to see, that becomes an idea for something that you can do together. Now, of course, it doesn't have to be a, it doesn't have to be seen as a date. You don't have to frame it like that. Just frame it like this is a, yeah, we should, oh, we should go see that. And do it very casually and very matter of fact, as opposed to, you know, well, you know, maybe we could go see it this weekend, which immediately, and I always think when people introduce a question at the end of their sentence, they're already putting doubt into the situation rather than just saying, oh, let's go see it. I'll tell, you know, do you have his number? Do you have his cell phone number?

Yes, I do.

So I would, I would- He's on.

My Facebook and I was so excited about talking about you. He knows I'm talking to him. I'm assuming.

That's so funny. That's so great. I would be telling him in a very matter of fact way that you wanna, that you should go and see a film together, or if there's a cool place that you wanna go to where there's amazing food, oh my God, I have to take you there, it's amazing. Just be matter of fact about it. And then of course you've planted the seed for when you wanna text him afterwards and say, Hey, I'm gonna go see that movie this Saturday, you wanna come? Or even better, I'm going to see that movie this Saturday, come. That's it. When you say that, you're being very assumptive, you're being very certain. And especially if someone's a little bit shy, they always appreciate the slight extra assertiveness from your side because they then don't have to look at it like, oh, should I, shouldn't I? I'm just gonna go for it.

Right, and that's what I mean, I have no problems flirting with other guys, like I mean all the other guys, it's the sexy place I joke around and kid around with, but when it comes to him, I'm like a little full girl.

Yeah, isn't that the terrible irony of attraction?

Yeah, and I never had to chase anybody or ask a guy out.

It's always harder when you care.

Yeah, exactly.

But you know, but you know what? you can do it, and you don't have to put yourself on the line all at once. Just see if you can take him out of that environment, out of that context, and don't be afraid to send an assumptive text outside of it, just saying, Hey, I'm going to the movie this weekend, come along. And then see what he says back. You can't be rejected 'cause you haven't asked anything.

Exactly, exactly. And you can even make a suggestion about the comedy. Let me know next time.

Say that again?

Like about the comedy show.

Exactly. And by the way, he made the.

Suggestion, let me know next time.

And by the way, of course, the next time you are at a comedy show, you can send him a message and say, I'm at the comedy show right now. Come. It's so much fun and see how he responds to it. Sometimes a little bit more directness is nice, as long as it's not accompanied by another five messages afterwards.

Exactly, yeah. I usually keep it short and sweet.

Perfect.

It's awesome.

Karen, thank you so much. I appreciate you calling in.

Thank you, Matthew. All right, look forward to listening to more of yourself.

Thank you, bye-bye.

Thank you, bye-bye.

Well, did you guess what the other two mindsets are that drive men wild? Good news, you don't have to rack your brain forever for the answer. I'm giving you free, exclusive access to a Q&A session from my live seminar where I coach Real women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and more. To get your free access to three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com/mindsets.