27 Jan 2016 · 7 min
Matthew Hussey advises Tasha on a shy musician she likes at church. Instead of waiting for him to make the first move, Hussey suggests a low-risk line: "Popcorn or ice cream?" It frames the invitation as playful, signals interest, and makes rejection unlikely.
Matthew Hussie here with Love Life.
I have a question for you.
When you think about going after the things you want most in life, how do you feel?
Excited? Inspired?
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Ready to get started? Let's go. Hello everyone, this is Matthew Hussey with Love Life. We have Tasha on the line, another wonderful, beautiful, sexy caller. Tasha, how are you?
I'm good. How are you, Matthew?
I'm good, thank you. It's good to be speaking speaking to you. I'm glad that got a good reaction from you. You could have been offended or said, no, I'm not sexy, but you accepted it.
No, I try to take compliments pretty well after listening to your programs.
Well, this is good. It was a test. See, it was a little test, and you passed. Tasha, what's your question?
All right, so there's this guy I like, and it's kind of a difficult case, I guess, because. he's a little bit more higher on the food chain, I guess. He's pretty popular in our community. He's a musician. But he's pretty shy to most people. But we've known each other through mutual friends and have hung out a few times in group settings. And we've had a couple of playful interactions. But lately I only see him at our young adult group at church. And he says hi to me and gives me a hug and maybe we'll small talk for a minute. But nothing really past that because the second that there's a silence, I breakaway, so it doesn't really get awkward. But so my question is, if he hasn't showed any more initiative to, like, ask me out or for my phone number or anything, does that mean that he's not romantically interested?
It doesn't. It doesn't. Now, I would be. I think anyone would accuse me of being too overly optimistic if I said, no, he's definitely interested. But at the same time, I know that there are plenty of times in the past where I have liked someone and I keep saying hello to them. I keep talking to them. where I can, but I freeze up. I don't know what to say next. And then I move on with my day and I sort of wish that I had done more. But sometimes men are waiting for a little bit more of a sign from you. And I know that, you know, women will very often say, well, he's supposed to be the forward one. He's supposed to be the one that's supposed to communicate that to me. That's fine, but we don't really live in that world. You know, there are plenty of guys that do need a little bit more of a sign that you are interested. Now, I'm not saying that's every guy, but it is a certain type of guy. And if he is more of a shy guy, then it's likely that you giving him a little more is not going to be disastrous for you. So, you know, there's no harm in showing him that there's one or two things you can do or both. You could show him that you're a little attracted, And you could do that by calling him cute or saying he looks great today or saying you've, you, you know, let's say you didn't speak to him in a couple of weeks and you said, I missed you. There's been no cute guys around in the last couple of weeks. You know, that's like a sweet way of saying that you think he's cute, but it's not overly forward. Another way you can do it is just by suggesting something that you might do together. So you might start talking about movies that you both like. And if he says, I really want to go and see that film, you go, oh my God, I've been waiting to see that for weeks. I'm dying to go see that. We should go.
Yeah.
But you can be certain about that. Don't do the whole, so do you, maybe we should go together? You don't want to create the awkwardness. Instead, just say, oh, we should go. I actually have a nice little line for this, if you want to know it. I mean, you'd have to. I can not tell you if you want.
Oh, no, I love lines, so.
Okay, so here's what you say. You say, we should go. And then you say, wait a minute. Popcorn or ice cream? Which sort of guy are you? And if he says, I don't really like popcorn, you say, oh, all right, you're uninvited. We can't we can't do this. This is never going to work. If he says popcorn, you go, okay, you can come. That's it's what I love about this so much. I'm in love with this little structure of language because when you say, okay, we should go, and then you say, wait, popcorn or ice cream? And he says popcorn. If that's the one you like, and you go, okay, you can come. It's you're the one who said we should go in the first place, but it's almost like you were temporarily uninviting him until you knew if you lined up on the food you like at the movies. So genius. So it is this little bit of.
Challenge that you introduce in a playful.
Way, and it stops you from just being that person who he thinks is too forward. Instead, it just makes you seem playful and high value. Makes sense. Yeah, totally. And there's no risk to any of this because he can't reject you. You're just asking, you know, you're just talking about going to see a movie together and you're barely even asking. You're just saying, oh, you want to see that movie? I want to see that movie.
We should go.
And then the ball is in his court because he now has a solid idea of something that he could do with you, rather than having to do all of the work and wonder if you like him and what would you do and so on, which us, you know, I've been an introverted guy all my life. I used to be shy, not so much anymore. But in my shy days, I never would have asked you out. I would have said hello to you a lot. I never would have asked you out. So it's nice to have a little more from the woman.
Yeah, totally.
Beautiful. All right.
Was that helpful?
Did you like it?
Yes, so much, Matthew. Thank you so much.
Oh, gosh, Tasha, you're so lovely. Thank you so much. I really appreciate you calling in. I hope to speak to you again soon.
Yeah, thank you so much. Bye.
Thanks for listening and making me part of your weekly ritual toward achieving your dreams. Now, if you're getting a lot out of these episodes, Please do me a favor and help me spread the word so that other women like you can find and enjoy the show. In the iTunes app or on your desktop, just look up the show, click on ratings and reviews, and then click write a review. Thank you so much and have a fantastic week.
I'll speak to you soon.
