The Simple Mindset Shift That Will Save You YEARS in Dating | Matt Monday

If you are sick and tired of dating advice because it feels like all dating advice is essentially geared towards people who are actually getting on real dates and you're stuck in a dating world where the other side isn't trying at all. Not only are they not serious about having a relationship, they're not even serious about meeting in person. They then this video and what I'm about to say next is for you. One of my love life members, this is a coaching group I work with year round asked me a question this week. She said, I have been trying. I have been on dating apps. I even went to a speed dating event recently. I meet people and then nothing happens. I am trying, I want to go on dates. I but I am starting to lose hope and motivation because people are not even putting in the littlest effort for it to go somewhere. And what do I do when I am trying and nothing is happening on the other side? This is a big question. If you relate to this question, leave me a comment below. I want to hear from you. But let me give you the answer that I gave her and I didn't want to give her the answer that people typically give in a situation like this, which is some version of it's not you, it's everybody else. Don't worry about it. Don't take it as a reflection of you. I think that that is a kind of trite answer that people find incredibly unhelpful. It might feel immediately reassuring in some way, but it doesn't leave me any better off at the end of it because I'm still stuck in a world where it feels like nothing is happening. So I gave what I believe to be the real answer to this question, which is this. What's up guys? I wanted to tell you about a partnership that I have just started that I'm excited about in the wellness space. If you know me, you know that wellness is important to me. I believe that physical wellness is absolutely a master key to mental wellness. And I told you at the beginning of this year I wanted to bring you more of the products and services and things that I'm trying in case you wanted to try them for yourself. The partnership I'm talking about is with the company Huel and they have two products that I'm using right now that I'm excited about. The first one is Huel Black Edition. This is a powder that you mix with water. It takes 30 seconds and it is essentially a meal in a glass. It has all of your essential fats, 40 grams of protein, fiber, minerals, vitamins carbs, everything in one place. This is a lifesaver for me. If I miss breakfast or if in the middle of the day I have meetings stacked back to back and I need something to ensure that I don't miss a meal, this is what I can turn to instead. I'm enjoying it and it tastes good. The other product they've just launched, which I'm excited about, is this one, Their Daily greens. It has 42 minerals, superfoods, vitamins, electrolytes, antioxidants, 4 grams of fiber. It has loads of good stuff. Only one gram of sugar and 25 calories. This one is my favorite. Apple, cucumber and mint. And they also have peach and hibiscus, blueberry, lemon and thyme. They're all great. The good news is that we have a discount code for you. If you go to Huel's website and use the code Lovelife at checkout, you can get 15% off their entire range. As a new customer, if you spend over $75, make sure you use the code Lovelife at checkout. Enjoy. And now back to the video. I believe that the people we encounter are divided up into two groups, the not serious and the not moved. Now, the not serious are the people that, frankly, we don't need to worry about. They are not taking dating seriously. They do not want a serious relationship. So their motivations tell you everything you need to know about their behavior. They don't want the same things as you. So those aren't the people that we are trying to connect with. I think the same thing when someone who is not serious about change engages with a video of me and they see me say something and they're like, oh, this seems like so much work. I'm like, you're not serious. I've been doing this for 17 years. I'm here for people who actually want to change, who recognize that change and getting more results requires us to actually put in a little energy and investment. If that horrifies you, I know you're not serious about change, that's okay. That's not who I'm trying to appeal to. But the other group is the one that we should be paying attention to. These are not the not serious people. These are the not moved. They are the people that for some reason, we have not connected with, we have not motivated them to want to hang out with us, see us, get on the phone with us, or in my case, watch a second YouTube video or come and join me in some bigger journey that I have. I'm saying this because actually, the issue that so many of you out there watching these videos are challenged by in dating, it's actually the same issue that we're all facing in one way or another, right? I am out here speaking to you. I'm constantly thinking in terms of not serious and not moved. And the reason I love this insight is because when I think about people, I haven't moved. I don't take that personally anymore. I don't take that to be a reflection of my deeper worth. In other words, I take it to be a reflection of the fact that I am not telling a good enough story, that there is something about the story I'm telling or the way that I'm connecting or not connecting that is getting in the way of this person wanting to watch me again or wanting to join me on my retreat or wanting to come to an event I'm doing in the middle of September, which I'll tell you about in a few moments. There is something getting in the way. I have not told a compelling enough story. And so it's worth us asking in our dating lives, who is not moved because of the story that I'm telling? I'm not telling a good enough story. And you may ask, because that sounds like a kind of abstract idea, what do you mean by the story I'm telling? What does that mean? How do I tell a better story? We can tell a better story by talking about our life in a more compelling way. When we talk about where we're going and our future in a more compelling way, we can tell a better story without words. When we're simply in someone's presence and there's a certain life to us and a certain playfulness to us. If someone was in sales, they would describe it as this. That someone has their arms folded and it's your job to get them to unfold their arms. Now, we may not want to be talking to people in dating who completely have their arms folded and they're never going to uncross them. But it's a useful idea, this idea that it is our job to move people in our direction. Why is that? The next question is, what's getting in the way? Do you want to know the reason why you can't seem to get the love life you want? It is not because you're not attractive enough or special enough or worthy enough. And despite how complicated dating seems to have become, beautiful new relationships are found every day. It is not some fairy tale. It's real, and it is possible for you. So then why does it feel like it works out for everyone else but you. The truth is the game of finding and keeping love is rigged for you to fail. It's like this impossible competition of trying to prove that you are more special than thousands of other people on dating apps, which is a game none of us can win. And on top of that, it's like we get forced into having to convince someone else to put in enough effort just to go on a first date, let alone invest in a committed relationship. And all of this before the real relationship has even begun. At which point for many of us, our own insecurities and self sabotaging patterns start showing up. Listen, we have to take back control and start playing this game on our own terms or nothing will change. The good news is that you can reset the way that you approach your love life right now. When you do, things are finally going to start falling into place. I promise you it is not too late. That's why I'm hosting a free live training called the Love Life Reset. Inside, I'm going to show you the one crucial step almost everyone misses. The step that hands you back your confidence, your peace and your excitement for love. So if you want to take your power back, click the link, save your spot and let's do this together. I promise you you can get different results in love. Just join me for the Love Life Reset training and I will show you how. See you there. Quick interruption to the video everyone to tell you a little story. As many of you know, Audrey, my wife, is pregnant, which has been a very exciting time for us. But it also means that I have officially lost custody of one very important thing in our house. Our bed. Also the Cozy Earth cuddle blanket that she has stolen. The moment this blanket arrived, Audrey wrapped herself up in it and I haven't seen it since. We got it in the creme color which would look stunning in both our bedroom and living room. Except I have never seen it, so I can't tell you that for sure. It has been attached to her since it arrived. Nonetheless, I have always been a fan of Cozy Earth, especially their bed sheets which keep me cool at night and are a game changer for someone like me who tends to overheat because Audrey keeps it too hot. So they've sort of been my savior in that department, which I guess evens it out to me. A good night's sleep is a non negotiable for me to feel my best and these sheets deliver every time. What I love most about Cozy Earth is how much they stand by their products they offer a 100 night sleep trial and a 10 year warranty which shows how confident they are in what they make. If you want to try them out, head to cozyearth.com and use our code lovelife for 40% off. And if you get a post purchase survey, let them know that you heard about Cozy Earth from us. Trust me, you will thank yourself later. Now back to the video. The next question is what's getting in the way? What is getting in the way of me moving people in that way? And it can be a number of things because the reality is I don't believe that this is about bringing something to the table that we don't have. I actually believe it's about removing the obstacles to who we really are and to what we already have. I know that in my purest form, I'm someone who loves ideas. I'm someone who loves talking about ideas. I'm someone who has a playfulness about me. I'm a little silly at times. I can be goofy, I can be serious. I could be lots of different things. And that doesn't always come across when I make a video because sometimes something is getting in the way. What could be getting in the way? And as I'm saying this, I want you to think about what could be getting in the way for you in the story you're telling when it comes to your dating life. For me, when it comes to, say, YouTube, it can be that I'm too worried about the numbers. I'm too worried about whether this video is going to do well or not, whether enough people are going to watch it, whether it's going to get the right view count or whatever. If I get too stuck in that, I'm no longer thinking about making an impact. I'm going in, squinting, hoping that it does well. If I am not in a good place in my day or my week and I show up to make a video, my playfulness isn't going to come out. I'm going to be a very serious version of myself and people aren't going to see the different elements to my personality and those elements to my personality are part of what tells my story. It's not just the literal storytelling. Remember, it's the energy that we convey that makes someone go, I want to be around this guy more. I'll give you a funny example. Recently I did a video that was talking about a free training that I gave away a couple of weeks ago. And I remember I was sat with my wife Audrey, and I was making this video and I Got on and I did a, like, very kind of wasn't serious serious, but it was just like me going through the details. Hey, guys, I have this training and you should sign up and blah, blah, blah. And I said that. Then I put my phone down and I was kind of a bit looser and I was a bit warmed up and I looked at Audrey and I went. I was at my mom's house and she had this big gold deer that she, for some reason has not put up in the attic since Christmas. It's just on display forever. And I looked at the deer and I said to Audrey, shall I do one with the deer? And she goes, what? No, just. What do you mean? She was like, we got it. I was like, no, no, no, it's going to be better with the deer. So I picked up the deer. She was like, fine, okay, do it. I picked up the deer and then I just made the video again with the deer. By the way. It was this video. Let me ask you a question. Are you like this deer? Beautiful, glittering, majestic, hypnotic. But you can't even be your best and get all of the impact that you should get as a deer this beautiful because you're all twisted up with emotion. Look at his neck. You know he's strained. We sent both videos to the team. We sent the serious one and the dear one. I said, pick which one you want to put up. Guess which one they put up. Golden Dear. I believe they put it up because it was more of me and the reaction we got. We ended up getting thousands of comments on that post because I believe that it connected with people differently for me to show more of myself. But I can tell you right now, I've had some very difficult times in my life, or sometimes where the results mattered to me too much, where I took it all too seriously, where I took myself too seriously. Where I couldn't have made the dear video because I was too in my head. That's what happens to so many people in dating. You have enough rejections. You have enough times where people let you down or don't try or just disappointing. Enough nights where you go out and nothing happens. Enough dates where you go on and you don't feel any chemistry, or you did feel chemistry and you thought there was something there and then they never messaged you again. You have enough of those moments that you start to question your own value. You have enough of those moments that you start to lose your playfulness. You have enough of those moments, you start to take the whole thing very, very seriously. You Start to panic. You're looking at the view count. You're looking at it going, is this going to turn into something? Because I don't have any time to waste. And all of a sudden, these things start getting in the way of you being able to really tell your story in a way that moves people. But again, what I love about this is it's a way of looking at ourselves without looking at ourselves being a way of validating our sense of unworthiness. It's not that you're not enough. It's that however you're telling your story right now isn't moving people. And that's a beautiful way to be introspective without it hurting your confidence. And I know this to be true because I do it for myself. If right now you could come to one of my events and you haven't got to my event, that's on me. I haven't moved you. I know it has no bearing on the value of my event. It's amazing. Someone who doesn't get on a date with you can't be rejecting a relationship with you. They've never had it. They've never had a relationship with you. So it can't be a rejection of a relationship with you. It's a rejection of the story you've told. That's not about you. Okay? That's about what we're projecting. While we're on this subject, I have something going on in the middle of September. It is an event called the Love Life Reset. And if you've realized that you've become stale when it comes to your dating life. If you feel like a you want it really badly, maybe you even feel like you're running out of time, but you also want to bring your best self to dating, and you feel like those things are in conflict. This is for you, because it's for people who are really serious about bringing their best selves to the table, but maybe feel like something's getting in the way of that right now. And that's not just if you're single and you're looking for love. It's also true if you're in a relationship and there's something getting in the way of you being at your best in that relationship. Maybe you're focused too much on what you don't have or your insecurities. Maybe you're getting too jealous. Maybe you're finding it difficult to advocate for yourself or stick up for your needs or have difficult conversations. Maybe you feel like you've gotten into a place that's an unhealthy dynamic or you just want to bring out your more confident self. What we're going to be doing in the middle of September on this free training called the Love Life Reset is removing the obstacles to our best self. I'm very excited about this. It's going to be a great event. I really hope you'll make it. It's free. You can sign up@lovelifereset.com and if you don't sign up right now, that's not on you. That's on me. It means I didn't tell a story that moved you. I sincerely hope I did. Because once you get to the event, you're going to be really, really, really glad that you came. I really appreciate you watching this video. I want you to tell me below, what do you think is something that has gotten in the way of you moving people in your dating life? Is it rejection? Is it having taken too many knocks? Is it insecurity? What's got in the way of you telling the most compelling story you can tell? Because if we can ignore the people who are not serious and we can focus on moving the people that can be moved, I promise you new opportunities will begin to appear. The world is not entirely made up of people who don't make an effort. New relationships can happen. They are happening. Let's go find you 1. Don't forget to sign up at love life1reset.com Leave me a comment below on what you thought of this video and I'll see you next time.