10 Oct 2016 · 8 min
Matthew Hussey argues that condoms can be sexy in new relationships when you frame them as a sign of self-respect and standards. He explains how making safe sex a positive part of intimacy, rather than an obstacle, actually increases attraction.
50%
62%
40%
www.lovelifepodcast.com/compliments
Trojan
At Amica Insurance, we know it's more than just a house. It's your home. The place that's filled with memories. The early days of figuring it out, to the later years of still figuring it out. For the place you've put down roots, trust Amica Home Insurance. Amica. Empathy is our best policy.
I'm Matthew Hussey and this is Love Life. If you've ever felt like you didn't know the right words to say to a man to create attraction and chemistry, then you can't afford to miss what I have for you at the end of today's episode. Stay tuned, because I'm gonna hand you five phrases that are so simple yet so powerful with men that you're gonna be furious at me for not giving this to you years ago. I have an interesting premise for you today, and that is that condoms are sexy. Now, very recently, I was actually approached by Trojan, who came to me asking me to work with them on a campaign about condoms. And what I'm about to tell you might be surprised to hear about, but I'll start where they started with me. They had done research. on condoms to show that 50% of new couples in month one had stopped using a condom and 62% of new couples in month two had stopped using a condom. Now, here's the crazy part. Of all of these people, 40% had never even had a conversation with each other about stopping the use of them. How crazy. So this started this big campaign about sexual health and the use of condoms because clearly there are an enormous number of people who still aren't using them when they should be. I actually believe that in so many cases the idea of the one night stand is the one that we have to worry less about. Now why is that? Because in a new relationship you very quickly start to get bonded to someone. You start to feel closer to them, you feel more intimate, you feel more connected. And what happens is people start to mistake feelings of connection and trust for safety. My point is that trust in relation to your biological safety or his is a complete non sequitur. It tells me nothing about whether there's actually something wrong with you that can only be found by you going and talking to a doctor. It has nothing to do with trust. So in this conversation, I told you that I think condoms are sexy, and I'll tell you why I believe that. because condoms are an indication of standards. Here's the commercial I would love to create. I want there to be a situation where a man and a woman go home together and she doesn't, he's not carrying a condom and she says, oh, it's, I don't carry them because I never have sex. So they then proceed to have sex. Why? Because he convinces her. Now, the next day, he goes to his friends and the first thing you see is him bragging to his friends. Like, oh, it was such a hot night. She was so great in bed and I was so excited. And he tells his friends all about this. But what you then see is the moment where his friend says, well, do you think you'll take it further with her? Do you think you're gonna end up dating her? And he says, hell, no. You really think that I would start dating someone who would let me inside her without even worrying about that? Where else has she been? I want women to see that moment. I also want that moment. I wanna show the flip side of this commercial, right? I want the man and the woman to go home together. He doesn't have a condom. She doesn't either. and he's trying to persuade her and she says, listen, I want to jump you, right? I'm crazy turned on right now and it kills me to say this, but I can't, that's just, that's not me. I can't do it. Now, in this moment, he gets frustrated, he gets annoyed, he continues to try and persuade her and she's like, no, I can't, I can't, I can't, I get it, I'm with you, I'm in the same, I promise you I'm with you in the same place, I just can't. He then, the next day, his friends talk to him and at first you hear him complaining, You hear him saying, oh, I can't believe it. She was so annoying and it was just frustrating. And he basically complains about the night to his friends. But he leaves his friends, he goes home, and he starts texting her. Why? Because she has shown that she has a certain standard which has made her so much sexier and more appealing and more intriguing. And now he cannot get this woman off his mind. See, there is a huge difference between what us as men tell you we want and what we actually need. So you have to resist a man's logic and instead think about what's gonna make you attractive overall. That's the thing that's gonna be sexy. And let me finish by giving you a quick piece of advice if you're a new couple. I know that there are gonna be times where your guy will try and persuade you and he'll say to you, you know, I really don't wanna use one. I wanna be closer to you. Let's not use one. Here's what you say firstly. I'm in the same place as you. I want to be as close to you as possible. And I'm so into this and I'm so turned on by you. I just, it would make me feel so much more comfortable if we kept using them for now. Right? It has nothing to do with you at all. It's just me. It's my stuff. I just feel like this is important to me. You make it impersonal. Do not make it about him. Do not make it about trust. Make it about you. And by the way, I'm going to give you one advanced step. on top of this. And this, I believe, is where condoms really can get sexy, 'cause it's not just about standards. I believe that the part of a relationship where you use condoms is actually an incredible time, right? It's the fun period, it's the honeymoon period. It's not something to be rushed through. It's a time that you can actually enjoy it. Trojan actually just did this new set of videos with MTV about the idea of the co-zone. In other words, the part of your relationship where you continue to use condoms. And it's actually a really fun, amazing time. And I really believe in this. Now, as a woman, how can you practically make this part of the act? How can you make condoms part of the act instead of part of the ugly or boring side of it? The next time you're in the bedroom with him, you can say to him, Look, you have to teach me how to put one of these on you, because I want to do this for you once in a while, and it would really turn me on to be able to do that. He's now got no problem with this, right? That everything about that is hot. Firstly, the idea of him being able to teach you that that's hot. Secondly, the idea is no longer a taboo or something that he feels is ugly. It's actually something that's kind of attractive because you've said it would turn me on to be able to do that for you. How sexy. So do whatever you have to do to make it easier. Keep them handy. Women carry them as well. It's not just a man's job. Women carry them as well. Have them ready and make them part of the fun and lose the stigma because they're important. Our health is important. And it's important that we maintain our standards and don't just go about our business trying to please everybody else. that is it for today. I'm glad we were able to tackle this subject. It's super important, and I will see you in the next episode of love life. Now, before you get too mad at me for not giving you the five phrases years ago that could have saved you all that heartache, this guide is based on years and years of studying the exact words to say to trigger deep chemistry with men. I'm happy to say that all of my effort was worth it because these five phrases work so incredibly well with men. So let's not wait another minute. To download these five phrases just go to www.lovelifepodcast.com/compliments.
