They Left? This Reaction Makes Them Fight for You | Rewind

And our instincts in that moment are to fight for this thing, to fight for the relationship that we want so badly. But it's not your job to fix what he broke.

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It's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I think you're going to enjoy this clip. It's a classic from the archives. Check it out. And don't forget, if you can leave us a review on itunes, it would mean the world. It helps us spread the word about this podcast. All right, let's get into the episode.

When someone ends it with us. We go through so many different emotions. But amongst the first emotions are panic, the terror of abandonment, the grief of having lost someone but not lost someone to a death, lost someone who's still there, who still exists, but has decided that they don't want us. One of the most difficult, exquisite pains we have to experience in life. And our instincts in that moment are to fight for this thing, to fight for the relationship that we want so badly. But this urge to fight is a dangerous one. Here's a concept I want you to take to heart. It's not your job to fix what he broke. Think about it. He broke something. He shattered something. He violated the relationship. There are many different ways to violate a relationship, right? Imagine he cheated on you. You would see that as a fundamental violation of the boundaries of the relationship. But so is this. Why don't we see someone breaking up with us, someone disappearing as a violation in itself. It's a violation of a truth that we held, a truth that you and I were bigger than any problem that you and I were going to overcome, that you and I were going to do what so few people do and actually last together. What's so sad is that during a breakup, so many women fight for him to give them back the relationship they've lost. But I want you to completely flip your mindset on this. When he broke up with you, he gave up his power. The relationship is no longer his to give. In fact, if he wants it again, that's something he has to fight for. That's something he has to earn, a challenge he has to overcome. And the only way that he's going to fight for you is if he realizes that he broke something. Now, how does he realize that? You have to change something about the way you're thinking about this. You have to begin the process of genuine acceptance that you didn't have what you thought you had, that you thought you were going to have something that was going to last. You thought you had someone that was willing to give their all and do that with you. It turns out you didn't. Now, that's an unpalatable truth during a breakup. That's not something we want to hear. That's uncomfortable. But on the other side of accepting that is relief. Because what's truly painful is when you feel that that's the person you were supposed to be with forever and that person left. Well, that's not true anymore, is it? Because what was sacred about that relationship beyond all else, is that the two of you were willing to commit. This person isn't now. So what's sacred has been lost. Accept that you haven't lost the great relationship of your life. It wasn't, as it turns out, the great relationship of your life. Accepting this truth is the beginning of inner peace. It is what will move you forward powerfully in your life. It is what will start you on the journey of doing new things, meeting new people, experiencing life again. And him seeing you with that level of acceptance, him seeing that he genuinely broke something, if anything, is going to make him change his mind and realize the value of what he had and make him want to fight for it. It's that it's seeing what he brought. If you haven't already, we have a.

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