This Kind of Intimacy is Wasting Your Time

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This is Love Life, and I'm your host, Matthew Hussey. It's so exciting to hear feedback from women who say things like, Matt, I tried the advice from your podcast, and I met someone incredible that same night. But occasionally, I'll hear something like, When something finally starts to go right in my life, I have trouble trusting that it's real, and I just can't enjoy it. If you can relate, I want you to stay tuned until the end of today's show because there's something really exciting I want to share with you that has the power to change your way of thinking forever. But first, let's get to the episode.

We have Nikki on the line. Nikki, are you there?

I am.

Hello, you're our wonderful caller for today. Have you got your question ready?

I do, actually.

All right.

So I've been Kind of seeing, I mean, we're not dating, but seeing this guy for a while now and after about a month we were intimate. Well, now all he seems to want to do is snuggle and that's a huge problem. Just that's all he wants to do. So I guess my question is, am I becoming a convenience call for him?

So when he meets up with you, do you arrange these meetups in advance or is it kind of last minute.

That you get together?

Well, some of them are last minute, but we usually tend to hang out with a certain group at least once a week. So it's usually Fridays. And then he's been more adamant about seeing me during the week. And he's the one that makes the meetings himself. He schedules them and everything else.

Does he do it the same day? No. Okay, so he like arranges to see you in advance.

Right.

Okay. And then when he sees you, what? He comes to your house and you snuggle, you don't have sex, you're just close to each other.

Yeah. Or I'll go to his house or whichever it is, yeah.

Do you ever have sex?

Not since the one time we did.

Okay. And how long has this been going on where you've been close but not intimate?

About six weeks.

Okay. So if you were to guess at it, what would you think is going on?

I'm really not sure. I mean, I know that he likes having time with me, but at the same time, it's like, okay, are you gonna commit to anything, or are we still just gonna be hangout buddies?

Okay. So it's, look, there are a few directions to go with this.

Okay.

The first one is maybe he hasn't got that physical attraction towards you.

Right?

Now, that's not some, that may seem like a hurtful thing to say, but the reality is that happens to all of us. Right? So there's, there's a, there's no one I've ever met, including myself, who hasn't experienced someone who initially had some attraction towards them, but then later on didn't feel that. I've had that myself. It never feels good, but it's the reality. We can't be everyone's cup of tea. So to speak. So, you know, sometimes, People get attracted to us in a certain way. They have chemistry with us. Maybe that chemistry wears off sometimes. They were always meant to be someone who is more of a friend, but we ended up sleeping with them. And, you know, it was a one-time thing. But that might be something that he's feeling right now. But what he's really enjoying is the intimacy of the friendship with you and having someone that he feels like is nurturing him in that way. Okay?

Okay.

So if that's the case, this situation right now is only serving to confuse you and to waste your time.

Okay.

Which is not good for you because every time he comes and gets into bed with you and gives you a cuddle and that situation itself is very confusing.

Right.

Now, interestingly, and not to confuse things further, but interestingly, we usually do feel some attraction towards someone when we like them enough to lay in bed and be close to them in that way. That usually does suggest some level of attraction anyway. We don't do that with people we find unattractive. Right. But it may be that it's a different type of energy that he's gotten used to with you now. So what I would like you to do is to pull back.

Okay.

And to say to him, listen, you know, the next time he wants to come over, you don't have to make a big deal with that out of it, by the way. Sometimes people make a bit too much of a big deal out of these types of conversations. You can say to him, yeah, you know, I know we've been, you've been coming over and we've been doing this, but I don't know if it's such a, you know, great idea because if I meet somebody else, it's gonna seem weird if I'm currently sharing my bed with someone. That's gonna seem weird to someone who I meet, who I have this real mutual attraction with. That, by the way, is gonna elicit a reaction from him of some sort. Either he won't care or he'll be like, well, so what are we then? And you can say, well, I don't know, you tell me. Put it back on him. You know, this isn't up to you to do all of the work. Put it back on him. Let him be a guy and tell you what it is. If it's nothing, he can tell you. If it's something and he wants more, he can tell you. But I wouldn't, you know, if he said, well, I thought there was something between us and you say, well, you know, so did I, you know, a few weeks ago, but it just, I don't know, it's, we seem to have more of a relationship as friends, 'cause when you come over, It's not like you try and jump me or anything. You know, I'm a woman. It's not like you try and jump me. So I don't know what we are. Let him do the work in being on the back foot and having to figure out, oh, well, what does this woman want? What do I need to do? Let him think about that. Right now, you're the one thinking about it because everything he wants, you're giving him. Does that make sense?

It does. And actually, it's just profound just thinking about it because I never would have thought about it that way.

Fantastic. Well, thank you, Nikki. I love that you called in and asked such an honest question. I always, I value honesty on this show more than anything else. And you've come and been truly honest. And I really appreciate it. It's bold and it's sexy and it's encouraging. And I think you're gonna do really well.

Well, thank you so much. You've been a great help.

All right, Nikki, look after yourself and thank you everyone else for listening. What an amazing caller, what an amazing call. Join us on Facebook for the discussion, facebook.com/CoachMatthewHussy. Thanks, guys. I'll speak to you soon.

Now, if you can't enjoy the good things that come into your life because you don't feel worthy, I have an incredible opportunity for you. I want you to apply for my Matthew Hussey Retreat. On this powerful program, we'll go way beyond the tips I teach you in my podcasts, straight to the core of your deeper issues so that you can overcome them once and for all. I'll give you the tools to change the relationship you have with yourself so that you can finally achieve the core confidence you need to get the love, the success, and the happiness you deserve. Right now there are extremely limited spots available on the retreat, but one of them could be yours. To book your phone interview with one of my expert mentors, just go to lovelifepodcast.com/retrieve.