17 Jul 2023 · 6 min
A man you met online calls you "wifey," talks marriage and kids immediately, and wants you to fly to his city. Matthew AI and a co-host break down the red flags: rapid escalation, big promises with little effort from him, and the imbalance of who travels. Love bombers often want sex, money, or attention, not a real relationship.
How long has she been speaking to this man?
It doesn't say. But is it appropriate for someone who... No.
Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. There's very little about what was just said that's appropriate. so for this week, I thought I'd do something a little different. I have a club called the Love Life Club, and every month I answer questions of my members. This one caught my attention as something that would be fun to bring to all of you here. It was someone who asked, how do you know the difference between someone who is love bombing you and someone who has real intentions? This was my answer.
Can we do one final question?
Please, yeah.
From someone called Tamila. How do I differentiate between love bombing and genuine attention? I met a man online, in brackets, I'm traveling out of country. He was pursuing me and is waiting to meet when I'm back in the US. We're in different states and he's organizing a date in his city. San Diego in a month. In his text, there's a lot of us talk, talk of living together, how many kids I'd want, asking me for my preferences on houses, calling me wifey, et cetera. Help, how do I differentiate between love bombing and genuine intention?
How long has she been speaking to this man?
She met him online.
But how long ago?
It doesn't say. But is it appropriate for someone who...
No, no, no, no, no. There's very little about what was just said that's appropriate. It's, you know, that's has love bombing written all over it.
How do you not get swept up? Because it's a lovely thing to hear, right? You meet someone, you find attractive, whatever, and they're saying all the right things and they're saying all these like, how do you stop yourself from getting carried away in those kinds of words?
Here's what you hear in your head. You hear, imagine someone just rang your phone. like it was an unknown number. And you picked it up and it was an automated message. And it said, you have been selected from a random pool of people to collect $2 million. All you need to do to collect your winnings is to speak now with your bank account details so that we can deposit the funds. That's what you imagine being said.
Yeah.
Because if that happened, we'd all be like, hang up. Why are you... This doesn't make any sense why you're giving me $2 million right now. I've never been that lucky in my entire life. It doesn't add up. $2 million is not that easy to make. No. If someone out of nowhere starts saying, wifey this, wifey that, we're gonna have this many kids, we're gonna live in this house, either they are projecting to a scary degree, which means that there's something unhealthy about them and they believe they're this in love with you and they're mistaken 'cause they don't even know you. so that love isn't real and you're dealing with a really unhealthy person or you're dealing with a scammer. What they're scamming you out of, it might be sex, it might be money, it might be just all of your energy. And they're not going to give you anything in return. They're just going to bring you out to San Diego and have a fun with you and then send you back and be like, what? Wifey what? I didn't say any of that. I don't remember any of that. It's, you know, there's some, they're trying to get something.
Yeah.
They're trying to get something. So you have to start seeing it for what it really is. It feels nice to be told you just won a million dollars, but you can't trust it. And it's the same with this. How can you feel this way about me? You do not know me. You have no idea who I am. So either take the time to actually get to know who I am and let's start again or I'm gonna see this for what it is, which is either a gross projection or a manipulation. But someone can only know you over time by asking questions, by taking the time to actually get to know you. And by the way, be careful of like travelling to see someone who you don't know. I mean, in general, are they willing to make an effort to see you? Could they meet you halfway? You know, like, is there a way for the two of you to meet in a way that requires at least some mutual investment? Because the, you know, fly to be with me in my backyard is a very easy thing to say to someone. And I'm not saying that means they're dangerous or evil, but at the very least, it's like it's a lot of work for you and none for them.
I think that's such a good point. We've made it before, but just when somebody asks you to fly to see them, it feels like investment because you go, oh my God, they really want to spend all this time with me. But actually it's no investment if the person is thinking, well, I'm going to have a nice weekend, I'm going to get sex out of it, and then they fly home and I never have to think about it again. Or I certainly don't have to think about it further than that weekend and until I decide. But we think it feels like, because it feels like investment, right? It feels like it's something serious because you think, oh, this person wants to spend a weekend with me.
Exactly.
So, yeah, I think that's really interesting.
What it is, is you're depositing a whole lot of money for very little investment on their part. Before you go, if finding love is a priority for you this year, I have something for you that is brand new. I'm really excited about it. It's a training that's completely free that you can do right now that shows you how to avoid casual situations, how to finally find your person, and how to get the commitment that you deserve with them. It's called Dating with Results. Thousands of people have now been through this training. and it's available for you to watch right now at datingwithresults.com go check it out I can't wait to see what you think and I'll speak to you soon.
