20 Feb 2017 · 0 min
Matthew Hussey explains how to give your partner critical feedback without damaging the relationship. Balance criticism with genuine praise, express frustration from a place of caring, and position yourself as their biggest fan. This approach motivates improvement and reduces resentment.
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Welcome to Love Life. I'm Matthew Hussey and I have an amazing show for you today. But first, let me ask you: Did you know that there are three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild? Okay, you're right, confidence is one, but can you guess the other two? I'll give you a minute to think about it and we'll come back to this at the end of the show. But first, let's get into today's episode. I was recently talking to someone about different management techniques. And one of the things that came up was this idea that when you have a member of staff that you're not happy with, you can't just be reprimanding them the whole time and getting annoyed with them if they're not doing a great job. You still have to love them too. And this is something that I learned over the years in managing people is that if you haven't got the love as well for that person, they won't wanna do well for you anymore because they'll just feel the whip. they won't feel any sense of, I want to be good for this person. I want to prove myself for this person. And one of the management techniques that I was taught coming up was, you have to give that person the love that shows that you actually care about them and their progress and their growth. That doesn't mean you can't be angry at them. It doesn't mean you can't reprimand them, but it comes from a place of love. So when you're coming to them, you might say to them, Listen, I want you to do well. I so want you to do well because I care about you and I think the world of you and I want you to be amazing at this because I know you can be. But I'm so frustrated right now because, and then you lead into what the problem is. That way you create someone who wants to impress you, who wants to work for you. Now, I was thinking about this recently and how actually this particular management technique completely applies to relationships. Because when we get angry with someone we're in a relationship with, we get into the habit of whipping them all the time, of reprimanding them, of telling them things that they're doing wrong. But we don't always come from a place of love in doing it. Imagine the difference between this. I can't believe you did that again. This, if you do that again, I'm gone. I'm out. I'm not doing this anymore. Versus, look, I care about you, and I love you to pieces, and I think the world of you. I wouldn't be with you if I didn't. You're one of the most incredible people I've ever met. But right now, what's so tough for me is that this keeps happening. And I don't know how long it can go on for with this still happening. Because I know what you can be and I know how amazing you can be in this relationship, but I can't keep going with this being the case. Now you create someone that wants to be better for you because you've shown you're a fan. And that's a big part of it, is showing that you're a fan. Now, you may say to me, well, why should I do this? Why, if they're doing something wrong, why am I coming from a place of being a fan or being loving? Well, because if you aren't a fan and you're not loving, why are you with that person in the first place? Why are you still employing that person if you're not partly a fan of them still? Then you're the fool, right? Not them. So you have to come from the place of caring about that person and then showing what you expect from them and what you really want from them. create someone who actually wants to impress you, right? If you're gonna still choose to be in bed with them, you've got to show them the love despite what they're doing wrong. Because if they feel that as well, and they feel that you're genuinely out for them and want the best for them and want their growth, then they'll know that this isn't just coming from the selfish place of you give me what I want or I'm out is coming from a place of actually wanting what's best for that person. So a little bit of management there applied to relationships. I think it's really, really cool. I want you to try it out for yourself. And if not in your intimate relationship, try it your friendships or your family relationships, you will find that this will make a huge difference. Show you're a fan first and your frustration later. Well, did you guess what the other two mindsets are that drive men wild? Good news, you don't have to rack your brain forever for the answer. I'm giving you free exclusive access to a Q&A session from my live seminar where I coach real women on how to deal with hot and cold men, how to find out if a guy is single, how to be strong and confident in a relationship, and more. To get your free access to three female mindsets that drive men absolutely wild, just go to lovelifepodcast.com/mindsets.
