4 Apr 2022 · 6 min
Matt Monday reflects on ending his ten-year relationship in 2020, staying three years longer than he should have. He argues that people did their best with the information and confidence they had at the time, and that blaming your past self ignores how much you've grown since then.
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In 2020
What's up, guys? I just wanted to let you know I have a free guide for you over@9texts.com. In this free guide, I give you nine very specific messages that you can send to anybody you want to attract to create more attraction. Go check it out. 9texts.com. It's completely free and you can be reading them in the next 60 seconds. After ending a 10 year relationship in 2020, while things ended on good terms and I have no regrets, I'm trying to reconcile with myself why I stayed for three more years than I should have. Matt, how do you get to that core confidence piece again, or at all after having gone through this kind of failed investment? Look, the thing that you have to remember is that you did the best you could with who you were at the time and the information that you had at the time and the stage of your development that you were in. It's one of the things that we beat ourselves up for at the end of a process. That process could be in a job that we stayed in for far too long, far longer than we should have. It could be with a family member who we've dealt with their stuff for far too long and we didn't create the distance that we should have at the time that we should have. It could be in a relationship where we spent so long with someone past the point where we saw the red flags, where we saw the writing on the wall, where we saw the ways that they were going to hurt us, the ways that this relationship wasn't going to be what we needed. It's very easy to look back and to beat ourselves up and, you know, because most of us are aware that life is short, we look at the time that's been wasted and we beat ourselves up about that. We don't just beat ourselves up for not acting. We beat ourselves up for all of the wasted time and the time that we could have been doing something else. We all have different belief systems. My belief system is that every step of the way we do what we were always going to do based on our level of development, what information we had at the time, what resources we had, what our parents taught us growing up, who our role models have been and are at the time, what someone was telling us, what our fears were, what our level of confidence was at the time, what books we'd read at the time. You know, Meng, maybe if you and I had come across each other at that time, maybe you would have made a decision a year earlier or six months earlier or three years earlier. We'll never know. But guess what? You can't beat yourself up about that, because we didn't. You and I didn't meet then. We met today. Right? So you can't beat yourself up about information you didn't have. Or you may say, but I did have the information. Matt. I read your book before that. I already. I was following your advice, or I should have done, because I knew what it was, and I knew the red flags because I'd already been through them with this guy. I knew what was going to go wrong. I saw it all. I had all the information. Okay, but then you weren't ready. You weren't ready. You weren't at a place in your life where you'd been through enough of those lessons or enough of that pain in order to change. So you have to say to yourself, I'm going to. I'm going to show compassion towards that me from three years ago who was doing the best she could at the time. And her best is different from what my best is today. Me, Meng. Today my best is different from her best. Your best might be different, by the way, because you're now on this call, and you're having all of these new realizations, and your brain is making new connections, and as a result, you're evolving into a different person right now. So you can't compare the you that you are today with the you that you were then. This is. Is a new best. So don't blame the old you for not being able to do your new best. Be grateful that you have a new best and you get to benefit from it now. Because some people die before ever reaching that moment. Some people never get there. Right? You're still here. You're still breathing. You know when people say, oh, if only I knew then what I know now, I always think the fact that you're saying that to me means you know it now. It means you're still alive. It means you could still benefit from it, you know now. So don't worry about the then. You're still breathing. I'm not talking to a corpse who's saying, if only I knew while I was still alive what I know today. No, you know it today, and you're breathing right now, and you're saying it to me, which means you know it now, which means it can create a whole different life for you now. Hey, guys. Matthew here. I hope you enjoyed the episode. Listen, we're really putting a lot of effort into building this podcast right now so it can help more people. One of the things that you can do that would really help us do that is leave us a review and tell the rest of the world what you think of this podcast. Please go over to itunes and leave us a review. I am reading all of them and some of them will even air on the podcast. Thank you so, so much. I see the vlog sites. Got a new wife. Shorty got a new boo. Yeah. Love. Beautiful. Looking for love.
