What Emotionally Available Love Actually Looks Like | Matt Monday

They might ask questions to know if you're the kind of person who's out partying all the time. They are trying to figure out whether you align with what they value because they're thinking long term. [tiw] what does emotionally available love actually look like? If you're like most people, you've probably had moments where you thought they text me back, they say they like me. So why do I feel so anxious, so unsure, so alone in this connection? You are not crazy for asking that, because emotional availability isn't just about being around. It's about how someone shows up consistently in ways that build safety, trust, and momentum. I want to show you what emotionally available love actually looks like and how to stop mistaking attention for real intention. Attention feels good, but how can you tell whether someone is capable of a healthy relationship early enough that you're not wasting your time without getting too intense too soon and scaring someone away? Here are some simple things you can do and some simple things that you can watch in their behaviour. Number one, get curious about them. Ask questions about their nature, their plans, what they're looking for. Not formal interrogation, just some relaxed and sincere curiosity about the person in front of you. Try this early on when you're out for coffee or a drink, when there's not a lot at stake. It's the ideal time. you haven't risked anything significant, you haven't been sleeping together for months, there is nothing emotionally overwrought about coffee. Keep it loose, there are no wrong answers. Just objectively look at the person across the table and allow yourself to wonder out loud what made them what they are. They're like a human scratch card at this point, and each new area reveals a new part of them. There are two important reasons to take this approach. Number one, it will allow you to set aside any expectations or projections and focus genuinely on getting to know the person in front of you. And the second is that genuine curiosity is way more likely to lead to truth. People respond to amused interest and a neutral tone more than immediate judgment. And the more you can understand who someone is now, the less likely you are to waste your time later on. There is an exception to this strategy. Beware of the person who, in response to your first curious and non-judgmental questions, answers the question and then barely lets you speak again. Curiosity is one of the few things that gains in value the more times it's exchanged. The second secret to recognizing emotional availability is to notice whether they are being curious. Some people want to get to know you. Others just want a good time. One way to tell the difference is to see if they are genuinely curious about who you are. Someone who's looking for a relationship is going to want to find out, are you kind? What's your relationship with your family like? Do your lifestyles match? If they're someone who likes to be in bed by 9 pm because they really value the morning, they might ask questions to know if you're the kind of person who's out partying all the time. They are trying to figure out whether you align with what they value because they're thinking long term. Compare that to someone who just entertains you. Charismatic charmers often give you the best first dates, not because they're invested, but because their ego thrives on seduction. They want the high of your interest, not the depth of your story. A good time doesn't always mean a good match. Emotionally available people make room for you in the conversation. They're not performing, they're listening and responding. It may feel Quiet, simple, even easy. That's the opposite of a showy player and a sign of real connection. Third sign of emotional availability. They follow up. They don't leave you wondering if they want to see you again. This isn't the same as someone immediately booking a date for tomorrow night. In a busy life, a turnaround like that might not be possible. But they won't wait until next Friday and then send you a message saying, I must see see you tomorrow. No, tonight. Where are you? Can you meet me an hour from now? My God, I'm so excited to see you. That is just selective focus masquerading as excitement. They are deciding to focus on you tonight, perhaps because they're horny, or their other plans canceled, or they finished an intense work week and their mind is finally free to think of something fun. Who knows? By all means, see them. But if you want more with them, do not do anything that would make you feel used and resentful if it never progressed. beyond the current stage, because all you have now is sporadic attention rather than real signs of intention. Before we go to the next sign of emotional availability, which has an important distinction that everybody needs to know to avoid future heartbreak, I want to tell you about something that is happening. It is called Dating Made Simple, a brand new free live event that I am holding for for anybody who really wants to find love, wants to share their lives with someone, but is so sick and tired of the dating process, who feels like it is just a shit show right now. I am gonna be showing you how to avoid casual situationships, how to spot time wasters, how to find people who are serious about dating, and how to keep someone excited about you without playing games or compromising your standards. You are gonna walk away this Tuesday with a clear actionable plan to take control of your love life and create real momentum with someone who is actually emotionally available. This event is 100% free and you can reserve your spot now at www.lovelifetraining.com this is the final call so get on board, I will see you Tuesday. Alright, let's keep going. So the fourth sign of emotional availability is when someone is scheduling. Now there is a difference between planning and scheduling. This is a crucial distinction. Emotionally unavailable people love to plan. They talk about things that you'll do one day. It's fun, it's exciting, but nothing ever gets confirmed. Emotionally available people make time. When you both agree that you want to see each other again, they simply open their calendar and say, what about Saturday? And then you say, what do you mean? And they say, Saturday, next Saturday. And you say, what do you mean? Like, like as in Saturday, like as in the day? Yeah, the 25th. Like as in the day after the 24th? Yes. Like this year? 2025? Yes. The year after 2024? Yes. I actually can't do Saturday. No worries. What about Sunday? What? Of course there are exceptions. Some people schedule whirlwind weekends or family trips that feel exceptionally intimate and then still vanish emotionally. These people, often known as love bombers, love the feelings that these experiences produce. It has nothing to do with them being emotionally available. There are plenty of people who desire the experience of having a partner but have no real intention of being a partner themselves. So somebody who schedules something is much more likely to be serious than a dreamer who never cracks open their calendar. But one-off whirlwind sentimental lovefests are far less valuable than consistent effort. Now, don't misunderstand me. That doesn't mean that you should start yelling at someone who throws out a fun idea of something the two of you could do together in the future. You don't have to say, don't you dare dangle Machu Picchu in front of me, Brian, unless you've got a concrete plan to ascend Wayna Picchu and take in its glorious magnificence together one day. otherwise I don't want to hear it. Look, the point is it can be fun to play along. Just know the difference between role play and real progress. The fifth way you can tell if someone is emotionally available is when they involve you. Dating someone you're serious about doesn't mean that they now have to involve you in every decision they make. But once you're past the tricky first stages of attraction and you both recognize your connection, it's important to notice how they handle things that could significantly affect the amount of time you're able to spend together, how far apart you might be for an extended period of time, your trust in them, or the possibility of the relationship progressing. Them involving you, depending on the stage of the relationship you're in, won't necessarily mean that you get a vote or a veto. If someone has to go away for a month to work, they may not ask your permission, but you might expect to get forewarning and plenty of communication around it. One thing is for sure, they will want to make sure that them leaving doesn't make you doubt their interest in you or their intentions for continuing the relationship. The key questions here are: are they actually taking my feelings into account? Do they care? Are they concerned about bringing me on board in the process? Or are they indifferent to my experience? Do I feel like the last one to know about things happening in their life? And generally outside side of the circle of information. Am I collateral damage whose reactions go unnoticed until my hurt or frustration becomes impossible to ignore? One way you can tell you're not being taken into account, your reaction when you get to have one is met not with compassion, but with frustration, as if you were an inconvenience in the realization of their largely non-negotiable plan. the sixth sign of emotional availability is that they make you feel comfortable. Someone who wants to make sure that you are still in their life a week from now is going to want to confirm ahead of time that you are comfortable with the things they are doing. Let's say they're going to dinner with an old friend that maybe you could easily feel threatened by if you had no context. You might start to notice the subtle ways that they make it clear this person is just a friend or married or someone they can't wait for you to meet. They don't leave things open to ambiguous interpretation because they don't want to jeopardize what's blossoming between you. They also might want to avoid any kind of suggestion that they would be comfortable with that kind of ambiguity coming from your side. Bottom line with all of this, there is a real danger in assuming that someone's attention increasing is a sign of emotional availability and real intention to make it go somewhere. It's easy to mistake intensity of feeling with seriousness of purpose, especially if you feel your own level of commitment growing and you just assume that seriousness and intensity go hand in hand for them in the same way that they do for you. This is why it's usually safer to take your time with someone, not for any prudish reasons, but just because time is the only way to measure the most reliable outward marker of intention. consistency. Inconsistency usually shows up uncomfortably early, but consistency can only be appreciated over time. Going slow gives consistency the time it needs to show up, and it gives actions a chance to catch up to words and feelings. If this video helped you see a little more clearly, do not stop here. Come and join me on Tuesday for Dating Made Simple, where I will show you how to stop attracting emotionally unavailable people spot true investment early, and build real momentum with someone who is ready for love. It's free. It's happening this Tuesday, the 20th of May, and it could be the most important hour you spend on your love life this year. So go to lovelifetraining.com and reserve your spot right now for free. And let's get you the relationship that you want together. Because contrary to a lot of pessimistic voices out there right now, emotionally available love exists. You just have to know how to find it, how to recognize it, and what to do when it arrives. I'll see you on Tuesday.