What's More Productive: Being Single Vs. Being In A Relationship

Foreign.

Well, here we are. Matthew Hussey in the room. It is the Love Life podcast. I am Stephen Hussey. Matthew, my brother, my captain. How are you, old pal?

Oh, I'm good, Steve. I'm just happy to be. To be back on the podcast. I'm happy. We're doing these every week now where we're just, you and I, we're chatting away. And, you know, for a long time I thought if we talk every week, people might just get bored of us and we should just give people, you know, give him a nice topic every week and get in and get out. You know, do a DiCaprio show up for. Well, you know how he shows up for a movie, disappears for two years. The only thing you see in between is the odd shot of his belly on the beach.

Well, you're referring to something else, but okay. Yeah, okay, I get you. Right.

And then he comes. You know, he comes when it's time to make another movie, he makes one, and we'll see him for maybe a single interview where he says, watch the movie.

Right. So we're not going to. We're not going to hear from you in between these, then?

Well, that's. My point is, I think. I'm not sure that the DiCaprio philosophy applies to us. I think that people want to hear us talk. I'm not saying they don't want to hear DiCaprio talk, but you know what I mean.

Well, I'm very, very pleased about that fact. And guess what, Matt, we have heard from our listeners because you asked them a question last week, and we got a couple of great responses. So you asked. On one of our previous podcasts, we were looking for parodies of horror movie titles based on romance. I can't remember what our one was. Oh, 28 dates later, based on 28 days later. And you said, give us horror movies with a romantic spin. So we got a really good one from Ellen, who said, hi, Matthew and Steven, I was really enjoying your latest podcast right up until you started punning Matt. From that point on, you could have dealt out the worst relationship advice, and I would have accepted it blindly. That's how much I love puns. Here are the best film titles I could conjure up on Limited Sleep, Coffee, and well Thought Fri date the 13th term in Hater 2 Judgeman Day.

Wow, that's good.

That's not a horror film, but I will accept it.

Good, though.

Fight Night. That's good. Instead of Fright Night, the Bicker Man. I think that's brilliant. 10 Loverfield Lane. Yeah, the sex sense. Saucy. Erase her head. I'm not sure what act that's referring to, but I do know the film. Erase head. Erase her head.

Yeah, erase her head.

Dark relationship. The silence of the limbs. That's also quite dark in both ways.

Wait, hang on. So they've just replaced one horror movie with another.

Silence of the Limbs.

I'm not sure what's that referred to in relationship context? Silence of the limbs.

I don't think I want to know. But, you know, I guess that's someone's thing. But, you know, from that ghosted spoiler, she says, Patrick Swayze didn't die. So it's like he.

Oh, that's good. That's really good. He didn't die. That's great. I love that. Ghosted, but he didn't actually die.

And finally, the invisible man. She says, no change required in the title.

That's good. That's really good.

Keep the puns running. That's from Ellen in Ottawa. Those are really good, Ellen.

Wow.

Yeah.

That's great. Okay, I want more. We've got to keep putting these questions out to people because there was some really good ones here.

All right, so one thing, Matt. I was in Clubhouse last night. Popular new social media app. People were talking and had a lot of opinions on whether you are more productive in a relationship or single. Now, that sounds like just one of those things that's very debatable. Right? There's obviously highly successful for whatever metric you want to say. There's successful people who are married. They're successful people who are single. So, you know, you can look at it either way. Of course, there are many people who said, well, actually, I do get a lot more done when I'm single. And that causes some conflict for me because then I think, well, in a relationship, am I going to be able to achieve the things I want to achieve, or, you know, am I going to have to limit my goals? I think that is interesting. And, you know, I don't know if you agree with me, but, you know, in some sense, that is a particular kind of person's problem. But also, you know, if you're very driven, you're very like Taipei. It's. It's a very like, oh, I'm driven to do things kind of issue. But also, there's so much there about your choices. And I think one big takeaway I thought of is it's really important if you are in that place where you want to build, build, build. You have to be really careful about how you give out your energy even in short term relationships.

This idea of whether you're more productive, single or in a relationship is missing a major caveat. There should be a third option. If you really want to talk about whether you, what state is most productive, you have to compare being in a relationship with. You have to. I think you might even need four, four categories, right? Being single and not looking, being single and looking, being in the building phases of a relationship, and being in a long term relationship. If you really want to talk about productivity, you have to talk about those four things. And the reason is you're right. If you, if you say I'm single and not looking, you have a lot more time on your hands than if you're single and looking.

Right?

Because dating is time consuming. There are ways to mitigate that, which is why I'm a big believer in the facetime date before the real time date before the in person. I'm a big fan of the phone, the five minute phone call over, going and meeting someone for two hours that you've never met before. I'm a big fan of, you know, of not having really labored dates, but instead going for a quick drink or a coffee and just seeing where you're at. But. So there are ways to minimize the amount of time that looking for someone takes. But looking for someone is a lot more time consuming than not looking for someone. So if you say you know so already, there's a difference in how productive you can be in other areas of your life based on that. Although even if you follow our advice, if you follow our advice, then even looking shouldn't cost you a lot of time. The dating part might, but the part where you meet people doesn't have to because you can meet people doing a lot of things you'd like to do anyway. Yeah, join a running club, Join a society that teaches something so that you're learning something you want to learn at the same time as possibly meeting new people, networking events, meeting new people online, there are wins to be had from those things that, that you'll have even if you don't meet someone. So there's a sense in, there's a sense in which you could double up on your productivity there. Meet someone and doing things, and don't.

Waste your time with dead ends and people who aren't giving you what you want. That'll save you.

So let's, let's also add that into the mix because now you have a fifth category, which is people who are not in a relationship but are spending an Inordinate amount of time having sleepovers with somebody that it's not going anywhere with. You know, I heard Russell Brand say recently, don't invest time in things that you don't have a future with. He was talking about porn. But it applies to relationships too. So. And by the way, that depends on what phase you're in, whether you're actually looking for serious or not. Because you might spend time with someone you don't see a future with. If you're not serious and just having a good time, that's fine, no judgment there. But so those two categories, those two cat or three categories now, single and not looking, single and looking or single and in limbo with someone that is not going anywhere with, that's incredibly time consuming. Now you have in a relationship where you're trying to build it and I think that it's like a plane, right? It takes a lot of energy to get it in the air. It takes a little less energy once it's in the air. Once a plane's up in the air is the fuel. You still need fuel, but you're keeping it in the air. That's different than I'm trying to get the plane in the air in the first place. And if you're not in, if you're not willing to invest time in those early stages to actually get a meaningful relationship off the ground, then you're never going to have the bond necessary to carry you to the next stage. There is. So if you compare that with being in a long term relationship, I think there is. It is sometimes easier to be productive. It's easier to be more productive in a long term relationship than it is in a relationship that's finding its feet. A. Because in a relationship that's finding its feet, you have all of the, your brain chemistry is going haywire. All of the excitement, the, the, you know, the chemicals being released, the. I mean you are, you are, you've been given the most amazing new toy. To focus just as much on everything else in your life at that point is really difficult. And of course, yeah.

People compare it to like a drug. Right?

Right. And it, there's, in evolutionary terms that's part of what is claimed is necessary to get us to that next stage. Right. We need those chemicals in order to get us to the next stage. Who would marry but for the chemicals? Jameson?

Oh, those lovely chemicals.

So you know, that stage is hard to be productive just from the point of view of having all of that going on. Then on top of that, you've got your investing time and energy into getting to know someone once you're in a long term relationship. I'm still laughing at those lovely chemicals. Once you're in a relationship long term, you've got now a partner that may be understanding of the fact that you really want to work on this goal or you want to, you know, you've got something you want to make happen. You're in a busy phase of your life. It's sort of easier, isn't it, for someone to make peace with that when you're in a stable relationship.

Yeah, yeah.

Because the relationship has a foundation that can support it. Whereas when a relationship is growing, it may not have the foundation to support you being in a really busy phase of your life where there's so many other priorities and that's not one of them. The relationship may never get off the ground in the first place.

Yeah.

So if we're discussing productivity and whether it's more productive to be single in a relationship, I think it's the wrong is over. Overly oversimplified because of all those different states that you could be in. And let's add another complexity. There are people in relationships with people that are incredibly supportive of their purpose and their mission. And there are people who are in relationships where anytime you try to focus on anything that's not that person, they get upset.

Right. And that's why it's not just about connection with someone. It's the compatibility and having like being self, being really honest about the kind of partner you want. Some people say like, I want a partner who's just as driven as me and they're both this crazy power couple, but they're going to live a very unusual relationship in a lot of ways. Right. And as long as you can accept that, that you're both going to be these hyper driven people, that's okay. But some people might say, you know, they want someone who's going to be supportive and support their dream. And that is a kind of more selfish thing really. But, but some people, it's just like maybe that works for them and you kind of need to start to know and figure out what you really want and will be happy with.

Yes. And look, it's. Compatibility is an interesting thing. It's not that you, you could be a super driven person who's trying to achieve a lot and you want to find someone who's okay with that. And people can be okay with that for different reasons. People can be okay with that because they've also got their big thing that you know, they're super driven about. But they could also be okay with it because you guys aren't playing the same game in life, you know, like, it's not. There is no. There is no right and wrong, you know, you. I, we're. We're in our company, for example, we're on kind of a mission and we're really excited about that mission. And I'm sort of wired in a way that's always made me excited about building things and creating things. And it's sort of. It has a good aspect to it and a bad aspect to it. Good aspect. When I'm trying to genuinely, with great, good intention, change the world or. That sounds so bloody grandiose. But, you know, when I'm trying to make a positive impact, let's say more humbly, that that's a positive side of it. The egoic side of it that is just more, more, more, more, more is the, the not so good side of it that can take over at times. But that's. My wiring is that way. Other people's wiring is different. You know, it's not. They're not trying to do that. I mean, my God, I've met people who are much more naturally happy than me, who are not trying to do that, where they're just like. There's a simplicity to their lives and what they're doing and where their focus is. And they're quite happy not to be on that giant mission. I think that's cool too. I don't think. I don't have any judgment of that. And sometimes those two people can work quite well together. You know, there's that idea of the gardener and the flower. Every relationship needs a flower and a gardener.

Right.

You know, and sometimes. But then there's relationships where you take turns a little bit. You know, you're both flowers and gardeners at different times, depending on what phase each of you are in. So this is the stuff of relationships, Steve.

Yeah, it's. I think it is one I understand that young, driven people struggle with. But you are, when you're younger, you're a little more. You are a little more selfish in that way and you want all your time and, you know, you're in like build, build, build mode. And maybe, I think maybe your PR do change as you get older and you're willing to be a little more, you know, come, come part way to, you know, I want to meet this person's needs as well. And I.

Well, I think that's why, that's why age gaps are difficult. Well, it's one of the reasons. There are a couple of reasons. Big age gaps are difficult, but one of the reasons they're difficult is just because it's not that. It's. You may be in different phases of your. Of your drive or productivity kind of cycle. You know, you. That person may be building, and you're in a place where some people never stop building. I've got friends, you know, entrepreneurs that just never stop their whole lives. So there's that too. And you better be clear that you want that kind of person. If you get into a relationship with one of those, don't bank on them changing. I personally couldn't deal, you know, I don't think I could be in a relationship with someone who was like that. Dare I say, like me. I don't know. I.

Right.

I, you know, but I. Even, that. Even, even I think I've mellowed in some ways. But the, the problem with the big age differences is you might catch someone who's in the building part of their life that you've already been through, and you're like, God, do I have to relive this again? Do I want to relive this phase? I've already been through it once. I got out the other end of it. Now I'm with someone who's in that phase, and I'm ready to spend a lot of time with someone. Well, now that person's not necessarily gonna have a lot spend. So, yeah.

Yeah. Great stuff. Is this good? It's interesting stuff to chew on, fun.

Stuff to talk about.

Well, I have had a long standing relationship, a brother relationship with you, Matthew Hussey. And I feel this has been very productive. So we're getting the best of both worlds, baby. Thank you so much for joining us, sir, and providing your insights, your lucid wisdom. May I say.

Thanks for having me, Pickle.

All right, chum, I'll see you real soon.

Bye.

Bye.

I see the vlog sites. Got a new wife. Shorty got a new boo. Yeah, love. Beautiful. I'm looking for love.