This is a podcast titled "(Rewind): Why We Get Attracted to the Wrong People" created in June 2024. The content features Matthew AI and another speaker discussing psychological and emotional reasons behind attraction to unavailable or unsuitable partners, including topics like perspective, self-esteem, and self-love techniques. Matthew AI also promotes his newsletter related to relationships during the episode.
Very often when someone wants us, we think they're abundant. Oh, they'll always be there. When someone doesn't want us, we think, I must have them. They're rare and valuable.
Hey, everyone, it's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life podcast. Thank you so much for being here. I think you're going to enjoy this clip. It's a classic from the archives. Check it out. And don't forget, if you can leave us a review on itunes, it would mean the world. It helps us spread the word about this podcast. All right, let's get into the episode.
Have you ever found yourself attracted to the wrong person? What is the wrong person? Well, the wrong person could be someone who doesn't notice us or frankly, doesn't even care that we exist. It could be someone who is treating us badly, someone who's toxic. It could be someone who's simply not prepared to invest on the level that we are. But why do we fall for this kind of person? There are two answers to this. One is perspective. The other is self esteem. Let's start with perspective. Sometimes we find someone who appears to be hard to get, uniquely challenging. And because they're uniquely challenging, we immediately attribute a value to them based on a kind of cerebral supply and demand economics. If they're not available, they must be worth more. And that's why when people come to me and say, matt, why am I always attracted to the people I can't have, but the people that want me, I'm never attracted to? Very often when someone wants us, we think they're abundant. Oh, they'll always be there. When someone doesn't want us, we think, I must have them. They're rare and valuable. This is a fallacy. We should honor the fact that someone likes us. That's not enough reason for us to be with them. But we shouldn't take it for granted that someone is both available and and interested in us because they may not be interested in us three months from now when they start crushing on somebody else. Also, on the issue of perspective, when someone is mysterious or difficult to get, we often assign qualities to them that they don't really have. It's kind of like going to a VIP nightclub and being rejected at the door because your name isn't on the important list of people. We suddenly imagine all of the bacchanalian delights that must be going on inside that venue. What are they doing in there? It must be amazing. They must be very important. When in fact it's a lot of try hard people drinking overpriced vodka at tables. This is what a false sense of scarcity does. It predisposes us to the illusion now let's deal with self esteem. Groucho Marx once said, I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member. Now this is funny, but when applied to our love lives is deeply tragic. Many people don't want to belong to a relationship that would have them as a member. They treat it like well, if you want me, there must be something wrong with you. You don't want me, then you must be onto something. This of course is predicated on the idea that we ourselves are not worthy. So we chase after people that we think are out of our league or hard to get or not paying us any attention. Because if we could just them and align ourselves with that person, then maybe we'll be enough by being with them and in pursuit of this person, we allow all manner of bad behavior towards ourselves because we're playing a serf who's trying to please some imagined God. Anytime you find yourself either being attracted to someone who doesn't want you or somebody who's treating you poorly, here's a simple, practical self love technique you can do for your own mind. Imagine someone that you truly love. Your sister, your brother, your mother, your child, your best friend, and think about what treatment they deserve. How would you allow someone to treat them? Once you have your answer, turn that inward and make a decision not to accept any less than that treatment for yourself.
Hey everyone, if you haven't heard already, I have a brand new newsletter called the Three Relationships where every week on a Friday I send you a brand new newsletter from me with philosophies, ideas and strategies that can help you in your love life. It is a great newsletter. I'm sending it to hundreds of thousands of people right now. You are missing out. If you are not getting this, it is free, it is super valuable and I promise you it will be an email you look forward to every week. Go to the3relationships.com to sign up for free now and I will see you in your inbox this Friday.
