This is a podcast titled "(Rewind): Why You’re Attracted to People Who Don’t Want You" created in May 2022. The content features Matthew AI (Matthew Hussey) discussing psychological reasons behind attraction to unavailable or uninterested people, focusing on perspective and self-esteem. The excerpt also includes promotional dialogue for another podcast called Table Read. The format is a mix of monologue and multiple speakers, but Matthew AI is a key participant sharing insights on relationships.
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They treat it like, well if you want me there must be something wrong with you. You don't want me? Then you must be on to something.
Hey everyone, it's Matthew Hussey with the Love Life Podcast. I wanted to share this important idea with you today. I think you're really gonna love it. So check it out and let me know what you think.
Have you ever found yourself attracted to the wrong person? What is the wrong person? Well, the wrong person could be someone who doesn't notice us or frankly doesn't even care that we exist. It could be someone who is treating us badly, someone who's toxic. It could be someone who's simply not prepared to invest on the level that we are. But why do we fall for this kind of person? There are two answers to this. One is perspective, the other is self-esteem. Let's start with perspective. Sometimes we find someone who appears to be hard to get, uniquely challenging. And because they're uniquely challenging, we immediately attribute of value to them based on a kind of cerebral supply and demand economics. If they're not available, they must be worth more. And that's why when people come to me and say, Matt, why am I always attracted to the people I can't have but the people that want me I'm never attracted to? Very often when someone wants us we think they're abundant. Oh, they'll always be there. When someone doesn't want us we think I must have them. They're rare and valuable. this is a fallacy. We should honor the fact that someone likes us. That's not enough reason for us to be with them, but we shouldn't take it for granted that someone is both available and interested in us because they may not be interested and as three months from now when they start crushing on somebody else. Also on the issue of perspective, when someone is mysterious or difficult to get, we often assign qualities to them that they don't really really have. It's kind of like going to a VIP nightclub and being rejected at the door because your name isn't on the important list of people. We suddenly imagine all of the Bacchanalian delights that must be going on inside that venue. What are they doing in there? It must be amazing. It must be very important when in fact it's a lot of try-hard people drinking overpriced vodka at tables. This is what a false sense of scarcity does. It predisposes us to the illusion. Now let's deal with self-esteem. Groucho Marx once said, I wouldn't want to be a member of any club that would have me as a member. Now this is funny, but when applied to our love lives, it's deeply tragic. Many people don't want to belong to a relationship that would have them as a member. They treat it like, well if you want me, there must be something wrong with you. You don't want me? Then you must be on to something. this of course is predicated on the idea that we ourselves are not worthy. So we chase after people that we think are out of our league or hard to get or not paying us any attention because if we could just get them and align ourselves with that person then maybe we'll be enough by being with them. And in pursuit of this person we allow all manner of bad behaviour towards ourselves because we're playing a surf who's trying to please some imagined God. Anytime you find yourself either being attracted to somebody who doesn't want you or somebody who's treating you poorly, here's a simple practical self-love technique you can do for your own mind. Imagine someone that you truly love. Your sister, your brother, your mother, your child, your best friend. And think about what treatment they deserve. How would you allow someone to treat them? Once you have your answer, turn that inward and make a decision not to accept any less than that treatment for yourself.
Thank you so much for listening. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Before you go, if you have even 30 seconds, I would so appreciate if you could leave me a review on iTunes so that more people can find out about this podcast. If you enjoy it, spread the word and I'll see you next time.
One, two, three, table read. Okay.
The Table Read podcast is like watching a movie with your eyes closed. Incredible production, totally immersive.
Get a behind-the-scenes look into the Hollywood process as real actors sit down and bring scripts to life in Table Read.
If you've never listened to Table Read, I say check it out.
Table Read brings you established and new amazing writers with their scripts brought to life by fantastic actors. So check out Table Read. You never know what you might hear or who might show up. So check out Table Read. Come for the stories, stay for the laughs. It's unlike any other podcast. Listen and subscribe to Table Read today on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or wherever you get your podcasts.
