How To Communicate Using Hypnotic Language Without Fear? - Masterclass

Thank you for being able to be available to collaborate this morning. I guess it's morning for me.

You two are awesome. It's evening already, it's 5:30 PM, end of the day.

Yes, 6 AM here in Tulsa, Oklahoma, and it's a lovely day.

Cool, man. Cool, man. I wish you have wonderful day. So let's kick off the journey. So we are here for the online masterclass of how to communicate using hypnotic language without fear. So it's me, it's me, Mayur Bardolia, and with me today is James Pash. We're going to talk about how to use the language to influence without fear. The first part of the masterclass will be covered by James Pash. He's going to share with you some language patterns you, you can use to influence others. And then after, I'm going to teach you how to communicate without fear. So over to you, James. Kick off now.

Hey, well, thank you very much, Mayur. I really appreciate you allowing me to, uh, to, uh, be able to do this with me. And absolutely, let's get right into language And go ahead and go to the next slide so that we can get started on what hypnosis actually is. And happy to answer any questions. If I happen to miss any questions in the chat box, please bring that to my attention, Mayur. I'm happy to participate with anybody who's there.

Thank you. Sure.

Hypnotic linguistic phrases are any phrases that cause the human mind to experience a trance state or a hypnotic-like trance state. Some people even refer to it as meditation, but it's, it's a focused mental state, and it's often accompanied by behavioral compliance. But a trance is simply a term that we attribute to that highly focused state of attention. Where we're really inside of our own heads, kind of imagining the world around us, imagining things and creating mental images and connecting with those in our mind. Hypnotic language is basically a pattern of language which focuses your attention and turns it inward into your imagination. One of the things I like to cover is— I like— because this tends to be something that most people are worried about. Is the dark side of using all persuasive and hypnotic language patterns. Politicians, advertisers, cult leaders, even even some salesmen are they're all well aware of hypnotic language patterns, and although it takes real determination to become skilled and masterful, a basic familiarity with these patterns can help you to defend yourself against those who don't necessarily have your best interests. So let's go ahead and go to the next slide.

Yeah, sure.

Okay, and here's one of the things that I like to discuss. Hypnosis is not— so it's gotten, it's gotten, it's got you— there's, there's some reputation out there for people who haven't studied hypnosis well, and they've seen the effects, and sometimes the effects and the behavioral compliance can make People a little bit standoffish. But why would any— well, any professional be afraid to use hypnosis? It's got a long and studied history. It's really well known throughout therapeutic change as well as through stage entertainment and hypnosis, different things of that nature. But it's most normally used conversationally. So often this common misunderstanding that hypnosis might have something to do with Dark magic or sinister arts, witchcraft, superpower or gift. It's none of those things. None of those things. None of those things. It's merely just a skill using language, and that's it. Let's go to the next page. Let's go to the next page. Okay, somebody said that my volume is not great on my microphone, so I'm going to try to turn it up just like that. Sure. Okay, I hope, I hope this is too high. Is it too hard? Is it too hard?

Uh, yeah, okay, no problem. I'll lower my volume. Carry on.

Okay, let me adjust it down just slightly. Okay. So, so one, I'm, I'm actually going to turn over this portion momentarily to Mayur because this is the most important part of neuro-linguistic programming or hypnosis. Anytime you're wanting to use any of these skills, you have to first be able to create well-formed outcomes. And one of the best templates that I've seen for creating well-formed outcomes is the PURE model that you introduced me to, Mayur. So, uh, if you will just take just a few seconds to describe to everyone what the PURE model is for creating a well-formed outcome. Perfect.

Um, I think we have conducted one master class a few months ago, and we have talked about this thing. So whenever you want to communicate, uh, to others, we— when you want to influence others, you should have a purpose Behind your communication. So obviously, when you are communicating, you you have to know what outcome you want from the conversation, what action you want them to take, and whatever action you want them to take, it should be positive, right? And should be under your control. And if you want them to take the action, which is not real, they're not going to take action. See, the prime objective of the communication to make people agree with us. to make people, you know, take action. And something, you know, we have to come to the win-win conclusion. And obviously, when we are communicating with someone, you want them to take some action which is ecologically balanced. So every communication is just like a goal setting, because, um, I'm going to cover later on anyway that whatever we have so far and whatever we'll have in the future, it will all come through communication, because our goal cannot be achieved by our own, you know. You have to get the support from others. You have to influence others in order to get the goals that you want. So I think that's clear enough right now. So do you want me to throw some more lights on it?

So I think that that was probably enough for me to be able to move forward. However, I just wanted to clarify on The portion where it's positively stated. This is an area where quite a few of my trainees and clients had a hard time being able to clearly define a positively stated outcome. Many people are used to saying, here is what I don't want. I don't want these people to Reject my offer. I don't want these people to reject me. I want— And so we want to create positively stated outcomes. I do want to be accepted. I do want my message to be clearly communicated. Those are ways of positively stating something rather than negatively stating it. And it's always under your control. So I can't necessarily control the way that others feel about me. But I can control the way that I communicate clearly. So we want to make sure that that's under our control. The more real we can make it, the more that we can see it in our mind, the more that we can hear the sounds, and the more that we can feel the feelings associated with our outcome, the more real it becomes to us, and we activate our mirror neurons, and that's That's what helps us be able to determine a very successful way to get that outcome. Then finally, ecologically balanced, like you said. We want to make sure that we've given ourselves permission to get that outcome. We want to make sure that we allow ourselves that it doesn't affect negatively anyone's life around us, and it won't affect our lives personally negatively. That way, we're not self-sabotaging.

Exactly.

Keeping ourselves from actually achieving and obtaining that goal. So, all right, let's go on to the next slide. Okay, so here is the most important part of practicing hypnotic language patterns. That is knowing how to gain permission and consent from your audience. The main way that we are able to determine if we have obtain permission and consent in a social environment is by analyzing whether or not we are in rapport with another person. So when the audience and the practitioner are in rapport, you can tell because the audience will trust the practitioner. They will feel safe with the practitioner. Many, many hypnotic language patterns Alongside the interest in Milton Erickson, who pioneered indirect or permissive hypnosis. And the reason that I like to teach indirect or permissive hypnosis is because the hypnotic language that you use is in and of itself permissive, permissive gaining. It's asking for permission the whole time you're communicating, the whole time you're communicating. So it's always a good practice to make sure that you are asking for permission to help the person, asking for permission to allow them to connect with their inner thoughts. And it's also an ethical necessity to make sure that you're not directly trying to influence, but you're indirectly and permissively influencing them in a way that they have already indicated they want to go. Okay, let's go to the next slide so that we can elaborate on this.

Sure.

Okay, so this is— these are direct hypnotic patterns. And the reason that I got these first is so that you can get an idea of the type of hypnotic language patterns that are not effective but were made most popular early on. Most popular early on. So before Erickson, hypnosis subjects were basically given a pattern interrupt or a visual anchor, and that's like the watch that you saw on the first slide going back and forth. That was pretty typical, or maybe a spot on the wall. The hypnotist or the speaker might ask them to focus their attention, and those are called visual anchors. Those are called— and so they have them focus on those, and then they're told directly what to do. And then they're told You are feeling sleepy. This approach actually does seem to work like magic for about 30% of the population, and that's why it was the most popular form of hypnosis for many, many years. But Erickson discovered that using a permissive language pattern was much more effective for much more of the population, but it does take a little more skill to master. It does take a little more skill. All right, let's go to the next slide. All right, okay, so this is a little bit more on direct language patterns. This is a little bit more on direct language patterns. Whenever we're talking about direct language patterns, we're talking about the internal imaginative reality of the listener is unlikely to match what is being said to them if the suggestions are too specific or controversial. So an example of that is whenever a practitioner might directly instruct the listener to imagine relaxing on a beautiful beach with golden sand. But, you know, speaking to the person, maybe the beach in their imagination is not golden, or perhaps they had a bad experience. They might have gotten lost on the beach as a child. Or gotten in trouble with the law or gotten bit by a shark. We don't know, but they may have hated beaches ever since. They may have hated beaches ever since. And so the discrepancy between what was said to the person and what's going on inside of their head, that's going to disrupt that hypnotic trance. And any useful suggestions that the speaker, the practitioner might have made during that time might be lost, ignored, or even completely entirely rejected. By the listener. And that's why we don't recommend direct language patterns. So let's go on to the next slide and get into a little bit about indirect and permission analysis. Indirect language patterns work in 2 distinct separate ways. Firstly, by structuring language in such a way that the listener's attention is focused inward where it will search for meaning. A direct example of this would be, you are feeling relaxed and sleepy. Indirectly, much more powerfully, we are going to suggest this by saying, and perhaps as you sit here now, listening to the sound of my voice here, you might begin to notice a pleasant feeling of peaceful relaxation. You might begin to notice a pleasant feeling of peaceful relaxation.

Relaxation.

And let's go to the next slide. And let's go to the next slide. Why does this work? Well, because at no point during that work— well, because secondary indirect hypnotic language pattern— are you being told directly what to experience. You're never commanded to do something. The listener is invited indirectly to notice something. The brain begins seeking ways to make that connection, to comprehend that. And it's looking for causal phrases in there. Causal phrases in linguistics are anytime that there's an either at the beginning of any time, we instinctively seek the or that's coming. So our brain can't really begin to look ahead until it gets the fulfillment of that syntax. It has to get the fulfillment of the either and the or. Before the brain begins creating its own imagery, so inside begins creating its own imagery. Does that make sense? Does that make sense?

Yeah.

Okay. Exciteful. So one of the ways that we do this is by using as you. By using as you. So if you begin a sentence with as you sit there now, as you sit there now, those are causal phrases the brain is waiting to hear. Yes, and then what? And so as long as you are using those causal phrases, the brain continues to look inward for meaning, and it begins to create that trance state. So let's go on to the next. Another reason this works is due to presupposition. Presuppositions are exactly what they sound like. You presuppose something. You are supposing it to be true before it's been confirmed. And the better you are at understanding general presuppositions, the better you'll be at using them in hypnotic language patterns. So indirect hypnotic language is permissive, which means that you're given maximum freedom to interpret what is being said to you in a way that makes sense to you personally. But uses presuppositions in order to increase rapport and influence. So a direct way without presuppositions is, you can imagine relaxing on a beautiful golden beach, and that's a direct command. If someone is highly susceptible to hypnotic language patterns, this will be highly effective with them. However, most of the population, this isn't going to be effective with, so we want to use something more indirect. It isn't Now, as you may have already noticed, there will have been a time and place in your life where you felt perfectly relaxed and completely at ease. And I wonder if you're able to get a sense of that right now. Right now. And what that is is an example of indirect hypnotic language patterns. What that is is an example of indirect I'm not presupposing that there will have been a time and a place in your life sometime when you have time and a place in your life and completely at ease. And I'm wondering if you're able to get a sense of that right now. And what that does is with presupposition and with indirect and permissive language, it begins to create that feeling, that sensation in that person's body because you are introducing it, presupposing it, and asking them to get a sense of it right Now. All right, let's go to the next slide. Okay, now pacing and leading is more talking about the methodology. We have been speaking so far about why this works. We talked about causal phrases. We talked about presuppositions. Those are both sentence structure that helps us to create trance-like states. We use hypnotic language patterns using those tools, but pacing and leading is a structure. And it's called— it's a pace-pace-lead model. So we have 2 paces followed by a lead, and I'm going to describe exactly what a pace looks like and exactly what a lead looks like. It's this— this communication tool is designed to feed back or to pace the experience of what is happening And once rapport is demonstrably evident, which it will be through nodding along in agreement, through breathing being similar, through body posture, all of these things are in neurolinguistic programming, developing mirroring and matching. So if you want more information on how to be able to know whether or not you're in rapport with another person, I highly recommend looking up mirroring and matching in neurolinguistic programming. Now, if you, uh, and if you're aware of that, you want to use that pace, establish another pace, and then link it across to a lead. And that's what you're desiring as the practitioner, as the salesperson, as the professional, as the parent, whatever it is. You begin with 2 paces and you follow that with a lead. And, and when— and it's as if those 2 were connected. So If you can look over to the orange boxes here, this is the PACE-PACE-LEAD model. This is just an example. As you sit there now, and that's a PACE, and the reason that's a PACE is because most people listening to this are going to be sitting there. So as you sit there now, listening to the sound of my voice here. So I— these are actually 2 PACES in one. I'm saying that you are listening to the sound of my voice. I know that because I'm speaking. And then I'm saying here, meaning that, that, that this is happening in this geographical location. So I've got where you're sitting, what you're doing, and where you are. Now those are all things that are hard for the mind to argue with, so it accepts it. It automatically accepts it. And then you link across to a lead as if they're related. As you sit there now listening to the sound of my voice here, you might begin to notice a pleasant feeling. Now, that's my lead. That's the thing that I want them to feel. That's the first thing that I've introduced that isn't necessarily a fact. And so that's why it is connected as if it's related. And the way we connected the end to the beginning was with that introductory as you, that as you sit there now. The brain is waiting to hear, uh-huh, okay, and so what does that mean? When I finally connect it to the lead, it's been through very— a few different causal chains. So as you sit there now listening to the sound of my voice here, the brain has now heard 3 different variables that it agrees with entirely, and then it's linked across to the 4th, the lead. You might begin to notice a pleasant feeling.

Uh-huh.

And the brain is much more likely to accept that lead given that it accepted the 3 previous causal links that came before it. Does that make sense? Oh, I think I lost you, Mayur. Are you still there? Did I lose anybody? Are we still here? Can we go to the next slide, Mayur? Okay, perfect. I can't hear you anymore on my side, Mayur, so I'm not sure what's going on there. I don't know if you turned off your mic for distortion reasons. Let's talk a little bit about the science of this. So if you look at the diagram, you'll see that there are— it's kind of hard to see because some of these little drawings overlap one another, but you'll see a red circle, a green circle, and a yellow circle on both sides, the left hemisphere and the right hemisphere of the brain. You'll notice that all 3 of these, where it's been outlined and circled and drawn around, all 3 of these areas are overlapping. They're in very, very similar locations. The reason that this is important is because these are the areas of the brain that light up whenever you're performing an action, whenever you're witnessing someone else do the action, or whenever you're hearing about the action. The red portion, the red circle, is what lights up in the brain when you're actually performing an action or an activity yourself. The green is what lights up whenever you're witnessing someone else do an activity, and the yellow is the part of the brain that lights up when you're hearing about the action. This comes from mirror neurons. The brain actually, when I'm talking about an activity or I'm talking about a feeling, Your brain, the yellow part, lights up as if you were performing the activity yourself. That's why hypnosis is so highly, highly effective. And the attention is focused inward, and the listener begins to sort through their own experiences to find a memory of a time, let's say, when they did feel perfectly relaxed. And by focusing and remembering that time, the limbic system and mirror neurons generate the feelings that they had at that moment. And that reproduces that sense of relaxation in the present moment right now. All right, let's go on to the next slide. All right, so these are the 3 linguistic tools of the trade, and we'll go through these relatively quickly. Let's go ahead and go to the next slide and start with the yes set. All right, yes sets are any statements that you can't help but agree with. Since they're self-evidently true, the next thing you say is more likely to be true. So these are— this is more— these phrases are commonly used as pacing statements, as the, the yes statements that are coming before the lead. And here's an example. So you've come here this morning?

Yes.

The brain automatically is replying yes. So you've come here this morning and you're sitting in that chair now? That's the second yes. It's a yes statement. Listening to the sound of my voice? Yes. And already you're now beginning to— so what I've done there is I've included 3 yes statements, led them up to, and now I'm going to link it to a lead as if they're interrelated. They may or may not be. That's the tricky thing about this, is that you're using yes statements to bring in and incorporate that lead— what I want them to feel, what I want them to think or see or know. And let's continue on to the next slide. Truisms are very similar to yes statements. They're related to the yes sets, and they are aspects of human behavior which cannot reasonably be denied. So let's— an example would be, you, like so many others, already know how to relax. So that's a pretty good assumption. And that's a truism. And I'm including so many others, which brings you kind of into a— you're, you're not alone. You're like many others, and you already know how to relax. That's not something that typically people are going to argue with. And so it's called a truism. And it's very vague and ambiguous because I'm not telling the person how to relax. I'm assuming that they know how in their own way. And if you add a tag question at the end of that, don't you, at the end of that previous sentence, it presupposes that, that, or assumes that that vague ambiguous statement before it or after it is true. And it makes those suggestions less direct and much easier to accept. An example of that would be the same sentence: you, like so many others, already know how to relax, don't you? And that is a very clear way of implementing the tag question on the end of a truism. All right, let's go to the next slide. Illusory choices and double binds. Illusory choices and double binds work really great with children. Personally, that's the main time that I've used them. But illusory choices and double binds presuppose that you will perform a task or feel a sensation or experience an image. And the only question is when. So now I don't know whether you will relax now or in a moment. Now that's a— I'm giving you an illusory choice. The choice really— you don't have to relax. No one has to relax. You don't, you don't have to do that portion. But I'm presupposing that you will relax. Now I'm giving you the choice, illusory choice, of whether it will be right now Or in just a moment. And all we do is make sure that we're focusing on that choice being something that we're not— we don't care when it happens. We just care that the outcome is what we want it to be, which the person will relax. That's the main focus. And so we have— we provide an illusory choice so that the brain makes a choice and puts itself into one category or the other. Either I'm relaxing now or I'll wait and I'll relax in a moment. And that question forces the mind to choose between the 2 provided options. One of the ways that I do this with my child is saying, you know, you've been really, really well behaved today. Would you rather go to bed at 8 or 8:30? That's called a double bind. It's called an illusory choice, illusory choice, because there's no real choice there. I want— I already created the choices that I wanted him to choose between, either 8 or 8:30. I'm okay with either one. That's an illusory choice, so that's what that means. Okay, and I believe that might be maybe one more slide, or that might be the end.

Okay, great.

So those were the basic hypnotic language patterns, the tools of the trade, ways to use them. I highly recommend trying to— Practice with the pacing and leading model first and using a lot of yes sets. And that's, that's my recommendation. And that is all I had to share concerning hypnotic language patterns. If anyone has any questions, I'd like to open that up now. Happy to answer those.

Oh, that was fantastic, James. I still remember when I first started learning NLP and hypnosis about 9 or 10 years ago, and these language patterns were so fascinating to me. And I think, well, you suggested us to, you know, start practicing with the yes sets. I think that's pretty easy to begin with, that will build up the confidence, because there are so many language patterns, you know, hypnotic language patterns you can learn from, you can begin with, but I think yes sets are quite easy to begin with. That was very insightful. insightful. And I think, you know, you share so much valuable information, and people paid hundreds of dollars, you know, just to gain that information. I think the audience is going to, you know, get an edge in the communication, you know, if they just use a few patterns you just shared, I think. Would you like to say anything else, James?

Thank you guys so much for being here. Happy to meet you. If anyone has any questions, reach out to me on email, LinkedIn, Facebook, and I'm happy to continue the conversation.

Sure, sure. I'll share your contact details at the end of this presentation. So shall I begin my part now?

Absolutely. Happy to, happy to sit in on that as well.

Perfect, perfect, man. Thank you very much for sharing valuable information. Many years ago, when I started training and coaching people, I used to go to meet people. I had so much to offer, and I wanted to help people, and helping them to do more things in less time, to sell better, to lead better. And I was thinking that I can make a difference in people's lives by solving their problems. My knowledge and skill were irrelevant because I was expecting people to understand me, but nobody was giving me a damn. Nobody was paying attention to me, and I was knocking my head against the wall and wondering what's happening. And I was blaming things and people. I was thinking people are dumb, they don't understand me. And I could not talk to people and persuade them to buy what I was selling. And I thought I could have superpower to install the beliefs I had into the minds of others like magic. But, you know, obviously it's not possible. And I was clueless. And I realized that the only thing was stopping me from making more conversation was only me. My fear, hesitation, excuses, you know, all sorts of things that were holding me back. And I took the matter into my own hands, and I have turned myself from a shy and reluctant individual to an above-average communicator. Now I can, you know, make people listen to me for a long time. I, I hope so. Um, the thing is, I'm going to share with you what I learned, you know, to be a very powerful communicator, how to influence people. Now imagine, you know, you want to meet people and make strong connections with them so that you want to get what you want by helping them to get What they want. The conversation should be simple, but you don't know what to say. And imagine you want to meet a client to see the in your business, but you are unable even to book an appointment. Maybe you're going for a job interview; cannot convince interviewer to hire you. You get frustrated. You don't know what to do. Someone comes to you and say, "Hey." Be confident, you can do it. And you go with the energy. Yeah, I can do it. But after 10 minutes, you say with frustration, why can't I just say? Now imagine you can communicate with calm and confidence. You don't worry about the outcome of the conversation, but you focus on how you can communicate better so that you create the compelling and productive relationship using your communication. And that's exactly what's going to happen in this masterclass. So let's dive in. About 5 years ago, I had a client named Jason, and Jason is a very talented business person. He had some great business ideas. He knew what to do exactly, and he had probably the perfect understanding of running a business. He knew how to solve problems, but he had no idea how to present his ideas to investors He could not negotiate a lower price with his suppliers. That caused him a higher cost of production. As a leader, he had the compelling vision. His goals were defined, but his vision and goals were like rocket science for his team members. He could not convince his team members. His product was innovative and could change the way people live, and Sadly, you know, nothing really changed. And just because his ideas were new to his market, his potential customers were afraid to buy from him. Naturally, the customers were— would hesitate to buy and make objections before they invested money, and Jason could not convince them. And that was really worrying for Jason. And after struggling for a couple of years You know, he, he actually decided to learn how to communicate powerfully, and he was still searching for a ray of hope to survive his business. And he shared his experience, and I realized that there was something he could understand that enabled to articulate his ideas to others. Now, the thing is, he lacked the power of communication and presentation. We are rarely paid attention to empowering our language, and should I say, we were not encouraged to communicate powerfully. Being great at communication was important for elocution competitions and presentation of assignment and group discussion activities only. These activities were not normal in our school time, and we know what we know but cannot let others know, and because of it We are afraid to talk to people and could not create or nurture relationship. But why this fuss about being good at communication? Why can't people understand what we understand? Why our lack of communication is probably the biggest hurdle to get what we want? Isn't it their job to understand us? It is what it is. Why should I bother if I have an interesting conversation with others or not? So let's understand. Many years ago, I visited a shop to buy a new mobile phone. Now I knew what phone I was going to buy. The shopkeeper presented me the phone I wanted. He then suggested some other phones and was comparing his choice of phones with my chosen phone. And I strongly determined to buy my phone, but at the end of a friendly ninja-style conversation battle, he convinced me to buy the phone of his choice. He changed my decision without pushing me. At that time, I realized the magic of communication, how the communication can alter the decisions, perceptions, belief, and opinions. And I learned neuro-linguistic programming and conversational hypnosis. about a decade ago, and I improved my communication skills dramatically. And one of the teachers I learned NLP from, he told me, whatever you have so far and whatever you will have in your life, it will all come through communication. And this was a lightbulb moment for me. I started thinking that everything I have so far, it all came through communication only. My desire, hard work, and determination were irrelevant if I hadn't asked for what I wanted. I wouldn't have got what I have if I did not negotiate. Now imagine you're meeting two people. Their faces are covered with a mask. The person A is having the mask of the greatest monk, the Dalai Lama. And the person B is having a mask of well-known serial killer Pol Pot. And Pol Pot was the Prime Minister of Cambodia from 1976 to 1979, and he was responsible for the combined effect of slave labor, malnutrition, poor medical care, and execution is estimated to have killed around 2 million Cambodians. That's approximately 1/3 of the population, and he was a killer. Now Dalai Lama and Pol Pot are coming to you and want to talk to you. You need to speak to both of them separately. The question is, how will you have a conversation with both of them? If you are civilized and empathetic, which I believe you must be, you will love to talk to Dalai Lama, and you would avoid talking to Pol Pot. Now interestingly, after a conversation for five minutes, they remove the mask and you will see that they were common people just like us. Even they were just an ordinary people. You communicated differently when they had masks on their head. So what's the lesson? When I have seen many people who are brilliant, but they are not ready to talk. And here's an interesting fact. In just 8 seconds only, we decide whether we want to have a conversation or not, right? Okay, it applies to both parties, and you determine if you want to talk to some or not even before you say something or they say something to you. People decide to have a conversation with you in just 8 seconds. Let's understand in detail. Do this small exercise. It's really interesting. Go and meet random people, and it's preferable to meet strangers. Before you start the conversation, you need to expect that the person is boring, uninteresting, or ugly. Notice how you start the conversation and move on during the conversation, and I bet you would not even start the conversation. I will still ask you to give it a try. Now clear your mind and meet someone else. Before you start the conversation, now you need to expect that the person might be interesting, friendly, and think that you can be helpful to him. Now start your conversation. Notice how you start the conversation and move on during the conversation. Now notice how you experience the conversation. You will realize that the kind of expectations you have in your mind, that will decide the quality of your conversation. Now you have probably realized by now that how exactly people stop themselves to meet new people. This story tells us that we see the world as we want to look. We perceive the world based on our beliefs and experience. It is the reason why we avoid taking taking action of you know talking to certain people based on what we know about them, and it doesn't help us. We sometimes miss the opportunity to connect. This lost opportunity would cost us a lot. So from now on, you will meet the person. With the expectation of a great, friendly, and valuable conversation. And it is the foundation of a quality conversation with almost everyone. It is the biggest reason why the communication fails even before you start. So imagine you are in a sales meeting, and if you expect the buyer as rude or ignorant, you will listen to every single word they say as uninteresting. And even if they are not rude or ignorant, This conversation will not lead to fruitful end. Now, but maybe you say, oh, what if I have great expectation about the other person and still they don't, you know, they are not, you know, very interesting?

What you do?

Well, just think, what if you don't have great expectations about the other person? If we just take the responsibility for the success or failure of the conversation, we can take control of the flow of the conversation. If we expect the best, we most probably get the best, and if we don't, we certainly will not get the best. So friends, last month I was giving a speech to a group of sales executives about how customers decide to buy. And the speech lasted for about an hour or so, and after 30 minutes I was doing the summary of what I shared until then. I asked some question to the audience, and there was a sales executive from an insurance company, and I asked him, hey, what is the biggest obstacle these salespeople face? And he was not present in the moment. In fact, I talked about the same topic just 5 minutes before I asked him. He could not answer. I asked him if he knew if we had discussed that topic. He said, no, I was thinking of things I needed to do in the next week. I was thinking of something else too when you were talking about it, and I was also thinking of something else when you asked me the question. And I said, I noticed that when I showed up at the event I did not hold back. I put my message across. I was helping people out, and now we are in the halfway through and you were not paying attention. And he said, yes, that's true. And I said, yes, but the question is, where are you doing in your life more often just now? He said, oh my God, I think most of the time, and probably always, I don't actually You know, I'm not completely present in any environment. He and few others in the room were not paying attention, and they were having a conversation with themselves only. The same thing happens when we are having a conversation too. So what happens? We don't live in the present moment. In our head, we process the words faster than we listen. We don't listen fully. We go forward before the speaker says something. In every conversation, there is something to get to experience. Before, if you start— before, if you start experiencing the voice in your head, just like a real wisdom, right? And some intelligence would be, I watched this video course, and how I know I have a voice in my head? And that's intelligence. The wisdom is experiencing the voice in your head. Now, why people don't pay attention? Why just people don't listen? All right, let's find out. We have a piece of meat in our brain, it's called reptile brain. Its function is the survival of the individual. So for example, you are driving in your car and it starts raining heavily. And it's almost impossible to say that there is a lot of water under the road and you are having a conversation with yourself. And you are saying, maybe it's better to slow down, grab the steering wheel firmly, and just take it easy. Well, it's fine to pay attention. That's the whole purpose of the thing. If we would be sitting in a room and we hear a loud noise from the ceiling and we think it's going to crack and we do the conversation Or we get the hell out of this room. You listen to the voice in your head. The reptile brain helps you to survive, and it's a good thing. But the second thing this voice in your head is doing is— the reptile brain is this: it's making sure of the survival of who is— who the individual considers himself to be. It is responsible for everything that can make an impact on how we operate in life. the results we produce. Now, in every conversation we do, we are always trying to save ourselves from the possible dangers. However, most of those dangers are, you know, or fear are not real. Okay, most of the fear are not real. So let's understand the story of one of my clients called Chris. Now, Chris is a financial consultant and he faced a lot of rejection If you're in the business or sales, you have probably heard this. Oh, we don't have enough time. Try later on. Sometimes customers say, oh, we are extremely sorry, we don't have a budget right now. Sometimes they say, oh, it sounds really good, but we are busy with project and other things. We'll get back to you when we are free. And they never do. They never come back. Now, As you know, Chris has heard some rejections many times. He has tamed his reptile brain to play the same record over and over again. If you have experienced the same, it goes a little deeper. In every conversation, there has to be a connection, but most of the time there is no connection. Why? Because like many people, my client Chris is analyzing the conversation in his head. Such as, is this going in the right direction? Is this guy going to buy? Oh, I know he's going to say no without any reason. Should I talk about this or should I talk about that? Why doesn't he trust me and say yes? It happens to you too, right? Now, so the key is to apply what you already know. You must be willing to To alter your behavior. Okay, if you're in the business or sales, you have to be willing to serve people in order to grow your business. People often ask me, serve more people. So I'll say, people often ask me, how can I grow my business? And my answer is simple. Serve more people and deliver the value they expect from you. Simple as that. Now before I move on to that, I'll cover the topic again. Now what happened? You faced some rejections earlier on, but you know, don't we need to think deep during our conversation? Is it, isn't it good to make strategies in our head during our talk? Certainly. Can you not think about something else? But you are not having a conversation with the person across the table. You are having a conversation with yourself. I speak at the events and it's quite fun to have a speech at events. Let me tell you, because I know stuff, you see people like, hmm, yeah, and they immediately go into their head figuring this out. And the whole thing is the present moment, and miracles happen if you are really present. We are here to learn to make strong and engaging and powerful conversation, but one of the biggest obstacles is the fear of communication and rejection. Our reptile brain stops us from meeting new people and avoid communication. Having a conversation and having an engaging conversation are 2 different things. When you truly connect with others without being selfish, you create engaging communication, and we need to experience the conversation. Now let me share with you an experiment I asked one of my students to do, and I suggest you should do too. I know one of my clients called Damien. A few years ago, he was committed to being an engaging communicator. But he had no idea where to start from. And there's a magic in the momentum. If you want to do something you don't know how to do, you know, you should just start working and keep doing. Surprisingly, you will figure out how to do it. Your intuition will guide you. Now Damien was ready to make conversation with people, and I asked him to do only 2 things. That's two things, right? Step one, I ask him to do something that brings attention to him when he starts conversation. Okay, he has to do something that makes people pay attention to him. That's the first step. You don't need to know how, you just need to bring people's attention to you. And secondly, I ask him to make people pay attention to him for as long as possible, right? The same way, you just have to grab people's attention for as long as possible. Don't ask me why and how. You will figure out how you're gonna do it. But I also ask him to be cautious about not doing anything that offends or scares people, okay? Just be creative how you can be interesting, how you can bring people's attention to you. Now, why did I ask him to do it? I could have shared 1,000 techniques to improve his communication. He could have attended the 7-day workshop to be an excellent communicator. Those things would have been helpful when he implemented what he learned. Now, there is a shortcut to do an engaging communication, which is you should do exactly what, what Damien has done. Okay, which I just mentioned a minute ago. Step 1, do something that brings attention to you and you start the conversation. Secondly, during the conversation, make people pay attention to you for as long as possible. Remember, you are creative enough to find the ways to start the conversation and to make them pay attention to you for as long as possible. Now, sometimes you need to figure out how to make something work. We figure out as we move ahead. It's just like you are driving to a different place in the nighttime. You can't see the entire road, can you? You can only see 5 or 10 meters until the light reaches. Still, you move ahead and you see more 5 to 10 meters and see the road ahead. But what do you do? You keep moving. You can't see the entire road, but with that visibility of 5 or 10 meters, you eventually reach the destination. We can figure out how to do something when we start doing something. And as I mentioned before, you must be committed to change your behavior.

Right?

You got to take the action. You got to take the required action, should I add. Now, people often ask me, how can I grow my business? And my answer is simple, which I mentioned about 5 to 10 minutes ago. People are far too afraid to take action. And the answer to the question of how can I grow my business is simple. Serve more people. Simple. Serve more people and deliver the value they expect from you. In return of money, they pay you. It's that simple. There is no other magic answer, right? It's that easy. Deliver the exceptional product or service to your customers and they will become your fan and they will be ready to pay whatever the price you set. to be, uh, to suck to because they want results. And how do you build this systematically? The whole reptile brain thing makes people lazy. Although they, they can be busy 90 hours a week, right? People are generally busy, you know, they're still lazy. Laziness is driven by fear, and the fear of being uncomfortable, fear of rejection, fear of embarrassment. Fear of the word no. That's the reason why people don't communicate. They are not afraid of communication. They are afraid of rejection. They are afraid of embarrassment and criticism. They don't like to hear the word called no. Now, people fail because they listen to the reptile brain and take it so seriously. And they should not take it too seriously because real danger and perceived danger are 2 different things. People program to listen and obey their reptile brain, and they avoid taking action. Now finally, before I wrap up, let me share with you a powerful experience I created 7 years ago. I did a sales training, and there were 32 people in the room, and it was a TV stations selling ads, okay, they were selling advertisement on TV, and we really needed to impact sales. And the owner of the company said to me, Mayur, what are you going to do? I said, I'll help them to be more effective. And he said, so Mayur, are you going to teach more strategy? Are you going to share some cool closing techniques? Are you going to make them run on fire? Or, you know, a glass? Are you going to play some games to pump up the participants or something? You're going to, you know, play some motivational videos? I say no. What do we do here? I asked the owner to stay in his office. Okay, I asked him to stay in his office. I, I asked him to go out of the training room and I Just stayed with the participant in the training room. There were 32 people in front of me, and I said, do you have a phone? And do you have a list with people you can call? And they all say, you know, no, we don't have phone or list of people. I said, it's a sales training. We need to train, so go out and get the list. Get the phone and start calling people. Don't do anything, just go and call them. Just call them. Don't send a message, don't email, just call them up. That's it. Okay. They came back and sat on the chair. I was with them for 2 hours. So what did I do? Nothing. Just ask them to call people. They were hesitant initially. They said, "Oh, it's lunchtime. Oh, they must be busy. Oh, they may not answer." Whatever. I said, "Just cut your reptile brain and just call." Okay. So I asked each one of them. After two hours, I asked each one of them. How many appointments did you get? And I collected the answers. And the owner of the company, the CEO, walks in and asks, how is this going? I said, I don't know, you judge. We have, you know, I don't know how many appointments, like let's say 150 appointments. And he looked at me and he was like, how is it possible? How did you do it? I said we just did what was required. Most people don't do what is required and they hide behind activities of way to look good. We want to look good as people and the whole thing's what you want to look good. They just pick up the phone and they just took the action. I would say required action. That was the only thing that was needed. So if you take anything out of this lecture, the big thing about this masterclass is most people are having a conversation with themselves. They're not able to do what is required in a sales conversation or any conversation that we do. And in almost each conversation, we are selling something. We sell our ideas, opinions, perspectives, and thoughts. This is the result of the powerful conversation, or should I say hypnotic conversation. We get what we want when we have connection with others. You can't impact people when you are in your head. So the big secret of today's masterclass is stay out of your head and do what's required. So that's the end of this session.

I'm done now.

Thank you.

Hey, Mayur.

Thank you, Mayur. So any feedback, any question?

Yeah, to that mindset and that confidence, confidence. Have a visualization technique that I teach to clients who are having trouble or having really being able to identify the bold, confident So what I do is I tell them, imagine that you're about to go on vacation. You are in the airport and there is a couple of people sitting behind you and they happen to be discussing you. You happen to hear your name. They don't know you're there and you eavesdrop. And these 2 people are about to say 3 things about you. And there— and whenever you walk away, whenever you walk, you're going to feel better than you've ever felt in your entire life. What 3 things, what 3 character traits did they say about you? And maybe it's, uh, knowledgeable, uh, intelligent, funny, kind, considerate, whatever your 3 words are. Take those 3 words and Really, really connect with what you look like, what you feel like, and how it sounds when you are presenting that version of yourself to the world. And oftentimes just that small little visualization technique to help that person really be able to visualize and connect to the confident and bold version of themselves so that they can pick up that phone and make that phone call.

Perfect, perfect, man. That was brilliant, man. That was brilliant.

Well, thank you so much, Mayur. I really appreciate it. I really appreciate it.

Yeah, yeah, sure. And just, uh, for the kind information for the attendees, James Patch can be contacted via jamespatch.com. You can catch him on Facebook or LinkedIn. If you want to mail him, james@jamespatch.com. And if you want to know more about Mayur Bardolia, that's me, it's mayurbardolia.com. catch me on Facebook, LinkedIn. You can shoot an email to me on mayur@mayurbardolia.com. That has been wonderful. So James, you have covered the hypnotic language patterns really well with great examples. And thank you very much for coming and, you know, sharing your valuable insight.

Absolutely. Thank you for having me again, Mayur, and I can't wait to do it again.

Yeah, same to you. And thank you. Thanks to all participants for being here. And have a good day or good night wherever you are in the world. So take care, all the best to you. Bye for now.

Bye-bye.