How to deal with jealousy and stay happy?

Hi, this is Mayur Bardolia and you are listening to Love Your Business Podcast. This podcast isn't about magical tactics on running the business that makes you bored and tired. Instead, it's about how to love your business so that you can enjoy doing it and enjoy more time for yourself.

I suggest a small experiment. Take your friend to his favorite restaurant for lunch or dinner. Tell him to order his favorite dish. Now sit across from him and order what you like. The only rule is that throughout the meal you cannot look at your plate. You should keep looking at your friend's plate, talking to him, and watching him eat his food while you are having your food. So please don't cheat. Don't look at mirrors or anywhere else. Don't ask your friend to instruct you anything. But just don't look at your plate. Just keep looking at your friend's plate. Can you imagine how uncomfortable the meal would be? Now despite having your favorite dish in front of you, You can't enjoy it, and it doesn't matter that you have watched your friend eat every bite of his plate. Now his plate is an analogy for his life, and your plate is yours. And this is what happens when you keep watching someone else's life instead of focusing on how you can do better in hours, how you can enjoy your life. There is really no point in doing that. And this is what we do when we are jealous, or you may call it hate or envy. Facebook and other social media platforms were designed to interact with more people, and its purpose is to connect people and engage them. It's quite good. It has helped me and many others to connect with people we would have never met. And our life has changed. Our habits are different than before. People spend more amount of time on social media, and sometimes it's for good too. But there are also some bad things about it. You have probably heard this story before as well. And I was talking to a friend of mine, Mr. Dharmesh Joshi, who helps people in dealing with emotional problems. He said that there is a huge rise in clients who are dealing with lower self-esteem, anger, and greed. And our discussion went on for 2 hours or so. He found out that most of his clients were using social media extensively. They become jealous of others. They became jealous and jealousy led to them feeling unworthy and angry. They keep checking what others are saying and what others are doing. And you might have experienced this too. Envy or jealousy is driving people to good results at some level. But if it's not handled correctly, it can make you miserable. This jealousy or envy is found in everyone, including me. I admit it. I was jealous and I was envious. The jealousy builds up quickly, and most of the time without your awareness. We want our peers to succeed as long as they don't see more success than we do. Well, other people's success makes you feel insecure. Other people's success makes you think about your mistakes, failures, and shortcomings. It is scary, and it is this type of thoughts that ruin our life. You want to be happy and motivated, but the feeling of envy makes you frustrated. And we don't want to live life like that, and we don't want to do business like that. So let's find out how to deal with jealousy and stay motivated instead. So we are going to discuss 3 things. Number 1, is it good to be envious or not? Number 2, how to stop being envious? And number 3, how to stay happy and motivated instead? Let's find out. The first part is, is it good to be jealous? Can envy really help us? Well, in the summer of 2015, I had a chance to meet a swimming coach who was coaching swimmers who were playing at an international level. Now, swimming is a fast-paced game where you need to be at high energy level at all times. It's one of those sports where you are required to have strong stamina. So I asked him about what a swimmer must have to win the race, and he answered, Just keep an eye on your finish line and don't look elsewhere. Feeling envy is a warning you should refocus on yourself. In life and business, we do random things. We are trying to find out what others are doing. We secretly follow our competitors on social media and find out what they're doing. Then we start copying. Well, it doesn't work out. Why? Because we are not focusing on our efforts. We are focusing on what others have got, and we feel angry. Copying others may work at certain level. I agree with that. But when we look at people posting their income, their cars, their house, and their holiday pictures, we feel that others are having all the fun and I am not. Nobody posts their failure or miserable life on Facebook or shares in public. We don't see what they don't show. We don't live our dream life, and we feel hate and jealousy when others have what we don't have. Envy makes us ugly from the inside out. It consumes your energy and turns it into negative energy. And as a result, you feel tired, unworthy, and depressed. And soon you become lazy and you become addicted to jealousy and you want more proof to feel jealous. So it keeps going on. This negative energy builds up inside you and it drains even more energy. And guess what? You release more hate. You get angry and irritated. Jealousy is a poison that occupies enormous space in the mind, and as a result, you stop creating ideas. You struggle to focus and become lazy. You look elsewhere and don't focus on your finish line, and you lose. So winners focus on winning. And loses focus on others. So that takes us to the second part: how to stop being jealous. In my journey of life, I have been doing a lot of things. I worked in textile companies, hotels, corporations, universities, colleges, and many more things I can't even remember. And I've seen the time when I had no work. When I started in the training and coaching business in 2010 or '11, things were not moving at all. In fact, for a year there was almost no work. I was going here and there, but nothing significant was happening. I presented at places and almost none of them replied, and there was no hope. It was complete darkness. Then I got my first client. I at least began with something, and then I served a few more clients. Fortunately, some of them liked what I did for them, so they recommended me to more people. The darkness was moving away slowly. Then more people were added to my list. There were many people I did not even know have recommended me. I got support from people, and they were like angels to me. I started moving up. I was serving clients in my city, Surat, in India, where I previously lived before moving to Canada. Eventually, I started delivering training to people from all over India and the world. My products and courses have reached more than 150 countries. It took 10 years. It was not possible without those few angels who gave me the opportunity to demonstrate my skill. Those people helped me to kick off my business and gave me the confidence to create more content, courses, and products. They were way ahead of me in business, and, and if they did not have come into my life, I wouldn't be speaking on this podcast. They gave me love, kindness, and support. And this is what I don't want to forget. It helps me in dealing with jealousy. So when I envy, I quickly remind myself of what I was when I started. I go back to the time when I started and It gives me pleasure and joy. This trick has helped me stay focused on my work and my finish line. And I'm still going forward. I'm still in the process of learning more and delivering more. I don't feel envy because the people who trusted me in the early stage of my life remind me to be kind, caring, and helpful. Because we don't want to be jealous. We also want to enjoy doing our business and enjoy our life. So that takes us to the third part: how to stay happy and motivated instead. Let's find out. I was having a walk at the seaside near my place. At one point, I saw a man catching crabs, and he had a big bucket full of crabs. I saw that every time a crab tries to get out of the bucket, another crab pulls it down. Each crab who could not get out of was trying to pull the crab who was trying to get out of the bucket. They all hated each other. If I cannot get out, by all means, I won't allow you to get out of the bucket. But some crabs managed to escape and ran away. They survived and went back to the sea. We are like those crabs trying to pull the other crab down, but it doesn't work. The crab has escaped, and now we are left alone in this dark bucket, and we are afraid. We see no light. You spend days and weeks and months in the bucket, contemplating and wishing and thinking to get out of this darkness. You're tired of seeing the people around you doing well while you are trying to make things work. They're making big money, getting a good life, and you are in the same position or at the worst position. You regret wasting your time, money, and energy. No matter how hard you try, you can't get ahead of others when you envy them. It's pointless to follow someone and hate them at the same time. You don't need to keep checking others where they are heading. You haven't got any clue where they're heading. You don't know their purpose. Their goals are different than yours. Yet you secretly want to reach where they are going. Your envy gets you so distracted from your road that you go in a whole different direction you don't want to go to. Instead, you can focus on what matters to you. Your competitors have different plans. You can never know. By the time you know their plans, they are already many steps ahead of yours. They are ahead of us, or probably we think they are ahead of us. That's why we feel jealous. Now, here's the thing. If I envy people ahead of me, I cannot become like them because you can't get what you hate. So if you hate what people have, you can't get what they have. If you envy people where they are right now, You cannot get to that position. It's because when you hate, your mind starts avoiding it or starts disliking it. You are only comparing with yourself because everybody is you. To envy another is to envy yourself. To beat another is to beat yourself. You could learn from the person you envy if you're not blinded by hate and bitterness. Learning feels better than hate. A better life is waiting on the other side of envy. And envy is a negative version of inspiration. Jealousy, envy, and insecurity are chains for your mind that blind you to the approval of others. Make the most of your precious time on this earth. You were not created to live in guilt or envy. Every life is special in the sense that is different. I cannot compete with you and you cannot compete with me. The only person I can compete with is the person I was yesterday. Competing with others is not only a waste of time. It's a waste of life because it will get you off your track and will have you doing stuff you hate. Don't compete with the crowd. Just keep an eye on your finish line and follow your track with a smile on your face. That takes us to the end of the podcast. Let's summarize what we have covered in this podcast. We want our peers to succeed as long as they don't see more success than we do. Other people's success makes you feel insecure, and other people's success makes you think about your mistakes, failures, and shortcomings. We also discuss whether is it good to be jealous or not. Feeling envy is a warning. You should refocus on yourself. We secretly follow our competitors on social media and find out what they're doing. Then we start copying, and it doesn't work.

Why?

Because we are not focusing on our efforts. We are focusing on what others have got, and we feel angry. So just keep an eye on your finish line and. Don't look elsewhere. So jealousy consumes your energy and turns it into negative energy. As a result, you feel tired, unworthy, and depressed, and soon you become lazy. And jealousy is a poison that occupies enormous space in mind. You stop creating ideas and you struggle to focus. And become lazy. You look elsewhere and don't focus on your finish line, and you lose. Winners focus on winning, and losers focus on others. Then we talk about how to stop being jealous. I've seen the time when I had no work for almost a year. Then I served one client, and few more clients were added. And things started getting bigger. It took about 10 years, and it was not possible without those few angels who gave me the opportunity to demonstrate my skill. And they were way ahead of me in business, and if they did not have come into my life, I wouldn't be speaking on this podcast. They gave me love, kindness, and support. And that's what I don't want to forget. It helps me in dealing with jealousy. So when I envy, I quickly remind myself of what I was when I started. I go back to the time when I started, and it gives me pleasure and joy. This trick has helped me stay focused on my work and my finish line. Because I also want to enjoy doing my business and enjoy my life. And in the third part, we talk about those crabs who could not get out and were trying to pull the crab who was trying to get out of the bucket because they all were hating each other. But some crabs managed to escape and ran away. They survived being hunted. And went back to the sea. We are like those crabs trying to pull the other crabs down, but it doesn't work. It's pointless to follow someone and hate them at the same time. Competing with others is not only a waste of time, but it's a waste of life because it will get you off the track And we'll have you doing stuff you hate. So just keep an eye on your finish line and follow your track with a smile on your face. That's the end of the podcast. So what's happening in my world? Every time you're talking to someone, you're presenting your ideas. Whether it's a business, sales, writing something, or even talking to someone. Presentations. Yeah, we all have to make presentations if we want to sell our products, services, or just an idea. So what makes a good presentation? And would it surprise you to hear that presentations on paper are not that different from presentation in person? And finally, it's all about the elements, and if you get the elements right, you are halfway there, but your presentation is still not home dry. You can have the best presentation, but if you don't do the preparation right, you can still goof it up big time. We have a small audio program with a small ebook that's called How to Make Engaging Presentations. How to turn a sluggish audience into an enthusiastic one with your presentation, either on paper or in person. So to purchase this program, go to nordstarangel.com/engaging. It'll make sure you get it right the first time around. It's straightforward, simple knowledge that is easy to follow. Try it and see it working really well for your business or any presentation. At the end of this program, you are going to learn How you can make a powerful presentation that not only gets your client's attention, but also gets them interested. Number 2, why your presentation will still fail despite having all the goodies. And then what makes some people more successful than others. And I trust you are going to get the excellent value from this product. So go to northstarangel.com/engaging. It's Mayur Bardolia. Bye for now. Still listening? So if you haven't subscribed to my podcast or newsletter, go to northstarangel.com/ subscribe. Once you subscribe, you will get my free ebook, One-Liner Report. It will show you how you can explain your business so that your customers listen and understand in just 1 minute. You will also get more podcasts full of new ideas, free articles, offers, announcements, and free goodies. You should subscribe if you haven't yet. So go to northstarangel.com/subscribe. It's Mayur Bardolia signing out.