In this Love Your Business Podcast episode, host Mayur Bardolia explores how to become likable and trustworthy by sharing stories, research, and practical techniques. He begins with the remarkable story of Black musician Daryl Davis, who befriended and convinced numerous Ku Klux Klan members to leave the hate group, illustrating that genuine friendship can change deeply held beliefs. Bardolia then presents psychological evidence of the "reciprocity of liking" from experiments by Elliot Aronson, Philip Borsell, and Adam Hampton, showing that people automatically like those who express liking toward them. The third segment examines Nazi interrogator Hans Scharff, whose empathetic, non‑coercive approach built trust with prisoners and extracted valuable information, reinforcing the power of kindness and rapport. Drawing from these examples, Bardolia outlines actionable steps: active listening, showing kindness, spending shared time, and using matching‑and‑mirroring techniques. He promotes his book "Conversational Hypnosis: How to Communicate Hypnotically," which details these methods, and provides contact information for his North Star Angel coaching services. The episode concludes with calls to subscribe, share, and review the podcast.
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Hi, this is Mayur Bardolia and you are listening to Love Your Business Podcast. This podcast isn't about magical tactics on running the business that makes you bored and tired. Instead, it's about how to love your business so that you can enjoy doing it and enjoy more time for yourself. What to do if someone hates you without even knowing you? We like to associate ourselves with people. We need a sense of belongingness. One of the ways to connect with people is to Share the same interest. And here I would like to share a story of a black man who managed to convert a lot of KKK white supremacists. KKK means Ku Klux Klan. If you don't know what the KKK is, then let me tell you. Ku Klux Klan is a white supremacist hate group in the United States. It was founded in 1865 in Pulaski, Tennessee state by former Confederate soldiers. It was promoting extreme racism, anti-Semitism, anti-Catholicism, and xenophobia, and it's often through violence and intimidation. The KKK is known for its hooded robes, cross burning, and terrorist acts targeting African Americans, Jews, immigrants, and other minorities. Now, the black man I was talking about earlier is named Daryl Davis. While some people collect stamps, others collect coins, Daryl Davis collects Ku Klux Klan robes. Now, KKK robes are the specific garments worn by members of Ku Klux Klan, a white supremacist group, and these robes are iconic symbol of the KKK and are designed to evoke fear in people and sense of unity among members. Now, Davis is a Black musician And as I said before, he managed to convert a lot of KKK white supremacists to quit the Klan, to quit KKK, and give that pointy hat robes to Davis when they quit. And how does Davis change the minds of these folks? Do you think he use Better logic and give smarter arguments. No, we all want to convince people to accept our beliefs and make our friends. It's important to have friends and to really make them, you know, you know, our good long-lasting friends. And win them over. And how are we going to do it? In this podcast, we will discuss three things: number one, what makes people like you more; number two, how to make people think you like them; and number three, how to gain trust when you are the last person others can trust. Let's dive in. In this part, we will discuss how Daryl Davis changes beliefs. Now, Daryl Davis was 25 years old and playing R&B music in a bar in Maryland that white supremacists frequently used to visit. And after this show, He received a weird compliment from a customer who said it was the first time he heard a Black man play music well. And instead of getting nervous, Davis laughed and asked the customer to have a drink with him. And over the course of conversation, he realized that that guy was a member of KKK. A secret fraternal society that believes that people with white skin color are superior. And during that conversation, Davis made a decision. He wanted to talk to more members of the KKK. He decided to write a book to explore the question, why do you hate me? When you don't even know me. So his new friend at the bar got him in touch with Roger Kelly. Now, Roger Kelly was one of the leaders of the KKK in Maryland, and Kelly agreed to meet Davis when he heard he wanted to write a book, but Kelly did not know he was black. The first meeting was tense, but somehow they met again and again a few more times. Very soon, Kelly asked Davis to be the godfather for his daughter, and he quit KKK. And Roger Kelly even closed the Maryland chapter of Of KKK and eventually gave his KKK robe to Davis, and he was the first of many KKK members to do so. So, how did the impossible happen, and that too multiple times? In Daryl Davis's own words, he said he does not set out to convert these people. But instead, to make friends with them, they convert themselves. How does he make friends with people who have a reaction on seeing him? Well, Davis focuses on what every human wants. So what every human wants is to be seen and heard, to feel understood. To be liked. And Davis does not argue or give denials. He simply listens and shows them that he likes them, even when they don't like him back. And you know what? It is impossible not to like someone who likes you. Now let's talk about the second topic, which is how to make people think you like them. Let's dive in. Two psychologists named Elliot Aronson and Philip Borsell, they conducted an experiment in which participants were grouped in pairs to engage in simple conversations, and after the conversation, they had to write a brief statement. On what they felt about their conversation partner. The participants were then allowed to read what their partner had written about them. The twist was that half of the participants were actors. They were asked to write that they liked their conversation partner a lot. Now, when the real participants read that they were liked by the conversation partner, then in follow-up, disregarding what they had written earlier, they all say that they like that partner more. That is, regardless of whether they liked it earlier or not. The same way Adam Hampton and his colleagues Performed an experiment to check what makes people like others more. They tested various factors. Do people like others similar to them? Do they like people who make them have more fun? Do they like people who help them grow? And by far the best factor that showed the strongest effect was certainty of being liked. If you knew that someone else like you, you would automatically start liking them. This reciprocity of liking is really strong in all of us. Why? Because people have an inherent need to belong. So we seek situations where we feel liked. I hope you like it. That takes us to the third part, how to gain trust when you are the last person Others can trust. Let's dive in. Hans Scharff. Sorry, let me spell it for you. Hans, H-A-N-N-S, and Scharff, S-C-H-A-R-F-F. He was a Nazi officer who interrogated prisoners of war. And he was the most successful interrogator and got out a lot of secrets. Can you guess how? Unlike his fellow officers, he never tortured. He never showed that he had power over prisoners. He never even asked a lot of questions about war. Instead, he tried to build a bond with the prisoners. Really good connections with them. Took them out of the prison environment for walks, shared meals with them, and talked about everything except the war. His kindness and empathy got the prisoners to tell him things they would never reveal under torture. So when the prisoners believed that Scharff liked them, They started trusting him. It's impossible not to like someone who fakes likes you. And that's what Darryl Davis, whom we talked about in the first part of the podcast, did. And he was good at it too. He makes people think he likes them. He listens. He tries to understand. He doesn't judge. He shares meals and experiences with them. He shows kindness. In fact, he goes above and beyond in showing kindness. When KKK leader Richard Preston was arrested for firing a gun at a political party, it was Darryl Davis who put up a bond for him. And while Preston was sentenced to 4 years in prison, he went in as a changed man because of Davis. David shows that the way to change the world is by becoming a friend of the world. To summarize, it's impossible not to like someone who likes you. People have an inherent need to be seen, heard, and understood. So just actively listen and be kind. Share time and small experiences with them. And they will build a bond with you, a strong connection with you. That takes us to the end of this podcast. Let's find out what's happening in my world of North Star Angel coaching and spiritual solutions. A famous motivational speaker, Tony Robbins, said, the quality of your life is the quality of your relationship. People who like each other tend to like each other. When you like somebody, you tend to be like that person, and we like people who are like us. You feel comfortable with somebody you like. Another thing is that rapport happens, or a strong connection happens, at an unconscious level. Now, in order to establish a rapport with someone or a strong connection with someone, we have to use same principle. And there's a very famous technique to build rapport which is called matching and mirroring. In one of my recently republished book called Conversational Hypnosis: How to Communicate Hypnotically, I have shared this technique to establish a strong connection with anyone without saying much. It's a powerful technique you can use with anyone and instantly connect with others. You should get this book, Conversational Hypnosis: How to Communicate Hypnotically. It's available on Amazon. And along with establishing a strong connection with others, so that they start liking you. You will also find some mistakes most people make while connecting with others. And you will not only learn how to get liked, but also how to lead others to the way we want so that you get their agreement and trust. And there are so many tips and techniques in this book that will make you a better communicator. You will like it. So go to Amazon and find out Conversational Hypnosis: How to Communicate Hypnotically by me, Mayur Bardolia. It's available in 3 versions: Kindle, paperback, and hardcover. Choose any version you like. If you wish to reach out to me, send an email to contact@northstarangel.com. Find me on LinkedIn and Twitter. Just type my name and you will find me. That takes us to the end. It's Mayur Bardolia. Thank you for listening. Bye for now. Still listening? You're listening to the Love Your Business Podcast. If you like what you heard in this podcast, You should share this with your friend. Ask your friend to subscribe to Love Your Business Podcast. Share the link northstarangel.com/subscribe. They probably love the Love Your Business Podcast. They will thank you later. Please leave a review of Love Your Business Send your question, or if you want to talk to me, just send me an email at contact@northstarangel.com. I will answer. Yes, I read and reply to every single email. It's Mayur Bardolia. Thank you for listening. Bye for now.
