I think I'm allergic to lies. 😵‍💫

I think I'm allergic to lies. Back in the 90s, I worked at Hallmark, as in, yes, greeting cards, picture me, blue smock, name tag, helping sweet people pick out birthday, baptism and baby cards. I have such nostalgia for those days when someone had just come from a real life bank with a crisp $10 bill to mail an actual envelope with a stamp. But I digress. Two things I took from that job. A love of gift giving and a deep appreciation for fancy wrapping. Fast forward 30 something years to this past Christmas and I went to a number of gift exchanges. Each gift was individually wrapped by me because, you know, details matter. Hallmark trained. So when I received a gift a few days later in my reused gift bag with the original very wrinkled tissue paper inside, of course I noticed. But hey, not everyone has a Hallmark blue smock origin story. And I would have completely let this go except for one thing. She lied to my face. Right as she was handing me my gift in my old bag, she said, oh, I liked your bags so much, I bought some myself. I know that wasn't true. And I've tried to tell myself it's not a big deal. It's a bag. It's tissue paper. People reuse things. I reuse things. But why lie about it? Why would you lie about it? Was it really worth lying about it? She could have just said, I reused your bag or I was running late, or honestly, nothing at all. So what bothered me is that this goes all the way back to Hallmark for me. Back to when I made $4.25 an hour. Back to standing there in a blue smock holding some sweet little old lady's hand while we picked out a small bag for her baptism gift. Because it mattered to her. Because when I give a gift, it's something real. It means something. So when my bag was reused, handed back to me, and then lied about, it wasn't just about the bag. It was about what that lie did. It turned something meaningful to me into something disposable. And then it rewrote the story so that my part in it disappeared, she didn't just reuse the bag. She erased the meaning behind it. And then she lied to cover that erasure. And that's what felt jarring. Not the lack of gift wrap care, the rewrite. The sense that my history doesn't matter enough to tell the truth about. And I've thought about this more than I expected because it bothered me more than reused tissue paper or any wrinkled bag should. And there's a reason for that. When someone lies about something small, especially when there was no reason to lie. It tells you something about how they operate. It exposes their motive. And when someone is willing, even in tiny ways, to use you to protect their image rather than to tell small truths, that matters. This is why lies are radioactive to me now. They are red flags, and it's okay to notice that. In fact, you need to notice it, especially if you have a history of narcissistic abuse or manipulation. When someone lies, take note. Then ask yourself these three questions. What did the lie change? How did they benefit from the lie? And what did the lie cost you? If your answers are that they used you, rewrote something that mattered to you, or protected themselves at your expense, please know this. You're allowed to put space between you and anyone who's willing to use you. You're allowed to protect yourself from someone who's willing to harm you, even in small ways. And you're allowed to trust someone less when they've shown you that they're willing to lie. You Guys, this is a newsletter I sent a few weeks back and I thought it might be nice to read it here out loud. If you resonated with this and you'd like more episodes like this, share it with someone who needs permission to distance themselves from someone who's lying to them. That's how this podcast grows, and that's how I'll know to do this again. If you want, you can always email me@meadowetowdvoir.com and let me know. Thanks for listening.