I was wrong about “healing”. 😐

I was wrong about healing. I used to think that healing meant living big. That confidence meant being extroverted, that healthy meant fearlessness. I was wrong. I can tell you firsthand, after writing hundreds of blogs, scripts and newsletters, publishing books, coaching hundreds of people, and growing an audience of millions of views, we just passed 10 million views on YouTube, you guys. That it takes a level of strength I didn't fully understand when I began. I knew there would be pushback. I knew there would be trolling. I knew that there would be people who didn't want these conversations happening at all. And still, there are days when it crushes me to be called a narcissist dozens of times a day. To have every aspect of my physical appearance under scrutiny, as if it has anything to do with what I teach. Blonde hair, lip lines, vocal fry. Yep, that is me. To receive death threats. Actually, to receive hate mail, often. To be told to f off on Christmas morning because someone opted into my list and can't even believe that I have the audacity to try to make a living. But then there are mornings when someone writes, you don't know me, but you changed my life. Or your tools are helping me and my children cope with a horrific divorce. Or my parents and I watch your videos together. I think you saved my life. Thank you. There are days when opening my laptop feels like I'm under siege. And days when I feel like I'm fighting the good fight for my friends and loved ones. Days when I feel exposed. Days when I wonder how much longer I can stay strong. Days when the weight of holding space for so many painful stories feels heavier than I can handle. And when I'm honest with myself, I realize how familiar that feeling is. Because many of you feel this way, too. Not as creators, but as people who have lived with narcissism, manipulation, or emotional harm. That feeling of never fully being out of danger, that fear of recovery might never really finish. That question of whether you'll ever trust yourself or anyone else again. So instead of believing that healing had to look big, loud and fearless, I started asking a different question. What if healing looks smaller? What if confidence isn't about being unafraid, but knowing when to step back? What if being healthy doesn't mean pushing through, but knowing when enough is enough? As I move into the coming year, the most helpful thing I'm allowing myself is permission to live a smaller day than I think I should. Not a smaller life. Not a smaller purpose, just a smaller day. Less output than I demand of myself. Less strength than I Expect less social pressure, less explaining, less proving less and more containment, more rest, more kindness towards the parts of me that are still healing. And that permission has brought a sense of real relief. If you're coming out of narcissism or emotional harm, you may still feel like you're never fully out of danger, like recovery has no clear finish line. Or like trust in yourself or in others is still really fragile. And if that's you, I want you to know this needing smaller days right now doesn't mean you're struggling. It doesn't mean you're not enough. It doesn't mean you're weak. It means you're honoring what you've been through. And if that idea brings even a small sense of relief, you're allowed to take it. You deserve that kindness, too. You guys, this is a email that I sent to my newsletter in the beginning of January, and I was thinking that maybe the podcast would want to hear it out loud. So if you like this and you want me to do this again, here's how you let me know. Send this to somebody who needs to know that they are allowed to live a smaller day, because the way the podcast works is it only grows if you share this. So if we see a little bump, then we'll go, oh, okay, let's do it again. Because I spend an enormous amount of time on my emails, and if you subscribe, that is awesome and I really appreciate. But I also thought that maybe just hearing these things in my own voice and you get to hear a different side of me and more things that I'm personally working on, because usually my newsletters are something that is specifically happening in my life that I'm thinking about. So hope you enjoyed this. If you liked it, send it to a friend and. Or email me at meadow@meadowdivore.com and let me know. Okay, thanks, guys.