101: New Beginnings & Chosen Grief

Foreign. Welcome back. It is so wonderful to be here with you all. For those of you I have not had the opportunity to jam with, my name is Melissa and I am the host of the Grief and Guts podcast where we talk about the not so comfortable things. This started in honor and memory of of my daughter Leiden, who passed in 2014. And like many of you, as my journey has evolved and the lessons I learn evolve in order to share in truth and in full alignment, the topics in which we talk about and the areas that we explore here on the show have evolved as well. And we are back. It has been a year and 10 months, I believe, since the last episode, and somehow you all have made it. So this show is ranked top 3% globally. When I found that out, I cried to know that what we are creating here is making an impact, that you all are willing to look at uncomfortable and difficult truths, to look at things differently, to do the work, and that I'm able to allow the light and the life of my daughter Laden to continue to shine. There are no words. So thank you. Now, today we are going to be diving into a really relevant topic called New Beginnings. Right. New Beginnings and chosen Grief. Really? And I want you to think about that. Now, Grief, as a little refresher is much more than loss of life. Grief can be loss of the life that you envisioned. It can be a loss of a relationship, a job change, a move, an empty nest, an infertility journey. Grief is such a wider experience than the death of somebody. Now, of course, death is the most intense manifestation of grief, but it is very important to talk about other manifestations of grief that happen on a daily basis. Well, why? So that we can navigate it in a way where it doesn't destroy us. But we're not shocked by it. We're not afraid of it. We're not shut down by it. We're actually empowered and standing in our possibility regardless of our circumstance. So New Beginnings, very relevant. A year and 10 months off is a long time. So what the hell have I been up to? Well, to be honest, at the time that the show stopped, I had a second show going for my business partnership. It was consuming a lot of time, and it just felt as though this needed to take a backseat. This needed to take a backseat or pause. And truthfully, while that was the story I was telling myself, the truth was something within me was out of alignment. I wasn't totally clear on where I was going and what I was doing on paper. And how many of you can relate to this, right? On paper, everything's great. I'm running a seven figure business. I own a home in Tulum. I'm happy. There was not a part of me that was unhappy. And that's, that's a really subtle and yet massive distinction that I'm going to invite you all to explore. Just because something isn't broken doesn't mean it's optimized or we are fully in alignment or fulfilled. We many times wait for things to break or fall apart before we do the work or before we go in. And so for me, having done enough work, there was just something that I knew felt off, but I wasn't sure what it was. So I paused the podcast and began kind of looking within. Within that time frame, I went and did a lot of healing and inner work at a whole new level. I traveled to Peru, I worked with shamans. I was with an amazing group of individuals, really a family. We did a lot of work in a much more spiritual, healing, embodied way. And I came back and went right into an intense container of work, of looking within in a much more tangible way and a much more how I'm living my life every day. And in that space, I declared that what my vision was for myself, right, obviously, is to create possibility and empowerment in everyone around me and to show you all what is possible, regardless of your circumstances, to show you you are stronger than any circumstance. Any breakup, any job change, any financial number in your bank account, you are stronger than any of that. But the vehicle that I yelled out to my own surprise that I'm really committed to and deep in my soul and my intuition and my purpose to bring my vision to life is through writing and speaking. And so at that time I stepped into what I'll call chosen grief, which is actually making the choice to create loss. Right, this could be for some of you, choosing to leave a job or a relationship or, you know, choosing to just start over. And for me, I chose to completely change and shift the way in which I was working. That came with a lot of difficult conversations, a lot of self doubt, a lot of fear. I reached out to my now a partner in my book publishing contract because, yeah, we publishing a book, guys, and said, hey, do you want to buy my company, my business partnership? We are, you know, we're going to be dissolving or selling and we're looking into options. And he said, well no, but what are you going to do? And I said, mike, I don't really know. I just know I'm meant to write and speak. He's like, amazing. Let's have a conversation. So as I continued to trust the process and follow through on my commitments and taking care of the business that was shifting, I also began just staying open to all the opportunities. Because that conversation, where I had no attachment to any outcome, created an opportunity which led to a book publishing deal which is in the works. So stay tuned. But what I want to talk about is that I was still in grief. I was still in grief. I was still in pain. I was crying. I felt pain, feeling physical pain in my body. So for those of you who might experience that and go to quiet that pain or dismiss it and say, well, I picked this. I don't have a right to be upset. This is your permission slip to honor all of your emotional experiences, especially the chosen ones. Just because we are intentionally grieving, it doesn't mean we aren't grieving. And by definition, a new beginning comes with the closure of something. And so how do we become much more comfortable with closures and new beginnings and closures and new beginnings? Because that is the birth and death that happens every single day. Every single day. And when we resist it or shame it or judge it or stick stifle it, we're actually clogging the space for the new to come in. So hear me in that when we fight or we resist or we are tense, closed off by judging our experiences, trying to control them, caught in self doubt. When we're in those energetic states, those lower vibrations we innately right, we close off the invitation for what's new. We close off our ability to receive. Well, the benefit of a closing chapter is what's available in the new. So if we are closing a chapter, how can we do so in a way that we don't miss the new? Because the closing is happening. So how can we work our energy and our thoughts and our emotions and our mind to not miss what's available? Right. It's like, well, we might as well get the ROI on this challenge, on this pain. Truly think about that, though. So often we miss the ROI of challenges and pains, there is ROI in them. I hate to say it. As a bereaved mom, I hate to say that there's opportunity and growth and blessings available through the grief journey after losing my daughter. Leighton, I hate saying that. Why? Because I feel like it makes it sound like I'm okay with what happened or it was meant to be. No, it wasn't meant to be. I will never believe that. Perhaps Laden fulfilled her purpose. Like, we can go into all those conversations in another episode. If you want more on that, shoot me a message, right? But none of that's relevant. It will never be okay for me. I will trade everything I've learned. I will trade this top performing podcast. I will trade my book. I will trade everything to have laid in back. And that wasn't chosen grief. So where are we? Loving ourselves and trusting enough to stay open. That whether chosen grief or unchosen grief, we are not missing what is available for us to grow and be rebirthed and to find new opportunities and new ways of being and new things to create. And so as I've found myself in this space of new creation, now here are some signs when we're out of alignment, right? And now as a creator, I'm a very creative person manifesting Generator two four. Where you at? Human design peeps, right? I have a very defined sacral center, creation, expression and a really strong connection to my intuition that is my human design. Whether or not you believe in that, sure, we can do another episode on that as well. We got all the goods coming your way. But naturally, I am a creative and expresser and with a strong intuition. When I was fighting my intuition and when I was out of alignment, now why was I fighting it? Did I ever wake up and say, I'm going to fight my intuition today? No. Do I think any of you wake up and say I'm going to friggin fight my higher self and my intuition today? Absolutely not. But what happens? Right? The human experience kicks in. The ego. Now ego isn't I'm so great. Ego is that little voice that wants to keep us safe and feeling accepted and worthy so that ego kicks in of fear of oh my God, well, what do I do if I don't do this? Or wow, this is my definition. This is how I'm known. This is how the world has come to know me. If I leave the way in which I'm known, where am I? All of these things ultimately driven by fear and the fear driven by ego. Ego's desire to keep us safe. Ego is not bad, okay? But all of that clouds our ability to truly be in our higher purpose and in full alignment and flow. So for me, when at a subconscious level I was fighting what I knew was calling to me, I was fighting it. What did I do? Forms of self sabotage, right? I don't want to leave this. Maybe I can create an environment that will make it not last. Not great. Also, I know I'm not alone. I see this all the time with hundreds of clients I've worked on Another sign for me was it was much harder for me to be on social media, like really hard. It was laborsome, right? Think about it. Social media is just a place of being seen. Well, if you're not fully seeing yourself where you're looking yourself in your eyes and you know you are living in your highest truth, full alignment, self expression, it can be a struggle to be on social media, right? Wasn't because I was uncomfortable, it was literally that things weren't flowing. Whereas as I find myself in such full alignment, I am like setting records for what is coming through, for creation of ideas for whether it's social or podcasts or whether just hopping on my stories. You all know I love stories, right? But these were all signs. And so I share this to invite you into knowing what are your signs that something's out of flow. Another one for me was it was really hard to get out of bed. It was really hard to get out of bed. Now I had some physical stuff going on and I had chronic fatigue and I was dealing with some stomach stuff in Mexico. But you know what? It was all related. All related. Lack of alignment is going to impact the immune system, which is going to create illness, which is going to only feed the lack of alignment. Now there are different degrees of lack of alignment. I wasn't wildly out of alignment. I've just done such deep levels of work that even tiny little kinks in my hose are felt. What do I mean by that? Well, think of a hose, put a little kink in it, right? We're not having that conversation with our significant other or we're avoiding looking at our bills or we're people pleasing or we're doing all those things like little kinks that take us out of our alignment. Most of the time we walk around with a lot of kinks in our hose. And what does a kink in a hose do? It stops flow. It stops flow. And so as we do the work, we unkink the hose and we create flow. Well, the level and depth in which I've done the work, I notice when there's just a tiny little kink, like I feel it. But I was afraid what supported me. Coaches, mentors, I don't care how much work you've done. I will not work with a coach that doesn't have a coach. I just won't walk the walk. Right? Your coaches are listening. Make sure you've got a coach or a mentor. Otherwise you are not embodying what you are asking people to practice with you. Right? If you are not A coach, and you have one. Like, make sure your coach is doing their work too. Truly, make sure. It's an important question to ask and you're worthy of asking it. Anyways, I'm basically previewing about 98 other episodes that we're going to get into, and, man, we got some good stuff coming. I have got some fire interviews coming your way, really good ones. But as we close out today, I just want to remind you, I appreciate you. Thank you for being here. I am so committed to my vision of empowerment and possibility. And this is one vehicle to do so. And that is something that I invite you all into as you are looking at chosen grief. Because the truth is, when I'm grieving, or was grieving, was the vehicle, not the vision, the vehicle in which I was using and driving. And we can have multiple vehicles. They were done for me, right? They had reached their mileage peak, right? It done some repairs on it, tried to work on the vehicles, but they just. They weren't serving me in my mission, my vision, in the way at which I wanted to play, right? When I say play, I say play this game of life. Because really, guys, we're all just playing this game of life. It's a game, it's beautiful, it's challenging, it's exhausting, it's exhilarating, it's inspiring, and it's game. So take a look around. Where are the kinks in your hose? What conversations do you get to have with yourself before having any externally? What tools are you putting in place to support you in that because you're worthy of it? Where are you shifting your vehicles? Maybe it's your career, your job, your relationship, where you live. Maybe it's, I don't know, writing or speaking. Speaking or creating or artwork. Where are you shifting your vehicles to be so fully aligned and now know that with every shift of a vehicle is an element of chosen grief. And here we don't hide from grief. We don't try and fight it. We don't deny it, we don't avoid it. We know here in this community that grief happens daily. And it is one of the most potent, energetic forces on the planet. So when we leverage that and honor it and fuel it, well, now we're elevating right now we're taking things to a whole new level. And as I said earlier, not missing the opportunities available, the new beginnings, the ascensions, the new lessons, the deeper ways of fulfillment or expression, whatever it may be for you, we don't miss that in our unchosen or chosen grief because we got the courage to look. And so I'm just honoring you all. Welcome back, man, it feels good to be back. You can count on me for episodes dropped weekly. Find me on Instagram, Elissa Dugalecki. Let me know what you loved, what you want to hear about next. And stay tuned, because we got some really, really fun content coming your way. Appreciate you all. Talk soon.