Episode 7: When success isn’t enough with Gary Kadi

I should do this and should do that and should do this. And then I was always in a guilt or a shame position. I didn't even feel compassion for myself. So how could I feel compassion for you? The best time to start is now on that piece. And then the last one is connection. Imagine if you start living from a new ground of being which you have the power to control. You can't shut that down from after you have millions and you don't need to work anymore. What, what's in the way is the way.

All right, everybody, welcome back to Scar Tissue. I have a very special guest here today, Gary, Katie, who came into my life through a mutual connection. And I think that really speaks to the power of building relationships that are going to be one degree apart from, from just quality people. Two degrees apart. And so, you know, as we ground into opening this episode, before I introduce him, immediate action teacher, step in me. Think about who you're surrounding yourself with because it will make all the difference in your life. And for me, Gary came originally looking for support around copywriting and this mission that he was launching to really fulfill this purpose that he stepped into. And from there we've kind of just grown and grown and grown our work that we do. But what I love about Gary is not only is he a brilliant entrepreneur who has absolutely mastered the art of scaling and selling your business while also enjoying yourself and having fun. Right. Scale, sell, smile. He's an incredible family man. He's just an incredible human who cares so deeply. And so when I partner with somebody at the level in which I've partnered with Gary, it really is a reflection of who they be and how they show up. What Gary has learned is life changing. So you're going to want to get your notebooks. And truthfully, the journey that he's on is completely heart led. He doesn't need to be doing the work that he's doing. He just knows it will change lives. And people like that are rare. So, Gary, welcome to the show.

Oh, I should have been here, you know, 10 years ago because I know we got the shits going on and you know, I used to shit on myself all the time. I would should on myself all the time, should do this and should do that and should do this. And then I was always in a guilt or a shame position, which is not empowering. And I didn't know I was even in it. It was insane. Yeah. I'm so grateful to be here, Melissa.

I mean, so glad you're here.

Thank you for the incredible introduction it's wild to hear the experience that somebody has of you. And I'm so grateful that our paths have crossed and we have this opportunity to. To share and connect.

Yeah, me too. Now, Gary's gonna have so much wisdom, particularly for those of you who want to strengthen your relationships. But really, I think everything is energy, Gary. And so the, the things that you're going to teach around relationships will apply to relationship with self, right? Health, business, whatever you're doing. So this is going to be universal, universally applicable. But you mentioned the word should, and that used to should on yourself all the time. Now, that is a big premise of my book Scar Tissue, where I learned after my daughter laid and died, when I was walking around like, this should not have happened, but the reality is that it did. And so I'm in resistance to the reality or comparing to an invisible checklist that I thought was supposed to be life. No, this isn't how it goes. This is what you do. You have the relationship, you have the baby, you have the job. You know what I mean? And like I said, well, this shouldn't have happened. And so talk to us about your experience with that and how that's impacted your life.

Oh, my goodness. Well, first of all, you know, I get moved when I hear you talk about your daughter, who. It runs deep to me now, like, oh, my goodness, I can't imagine what it feels like. And I. By the way, this is the beginning of it. I didn't. I didn't even feel compassion for myself. So how could I feel compassion for you? Like, if you find yourself, like, not being able to express some form of emotion, always look inside self first. You know, the, the thing I've learned is all of our answers are inside us, not out here. You know, and that, that pivot of looking inside, which is sometimes scary, was. That was a big turning point for experiencing life, you know, because I was grinding out. I mean, know, I. I was working 24, 7, 365. You know, that's when my wife used to call me, hey, mister. You know, 24, 7, 365. How you doing today? Like, Like, I'm. I'm over here, like, hello. Like, you know, here you are. Like, you're talking about your daughter, talking about a relationship. Like, there's all those other things that we entrepreneurs have, but really the first place to look if you're about looking to shift your experience and your fulfillment and your meaning and your connection and your wealth, go inside. Most of us want to go outside. And that was step One for me in the transformation, you know, so this idea of shoulding was like, externally driven by some outside factor that I thought I should do to validate who I was. This is a. This is a pretty powerful distinction here.

Well, I love. I mean, I think the word validate right there. Right. If I have these things or check these boxes, then I am worthy.

Exactly.

And I think it's the doing versus the being.

Yeah, right.

What am I doing versus who am I being?

Yeah, exactly. And we don't look at the beingness. You know, there's three elements of living, being, doing, and having. Most of us as entrepreneurs especially focus in on having results and outcomes defined by these things. And then we do what we do, and then we're going to be happy. It's all backwards. Beingness can be generated from us, from within, on a regular, and we could be at cause in the matter and do what we love to do. And then you have what you want to have. See, most of us want to have it first. Then we're going to do more of whatever it is, and then we're going to be happy. You can never get there. That's the someday, when, never. And that equation is backwards. When you flip the script of being plus doing, you have, if I'm. If I'm angry and in scarcity and that's my being, and I go sell my doing, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna have anything.

Right, right, right. And you know, I think what's so interesting about that, what I can relate to is when Laden passed away, it was as though, who am I now?

Yeah.

And I think that's very common. I speak, you know, my book, I talk a lot about grief and even empty nest and whatever it may be. But even as a mother, who we be extends beyond that. Right. Versus then what we do. I mean, I actually still embody a very maternal energy that I think, yeah, I got the mama energy.

Are you thinking you take care of me in my business, like, like the best mom I could ever have? Like, no kidding. Like, you are just that. And it's not because of like this angel who, who we lost physically but is. Is there present in a spiritual sense. And then you embody this mom energy that, you know, I, my. My spiritual mom taught me this. She goes, look, I have no kids, but. And I have no man, but I have a ton of romance and I have a ton of kids walking around that she's influenced. So it's this definition that boxes us in. And then the picture we think we need to have, but it may not look exactly like that in the world of worlds.

100%. I want to wrap this thought because I think it was really beautiful, but I want to bring it back to something that you've shared with me before, but just to kind of wrap that in the doing and the being. What I discovered was that me being in my maternal energy did not mean that I was doing the things that I thought I should do. Like I should be taking my daughter here, I should be that. So I encourage anyone to listen, like, yeah, what is it that you're doing that you're trying to tap into now? Would I prefer to have her here? Of course. But am I still able to tap into that maternal energy and let people feel that radiance? Right. And, and so, and sometimes even stronger when it's beyond the surface level, you know, but you know, you've shared your career. Let's get like, you know, you can give us the elevator version. Elevator pitch version of kind of, you know, your career when you were in that life of should.

Yeah.

On paper, wildly successful.

Yep.

Working 24 7, 365 as your wife nicknamed you. And all of a sudden you looked around and you're like, what the. So talk to us about that because I think a lot relate to that moment.

I was walking around dead or numbed out, let's put it that way. I was definitely numbed out. You know, my, my story, I, I'll give you the whole arc of it. When I was 8, I started working at it at 8 because I was running from the trauma of my house. So it was a very unsafe space on mental, physical, spiritual, social, everything. Like, very scary. So I found entrepreneurship. My grandfather and uncle had a business. We, we back in the day, we stretched glass Coke bottles and, and, and then sold them at like novelty stores and stuff. And he, my uncle invented that machine and it was really wildly popular in the seventies. It was ridiculous. And I just worked since I was 8 years old and I would, I found that I, it meant money, meant freedom. And working I could define myself as the results I produced. So it wasn't who I was. It was this external validation outside of myself. Like, he's a hard working kid, he is smart, he'll do what it takes and he's an asset. So I felt like that's where I got my validation from. But here's the problem. You can't shut that down after you have millions and you don't need to work anymore. And the machinery still goes on. Melissa and that creates a problem. When I got married and my wife's like, hello, I'm over here. I gained 50 pounds. I'm 50 pounds lighter.

You did not your wife.

Yeah, I did. Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry. Yeah. Thank you. My son, you know, when we have my son, he was fine. Then he was diagnosed with autism. So here my son is. I had this picture of what he was going to be like, and he wasn't like that. And my wife kept saying, read, read, read to him. He's in there. He'd be flapping his arms, he wouldn't look at me. He would like be stimmed out. Not there, Mel. And I'm bringing all this in because being an entrepreneur is about, in my opinion, how to have it all and run a business. I was head down, running a business on the road 40 weeks a year, speaking on stages. And I had a. I had a consulting firm that consulted. I invented a business model that we installed into dental practices. And we did 6,000 of those across the US and at the end of my career, we rolled them up and sold them to private equity firms. So right now, you know, we're in a. An 800 million dollar deal of which I have a bunch of practices in that, that place there and now.

No big deal.

Yeah. So this is the kind of stuff that a street kid from Jersey who's an overachiever with head down and kept selling out. One of the things I talked to is my fellow CEOs, and I go, when did you make the conscious choice to sell out on? Like being there for your kids, you know, birthdays and baseball games and stuff. And every single one of my colleagues said the same thing. We never chose, just kept evolving because the machinery told us more is better, more is better, more is better, more is better. And that we keep driven by it. And then we're. I started out as a coach, then I started as an entrepreneur. Didn't know how to do it. I failed. I lost $880,000 when I was 24 years old. Wow. And here's why. I personally guaranteed everything, because I was a machine at making money. But then when I tried to scale without understanding the mechanics of a business is seven divisions of business, which we've talked a lot about.

Yeah, yeah.

And we can get into that today if you want, if it's appropriate. But I only knew two. I was good at sales and marketing. Right?

Yep.

And that's. But I wasn't good at executive administrative, production, fulfillment, quality assurance, promise delivery, none of that. And then business crashed and then I owed that money. And then that was the turning point for my career, where I learned how to run an entire business. I'm probably going long here, but I want to give you the entire arc of it all. And now I sold, and now I have decided to give back to couples who want to have a life now while they're building their empire, because that. I couldn't find a place. But I've masked all my mentors and packaged it and offer that as a. As a mastermind and a live event.

Oh, it's so powerful. And I think that is, you know, one of the best decisions I believe anybody can make is to learn from people who have gone through things or accomplished things you want to accomplish, learn the lessons in a way in which you're not completely face planting or losing $880,000. Right. I, you know, I think it's a. It's not uncommonly heard, but it collapses. Time.

Yeah.

And so often we avoid doing the thing, putting the time, putting the money to what's actually going to get us to the next level, but we actually spend so much more time and money trying to guess, like, blindly navigate. You know, it's like driving a car with no actual map as to where you're going. You know?

Exactly.

You're like, hope I get there. So at this point in time, you. You shared, and you're open about it, and I apprec. But you shared that your marriage was, you know, was not in the place that you would want it to be, and you were kind of at a choice point. I'll let you elaborate as much or little as you don't want, but I think this is very important because, look, I attract entrepreneurs. You said to me, like, Melly, the way you work. And I get this on, like, every podcast now, for me, it really does feel like work life integration a little bit different because my closest relationships, we all work together.

Right.

You know, and so it's. I think it's evolved into a different lifestyle a bit, Gary, in the last, like, decade.

Yeah.

Probably when you were going through this, maybe in the last two decades, you know, and especially. Anyways, so it's changed a bit. So I don't necessarily feel where I have to kind of find that click point, but I know a lot of people do.

Yeah.

And struggle with feeling, like, how to pick or at that place where something is suffering. So anyways, can you speak into that?

Yeah. Like, look, you're going to be dealt circumstances in your business and in your personal life. For me, it was my Son was diagnosed with autism. And then my wife came to me, Melia. And she goes, my nickname is party Fresh, by the way, if you add a little alcohol.

I knew that.

All right, I got to let you know, it's. My nickname is Party Fresh. Right. So you add a little alcohol to me, I got, like, the whole place, pants and boots and pants and boots and pants and boots. Like, we're throwing down, right? Yeah, yeah, we're throwing down. And so my wife comes to me, and I hit bottom because I. I was supposed to deliver this incredible inspirational speech at our Christmas party to my entire team. And I said, this was the worst effing time of my life. Things are going to change. Heads are going to roll. She's pinching me under the table with her nails into my thigh. And I was drunk. And she stands over me the next day, and I'm, like, not wanting to open my eye, but I knew she's standing there. I feel her. And she goes, look, that'll be the last time I'm doing this. We're going to be moving back from Arizona to New York. We're going to get this kid healthy. If you want to come with me, I'm not going to be drinking like this anymore. If you want to come, don't bring your drinking with us. Like, she didn't tell me how to quit. She just made a stand for our son, and little did I know for me. And that day, since that day, I'm 17 years sober. Yeah. My son is off the autism spectrum. He's was speech delayed. He's now going to be a sports broadcaster. He's at the Walter Cronkite School of Sports Journalism. He's already calling NCAA sports. And none of this would have happened if my wife didn't make a stand for busting the automaticity that we entrepreneurs have. And then the numbingness, workaholism, alcoholism, autism, all those isms are numbing distractions. We don't realize we're numbing ourselves. And then here's what happens. I'm 62. You know, that was 40 years ago when I got that lesson. 30 turns into 40, 40 into 50, 50 into 60. You don't feel the pain until it's late. And then you see the loss of your family members. In your case, you didn't have a choice. It just happened. But I had some choices to make. And those are all gifts. We don't realize they're gifts, but they're gifts.

They absolutely are gifts. I mean, that's a chapter in my Book hidden opportunities from our challenges. Because they're all right there. And I think a lot of times people. And I want to honor you. Like, a lot of times people miss the opportunities because they're so focused on what went wrong that they miss actually what's available to learn, to grow. But you know, and also just a shout out to your wife, you know, and just. Just that. That embodiment of the divine feminine where she's not forcing, there's no ultimatum, she just told the line and she's holding in the greatness. And like, that is like the divine feminine right there. You know, I need that.

Men especially. I'm sorry for stepping on you there. So you go, pardon me. We men need that. We can't see the future. That's why I always say we like boobs, because they're right there, right? I go, we like boobs right there. Like, we're just like, right. Whatever's in front of us as guys. Women have a visual future. They know, white picket fence. Like, my wife. I'm in Cape Cod right now, not far from you, right? My wife. My wife goes, I want a historic home near a beach. She's very clear. And then here we are. It shows up. So women are very visionary. Men are more in the present time, a hundred percent.

Yeah. The more I've learned to work with, like, my intuition and just that grounded energy. It's so powerful now through all this. Okay, you said there were gifts, and a lot of those gifts were about building relationship, you know, which extends beyond just your marriage, what you've learned. Now, I'm super excited because I'm going to be joining you at your event in Arizona in December. So you guys listening? Stay tuned for that. Check the show notes for that. We'll talk about that more in a bit. But Gary has assembled an entire board of mentors and game changers to help you elevate your relationships, which I'm so thrilled and honored to be a part of. But what were maybe three, Gary, three lessons that you learned? Just like, we don't have to. We don't have to solve the whole thing. People can come to the event if they want the deep transformation, but just to give a little bit of, like, maybe they don't. People. Someone listening doesn't even know what they don't know.

Yeah.

So what's like three little things that you picked up through this kind of like, almost rock bottom moment, we'll call it?

Yeah. Health, wealth, and I. Health, wealth, and connection are my three right there. Right? What I Found Melly is this. I, you know, I was like, I'm gonna get healthy when I retire, right? I'm, you know, I'm an entrepreneur. I can, I know how to make money, but I don't know how to have my money make money, right? That's a whole job that I, I was dabbling in, like, air traffic, controlling and trying to pull all these people together. But that, that was a huge problem. And I go, I'll get to that when I retire. But you can't retire if you don't start when you start when you should start, which is. I started when I was 35, thank God, because it was amazing, you know, but if you don't, it's like, the best time to start is now on that piece. And then the last one is connection. Like, I, I, I thought if I acknowledged my wife and bought her Gucci shoes and took her on lavish trips, I was connected. Like, it was like, it was like this in and out connection, right? Like, we're going to Positano, honey. Isn't that great? I told you how beautiful you were today. Isn't that great?

She's like, I just want to pause right there, though, Gary, and, like, let that land for the listener.

Yeah, thanks.

Because how many. And you're such a, you're such a wrecking ball. I love it. Gary goes 98 miles an hour. He's just the best. But no, we get to let that land. Because how many people might even hear that and be like, well, you got her the Gucci bag. You took her on vacation. Like that. That is connection. And, and similarly to what we're saying about the being versus the doing, those gifts, it's the surface level. It's the doing. What are you handing. What's physically tangible, but the being is what's underneath. And how, like, who are we being in it? So continue.

Yeah. What's nuts is, like, we are, like, teenage. Like, I. You talked about empty nesting earlier, and we call it empty questing because we're on a quest for connection. And it wasn't until we shifted our relationship to that, because you can look at that two ways. Like, my son's at, at school in Arizona State. Like, we lost him. Or we can say, this is empty questing. How do we stay connected? Because connected wasn't even a distinction for us. It wasn't even a distinction. So when I say health, wealth, and connection. And here's the other thing you said about integration. If those three things aren't working in, like, lifestyle, if they're not built so that you can default and walk into it. Then you're like me. I would be like, I gotta stop eating donuts today. I'm gonna go work out. It was like a doing. Even that becomes. You're talking about being and doing that becomes a doing. Imagine waking up and because you gave your body a time to reset. Sachin Patel is my mentor on this. I lost 48 pounds three years ago and never gained it back, ever. I had my birthday past week. Pizza, burgers, ice cream, cake. I was afraid to get on a scale just because mentally I fell fat. I was down a pound.

Wow.

Because it's our lifestyle. Like now we reset our metabolism and I didn't know that, like that simple thing, reset your metabolism, learn how to eat whole foods. Most of the time. You could eat them 75 of the time and then you get free reign 25. It's like I have a full life and I'm 178. But not only that, I have the energy, I have the clarity. See this? See, health gets into your business. If you're not clear, if I'm drinking and I'm eating the wrong foods and I'm not sleeping. See, you know what I used to say, Mel? I'll sleep when I die.

Oh, I hear that all the time.

I'll sleep. No, I don't have to worry about sleeping.

No.

Right now I treat ourselves as Olympic athletes, as if we're entrepreneurs. We're Olympic athletes. All those pieces. But lifestyle, you set the lifestyle up so it runs on automatic. Health, wealth, same thing. Jim do is my wealth advisor. He created the family virtual family office Billionaire strategies for millionaires. He's at the center of it. I get a report once a month. That's the way you deal with your wealth. I get a report up to me with the strategy. You know how you and I built our marketing strategy and then we do check ins.

Yeah.

Imagine your wealth wheel like that where everybody's talking to everybody and it's not you, it's them. They quarterback it and execute my strategy and I get the report on the stats every month. It's heaven. Right? Connection piece. My wife and I are like frigging 25 years old now. Like, like with cash and wisdom.

We have that.

We have cash and wisdom and we're like 25 year olds prancing around the world, having the time of our lives, more connected than we first met.

I can vouch for that. Because when we. When you were spending your full summer in the Cape and we get on like you would just hop on zoom like you're at the beach. You're doing your thing. You're the happiest guy in the whole world. You're calling out your beautiful wife. And I was just like, this is good vibes. And you can tell when somebody's faking it, and you can tell when somebody's embodied it, and you guys have embodied it. So health, wealth, connection were now in my book. So the podcast is scar tissue, which is really, you know, it's interesting because obviously I do marketing and I do, you know, all of the. All the sales funnels and sales conversion. But truthfully, my entrepreneurial journey was ignited from my loss and the pain. So we talk about, like, gold and the, you know, the glimmers of gold and the scars and then the wounds. Right. So you found the health, wealth, and connection. So what advice would you have for someone who doesn't feel connected?

Well, I can give you the deep dive access to it. Let me do that. I'm gonna do. All right. I'm gonna do.

I start doing this. We're over time.

No, I'm gonna. It'll be two seconds. Here's the question. What did you get that you didn't want? And what did you want that you didn't get?

Oh, can you repeat that, please?

Yes. You're gonna write to your mom and to your dad. Mom, what I got that I didn't want was. And, mom, what I wanted that I didn't get was this. That's the root of all. Searching, seeking. Boom, boom, boom. It is rooted in how you when. Because here's what happens as an art development. There's no language. Then there's language. The minute there's language there, there's meaning.

You.

You place meaning on something that you either got or didn't get and manifest that out to the rest of your life.

Okay, bye, everyone. See you the next episode.

Good night, everybody.

Oh, it's so true. And I think we learn, like, we're shown the lessons until we learn them.

You know, p. My favorite quote.

Yeah, go ahead.

The problem doesn't go away until you get the lesson.

100. And I was shown it and shown it and shown it, and then sometimes it's like, well, I learned it 40. Okay? Now I learned at 60. And so just a reminder to anyone listening, like, just keep going.

I call them dust bunnies. I call them. I call them the dust bunny factor. You vacuum your whole floor. But it's. The lessons are when they. The little dust bunnies in the corner that you haven't sucked up from the vacuum because you can't get in the corner yet.

Oh, that is good. I'm going to use that one, Gary. I'll credit you, don't worry. Okay, so massive business, massive exit, done all this. You've learned the lessons, you've done the work and now all of a sudden you're like, hey, I'm going to launch. I'm going to launch a business where I change lives in a whole different way. You don't have to be doing this. You could be out of the beach right now, right? Yeah, you get well, still, I have a feeling you'd be here regardless. Can you speak to especially you've got this upcoming event. You have a mastermind that is going to be launching soon. You've got this upcoming event which I think is going to be incredibly transformative for anybody who is able to attend. Now, important to note that at this time, Gary has sold out. He is adding some spots. I don't know when this will air, but we have added a few spots from the initial sold out. So check show notes or you guys just send me a DM on Instagram. If you, you know, coming to this with your partner, your significant other, whether you're married or dating doesn't have to be marriage, right. Is going to, to serve you and to help you find the health, the wealth and the connection in a deep way where you don't no longer see, you know, Gucci bags or plane rides as the connection, but you have something that is with you at all times so that you can feel in your 60s like you're 25, but even more connected. So, Gary, what can somebody expect if they're going to attend this?

Well, it's like you've been using being and doing. So it's beyond doing. It's into being as a couple. And the work we do is first you go into the self because you, you can't give away something that you don't have over here. So the work we do first is over here. And it's really powerful because by the way, everybody tries to search for what they want. Security, safety, wealth, acknowledgment, significance, all those things outside, once you get it on the inside, you don't need it on the outside anymore. It's the wildest, coolest thing. So when you bring nothingness into it, a blank slate to your relationship and that your partner brings a blank slate. By the way, we do have some people that are not even in relationship. They're bringing their next person in their business to develop that relationship.

Those relationships can be hard because you got multiple layers.

Exactly. But here's what I found. I developed my relationship at work and then because I learned how to treat people at work, I learned how to be in a relationship. So first, first it's really starting out with whatever you're going to put at stake. So whether it's Clarity, connection, a new freedom Forward, you're going to uncover it here because it's what you're going to bring into the exercises, the interactions and how we, how I facilitate this is you don't have to talk if you don't want to. You could just be observing. And it's a really powerful, safe sacred space where there's going to be 15 couples there. These couples range from like, you know, a woman who's owns a really good restaurant in Vegas, for instance, and her partner, you know, another couple who is this guy trans, he set out to trans transverse Antarctica and his wife. And he coaches on fear. His, his, his work is on fear, hers is on relationships. So they're in, they're in the course. So it's like it's an eclectic group of people, but very like minded, big forward thinking, but also humble and willing to be transparent. You could just sit there and, and not say anything and get the course right because of how I deliver it. The biggest thing people take away from this course, I've been doing it for 20 years in different contexts, but it's the first time to do it. General entrepreneurs is that whatever you put at stake, whether it's Clarity, connection, a new way forward, you're going to locate it for yourself through the exercises with yourself, the exercises with your partner and demonstrations and exercises that are happening from. You're gonna be there. My, my. Which I'm so crazy excited about. My Sachin Patel, who taught me how to have health as a lifestyle. Jim do and his wife Mimi. Sachin and Deep are going to be there, husband and wife. Jim do and his wife are going to be there and they have the virtual family office. And then Dave Adamusco and his wife Christy are going to be there. And he basically saved my marriage. So he was the one who came in, swooped in when everything was ready to blow up. I was about ready to get. My Judas was going to give me my walking papers and everything changed. And it was like at a breaking point. And here's the thing, Mel. What, what's in the way is the way.

I love that. Such a beautiful thing. And I think it takes a lot of courage And I think what's very important, and if you don't know the speakers, you guys look them up or check out the website, no worries about that. But I think the important thing is, is that there is, like, a board, an assembly to support you in a real deep, meaningful way. And Gary could have focused. And I can tell you, because I've worked behind the scenes with him, Gary could have focused on kind of almost that ego metric of like, let's pack as many people in as we can. And it was no. How do we curate something that is going to make such a difference? And I'm so excited to be a part of it. But, you know, what's in the way? What's in the way is the way. I love that you're dropping bombs. We gotta put all these on tank tops.

Well, we gotta tell them now why we said that, Gary.

Go ahead. Gary, what's our favorite day of the week?

All right. Favorite day of the week is Tank Top Tuesday. I. I coined Tank Top Tuesday, right? So, you know, I. I didn't wear a tank top for you today. You know, I left it out. It's Wednesday. But, you know, hey, I mean, you're. You're looking good in your Tank Top Tuesday. Every day is Tank Top Tuesday for you.

When you live in Tulum, it's also a little toasty.

There you go.

But, yes, Tank Top Tuesday is a way of being.

It is. And it's. And we get. We get done on tech.

Done. It's so fun. So, yeah, we're gonna put that on tank top. But I just want to really say that it takes a lot of courage to actually choose into saying maybe this isn't about to blow up. Maybe, like, your marriage or your relationship or your business partnership isn't like the, you know, even a 1 to 10. It's a 4 or 5 or 6. What would it look like if that 6 was a 9? What would it look like if that six was a 10? What would it look like if That 8 was a 12? And I think that is actually where the courage and the power lies in knowing there is no finish line to growth.

Exactly. Exactly. And the number one thing. I'm. I'm sorry for interrupting. Go ahead.

No, no, no. I was just gonna. I was going to kind of close that with that and then see, you know, what you want to leave them with as they're sitting and kind of marinating in and digesting all of the gold you just brought. And thank you so much for being on here. But what I want to just land before I kind of let you give some closing thoughts, Gary, is that the courage is in knowing there's no finish line. And if you can see everything as a teacher around you, your partner, your spouse, your business partner, your grief, your divorce, your business. My business grows me every damn day.

Yep.

Every damn day. It requires me to be a sharper version of me or we don't grow. And so I just want to celebrate you for creating a space, Gary, where people can do this deep work and the listener and anyone who is doing that work, because it takes courage and is a choice. So, Gary, what do you got? Take us home.

We spend 99 of our lives in survival and looking good for fear of looking bad.

Yeah.

You know, let that settle in. You know, I've covered a lot of ground today with you, but 99% of our life, and I've seen it, I lived. It is in survival. Imagine if you start living from a new ground of being, which you have the power to control. It's within you already. And you can spend less time and external things and more time on the things that light you up like a Christmas tree on Christmas. Christmas morning. And the gifts that are underneath that are available to us the minute we choose. And. And it's not someday. And here's why. Because it's not out there. It's already within us. And we have just covered some things up. I'll leave you with this visual. I love that. I love Michelangelo. I love Italy. I go to Italy every year. And my favorite thing is the David. And I love this concept of the David. You've been to Florence, right?

Oh, yeah. I studied abroad there.

Okay, so you get it.

Yeah.

You look at that David and I'm like, how the heck did he sculpt that? You know what? And there's this. This parable that talks about that Michelangelo took away the parts of the David that weren't the David, and the David emerged.

It's so good. I knew you were going to be going there with that story, and I'm so happy. It is one of the most powerful stories and one other addition to that, Gary, is that what I read? You can correct me if I'm wrong. Is that he didn't have. And it works together. He didn't have a map or like a step one chisel here. He had to, like, feel into it and look at it and pay attention and listen. And it unveiled to your point.

Exactly.

And we're such control freaks who want everything to be the way we think it will take it full circle should.

Exactly. And once look at the beautiful smile you have on your face. This is a woman that could keep telling the story about your daughter and that experience and living that out every day through that filter or you can write it and reframe it in a way like you did and hold it. That allows for her to live on and for you to live in the world and use her grace as your fuel to make a difference in the world.

Thank you so much. I'm honored to be standing side by side as we both pursue our missions like little maniacs. Gary, thank you so much. You guys check the show notes for info on this retreat that is coming up in December. I will be there. Gary will be there. Where else can they find you and connect with you? Gary?

Oh, they can go to Gary Katie.com they can check me out there.

Gary Katie.com we got growing a little presence on Instagram, on Facebook as well. And you guys, thank you so much for tuning in. I hope this served you massively. Listen again because there is some gold that we're going to have to come out with the tank top line.

Gary, I'm ready.

I'm good to go. Gary, thank you so much.

My pleasure. Thanks everyone.