105: Grieving Past Versions Of You w/ Former Nike Master Trainer and NYC Rockette Samantha Jo Harvey

Foreign. Welcome back to Grief and Guts. I am your host, Melissa Dugalecki and I am beyond honored and excited to introduce you to today's guest. You know when you meet somebody and you're like, oh, I, I think that's my person. And then you kind of like spend a little more time and you're like, oh, that, that's my person. We, we've got some life stuff. I don't know what we have going on, but it's magical. Well, today's guest is one of those people in my life and there is no doubt in my mind you soaking in her energy and hearing her story is going to bring so much light into yours. So without further ado, it is my honor to introduce to you Samantha Jo Harvey. She is a former Nike master trainer, former rock Peter. She is a current multi six figure entrepreneur who has reinvented herself time and time again to always be completely aligned, authentic and in service. Sam, welcome to the show.

That was the juiciest intro. Thank you so much for having me. Oh, that was so good. I feel so honored. Thanks for having me here.

Honored to have you here. And it was really funny because we were introduced through a mutual friend. And I know for me, when I got off our first zoom or like kind of intro meeting, I was like, I messaged our friend and was like, oh, that's my person. Amazing how you just can feel energies.

Yeah, yeah. When I got off our call, I mean in the call I was like, oh, I have chills. Like, this is. We are connected. We're supposed to be in each other's lives. We're supposed to be supporting and growing and doing all the things together. And I just, I love how that works. I love how it works.

I love how you mentioned goosebumps because for me, as I really strengthened my intuition and cleared the things and I think this is important for a listener in order to strengthen your intuition. Truthfully, the intuition's there and it's strong. We're really strengthening our ability to access our intuition, clearing a lot of the clutter, the programming, the thoughts, the ego. Like a lot of these things that stop us from tapping into our intuition. Now, I do believe certain people have stronger connections to their intuition and can depend on lifetimes.

But.

But with that, goosebumps for me has become a really big sign as I've done the work and you mentioned that. So is that one for you?

Absolutely. You know, intuition is fascinating. I have a really interesting relationship to building it because for a long time I didn't listen to It, I really believe that we all have that inner guidance system and it shows up in a bunch of different ways. It shows up as knots in your stomach, it shows up as contraction in your chest or expansion or excitement. And for me, when something is in alignment or is in my highest truth, I get goosebumps. But even if I go back to when I was first engaged and getting married to my ex husband, I had the intuition that this was not it. Like, in fact, my intuition was so loud. She said, you're going to have another love in your Life. But at 20 something, I didn't know how to listen to my intuition. So I literally just, I made up every story possible to try to make this make sense. Oh, well, he was 13 years older than me, so maybe he was going to die before me and that's when I would find my next love. Maybe this, maybe that. But really my intuition was speaking and screaming at me, do not do this, do not get married. But I didn't know how to listen. And so I feel like intuition is like a muscle. We start to activate it, we start to learn it, we start to understand how it contracts, how it expands, how it supports us. And that's the journey. That's the journey.

So good. And so of course, we just dive right in. Right. And so why not? Right? On this show, we talk a lot about, you know, grief, but we expand grief, which I know is something you and I have connected on. Sam is one of my trusted advisors on my book publishing process who has been giving feedback on title options and even just on samples of writing. And one thing that you really shared with me was how you necessarily, you weren't necessarily aware that certain things you experienced were grief. Because the way in which our world defines grief, it can be considered just death.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, I actually feel like grief has been a theme in my life. Like I. I have experienced so much heartache and heartbreak and loss in so many different ways that were not defined by the actual death of a human loved one. I've experienced the loss of what I thought my life would be in a marriage and having to walk away in the grief of that, even though it was my choice. Grieving what I thought could have been. I've experienced grief in the ways that my body has shifted and moved. As a former professional dancer, fitness expert, all of these things, the way that I thought my body was supposed to look or how my body was performing for me. And then the most recent and most potent and painful grief was, was losing my, my dance career and Having that ripped away from me, that really sent me into a deeper understanding of what grief is and what my superpowers are. Because.

I love that the superpowers. Because truthfully, grief can unlock in us and show us what our true superpowers are if we are willing and able to, you know, clear and access that. And what's really interesting, too is, you know, Brad was on the show recently and talking about how one of the most, you know, he had really painful grief journey, one in the loss of Olivia and then one in the loss of his career. And he was talking about the intensity of losing his career. So, you know, that's not something that I've necessarily experienced quite on that level. And so I want to hear more about that. But before we get into that, can we talk about. You mentioned that you were married and that your intuition knew this wasn't for me, and so take us through that. Like, what was that like for you in being in a marriage that wasn't fully aligned? Because there are different concepts I talk about, like anticipatory grief, like when you kind of know that the relationship's ending and you're anticipating it, but then there's like, also the resistance of grief. Like, I'm not going there. Like, I'm resisting this, even though it feels like my reality. So I don't know what was true for you, but I'd love to just share with the listener a bit about your journey.

Yeah. So, you know, I feel like it started with that intuition that knowing that this wasn't it. But also, I think there was a part of me that needed. Needed to move through it in order to become the woman I am now. So while it was this very painful experience, the relationship itself was very challenging, very manipulative. I really feel like I was attracting my level of self worth at the time. Like, I. I did not have confidence. I did not own my value. I was seeking it in every other way, shape and form. And on paper, this relationship looked perfect. I was married to the New York choreographer director, and we worked together and created shows. And on paper, it was everything. But in life, it just. It was not it. And in order for me to become the woman that knows how to use her voice, to become the woman who knows how to set boundaries, who knows how to stand for what she's worthy of, who knows that she's capable of creating everything and anything she wants, I needed to move through this relationship to find it and in it. It was unfulfilling, it was unhealthy, it was really not great. But there came a point in time when I knew that the only thing that was going to change was going to be me. There was no way for me to change him. I just had to change my approach. And so for that final 10 months before I actually left, I dove into my personal development. And this was my first experience. Trying to meditate, trying to do yoga, learning how to journal. Like I was a complete beginner. And I think a lot of people forget that when we are in the business of coaching and mindse and all of that, that we were also beginners. And so that was my really, my step into the personal development world, understanding all of that stuff. And so for 10 months, I just dove into me. What could I do? What. What did I need? And there were days that remember trying to do a gratitude journal. And there were days that I literally sat there crying, being like, I don't even know what I'm grateful for. And I looked outside and like, okay, there's birds chirping outside my window. Okay, there's sun shining in. Okay, like, I can figure this out. Because I knew that the only way through was me to walk through it. I had to walk through the shit. And it was uncomfortable. Especially as a woman who had never stood for herself, who didn't have role models of strong women, that didn't have role models for what it was like to attract a healthy relationship. And so for those 10 months, I really had to come to terms with the fact that I could choose myself and possibility or I could stay in this because that's what would be, quote unquote, right on paper or right in society. So I had to really navigate this. What would it look like? And I was really stressed about that. I didn't feel like divorce was celebrated in our society. I felt like I was going against the grain. So what would people think of me? I was starting over in my 30s. I, you know, was. I had been separated from my passion of dance while I was in this relationship. And so navigating all of this, I knew again, my intuition was speaking. I knew what I needed to do, but I was really, really stuck with having to let this person down. And similar to grief, where it becomes our superpower, I had the opportunity to look at this with the interpretation of, I'm ruining this man's life by choosing myself, or I'm giving him the greatest gift possible by me choosing myself. And that was what I really had to walk through. I had to grieve. Losing my dogs in the relationship. I had to leave My dogs behind which even to this day, like, I feel misty about. It's something I've never really gotten over. I went to therapy for years for. Took me a really long time to finally adopt my puppy, Murph right now because I had to move through that and then be in that experience of being so proud of myself for choosing myself and also being in the sadness of what could have been. It was a lot. It was a lot.

And there's. Thank you. There's so, so many nuggets there, right? Listeners go re. Listen, right? Get your notebooks out. But talking about the, you know, both the grief of what could have been and the grief of what was. And many times we forget that when we are grieving. And remember, grief happens on a daily basis. There is birth and redeath in our lives every single day. You wake up a new version of you every day, right? Everyone around picks up a new version of them, whatever that may be, right. The speed at which it shifts depends on what you're doing, right? Which direction you go depends on how you're. How you're choosing to spend your time. Yet not only were you grieving what you were, what you lost, where you had found, your safety, your identity, your connection, all of that, right? Almost this, like, I'm envisioning this power couple, right, with, like this kind of fairy tale story, right, which sounds like with both of your roles into the reality of it not, you know, of standing in the truth of what is really hard to do that and really, really courageous to do that, and then shifting into the letting go not only of what was, but the letting go of what could have been. And that's a lot of what if, what if? And our mind sometimes can go to daydreaming or fantasies, fantasizing rather around what could have been. So how is that for you? Do you have any, you know, anything that was supportive for you in that journey, that someone listening who finds themselves going to. Well, what if this. Or fantasizing about what their reality could have been to take them back to the present moment?

Yeah, yeah. Specifically in relationship. I think one of the biggest things that kept pulling me forward was the possibility, like, there was that piece of me that knew, even if it was only a 1% piece, that knew that there was more for me. I didn't know what it looked like. I didn't know how it would happen. I knew that I had to move through a lot of stuff in order to get there. But that 1% hope was the thing that pulled me through, especially when you're the person that's making the choice to leave, it's one thing to have something happen to you. It's another thing to initiate that change. To choose to put yourself through the situation. That's really, really fucking uncomfortable. So find that 1%. And then I'm also a big believer in God, Source, universe, whatever you believe in, choose your thing, but be open to the signs. And when I was choosing to leave, literally the week that I was moving out, I received a residual check to my maiden name, and I was like, oh, this is a sign. Like, I'm going to be okay. I received a couple other things in the mail that were. I used to be a Nike master trainer. They sent me a pair of shoes, and they were white shoes. And I was like, oh, it's a new slate. It's a clean slate. And I'm literally stepping forward in my new white shoes for my new blank canvas that I get to create. And so I would say be open to the signs. Be open to the possibility and know that it's gonna suck. Like, it's not gonna be easy, but there's going to be moments. And can you hold on to the moments until the moments become minutes and the minutes become hours and the hours become days? And then all of a sudden you are able to look back and go, wow, I've made my way through most of that valley.

You've spoken twice now, spoken into the idea of reaching for what's accessible but slightly out of reach. So I noticed this when you were talking about what you can be grateful for. We're not going to wake up every day, especially when we're struggling and feel grateful for, like, this high, high frequencies of joy or love or opportunity or abundance. Like, there are some days where we can still embody gratitude, but we can do it in an authentic, aligned way where we're okay. I'm grateful that I am breathing right now. I'm grateful that I have a roof over my head. I'm grateful that I've experienced X, Y, or Z. And as you were talking about that, in terms of whether you're holding on for seconds or minutes or hours or days, ultimately you're building your capacity over time. It's like running endurance or strength training endurance. You're building that over time for your emotional endurance.

Yeah. And, you know, I. I support my clients with this a lot. When we're triggered, whether it's grief or something else, it's not about going from the depths and the darkness up to rainbows and sunshine and Butterflies. It's about finding neutral. A lot of times, if we can just get to neutral, then we can take the step forward. So I think we sometimes set ourselves up for this impossible task, like this expectation that we're supposed to be able to say we're grateful for something and all of a sudden I'm gonna feel good that I don't think that that's actually the expectation. I say, can we find neutral and from neutral can we take the step forward?

Oh, so good. And just honoring the courage that it takes to step into essentially chosen grief. Like when we are choosing grief and pain, it's a whole nother level and it really resonated with me. And I'll just say, like when I chose to leave my relationship and I wasn't married, but it was seven year relationship with a child, so when I chose to leave that so much was coming up for me around feeling like I had failed or feeling like I was going to be judged or I was going to be the bad guy or Laden was more dead now. Right. If our relationship didn't work. And sure, one of the most courageous things that I've done is hold my daughter when she took her last breath. But I didn't have a choice there. And I will tell you, as someone who's been in the chosen and unchosen grief, there's a whole other layer of courage and trust when you are choosing to release and let go of something because you know that there's something more or different or better and not even better in terms of right or wrong, just in terms of like the right fit. So just honoring you for that.

Yeah. Thank you. And that chosen grief that hit so hard with my dance career, like, that is. I mean, that's a beautiful segue. I don't know if you meant to put it there or not, but that chosen grief, man, it's freaking hard.

So, yes, unplanned segue, but let's tell the community now, not everybody knows about, like the world of dance and the art as much as, you know, you do, of course, as a former Rockette, what does it mean to be a Rockette? What does it take to be a Rockette? Like what is. It's competitive, but let the listener know what that requires to even reach that level.

Yeah. Oh, I love this. It's almost like the celebration of it too. So, you know, it's funny, because my mom was a dancer, she was not allowed to go to New York to dance. She was taught that she had to be a secretary or a teacher. And that was the path that she had to follow. And so when she had me as her first daughter, I was literally swimming around her womb, dancing. Like she was in dance class, teaching, and I was swimming around in there. I took my first steps in the dance studio, and I always knew that I wanted to be a dancer. I didn't understand as a young child what that meant. And then there was a point in time when I said, I'm quitting dance. So in second grade, I decided to play soccer, and my mom had a heart attack. She honored me. Thank goodness. She's amazing. And she's like, okay, play soccer. But she also took me to see the Radio City Rockettes in New York. And after that, I was like, I want to be a dancer again in second grade, third grade. You don't even know what that means. But I was enamored. And so it was my life. I grew up eating, breathing, sweating dance. And so after high school, I got a full scholarship to. To study dance in school. And what I learned there was that dance. When you chose the career of being a dancer, you were choosing the life of a starving artist. You were putting your passion first without the paycheck. It was a struggle. It was hard. It was tough. And so I was like, okay, cool, sign me up. Like, I. That's. It didn't matter. It didn't matter. I was. I would give anything to be able to spend my days in a rehearsal studio, sweating, moving my body, because really, for me, movement was and is my. My connection to the divine. It is the one thing that I can do where I lose track of all time, space, reality, and. And I'm fully present. And so when I was in college, my friends went to auditions in New York. We're like, okay, cool, let's go to these auditions. Now I have a really special story. Because I did not plan to be a Rockette. I happened to fall into it. For Rockettes, you have to be five, six to five, ten and a half. You have to be proficient in jazz, tap, ballet, all styles. You have to learn the specific style of precision, which is not taught anywhere. And so it's this feat that women will audition for multiple times, 2 times, 5 times, 10 times, until they get hired. It is one of the top jobs in New York, on par with Broadway as far as notoriety, as far as pay, as far as opportunities go. And for me, I was like, oh, that's cool. But it wasn't for me. I happened to go to the audition because I take risks, and I'm like, oh, It'll be fun. Let me just follow the fun. I was literally a half inch too short. And in the audition they measured me after I got through the first round and I wore a big poof in my hair to try to be tall. They took a ruler and smushed it right down and said, you know what, you're too short. Do you want to leave now or do you want the director. Director to cut you? It's like, oh, I'll wait for the director to cut me. And so newsflash, the director didn't cut me. And so I love sharing that little piece of information because I really feel like it's so important to follow the tug and follow the fun. You never know what's going to happen. And because of that, I got blessed with this amazing opportunity. Now, normally there's 500 to 600 girls wrapped around the block in New York City trying to get a couple of spots on the line. And so for me, being able to be a part of this company that has an 80 plus year history, they are a staple of New York City. We've performed on the Thanksgiving Day Parade, the Today Show, Wendy Williams, snl, America's Got Talent. Like, it's amazing and it's magical. It's a 6,000 seat theater and it really, it really is magical. Like it is a beautiful space and a beautiful venue and the ability to be able to be part of so many people's Christmas tradition was so special for me.

Oh, what a story. I got goosebumps a few times in that. But I love how you pointed out that detach from Outcome. I mean, anyone listening, if you listen to like at least a couple other shows, you have inevitably heard me talk about detaching from Outcome. Right? That's a big lesson in great grief, right? Detaching from Outcome. Can you love hard anyways knowing that you might not, like, you might lose something? And so for you it was like, can you play hard anyways knowing that you're probably, quote unquote, going to lose? And so I'm just envisioning this version of you. Just like I'm attached to the process and like, let's do it. And from there you created an incredible result.

Yeah, it was really, it was really spectacular. You know, I remember being in the audition and being like, oh, this is fun. Oh, this is cool. And every cut, calling my mom and being like, wait, I really love this. Wait, this is amazing. Like, oh my gosh, like, this is awesome. And that opportunity opened up an incredible 10 year career with possibilities and Magic and things that I never could have envisioned for myself had I followed what I thought, quote, unquote, I was supposed to do.

So interesting. I spent 10 years in education, right. And that's what I thought was going to be my career. And mine ended kind of unplanned for different reasons. And I know that for you, the end of your career wasn't something you planned or intended or necessarily even wanted or welcomed. And that's been a huge, you know, source of grief that you've been so courageously and vulnerably working through. So what was that like for you? You have this dream job. You're in this career for 10 years. You're, you know, you're at the top of the top, really, for your industry. And so what happened and. And what was that like for you?

Mm, yeah. So the pandemic hit, and all theaters got shut down, all shows got shut down. And that first year of 2020, I was newly single. I had dated a person between my divorce and my current partner, and I went through a really horrific breakup where I was dumped. So I was navigating my own loss of this new relationship. I was then navigating being alone in California, where all my friends and family were on the East Coast. And then I was navigating not having my career. Now, the interesting thing about 2020 was that we all had each other still. So all of my friends were navigating this loss, but we were able to do it together. We were able to do it in community, which really was supportive. We were all in it together. And then 2021 comes around, and I spent the summer getting my body ready. I was eating well. I was in the gym every day. I was taking ballet class. And I was really finding that version of me, because she kind of fell asleep for a year and a half, two years, given the pandemic. And so I was dedicated. I was doing everything possible to get my job back. And at this point, I was in my mid-30s. I was auditioning with girls that. And I was like, am I going to be able to do this? And so just the feat of being able to get my body back and perform was really, really powerful in being this audition. However, they had some requirements that I was not prepared to do. And I got hired, which was beautiful and amazing. And then they revoked my contract because I was not willing to follow some health restrictions that they required. And I had that moment of choosing, do I choose this career, this path that I'm obsessed with, my community that I love, or do I Choose what I know intuitively is right for me. Do I choose my health? Do I choose what I think is possible for my future? Having babies, having a healthy pregnancy, really being in alignment with my intuition? Or do I choose this thing that I loved so, so dearly and it was horrible. It was so challenging having to decide between myself and my intuition or something that I loved and knowing that once I drew the line in the sand, that that was it. The other piece that really was a big source of my grief was my current partner was never going to be able to see me in that way. And I remember this phrase that kept coming up was that my partner would never see me in my magic. He would never see me on stage in a 6,000 seat theater with the costumes, with the energy of New York City, with. With this huge display of showbiz and music and dance and something that was so near and dear to me, he would never see me in that. And so grieving what could have been for that was really, really tough. And then the final piece of it. So I had a lot of friends that got pregnant during the season. And it was always this dream, this goal, this vision of me being able to get pregnant and be able to dance on stage with my baby swimming around as I was growing the small human. And so I had to choose myself. And that's what I ended up doing. I chose myself. And it was that inflicted grief where the next season had to watch my friends on the Today show, watch my friends go back to work, watch my friends do all of the performances and be in rehearsal and have the camaraderie and me feel like a pariah, feel me being, you know, shunned from this community. And it was ugly. It was really ugly. It sent me into probably one of the deepest and darkest depressions I'd experienced. I stopped dancing, I stopped going to the gym. I cried every day. I didn't know. I didn't know how to move forward because I felt like a victim, felt like a victim for a very long time with. They stole my job, they fired me, they took this from me. And I got to reframe that eventually and see, like, I chose myself.

Oh, so good. I mean, thank you for sharing all of that and just honoring again the courage to step into the unknown and to choose you and what is best for you. And there's something. You know, there are a couple things that really stood out to me. I mean, all of them. But two things that feel really top of mind and alive right now are one, as you, as we talk about this like inflicted or self inflicted grief many times. We think, well, you chose it so you can't be upset. And I really want to invite anyone listening into the both. And because you can choose something and still feel the pain now, you can feel some reassurance knowing that you've chosen it, meaning that you trust in something greater. But that doesn't mean we're not still navigating the grief and the pain and the darkness, as you explained, was one of the darkest times of your life. Right. And then another thing that you really shared that really just, I mean, when you said I was grieving, the idea that my partner would be able to see me in this, like in this element, I really identify with that because something that was very hard for me in leaving my previous relationship was like, no one that I'm going to be with now is going to know Layden. I can't know like Laden is my biggest identity. But I know what I've watched and witnessed you create and myself is that what were those vehicles, right? Because ultimately your dance career, my, my time as a mother were the vehicles that we could be in to express a deeper way of being and our deeper vision. And I've watched you embody the courage, the power, the resiliency, the grace, the strength of a Rockette in so many other ways. And the work that you do now and how you empower women. And of course it's not the same. I'm not saying it is like I would much rather have my future partner able to have held Laden. Right. But I think what we look at is how do I carry that version of me in my way of being so that it comes into everything that I do. It's why I get from so many people. You are like a mama bear. Right. And I don't have any other children. Right. I'm not sure that I will, to be honest. But that part of me is instinctual still. And so I don't know if that resonates for you, but I, I witness and you see you do it in your work. You've created a career now empowering other women to navigate and be ownership of their health. Right. Of their mindset, of their confidence, of their boundaries, of their communication, of their sex life, of their bank accounts, like so many things. So how do you feel like that that has carried you forward into what you're doing now?

Yeah. Beautiful. You know, it's been fascinating to see how every piece of my journey has supported me in getting to this point. And I had to Move through those things in order to be here. And where I'm at now, I feel like I've been able to take all of those pieces. The PR training, learning how to be cool under pressure, performing and talking on the Today show. I've been able to take these things and go, okay, how do I pay them forward? Being able to perform in front of 6,000 people or 10,000 people, or however many is really cool, but it's also self gratifying if I'm being really, really honest. A lot of that was for me. It was also for my mom. I wanted to make my mom proud. And I remember my first show just sobbing on stage, seeing my mom in the audience and just being like, okay, I'm making my mom proud. And I wasn't having the impact that I really wanted to have. And so that was something that I always kind of felt out of alignment with in my performance career. It was great to make money, it was great to be on stage. It was fun. It was super fun. But I knew that I was always meant for more and I didn't know what that more was. And you know, when I talk about those little moments of holding onto those moments when you're in the grief. There was a time shortly after I was moving through this while my friends were still performing, I was asked to speak at a retreat in Costa Rica. And I'm like, okay, cool, I might as well. But I still wasn't feeling like myself. I was still having a really challenging time feeling alive. And I was in this retreat and it was that moment of me giving and really being of service to others where I had that intuitive hit. It was like that God whisper, that source message that just came down and was like, this is why we had to pull this away from you. This is why it was pulled out of your life. Because you might not have chosen to separate from this, you might not have chosen your next chapter. So we removed it so that you could get on your path. And that fleeting moment was the thing that I then held onto. It's like, okay, I am able to love my career, I'm able to honor it. I'm able to still feel sad about it. And how do I use everything that I've learned to really create the vision where I'm having massive impact. And this is impact on women that want more as well. And so I really feel like I had to move through that in order to get on track. But then the next piece of it also is I had to learn how to grieve and redefine my relationship with the one thing that was always predefined for me. And so redefining what it meant to me to be a dancer, what it meant to be in my body, and how to choose it for myself. Not do it because some choreographer is telling me to do it, or because I'm getting paid for it, but to do it for me. And so there's this deeper level of intimacy within myself that was allowed. And then the healing journey of healing. My relationship with dance completely activated this next level for me.

So powerful and I think speaks to something we both talk about a lot. In order to make impact, in order to really be able to give and serve at the highest level, you get to have your stuff, your house clean and in order. Right? The cleaner I've gotten my house right, the more things have flown. And so anyone listening, if you're feeling a blockage in flow, if you're feeling like, I want to make impact, I see it a lot as some new coaches, entrepreneurs, I want to make impact. I want to do this. But they're doing it from a place of pain or wounds or unhealed, and they wonder why it doesn't work. So many times when. When we pursue things, for example, me and grief, right. When we pursue things, it's coming from our past experiences. But we have to be really clear that we've done the work and we're clean and clear in order to be an expert and to be a coach and a facilitator in that space. And so I'm really grateful that you spoke into that. Like, before you could even get to that, you had to redefine your relationship with that version of you. You had to grieve it. You had to understand that you had to trust, you had to work through it. And from that space, you're able to create something of even more impact.

Well, and I think it's necessary if. If I didn't have that, how would I relate? How would I relate to my clients? My clients, even though their life experience is different than mine, I have to feel what it feels like to go through the ringer, to go through the d night of the soul, so that I can hold that space for the woman that's in front of me. And I really believe that without that, I would not be here in this space. I would not have found this new level of embodiment that's available. And being able to hold the flashlight and guide the way is. Is part of me being a great coach. I can say, girlfriend, I see you I'm in it with you. And look, that's. That's where we're going. I'm going to hold the flashlight up. I'm not going to have the answers for you, but I can guide you. Just follow the flashlight. We're doing it together.

And I love what you create, and I want to. I want to let the listeners know what you've created. I mean, and also, it's an example that we can take our skills and who we be in our experiences and create something really magical. Like, Sam, what you're doing right now wasn't on your, like, probably vision board a few years ago. Right? Right.

Well, not at all.

Yeah, mine either. But you know what? Ultimately, I'm teaching and I'm coaching, and that was my plan. Right. But I've learned how to do it in a way that's more aligned with who I be. I don't do well with politics. Okay. I don't play them well. Right. I don't really like paperwork. I'm really impatient. Right. So how do I teach and coach and carry my life experiences, you know, through mindset, study, grief, and then business building. Right. And that's where I'm at. And so for you, I've watched you and seen the impact that you make, and you have two different ways that you work with women. Ladies, listen up. Men, listen up and send your lady friends or significant others, because I will tell you, as somebody who built a woman's community based and, you know, the pillars of mindset, you know, health, fitness, nutrition, gut health. I have worked with a lot. I've worked with a lot. And I love all. All of the people in which I've worked with in the programs that I've seen. Like, I honor all of them. But I would be acting out of fear of offending anybody if I didn't speak this truth that truly. And it's probably because we're so aligned. Sam, you're the only person that I've met that I said, like, whoa, this. You could take that community that I first started and, like, run with it. Like, it is the same energy, the same vibration with your own authentic twist. And I see the magic that you create.

So.

Oh, sorry. I just had to say that. Amazing. But tell everyone what you do.

Thank you. I'm going to receive that. I appreciate that. You know, what I have done is I've really taken everything that I've learned. My journey through divorce, my journey through body dysmorphia and fitness competitions. We didn't even talk about that. My Journey through being told no and over and over again at auditions in la, going through these grief journeys. You know, I have taken all of this and I've figured out two ways to support women. And one is my Ignite program, and it's a group coaching program that supports women in uncovering the things that are holding them small. Where are you getting stuck? Where are you getting blocked? Is it fear of judgment? Is it comparison? Is it being afraid to use your voice and stand up? And in that program, we work to uncover the block, we work to release the blocks, and we work to have you activate that next level. And this is my favorite, favorite work, because this is what I wish was around when I was moving through my divorce. It's what I wish someone could have shown me 10 years ago. And so I've collaborated and connected and brought together all of these pieces of the things that I wish I had when I was stepping into my personal development journey so that I could feel aligned in my relationship, so I could look at myself in the mirror and not pick apart every piece of my body so that I could speak up and say, no, I. I'm not available for that right now, or, yes, I'm so excited and I'm able to have the confidence to take the risk. So I really support women in confidence. And that's my, my first group coaching program. I work with people one on one, and then I'm really, really excited to offer my next level mastermind, which is called Sex Money Magic. And this is the culmination of the work that I have done with my Sensuality, With Money, with mindset. And it is designed for the woman who wants to be lit the fuck up in the bedroom. She wants a fat bank account and she wants to trust herself more than anyone. And so this container is for the woman that's done the work and is ready for expansion. And I thought that was a total gap in the marketplace. Like, after you do this work, what do you do next? And so this is where I'm bringing together magical women. I'm bringing in guest experts to talk about sensuality, sexuality, pleasure, business, human design, Gene Keys and all of that good stuff, so that we're co creating what I'm calling a Queen's Council, your advisory board. And so I am so excited for where I'm at. And Melissa, it's true, a year ago, I didn't have these really in the works. I was creating other programs. But this is the culmination of all of the magic that I've experienced, the learning, the Collaboration with you, collaboration with other people. And I'm just so excited because when women are supported, when women have confidence, when women are able to embody every facet of themselves and not be ashamed of their grief, not hide their sadness, not hide their anger, their rage, their. Their ferociousness, when they can really harness that and harness their light, harness their vibrancy, their radiance, their happiness, their joy, that's when we have a world of empowered women. And when we have empowered women, we change the world.

Yes, we do. It's so great. I love everything you're creating and also, like, it's carrying and honoring all versions of you that led to this one. Right? Because in order to own the stage that you've got to own your sensuality, your sexuality, your presence, your feminine power. Right? Not trying to be anyone else, not comparing to the person next to you.

Well, actually, I would even. I would. I would challenge that a little bit, because on stage, you're becoming a Persona. I'm putting on the body of a Rockette. I'm putting on the costume, the lipstick, the French twist, the heels. I'm becoming not me. And so actually, this journey is unbecoming everything that I thought I needed to be so that I could be fully myself, and that's what I see possible for women.

I love that. I love that. Okay, so, so good. Anyone who just wants to learn more and soak in more, I mean, come play with us. In Tulum, Sam will be here. She is going to be running an amazing workshop called Smoke show, which is really going to be like, I'm going to be there. I want to learn. I want to learn all the things. And then she's going to be speaking at an event I'm hosting called Elevate Tulum, which is all about how to really build your dream business so you can have your dream life and make the dream impact that you want to make. So be dropping all of your stuff in here, Sam. Like, all of your information. You guys find all of the ways to be in our energy sphere. It is an energy. I talk about this all the time. You are a product of the energies you surround yourself with. I don't care if it's on podcast. I don't care if it's in books, conversations, zooms. You are a product of that.

Right?

And so I cannot recommend, like, blessing yourself and positioning yourself to win more than with Sam.

Thank you so much. And I wouldn't share with the listener. You're worthy. Like, you are worthy of having the support you're Worthy of having the connection. I know sometimes it can be intimidating to reach out to someone. It can be intimidating to step into your first group coaching program. It can be intimidating to want more but not know how to get there. And I want to encourage you to take the risk, to take the leap, to just go for it. Reach out. Say hi on Instagram. You know, listen to the Full out podcast. That's my podcast. Connect with Melissa, and I join us in Tulum. I would love to dance with you and just know that you are worthy of having your queen's counsel, of having your advisory board that's going to support you in going to whatever your next level is, whether it is your next level in sensuality, your next level in confidence, your next level in business. Business. Your next level in just fulfillment. Like, you're. You're worthy of it.

Oh, yes, you are. And one last thing, Sam, I'm so glad you brought that up. What would you say to the woman who's like, hey, I'm really interested in kind of like learning more or figuring this out, but I don't know what to say. Like, I don't want to be weird in the dms or I don't want to do this. Like, what is something that that person could say to get that conversation started who maybe is feeling a little bit afraid?

First of all, I love the weirdos because I am the biggest weirdo. Like, if you are awkward, you are my person. So just DM me. Say, hey, this is my name. I want to know more about you. Like, legit. I want to chat with you in the DMs. I have actually done this before, Melissa. I've been like, hey, I'm really nervous to message you, but I just knew that I needed to reach out to you. I'm Sam. I've literally done that before. Just open the door. You can also just DM me and say podcast, and I'll just chat with you. You can literally put one word in there, but start the convo and. And I'm available. And then I'll probably ask you, like, what are your goals? Like, what are you up to? Where do you live? It can be like a virtual coffee chat.

You know, I always tell people it doesn't have to be complicated. We just make it complicated.

Yeah. Say hi. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Hey, what's up, Sam? We could go on about a million other things. I'm confident that we are going to have a whole series or a morning talk show or something. I don't know. I've been declaring that one. But, you know, whether it's talking about the grief of your divorce and the courage of that or of your career, what you've created now, just thank you so much. Thank you for all the work that you create, the impact that you make, and most importantly, like, who you be in this world, because the world is truly better for you.

Thank you. And, Melissa, the last thing I'll say, too, is, you know, it's interesting. As you were asking these questions, like, I could. I could feel the emotions. I could feel the, like, misty eyes. I could feel these things. And one of the biggest gifts and blessings is being able to use what I've gone through in order to serve others. So thank you so much for this opportunity. It's. It's an honor to be here, to be in your space, to be with your listeners, and I'm just so grateful.

All right, thanks, y', all for tuning in. Definitely. Scope out Sam, come play with us in Tulum and see you all soon.