113: Finding Your Purpose Through Grief w/ Lauren Salaun (Amplify Podcast)

Foreign.

We are switching hats on today's podcast. Buckle up. You're going to get some behind the scenes of my thoughts, my journey in a way that you may not have heard before. What am I talking about? Well, on today's episode, I was actually interviewed by a former coach of mine and now current client of mine and just overall friends. Now, how beautiful is that that we can fle into different hats? The only way that we can flex into different hats, and I think this is very important, is when we've done the work and have the tools to not take things personally, to know which container we're in. Right. Invisible lines. Container meaning boundaries. So are we in the container of you, coaching of me, coaching of our friendship and to keep everything clean between the three. Right, to keep it clean between the three. When you can do that, wow, your friendships and different relationships can become so expansive for you. And that's actually been a huge part of my journey in the past year, really flexing into having different roles and relationships with people in my life. Now. Lauren Salon is an amazing coach, an amazing businesswoman, and an amazing friend, and she sat down to interview me for her podcast, Amplify, and we had so much fun. I said, can we use this on mine? She said, of course. Now, towards the end, we get into some stuff I've actually never talked about on this show. Right. So more of the feminine, the energetics, the use of energy, my own choices and preferences in how I've chosen to navigate more private parts of my life. So I'm already feeling a little vulnerable, but I hope that it serves you all. So let's dive in.

All right, what is up, everybody? I'm so, so, so excited for our guest today. My dear, dear friend, soul sister Melissa. Thank you for joining. This is going to be such a beautiful conversation.

Thank you so much for having me. I'm just so excited because every time we co create something, it just. It's never planned and it just, like, becomes something beautiful. So I can't wait.

I know. And we'll get into, like, some of the history and how we met each other and all that kind of stuff in a moment. But first things first. Some rapid fire. What is. What is something you're grateful for right now?

Oh, my home. Yeah. Just feeling home.

Yeah. And fun fact, she lives in Tulum, Mexico. What is a guilty pleasure of yours?

Oh, burritos or charcuterie? Probably charcuterie boards. I mean, I have, like, toxic relationship with them.

I mean, toxic. I don't know, but I can vouch For Melissa's charcuterie skills. They're on point, like charcuterie board setup skills. So, yeah, it's a vibe. What is a random fact that most people would not know about you?

I had open heart surgery when I was 13 years old.

I actually didn't know that about you. I assumed because I've seen the scar. Right. But like, I didn't know that. Like, I figured, but I'd never had confirmation.

Yeah.

If you weren't doing what you do now. So life coaching, business coaching. Like, yeah. And so fucking good at it. Like, what's a job or career? That's always sounded, like, really interesting whether or not, like, you have any qualifications for it. You're like in an alternate universe. This has always sounded really cool.

I love experiences in community. I would love to have like some really cool restaurant, like cafe that has like a daytime co working element. Brings in like different artists or different, like experts from different areas. Almost like an epcot, you know, Disney World Epcot.

Okay.

I want it to be like, very, like, it just brings in like, you get to sample different types of cultures and different things and like live music and then like maybe like a cute little, like, bistro bar at night. Like, I've always wanted that, but I can't dig in. That's a big commitment.

Yeah, but that sounds so cool. I like it like almost like a co workspace with all these kinds of different experiences and things like that and experts and stuff. In a sense. Yeah.

More like a jazz bar feel that you can go during the day.

Okay.

You know.

Nice. Yeah, I like it. What did you want to be when you were little?

Marine biologist.

Oh, fun. Any particular animal?

Dolphins. Okay.

Yes.

Dolphins.

Yes. Same. Any weird talents or special skills?

Oh, I actually really don't think so. Like, I can barely snap.

Oh. I mean, well, that's an anti talent or skill.

I know.

That's what I'm saying.

I'm trying to think of, like, I have like a really, like, with numbers. I have like a weird photographic memory. Like, I'll memorize license plates. Oh, I can tell you like, a lot of people's license plates.

Like, a lot. That's so interesting. Okay.

Yeah.

Last time that you cried.

Oh, this morning.

Yeah. I had a podcast interview literally right before this. And I. I didn't like cry, but I definitely got a little misty while on that one. But yeah, like yesterday.

Yeah, I love crying.

Love too. Like, I guess I do love it because I used to hate it.

Hate it.

It was like major weakness. Like, no, vulnerability is Poison. Right. Crying is terrible. All this kind of stuff. And now, like, I'm such a crier. Not like big long cries. Even though you're like, excuse me, I have had Zooms with you where it's mostly been crying. I'm like, sure.

But like, I don't even say anything.

No, no, I just. You're like, you threw yourself under the bus. Yeah. But like, it is such a powerful energy mover for me. Like. Yeah. And sometimes it's just like a quickie. Just like a two second cry. I'm like, there it was.

Yeah.

You know.

Yeah, totally.

Yeah. Last time you laughed so hard you almost peed your pants.

Oh. Probably just last weekend in a conversation on Zoom with a friend. Like just one of those things that just randomly hit so hard, like laughing about how kind of like ridiculous we are, you know, and like the idea that we have and all of that and like dreaming of what could be and then the reality and it was just like, you know, sometimes it's like, not even that funny and you just like, can't stop laughing.

Yeah. Yes. Okay, what's your favorite meal?

Ooh, my favorite meal. Like, are you talking breakfast, lunch, or dinner?

Choose your own adventure.

Oh, my goodness, it's so hard to pick.

Okay, give me a couple. Break the rules.

Give me a couple chili killies for breakfast. Hands down.

All right, Breakfast nachos, in case anyone doesn't know. Essentially. Basically. Yeah.

Basically, breakfast nachos, like a fancy name.

Yeah.

And I would say for lunch, I mean, I love Mexican food. I love Mexico. Probably like a shrimp burrito and dinner. I mean, give me a good ribeye. Like, give me a ribeye, like, potato.

Yeah. I've only had a protein shake today. So, like, you're saying all this. I'm like, so good.

I had this right before we got on this, for the record.

Oh, so good. Shrimp tacos, shrimp burritos. So good. Okay, where's the next place that you want to travel to? Not necessarily where you are going to travel, even though that may be it. But like, what's on the, like the travel list.

I'm feeling really called to Spain and Portugal. I haven't done like Europe vibes in a while. I.

So many people this summer, like, in my world, especially because Europe opened back up after Covid and everything. So many people went to Europe and I was like, I felt the Europe bug hard this summer. Didn't. It didn't get fulfilled, you know, but like, yeah, like, I did Mexico a few times during COVID and stuff. And like, That's. But yeah, I'm feeling the Europe. Yeah.

I mean, I've been in Mexico for two years. I was in Singapore and Peru as, like, my big travels before then. And those all have a very different vibe. Right. And so I did Europe a while ago, but I'm like, oh, I think it's time to go back.

Yeah. Nice. All right, now that's all our rapid fire. Thank you very much. So let's actually talk about our, like, how we came to know each other. Right. Because. So Melissa and I connected January 2022, because I was coaching in a program that you were taking. And so I had the opportunity to coach you and, like, so much transferring, like, all this kind of stuff and fun fact, y', all, like, Melissa has been my business coach. And, like, when I say business, like, it's a lot more than just business. Let's be real. But all the business coaches and, you know, life coaches and stuff like that, we know this. Like, it's not all only just one thing ever. And so, like, it's been so fun. Like, one. I've just loved getting to know you and all of that and, like, be part of your journey and then have you be part of my, like, all of that. And it's been so cool to like, be on, like, both sides of that kind of relationship.

Well, that's what I think. Like, so many people think it's like a pedestal thing or this or that, and it's like, no, it's like zones of genius. It's co creation. It's. Here's like, what I've, you know, learned and what I can share of value to you and I'll invest in you in one way. You invest in me. Like, you invested a shit ton in me and my transformation. Right. And like time and all of that and your wisdom and everything. And I think when we look at it, like, it's a very antiquated way to think that somebody who is, like, coaching or mentoring or in that role, you can't just like, kind of flop and dance.

Yeah, I love what you said about that because I think there is something to be said, of course, about, like, having healthy boundaries with your clients and things like that, or like your Instagram following and everything. And like, in this setting. So, like, Melissa did a program that so Ascension Leadership Academies, like, Emotional Intelligence Leadership training program, which I've talked about this before on the podcast, but I went through that for myself in 2018, and then in 2022 decided to step in and coach two rounds with them. So with this. Like, Melissa didn't choose me, but I was one of the coaches in that program. And so we just happened to, like, connect in that way. And. And so there's something, too, because I think, like, I've had this before where it's like, oh, well, if someone chooses to be a client of yours, then you can't be friends with them anymore. Or, like, you know, I've also had hesitation around, like, signing up for people's programs that I want to be friends with instead of, like, a client with, you know, and feeling like, oh, well, if I, like, want to be friends with this person, I can't, like, pay for their services because then I'm putting myself in a lower hierarchy than them. And if we want to be friends, we have to be on the same path, which is, like, my own. Like, that's not true, right? Like, and, like, how many of my friends have hired me, whether that's in coaching or in my PR agency? So many. And that's, like, the dream that I want is, like, to hire my friends and pay my friends. So I'm like, yeah, I love what you said about that, like, hierarchy thing and would love to hear actually, like, some of your feelings about that, because I think there is an importance with, like, boundaries, too.

And, yeah, I think, you know, it depends on the level of work somebody's done. Right? Like, if both parties can trust to maintain boundaries and know the difference between what role or what environment you're in, then it's a lot easier. Right? Now, there are some people who I've worked with who, as a coach or consultant, I've gotten to keep stronger boundaries because they hadn't maybe developed the tools yet to be able to discern and to know, right. The difference between, like, where the line was, what environment we're in. But I would say, I mean, it's just so funny. Like, you know, I was FaceTiming with a friend of mine today, former client. I was at lunch with, you know, a friend of mine today, current client. Like, it's just, I think the more work you do to be able to make it clear in how we kind of engage in different environments, the better. And it also depends on, like, the level of depth of what you're doing. I mean, look, I hire my friends to do anything that they do, whether it's catering, right? Like, one of my friends owns a restaurant. Well, you better believe you're going to come be catering at my house, because I want to give. Want to build your vision. Right?

And I think it's so silly. Like in the coaching space sometimes how we put that. Well, now they've become my client, then they can't be in the friend bucket anymore. When it's like, yeah, exactly like you just said, like, wait, if you have a restaurant and a catering business, like, of course I want to give you the money. Duh. Right. You're better at this thing than me, and I see that you can support me and add value to what I'm doing. Why wouldn't I pay for you? Like, it doesn't have to, like, then end the friendship or end the possibility of a friendship too.

No, not at all. I mean, abundance mindset, right? It can grow it, it can expand it. It's like, oh, wow. Now we're expanding into this, like, other width or depth of our relationship and container and we're going to witness each other in different ways. Like, how beautiful is that?

Yeah, I love that. I would love to dive into how you got into entrepreneurship and running your own business and all of that. And yeah, because it started from like a lot of intensity, pain, grief, all of that. And I know this is a story that you hold a lot and it's really powerful.

Yeah, thank you. Well, I also want to just honor and acknowledge you because when I went through my process as a student in the program, when you were coaching me, one of the things you really empowered me to do was to not worry about my story being too much. Right. And to not hold back. And I just, I'll never forget, like, you were just like, melissa, let's go. Nope, let's go. You know, and that's something that really was life impacting. So. And now here we are.

Yo, that was like almost exactly a year ago, actually. I know, because it was like January 20th or something. I think the weekend of January 20th.

Whoa.

Wild. That just gave me chills.

So full circle. Here we are. I have been. Not only am I like a business coach or consultant, I've been in entrepreneurship for the last six, seven years. And I will tell you that I hated business growing up. I had this self adopted narrative that you either cared about people or you cared about money and business. And it was like one or the other, black or white. And I cared about people. So where does that land me? I found myself in education as a teacher. And you know, I've always had like a great work ethic. And I worked in athletics as well. So I was a high school athletic director, which was a hugely sought after job. 300 people applied. I was like, this is my job. I'M going to retire from this. I'm making a good enough salary. I am going to have retirement benefits. This is it. And universe intervenes. And my actual very first day of starting my dream job that I thought I was going to retire from, I found out that I was pregnant. And so now being like the youngest female in the state of Massachusetts in this huge role and pregnant, I was like, oh, talk about feeling like you're in a prove energy.

Yeah.

Like I had to prove. So Fast forward in 2014 and I had my daughter Laden and she was born with a heart condition and they said it was minor. Now mine wasn't repaired until I was 13. I was a college athlete. I've run like over 10 marathons. So it was very non invasive and didn't impact me. Right. Leiden's was anticipated to be the same and she had her first heart repair and that was the first of what ended up being four major surgeries. So that two weeks stay in the hospital turned into 99 nights. Now, she lived for four months. So almost all but three weeks. We were basically living in the hospital. And it was up and down roller coaster. It was like, okay, you're going home. Oh my gosh, another complication, Another surgery. Okay, she's doing well. Oh, not doing well. She's going on life support. Oh, she's coming off life support. She's not going to make it. Oh my God. She lived. Right? And then, okay, she's going on dialysis and breathalyzer. Like it was the ultimate rollercoaster and just emotional tornado. And she lost her battle in June of 2014. And my entire world was shattered. And I know I'm not alone in this. You know, we all have our own experiences, but many of us have had those like world shattering experiences. And the thing about it is when you're laying around and your whole world is on pieces, you can begin to look around and be like, how do I actually want to rebuild this?

Yep. Right.

Because most of my life had been around should. Well, I should go to this college. I should play sports. I should go into education. I should be an athletic director. I should live in the suburbs. I should. I should. I should. And the thing is, is Layden wasn't supposed to die. Her case was called the catastrophe. So, like, she should have lived. The word should now meant nothing to me. Yeah. And as I went back to school.

Oh, yeah. Just gave me chills. Yeah. The word should means nothing. Especially like putting it into perspective in that way.

Yeah. So I went back to schools and it Was really hard for me to care about the things that it was my job to care about. No one was wrong for being upset around playing time or buses being late or the uniforms one team got over another or who was captain. Like, oh, all these, like, things I was dealing with all the time, you know, that was what they should care about, right? Or whatever. I couldn't. I just couldn't. And my background, I had originally studied psychology and sociology before education. And so I went back to that. I studied nlp. I studied life coaching. I got certified to teach yoga. I just felt the pull. I felt the pull. I felt the pull. And within that, my entrepreneur journey was birthed. I really started just doing yoga classes. And then people would say, hey, do you do any mindset coaching? And I'm like, okay. And then I built that business up to, you know, six figures, and then joined forces with another woman who was a fitness instructor, a nutrition coach. And we built our business up to six and then seven. And then I just began full time going in, helping others build their business. So that's my journey.

Yeah. Thank you for sharing that. And I know something you said before we hopped on, and obviously you and I have talked about a lot of that stuff. You said that grief taught you ownership, but you said, like, you know, yeah, looking at, like, my life, right? Like, and something. When you said, like, yeah, when all the shit gets blown up and, like, is in pieces, actually taking ownership and deciding with intention, okay, how do I want to put this back together? Which, like, can be with a catastrophic trauma situation like that. Like, I think a lot of us in the collective experience that with COVID too. Like, okay, when has, like, everything been flipped on its head? And when has your completely. Your schedule been completely cleared? Like, in all this? Like, okay, then what do we want to do now? Right? And even with, like, the help that what you're doing, like, for me in. With, like, the work we're doing in one of my businesses or one of them right now, right. Is like, okay, break it all apart. Like, look at the skeleton, at the bones, and how do we want to create this? And I love. Yeah, I love what you said of, like, it's not like that. I would imagine that that pain changes but never goes away, right? And, like, never makes it feel okay, right? Like, I'm sure come to a certain piece with it, but being able to. I doubt that. Like, not everyone, I'm sure, is able to find, like, the lesson or the beauty or what you get out of a situation like that. But, like, that radical ownership of your life. Yeah.

I mean, I think grief was my greatest teacher for entrepreneurship. Now, I invested in business coach, and I think you know this, but I was $100,000 in debt, grieving, working in schools, not sure what the hell I was going to do. And it felt like the craziest decision. And it changed my life because it said, like, I care about this enough to invest in it. You know, I'm going to figure it out. But beyond the actual mechanics of building my business, the really, like, the intangibles, like ownership, because I had this moment in my grief journey, and this is like, you know, I'm publishing a book. Like, this is what my book is about, which I declared with you a year ago that I would be publishing a book. And here we are.

So cool.

I know. But I had this moment, you know, and as a bereaved mom, I had every right to be walking around in victim mode. I mean, my daughter's case was literally called a catastrophe.

Right. And so explain what that means, like, to everyone listening who may not know what that means, like, to be categorized as a catastrophe.

Yeah. So my daughter's case being categorized as a catastrophe meant statistically and everything, that the doctor said she wasn't supposed to die. In fact, what she died from wasn't even on her medical records until her death certificate, meaning it was completely not caught. There was actually also, I mean, to be just brutally fucking honest, there was a huge conflict between the cardiologist unit and the gastro unit, and cardiology trumped gastro. Like, it was like kind of this hierarchy. What she died from gastro had nothing to do with her heart. So, you know, her. The disease.

Yeah. So something should have been caught. Right?

Something should have been got. And it was in the files. I mean, attorneys honestly looked at it and said, I had a partner of a firm crying, said, this is medical malpractice, but it's not a case. I can't take it off.

It's not a winnable case. It's malpractice, but we won't be able to win it.

Yep. He was like, as a father, I want to take this on so badly for you, and as a partner in a firm, I can't because there's a lot of gray that they could poke holes in. And you're talking about the number one pediatric hospital in the world, but her cardiac surgeon and the attending was fired after he was let go of her hospital. So I had a lot of right to be walking around angry victim bullshit. And I Did for a while. I did. But I had this moment, Lauren, where I sort of got. It was like a divine download. Like, I was literally walking in downtown Boston and it was like, holy shit, you've been walking around like you were entitled to a healthy child. Like, I was walking around like I was entitled to something that was completely taken from me. Instead of realizing I'm worthy of a healthy child. I can want one. I can be so sad that she wasn't healthy. I can be in pain. But I actually wasn't entitled to it.

Fuck that shit. I mean, like, yeah, right? Yes. Like, what a powerful breakthrough. And fuck, not a fun one to come to.

And I realized I just got goosebumps. I swear, this is my main message as a brave mom. I realized that I've been walking around like I was worthy of nothing. Like my worthiness was in the scale or the bank account or likes on Instagram or all of these other things made me worthy. Or I couldn't go after my dreams because I wasn't really worthy of that. So I was walking around like I was worthy of nothing and entitled to anything. You know, like I was just entitled. Like I should just have a healthy child. And I realized I had it backwards. I'm actually entitled to nothing. It was a gift to be able to grown and birth her and mother her for those. But I'm actually worthy of every fucking thing. And I can go get it.

Yeah. It's such a nuanced thing because like, worthy of can. Often I think we can feel like that means deserving of right and entitled to, which is not the same thing, right?

No.

Powerful and not fun breakthrough. Right. So how has that breakthrough then influenced, I mean, your own self worth journey and then you. Since then?

Yeah. So it's allowed me to do things that have really helped me in both personal relationships and in business. I am so worthy. I go for it. Like I'm worthy. I'm gonna go for it. I know my value. I'm gonna go all in. I'm worthy, but I'm not entitled, which means I don't get attached to outcome.

Beautiful. Yes. Such a good way of breaking it down.

Yeah. And that's everything in the way in which I do business. Like, I go all in on my process and I go all in on this and I go all in on that. But when you do that, it actually creates the masculine energy is being put into the process and then feminine transitions more into an attraction and a creativity and a flow and an invitation rather than an attachment or like A clenching.

Yeah. Oh, I love that. Okay. And let's actually dive more into masculine and feminine energetics in business because, like, I feel like you and I probably have talked about this a little bit before, and I know I've said it kind of on other podcast episodes, but, like, obviously, like, audience knows, you know, like, and honestly, like, so many female entrepreneurs, too, like, stuck in our masculine overachieving, overdoing. Like, our worth is attached to, like, how things look, our accomplishments, like, what we can do, all that. And, like, my big masculine feminine or my big, like, feminine energy healing started really, like. Or not started, but deepened and became embodied More in 2020, I would say. But then I swung hard 21 into, like, only feminine, and then no and then wounded feminine. And, like, was scared of the masculine. Like, had. No. I was like, will I ever have structure again?

Who knows?

Will I ever complete a project within the deadline I set for myself? I don't know. Maybe. And then 2022 was, like, harmonizing those, and I would say, and maybe I'm going to look for a little validation in this right now. I feel like I'm in such, like, a good flow with the two right now. That feels really good and, like, energizing and nourishing for both of those energies. But, yeah, but that's, like, been a bit of my journey with healing, integrating, harmonizing the energies just in all areas. And it's been really fun to play with that more in business, but I would love to hear, like, how you see it, like, yeah, just, like, talking about more of the masculine and feminine in business and how you see that show up, like. Yeah.

So first. Yes. You are in a beautiful harmony.

Thank you.

Like, you can style shift, right? You style shift into what's needed for your business and also, like, where you energetically are. Right. And how that's going to work. So I think it's beautiful. And the truth is you really need both. I see so many that are in the go, like, do, do, do, do, do. Right. And, like, just all the things and then some that are so far in on the other side. And it's interesting I talked about this recently, but I. Coming from Boston, it was very much the community of entrepreneurs that I was surrounded with. It was like a grind. A grind, A grind. We're up at five. We're going, we're going, we're going. We're working out. We're going to go more. We're going to work out again. We're going to go more. Right? And then I get to tulum and the vibe of entrepreneurs here. It's like, I don't really, you know, I don't really know what my soul's going to feel like doing tomorrow. Let's just, like, feel into it in the morning and we'll see how we feel. And maybe we'll have that meeting and record that podcast and maybe not, you know, and you're like, how do we get anything done here? Right? So what I have found in my experience is, you know, bring it back. I mean, this probably resonates me with my daughter, but, like, having a business is like birthing a child, right? And in the beginning, it's going to need a lot more attention, and then it gets to be more independent. But it is a choice, and we do opt into it. And so there's a level of responsibility when you choose into entrepreneurship that you're not going to wake up on any given day and be like, what do I feel like doing for my child today? What does my soul want to do to be a parent? I don't know if my soul feels like making breakfast, right? Like, we're just not going to do that. Right? And so when we can actually find the sacredness of the level of responsibility about, my business isn't me and I'm not my business. It's actually a separate entity from me.

Oh, my gosh. I've been an abusive parent to my business. That's too much. Oh, that's okay. My business was starving a bit.

Honey. Okay.

Sorry. Loves you, I swear.

Well, we're not taught it like this. We're really not taught it like this. Right. A lot of times we pursue entrepreneurship because we want the freedom to do whatever the we want, but that's something that we earn, right? And it's different phases and chapters, and it'll come at different times and different points for everybody. Right? But it's not something that's in the immediate transition unless you've got, like, a massive amount of funds that are just supporting you on it, then, like, more power to you. But what I think is really important about it is many times people define their worthiness based on how their business performs. But when you realize you're not your business, you're responsible to it, you also realize that your business isn't a mirror of who you be because you are not your business and your business is not you.

Well, but yes, I agree, you are not your business. And that's actually something. Like a few months ago, I wrote in my, like, I have a whole running, like, reels and Post ideas, like content ideas. Note and like, sometimes something will hit and I like throw it in there. And that was one of the breakthroughs I was going through. I haven't even like made a post about. It was like, I am not my business. Right. Which is true. Right. Like, your business does not equal you. It's not your worth, it's not your identity, all that kind of stuff, which for me was very supportive in taking a lot of the guilt, shame, self beat up out of it and also taking a lot of the emotional shit out of it that wasn't serving me, like people pleasing stuff, like all this kind of stuff and being like, wait a second, like, and. And also giving me the permission if I wanted to be done with it. Right. Like not feeling like, oh, if I end this business and close this business or sell this business or whatever, like that's not a failure. Right. Like, I'm not failing if that happens. Like, I don't suck if that happens. So I agree that like, yeah, absolutely, you are not your business. Having a healthy separation there is so important. And though what you said, like, your business is not a reflection of who you be, I would say yes. But also, yes, it's very much is. Right. But it's the order of it. Right. It's not your business is who you be. It's who you be shows up in how your business is happening.

Yes, yes. I mean, you know that you're like the B master.

Yeah. Hey, new course. We just dropped it. When this episode's come out, it will be out, you know, but link bio. Right, Exactly. Go get my shit. But that. And now I just got distracted with the hype squad. But that was one of my biggest breakthroughs coming into the end of the year was being like, oh, fuck, like my trauma bond stuff is so showing up in my business. And I think you and I talked about this, right? Like, oh, I'm in a trauma bond relationship with my business. Okay, Got it. Right. And that's not my business. Creating the trauma for me and shaping who I am. It was my stuff and who I was being and therefore how I was taking action that was so clearly mirrored in my business. Yeah. So, yeah. So your business can be such a mirror, right? Like a ripple of you. A mirror of you.

Yes. And especially if you're in like coaching or consulting space. Look, people are attracted to energy and so who you being will impact your business, Right. Performance of your business. Because, like, look, I don't think a relationship coach can only coach when their relationship is going well.

Right.

They can know the mechanics of relationships, but they're also going to have inevitable ups and downs. I don't think that a business coach can only coach business when they're doing a hundred K months.

Like exactly. Not at all.

It's what works, right?

Yeah. And so much of the time too, like why I coach so like in my coaching business, not PR agency, but why I coach so much on self worth, authenticity, ending people pleasing, like masculine, feminine, energetics, is because that stuff has been some of the most challenging shit for me. Right. And that's why I've gone so deep into it for myself and know it so well, is because I've like, not had to, but I chose to. I was like, oh. Because those were my, like recurring things and still get to be in a lot of ways.

No. And so I know I like totally detoured. It's so.

I don't even know what the original question was. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Just go, just go with it.

But in your business, like, yes. It isn't like who you be is gonna, you're gonna bring that in there, right? Same thing. Like who we be when we're parents, we bring into like the things that my parents lived through and were working through came into my orbit. Right. It's not right or wrong, it just is right.

Yeah.

So I just think it's important to revisit that. But the dance of the masculine and feminine in business, so beautiful because through the masculine framework and structure, through having data and KPIs and systems and processes that we attach to that we can create the space for the flow. It's like bumpers on like a pool. Like, I know, bowling. Bowling on a pool, on a bowling alley, whatever. Yeah. Yes, in the pool. I can't swim very well.

Any bumpers in the pool protect me from the wall. Yeah, absolutely. The masculine creates the safety, the container, the structure for the feminine to be wild and free. Not just in relationship dynamics, not just in your own energetic dynamics, but also in your business. Right. The masculine consistency, linear structure, logic, all that stuff like that creates like consistency. I literally just said it. Right. That creates consistency and like predictability, which, like sound boring, but like the predictability and consistency to me are like so sexy right now.

Yeah, yeah.

Like no dirty talk.

And if you think about the journey of entrepreneurship on any given day, for anyone listening who's, you know, run a business or running one currently, like, you can get up one day and be like, I'm fucking crushing it. And then by lunch you're like, I quit. I'm done. I'm out.

Peace.

Right.

Welcome to being an entrepreneur where if you don't want to burn your business down at least once a week, you're probably not doing enough in some way. Right. I hope, yes. Normalize my experience.

But if we make decisions for our business in that emotional roller coaster when we're, like, riding and feeling all the waves, we're making a decision from emotion, not from data, and we're disservicing ourselves and our business. So, yes, it's like having the data to come back to. To make decisions from is everything.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. And to acknowledge you a bit right now, anyway, I was, like, on a tangent. On the tangent, but to acknowledge you right now, right, Like, I've shared episodes. My audience knows. Like, I had a tough 20, 22, and so much hit the fan in my last week of the year. And as I told you guys, listening, right? Like, I was like, yeah. And like, yes, I would have survived it without having a coach, but I'm so fucking happy I did because it made that experience so much different and likely better. Right. Than it would have without having somebody able to, like, look in, objectively support all that kind of stuff. I. This is the coach. This is here. This is her. This is her right now. You're hearing her. Like, I'm like, and. And something that you've said to me so much because I tend to not be very patient and things like that is like. Like, I've probably said many times to you, like, all right, nothing different is happening. What's going on here? And you're like, it's been a week. And I'm like, thank you for the reminder. And then we'll do it again a week later, I'm like, right. I keep doing the things I've done, right? Like, all these things. What the, man? And so all that to say you guys, like. And something that you've been so. Has been a game changer for me is, yeah. Looking at the data, putting one foot in front of the other, being consistent and not, like, when I'm in that place of being like, well, fuck it, it's not working. Try something new. Most of the time, y', all, it's not about trying a new strategy or a new system. It's about being consistent with the one and actually giving it time. Like, I'm sorry, but 30 days is quick to see results. And, like, so me, after, like, a week of doing some new habit or something or two weeks and being like, this isn't working right. Like, at least give it 30 days. Give it 90 days. Like, really 90 days, I would say, is the sweet spot of, like, consistent new shit. And, like, we are seeing new shit come in, like, literally all the time from the stuff that Melissa's been like, well, just trust me and keep doing it. I'm like, okay, but I'm not enjoying it, right?

Oh, my God, I love you so much. I love our ability to laugh because, yeah, I do the same thing with, you know, with myself. And this is why having coaches. But I have coaches, like, you know, having people to pull us out of, like, when we're stomping our feet. But to your point, like, yeah, it takes time. And also your process. I mean, you've built so so much that, like, you managed to build, like, skyscrapers. We're just going back and cleaning up the foundation of a lot of the back end stuff. Right? And like, that does take time. And so just honor and acknowledging, though, how much you have built off of the talent that you have cultivated, the skill set you've cultivated, and just who you be for people.

I would love for you to share, like, what is your, like, superpower with business stuff. Because, like, I've gotten to obviously experience it firsthand. And I think, like, you know, we just talked about the masculine and the feminine and everything like that. I think you do such a beautiful job of the very masculine things. Like, even when you're like KPIs and this kind of stuff, I'm like, you know, and like, the number of times you've asked me, like, okay, well, like, what's your, like, sales process rate and like, percentages and all this kind of stuff. And I'm like, I don't know. And you're like, okay, let's know those things.

Information, Lauren.

Yeah. And so, like, so good with the masculine stuff. The structure, the systems, the consistency, the habits, the proactive things, all of that. But then you also really deeply understand the energetics, the mindset, the like, creativity all and the. The magic that can then play with it. So I'd love for you to kind of explain what your biz and coaching superpowers are.

I love that. I think, you know, I do think I really have done. I'm really in tune with where I get to flex into the masculine feminine. And many times when I'm coaching, I get to hold the masculine more because I'm bringing in these systems and these processes. Right. Which I'll tell you then in my personal life, I'm like, I'm not making a single decision. Okay, so for this whole weekend, you people here, you just tell me where we're going. Right. Pick out my clothes, my food. Right. I don't want to do anything. So, you know, I do flex heavier on that. You know, either running my business or with my team or helping other people look at theirs. My favorite is the feminine, like the creativity, writing, the energetics. But I think my superpower is my ability to identify the holes in a business, whereas most people look to pour in more. And I know you and I talk about this, but if we were to envision a bowl of like somebody's business, and we have it, it's full of water. Right. People are usually looking to just pour more in, pour more in, pour more in. But what they're not seeing is that their bowl is actually like a pasta strainer and there's just so much where it's leaking out of. Yeah. So I think that's my superpower. And that's why I like to look at the numbers. Because I can't tell you how many people are like, I need more leads. I need more leads. Like, I literally can't count. But we look at the holes or the gap. And the holes or the gap are either in, you know, forgotten about conversations or getting somebody on a call or the show up rate for the call or the closing rate on the call or the follow up after the call. And it's in all those things that the holes can exist. And so if you have a hole in there and you just pour in more and more water, they're still going to leak out of the holes that are there.

And I'm going to speak from experience too, like, because I'm like, I need more leads and I need, you know, and yes. And like, you know, real talk. We are. It's January 19th right now when we're recording this. And so like this month, a lot of the focus is on the sales process and stuff like that for my business and the work I'm doing with Melissa's support. And it hasn't necessarily been about new leads. Right. Like, exactly like, and something that I've realized with working with you, it's like, oh, no, it's actually like there's so much opportunity already without doing a single other thing. But we're missing and losing so much possibility because of, like, how it's happened. And I think too, like something important too for people listening is that not to. Because it can be easy, especially with me. Like, I've had my business for several years. It can be very easy for me to beat myself up for how I've run it up until this point. Right. And been like, well, fuck, I could have made X more money or I could have this. I would have been so much further along if I'd only been right. Like, all these things. And it's like, okay, yeah, maybe that's true. And you didn't. So, like, let that go. And, like, great. Like, how cool that there's so much opportunity available right now.

Yeah. And also, can we change the narrative on that? Like, holy shit, look what you fucking created without having that dialed in.

Right. Medicine to your pants for a lot of it.

Right. Because you're that good. Like, that's my interpretation.

Like, fully hire me, everybody.

Yeah. No, but seriously. And I think something that, you know, we are. I mean, you have a lot of people you've created relationships with who like what you're doing. And of course they do. Guys, everybody go hire Lauren. Right? But, like.

Hire us.

Joins off. No, I'm just kidding. So, you know, I think looking at, well, how are we utilizing all the resources that you have and the relationships you've built and like that, and like, inviting those people to work with you who might not even know how they can work with you.

Yeah, I love that. Okay, which question do I want to go with first? You know what, actually, this is the next one that's on the list, and I think it'll be a fun, juicy one. What are some. I have written down, like, what are myths about, like, you know, in the coaching or entrepreneurship space? But actually, we're going to, like, make it a little bit spicier. Like, what is some, like, bullshit that's, like, flying around in the coaching and entrepreneurship space that, like, gives you the ick or just as, like, you're fed up with it?

I mean, things that give me the ick is the focusing on followers. Like, okay, fucking followers and listeners are two different things. I don't give a fuck how many followers you have.

Yes.

Listen.

Yeah.

Who's listening? Right?

Yeah. Because, like, full transparency, I have like 30,000 something followers on Instagram. My business is not at a million dollars. I have friends who have, like 5,000 followers on Instagram. They have multimillion dollar businesses. Right? So, like, just some perspective there. Like, it does not matter how big the audience is. It's like, okay, who is in the audience and which ones are actually paying attention and wanting to buy the shit that you're doing? Right?

Right. Yeah. I mean, I've less than 5,000 followers right. And I built a lot of businesses. Right? Like, a lot. And it's okay, but it's such like a thing that we get lost in. And I almost got swept up in it. Like, I had a coach who coached me to buy followers so I looked more credible. And I didn't do it. And I'm really glad that I didn't. I was really tempted. I was really. I was new on my journey. Right. And that was like, I was trusting to guide me. But I think that is like, something I really like. I just can't stand it, you know, just this focus on more. I mean, to the point, like, how many people do you want to work with? Like, do you want to work with fucking 40,000, 50,000 people? Like, no.

Like, yes, in passive evergreen offers, but otherwise.

Right. And so, you know, I think that's one that, like, really gets to me and I see a lot of people get lost in. I think there's so much around the old school sales script feel that ruined kind of the online industry for people with like, authenticity and integrity. If I connect with someone and I'm like, hey, how are you? Like, I literally am in my feminine of connection and detachment. I'm not gonna like, remember if you write back or not. And if you do, like, cool. If you do and we have a conversation going, like, I've hired people from my own Outreach, my DMs.

Oh, you do?

Human design. Amazing. I wanted a reading. What can I schedule you? Right. But this old school thing that like, if anyone hi. That like, they want. They're trying to get your money kills me because that is not the truth. But I understand how it's the perception because that is plaguing the industry out there in so fucking ruining.

Yes. And like, to add on that too is like one having a like, past with network marketing. Right. Like, you did a lot of that kind of shit. Like, hey, girl, you know, those like, slide into the DMs and like, get ready to pitch them at any sort of thing, you know, which, like, you know, it's an important skill to learn. Absolutely. But I think, yeah, there has been a lot that has tainted that. And even where there's the. This trend and a lot of people where it's working well for them of like, I only magnetize. I will never reach out to anyone directly, which I'm like, hey, if that's like working for you, fucking amazing. I'm a little jealous of that. But also this message that if you're doing that, you're doing something wrong. Right. Like, there's this message that, okay, if you're doing outbound sales, if you will, or outbound messages, in a sense, then you're not doing something right. Then there's something wrong with your energy and your mindset if you're not just manifesting clients flying into your DMs at all moments. Right?

Yeah.

And with that too, like, you've encouraged me and held me, like, kept me accountable with, like, doing outbound messages. And while, yes, for a lot of that, there is the intention of, okay, let's see what kind of business we can get through this. Of course there is. I'm not going to fucking lie and say there isn't that intention there. But also the approaching it with detachment, for sure. Without assumptions, of course. And also the reminder that, like, you never know what's going to come. So even with that, like, outbound messages, too, it's like two weeks there, maybe three weeks. I don't even remember. I was messaging 20 people a day. 20 people a day. And, like, I'm really proud of that because I hadn't done, like, outbound sales type stuff for probably over a year. Real talk. And, like, somehow, like, my business still runs, like, decently well, actually, you know, and so I was in this cycle of it. And yeah, sometimes it was annoying, frustrating. I definitely didn't want to do it, all that kind of stuff. And there were moments where I was like, yeah, well, this person, like, would not be a fit for anything I do. What the fuck is the point? Like, and so I would want to not count. I would either want to only reach out to people that I thought could potentially do something for me with me in a business capacity, but then I would avoid connecting with people who I didn't feel like if I was like, oh, well, they wouldn't want to work with me or they wouldn't be a good fit, or, like, I don't know who they would know. Like, I would almost avoid them because I would feel like it wouldn't count. Right? I feel like the rules of outreach, like, Like, I wasn't following the rules of outreach. And then I was like, fuck it. Like, sometimes I was just like, I just want to get these 20 outreaches over and I'm not going to lie about it. So, like, who fucking cares if this person is a rando that's never going to do anything with me? I'm still adding them to my list and I'm reaching out to them. But the point with that is there have been so many just beautiful conversations that have come out of that, that may go nowhere aside from rekindling that connection, like, connecting with somebody that I've genuinely cared about and care about and have had a connection with in the past. And just, like, hearing how their life is going has, like, brought me so much fulfillment and, like, warmed my heart in many ways. And like, has mirrored. Been mirrored back to me by them. Like, oh my gosh, it's so good to hear from you sort of thing, right? So, like, that's been so important to me. And then there have been a lot of ones where I like, of those people where I'm like, well, what's the point of reaching out to this person? Like, that have actually led to shit, right? Or they're like, then they start asking me for tips and advice. I'm like, oh, yep, this is right. You know, like all that. But I also have noticed, which is super interesting, like, people who have been interested in, like, programs in the past or something, like, who have reached out to me expressing interest and then for whatever reason didn't buy or anything. And I've like, gone back to them for past offers and stuff, and they, like, maybe don't respond. And then I did my, like, you know what? I'm just going to check in with detachment and genuinely see how they're doing. Who will read the message and then never reply. And I'm like, I know, because they think they're gonna. If they reply or engage, they're afraid to be sold something. And I'm like, well, yeah, because I've like, gone in with a sell in the past. Sometimes I just want to be like, hey, like, I'm actually just asking, you know, like, it's not like a bait and switch, like, sell coming. Like, I'm actually asking, right? Like, yeah, so I've noticed that too. Of, like, people being like, I'm like, oh, they're not gonna reply. They're not replying. Like, they read it and they're not not going to reply to me, like, ever again. But they'll still watch every single one of my stories.

And I'm like, oh, I love that you get unsubscribed from the email and they're watching all your stories and I'm like, wait, yeah, but thank you for sharing all that. I think when we begin to let go of the old stories around it of like, you know, use car salesman or whatever, like, yeah, and see the sacredness of an energetic exchange when someone says, okay, I want you to get me there. And you're like, okay, I'm going to get you there. Like, it is whole creative dance and we lose the sacredness of it because we get so attached to old stories. And that, that kills me about the industry. But I really think it's consistency. Like, you know, just keeping connections with like, I remember this one woman in Instagram DMs who I met an event I was speaking at. And like, I never, I was like, hey, checking in. How you doing? You know, And I could feel the wall. And it was like, okay, we're not going there. But I'd still be like, hey, love what you're putting out there. Like, how you doing? Finally, after nine months, she was like, okay, I just need to join. And I was like, okay. I never had even said a word to her about it. And then she referred six people in. So my decision, and this was a group program, but my decision to just keep consistent ended up yielding without me being attached to it. $54,000 in revenue.

Yeah.

No more than that. Yeah. Like 60. Yeah.

Yeah.

So it was just like. And then on another hand, I always say one of the biggest. And I can go off forever on this, but I'll just, I'll share this one. One of the biggest myths I see are when people come in and they think they're just going to make one post that's like, hey, I'm doing this. And like their inbox is going to be flooded with DMs, like, I want to hire you. I want to hire you. Like, I want to hire you does come and the attraction, but it comes with consistency over time. You are on people's radar and you are their go to thought for when they need that.

Yes. And like so spoiler alert too. Like a lot of the people who are like, oh, I just attract and like. And I like, you know, I just this magnetism and stuff which is a true. Like that is real. But also the pure attraction. Yeah. It comes with consistency and intention and action. Right. And the masculine being a part of it. Right. I'm just only going to be in my feminine and only receive. Right. That's not how it freaking happens. And these people, because I know many people who are their businesses are running that way and I'm like so excited for them where it is just like here's an offer and people are like slight like flying into the DMs about it and they don't like proactively reach out and stuff. Like, I'm so proud of my friends whose businesses are running that way and I know what their Business looks like two years ago. Right, Right. And I know that they did the, like, lots of outbound stuff as well. And what I know to be true about how they're running their business now also is they are doing consistent connection and stuff like that. They're really nurturing those relationships. Even if it's not a super obvious sales conversation, and even if they're not going into it with the intention of a sell or a sales conversation, they're very aware of maintaining the relationships with the people who potentially want to buy from them. Like, that's not like, I think there's message like this idea that's not happening. I'm like, trust me, these people are in their DMs all the time, nurturing their audience and their connections and stuff like that. Trust me. And so that's why they get people flying into the DMs asking for a link is because they're maintaining those really intimate relationships and that consistency. Right. It may not. They call it like outbound sales and they may not ask for a sale in any way or invite into an offer, but they're absolutely top of mind for those people when the offer drops 100%.

100%, yeah. And I think that's what it is. It's just like, how are you staying on somebody's radar? Right? Just staying on the radar. You don't have to be like, in your face, but how are you staying on someone's radar? So when that day happens where they are ready to take action, you're the person they go to.

Yeah. And I even had somebody who used to be involved in network marketing business, like, on my network marketing team. I didn't enroll them, but they were part of my, like, you know, downline and stuff like that and reached out to this person and just to be like, hey, like, how are you? Like, happy New Year, all this kind of stuff, and responded and then asked me like, hey, why did you reach out? Like, was there a specific reason? And yes, it was part of my like 20 outreaches a day. But real talk, that person, I wasn't even thinking, like, would be a fit for anything or interested in anything. Right. I was just like, no, we're doing this with detachment. So, like, my response to this person was, honestly, I'm like, I've seen your journey in the past, like, couple years, and I know that you've gone through some really tough situations stuff, and like, it's been really inspiring and I haven't reached out or connected with you in a long time. So I just Wanted to say hi and like, that's it, you know? And they were very, very, like, yeah, grateful for that. And then this person, like, DM'd me about a post that I had made and was like, hey, this really resonated with me. Like, how did you take more steps into this healing journey? Or this, or this or that? And I still don't have any expectation of this, like, being like a sales conversation or business conversation, but I'm like, how beautiful that maybe because we've messaged a little, the algorithm fed this person my post that is supporting them in some way and has resonated with them in some way, and now they feel comfortable to ask me about it, and I can offer some insight that supports them. Like, I don't need them to be a client. That's not what I'm after. Nothing like that. But I'm like, wow. Like, even if that, like, adds value to their life, like, how fucking beautiful is that?

That's what I mean is like, can we bring the sacredness back to the connection and expansion that's available through it? Because it's the story we assign to it and the intention we come from. And we'll bring that intention of detachment and connection and curiosity and that beautiful feminine. And we bring in the masculine consistency and process.

Yes. And something that I've talked to you about, and I've talked about it a bit on podcast recently, is like, at the very end of the year, I came to the realization, like, oh, I've been in a trauma bond with my business. Like, it looks different, it's better. We've healed a lot, so it looks different, you know, and the, like, baseline is very different, but I'm like, oh, but there's still a lot of, like, trauma bond patterns going on. Where I would get to, like, this place of scarcity in order to be motivated to make big moves or to bring in big money, I'd have to make myself really uncomfortable, you know, which then, because I would do that, I'd go like, okay, go all in because I'm panicking, right? And then create a bunch of big results. And then I'd fucking let the foot off the gas pedal for a while and just fucking coast, right? And not to say you need to be like, again, the point isn't to be in full court press all the time, but if you're consistent, you don't have to be in full court press all the time. Right? And so I was, like, noticing I was in this, like, beast famine cycle with my business, and so of course, when I would send outreach messages or sit down to do outreach, it would feel weird and feel unnatural because I was coming at it from a place of, like, panic and necessity. Right. And now, like, being like, oh, like, yeah, the consistent masculine outreach. Right. The consistency of that allows the connection to live in the feminine space of true connection and being in the heart. Breakthroughs on breakthroughs.

It's so good. And like, man, I want to be a stand to change the way that the industry is operating and that possibility and like, just freaking one conversation at a time. And we get to do that because.

Yeah.

It doesn't have to be because we rob ourselves of so many experiences if we don't connect. And we rob other people of experiences if we don't connect.

Yeah.

Because it is only through connecting that we truly expand.

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. So last year you close one of your businesses.

I'm like, where are we going? Where are we going?

You're like.

I'm like, a lot happened.

Last year and like, this year launched a new one. And obviously, like, I got like, see that process very intimately, which was, you know, a privilege to be able to, like, see all that going on and to be like, a part of that journey. What were some of the, like, biggest lessons coming out of that for you?

Honestly, it's grief. Like, I will forever cherish that chapter. And I think one of the lessons was really allowing the unattachment, like, allowing it to be a chapter and recognizing when something has served the purpose it's intended to serve and to release it and let it go when it's no longer there. Right. And we can get so attached to. Well, I put in this much time or I've put in this much effort, or we've come this far, or on paper, everything works, or we check the boxes. Right. Or people love us as a partnership and all of these things. Right. We can get really attached to. And I think it was really, truly focusing on, okay, but what's in each individual's highest alignment right now, because where we started and where we are now as individuals is very different. And so naturally, as partners, it's going to be different too, in what we're feeling called to. That was huge. I mean, I think trusting myself, it took an unexplainable amount of self trust to disrupt something that, like, looked and was functioning well. Like, it wasn't. It didn't quote, unquote, look sick. But I knew it wasn't me at my highest anymore, and it wasn't how I wanted to Be like, the way in which I wanted to work had really changed. I actually wanted to be much more in my feminine. So self trust, for sure. I mean, you saw. I don't know if there's anything that you saw.

I mean, of course. Yeah, of course. And it's so there's a really cool, I guess, like, weak adjective for it. I don't know. But, like, as you were navigating so much of that, like, right. Like there were, you know, many sashimi moments where you were, like, raw and like, yeah, massive. Like, it was a very challenging, very, you know, like big crying Zooms or FaceTimes. Right. And then to be like, oh, like. And then you got to, like, hold my hand through that kind of stuff. Like just in the last, like, month or two, right. I was like, oh, like, yeah, yeah.

And there's so many lessons in all of it. And here we are getting to like, co. Share in different ways and, like, be a mirror for each other in these, which is so beautiful. But I think my encouragement would be for anyone listening because this theme actually came up in the beginning of the podcast, Lauren, and you maybe just subconsciously brought it back.

I'm a very good interviewer.

I'm taking notes. Is that many times we miss the lessons in grief or trauma or adversity because we're so in the pain. And I would just encourage anybody to have the support because if we're going to go through it. Because we're going to go through it. Let's not miss the lesson.

Yeah.

Because, you know we're going to go through the pain. Right. Whether it's a breakup or a loss or a challenge or whatever it is. Like, we're going through it like it's fucking there. But can we at least not miss the lesson that is there for us to learn?

Yeah, yeah. Because the shitty thing is, like, if you miss the lesson, then you're just going to get to do it over again in a new way, you know?

Right. Like, you're not even getting the ROI on what you just went through. Like, you get the roi, you know?

Yeah, exactly. Okay, what's your word if you do that for 2023? Like, what's the focus or the intention?

Funny, I didn't have like, a clear word, but what I declared was rocket ship.

Oh, yeah, I know.

I think the way that I feel is like last year felt like tectonic plates. Like, you know, like tectonic plates, whatever. I felt like they were like, yes, breaking and cracking. I think I said this to you when I was going through my process. Like, I felt like everything in me was, like, up against each other. People can't see my hands right now, but they're going, like, crazy and, like, breaking. And it was from that breaking because a lot broke. Because, you know, in terms of what we were speaking into before, like, choosing to leave a business partnership that was a beautiful relationship, friendship, and wildly successful business with a team was one of the scariest things I've ever done.

Yeah.

Because, like, late in my job, ending.

A business relationship is a divorce, in a sense. And all of those things are, like, deaths, right? Like, and. And not to minimize, like, when someone actually does die. But even when I was going through my divorce and stuff, like, a lot of the healing and, like, looking into that and all that, it's like, oh, no. This, like, has similar effects on people as someone dying. Right. And, like, when you end a business partnership like that, like, it's a whole new thing that gets layer of grief. A whole new grief process, all that. Well, yeah.

And then it's also, like, whose side are the kids on? Right.

Yeah. Where's everyone going? The kids is the team, the clients, the email list. Right. Like, where are the kids gonna go? I don't know. They get to choose, right?

Yeah. And also, like, balancing that element of privacy and all of that with also, like, okay, we can't not talk about the elephant in the room. Like, I had a mentor say to me once, nobody ever looked in that room and said, wow, the elephant really ties it together nicely. Right. Like, we couldn't not, like, completely not talk about it. But that was really hard. And. But I remember, ties it in nicely.

Yeah. Oh, my gosh, now I want to get, like, some sort of elephant home decor. Just like, have that as a conversational, fun topic.

Yeah. Well, as I was saying, 2022 was like the disruptor, Right. And I declared to you, I was like, I'm going to restart my podcast. I'm going to write my book. I'm going to be in a relationship. Right. Like, these are the things I'm calling in, and I wanted to do more mindset work with my business. And we got, like, three out of the four, right?

Yeah. Well, I will say with the relationship one, you did start dating again. You, like, got. You started going on dates and shit. So, like, yeah, like, maybe it wasn't an eight. Like, it didn't, like, you know, you still jumped into that one.

Oh, I've been dating.

Yeah, I know. I need, like, an update on that anyway offline.

But, yeah, this is the year of the rocket ship, where all of the stuff was broken up. And I'm sure a lot of you can relate to this. You go through something that's breaks everything fucking down as you know, it deconstructs it. So then you can take off.

Yes. And actually the interview I had right before this, which I don't know exactly where, like, the timing of episodes coming out will be, but it's the episode with my friend Aisha Marshall, and we were talking about how, like, 2022, I mean, she has a podcast called Butterfly Season, Right. And for so many people, 2022 was cocoon season. Right. And so similarly with you, like, oh, the disruptor, like, breaking stuff down, like, all of that, so that we can enter rocket ship season. Butterfly season, whatever. Like, and this has been such a collective theme I've heard from so many.

People curled on a ball on the ground, shaking. You know what I mean? Literally texting like, I'm sushi.

Exactly. Oh, my goodness. Okay. One. Another thing that we briefly touched on or brought up before we hit record cord was or is sexual transmutation and, like, accessing sacral chakra energy, which obviously, like, the audience. I mean, you know, like, that's like, so much my jam and stuff like that. And, like. And I don't know that you and I have ever really talked about this stuff that much, so take it away.

Oh. So it's something that's been coming up a lot more for me lately, especially with a lot of women asking about it. But for me, when I went to Peru, which was right before I met you, part of the practice and what we were doing required, like, celibacy and even refraining from any orgasm before we went to be able to receive the plants. I know.

For how long?

Well, everyone made it different times. The suggested was 30 days. Not all of us did 30, but, hey, that was the suggestion.

Not all of us did 30. Not going to say any names.

So. But I actually discovered I could literally feel the churning of my sacral chakra energy as I was in Peru and doing this work and quiet and in my feminine and not letting energy literally out of my container.

What did that feel like? When you say like, felt. Sacral chakra energy churning, like, what did that feel like for you?

Like, it feels almost like a glow and like a swirling, like, in, like, the womb. Like, it feels like a swirling in the womb, which I will tell you is really fucking weird because I've been saying this now for, like, a year. Like, that I've been Experiencing that since Peru and at more and more higher levels since then. But I got a voice note from somebody the other day who told me, I just have to let you know. You were in my meditation this morning. You can ask Brad, because he was doing one of our clients or potential clients. You're my meditation this morning. And I just had this image of energy churning in your womb. And I was like, that's what I've been saying. So sexual transmutation creates the environment for that?

Yeah, I mean, like, literally, I have a whole program on sexual energy, Sacral chakra stuff, like, all that kind of stuff. And, like, that's our sacral chakra is our creation center, right? Like, that's where the womb space is. Like, that's the hub of creativity and magnetism, right? Like, that's like, we literally, like, bring from other dimensions, and then, like, they come through that space into the world, right? Like, so magnetic.

So Peru started that, and then I began studying it. And even my coach and I would talk about it, and we would talk about, like, how that worked and being very intentional about how what energy was allowed in my sphere, right? And when I wanted to hold it and fully retain it and use it for me, like, think of it like your weapon, ladies. Like, it's like your freaking weapon to attract and magnetize, create. And so being in a phase for me right now where it's like, I'm holding on to this. You know what I mean? Like, this, like, gets to source my growth right now, right in this particular phase. And it's been a really interesting thing. I think on a less intense level, something that I do that really supports my creativity is just silence and not speaking out loud for as long as I can when I get up in the morning or before bed at night. And those little tweaks really help me.

Too, which I love that. And, like, vocal cords, like, voice, all that kind of stuff. Throat chakra. I'm like, voice chakra. What am I? Like, what's the word? Throat chakra. Right. And sacral chakra are very, very, very connected, right? And, like, using your voice and like, sexuality, sexual expression, very, very connected, obviously, right? But if you look, like, anatomically at, like, female reproductive stuff and, like, throat anatomy, they look very, very similar. So it makes sense that to, like, harness, cultivate, like, amplify, amplify. Hi. Hello. Welcome to the show. More of that magnetic sexual energy to be, like, practice more silence and stuff like that will absolutely cultivate more of it. That's so cool. I actually had not thought of it that way. As far as, like, silence. Time to cultivate your sexual energy and that kind of magnetic energy. Because normally I think about it as, like, no, use your voice to cultivate it, which is a way to as well. Then also, like, if you're haphazardly using your voice. Right. And not doing it with intention, that's leaky too, right?

Yeah. Or if you're using it for other people's energetic exchange. Right. Like, you're leaving essentially your sphere. Like, your energy is, like, leaving. And so that's something I really try and do is, like, not speak out loud for however long I can in the morning. And usually once a month, I'll try and shut down Friday after my last call and not speak in the entire Friday night and then go to sleep and then not speak for the first few hours I get up on Saturday.

Yeah, try that. Some days I only talk to myself and my dog. But, like, even then, like, okay, all right. I like this. I like this.

Yeah.

All right. We are just coming on to time here. Like, I feel like that flew by. That was already like 90 minutes. Like, my goodness. Okay, like, one. Where can everyone find you? And like, how that. Can they work with you if they feel so inclined? Like, all that good stuff.

Oh, you can find me on Instagram. Melissa Dugalecki. Not the easiest lesson.

Yeah. Sound it out. Yeah, it'll be in the show notes. All that kind of stuff.

It'll be in the show notes, but it's Melissa. And then D L U G O L E C K I. You can just shoot me a dm. I work with people both one on one and in group settings, supporting them and growing their business, balancing the masculine and feminine. And me, especially if you're one on one, flexing into what version of me you need to be. And then, you know, in group, really supporting you and finding the balance of the two as well.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Yeah. And y' all listening? Like, I know I talk about the importance of coaching, mentorship, support, whatever. And I'm not saying that you always have to be working with a coach in order to get. Get your to your next level. I don't believe that. Nor do I think you always have to be in some program or something like that. And I think that something. Right. Like being plugged into something outside of yourself is like, I highly advocate for that. Whether it is a new certification you want to get to expand your knowledge, like a networking thing, working with a coach in a mastermind or something. Right. A membership, like something that isn't just you, like, highly, highly recommend. And like, this is who I've chosen for my this current season as like part of my like, you know, support system and expansion team, if you will. So yeah. So I cannot recommend Melissa highly enough for like fucking. Yeah. All the things, like so much business optimization, growth, all of that. And of course, right, because entrepreneurship is like the most gnarly personal development journey you will ever go on. Like, of course then having the support for the non business stuff too, as you're doing it. Like, it's been beautiful. So. So thank you. So yeah, y' all check her out. Okay. The last thing we're going to say exactly on time, we'll probably go like one minute over is so that obviously this show is called Amplify. It's all about supporting people in owning their truth, using their voice, like living the most aligned, authentic, abundant and like fulfilling life possible. So what's like parting word of wisdom, A quote you love action, like just something. Some like final like mic drop thing to leave the audience with, to like just live more amplified and more like themselves.

This is what just came through, so I'm gonna go with it.

Do it.

But you know, having spent most of my life really afraid of judgment and being in a public role, that was very scrutinized. Something that got me through a lot of those times was no one ahead of you is judging you. No one ahead of you is judging you. And if they are, they're not ahead of you. So like, use that voice and take up space. Because anyone, like, I see someone using that voice and taking up space and even if they're kind of stumbling and struggling, I'm just fucking cheering them on.

Yeah, right.

Like no one had to use judging you.

Beautiful. Thank you so much.

Thank you. Thank you all so much for being here at Grief and Guts as Layden's mom, being able to spread the stories, the strategies, the lessons I have learned through Layden and from Layden is the thing that means the most to me in this world and allowing my daughter short life to have long and lasting impact by shining her light. Truly, nothing means more if you align with and believe in the work that we're doing here in these messages. The best way to give back and to spread this out into the world is to rate and review on Spotify and on itunes. Thank you for taking just a moment to do that. Feel free to shoot me a message. Let me know what you want to hear more of, what you want to see more of. I am here to serve. I'M grateful to do so. And I'm cheering you on in your journeys, always.