115: Co-Creating or Co-Expanding?

Foreign. Hey everybody, and welcome back. Today we are getting into a topic that, you know, I use the word discerning a lot. And this one takes a high level of discernment and a pause to bring awareness, to truly know. Are we co creating or are we coexisting? And fifth muscle, like what do you mean co creating or coexisting? Listing. I'm gonna break it down for you. So I would get your notebooks out or be ready to pause because I'm going to be dropping a lot of bits here. Now, this episode came inspired from a coaching call I did with my women's group. Own it. If you are a woman who wants to really learn how to step into your power and own it and do the energetic work and the manifestation work and the somatic and the embodiment work in your body, nervous system regulation, you gotta join us. It's stuff that I learned so much in my grief journey. Because the truth is, is the healing started in my mind. How can I understand what's happening? How can I make sense of what's happening? How can I process and get through what's happening? But the true healing and the release and being able to have an energy that feels good for myself and people around me and feels expansive and light and fun and playful really came from doing the work in my body. And it's something I believe we get to talk about more when we're looking at grief or trauma or heartache or loss or anything that can have, you know, an intense impact on our nervous system where we store energies in our body and then all of a sudden we're sick or we're in breakdown or we're, you know, erupting and very reactive. And my goal is to support all of you in getting from a space of reactionary to very proactively managing and navigating anything you're going through, anything you're going through. And you might get to pause in there and that's okay because the power of the pause is potent. Say that one 10 times fast. So today we are getting into, are you co creating or are you co existing Now? I love co creation. I love it. And the truth is, in a way, we're technically all co creating. We are all energetic beings. We are all vibrating at a certain level. We are all, you know, exchanging energy. This could literally be with somebody at the gas station or the coffee shop or really anywhere, your dentist's office. You are co creating an experience and an energetic vibration. Now coexisting though, is a level of co Creation that is kind of stagnant. And so I see oftentimes co creating and coexisting confused for one another. So what is coexistence? Coexistence is kind of missing the magic of co creation. And I don't know about you, but I am here for all the magic. Coexisting is like going through the motions. Everything makes sense on paper or a resume or a list of requirements. But things aren't expanding or flowing in a way that you can actually feel it running through your body. And I like to feel the things in my body. Now take out the word co and it starts with us. Am I just existing? Am I just going through the motions in this relationship, in this job, in this whatever it is, because I should be. It makes sense on paper, it checks all the boxes. Or am I creating? Am I actually using my life force energy, my gifts, my creative expression, my ideas, my vibration to expand and create something that impacts this world. Now you don't have to be in creation vibration only if you're doing massive things like you know, a famous musician or, you know, artist. You can be in a creative vibration at home on your couch, putting something out into this world energetically or literally that is sourced in creative expansion and growth. So there are three parts that I see being really integral. So being able to co create. Number one is structure and mechanics, number two, shared values and number three, energetics. And look, take out the word co and look at this internally. Look at your structure and mechanics, look at your values and look at your energetics. Now when we bring the word co back in or the hyphen co back in and we are looking at co creation. The truth is, the deeper the relationship, the more massive the manifestation power available. So this is why we want to be a ninja with our own energy. Because what we bring to any space will source results one way or another. Right? And I'll say that again, what we bring to any space will source results one way or another. We also want to be super discerning with our environment because our environment will create the results that we grow. So what does this mean? Well, what coaches, mentors, friends, partners, colleagues are allowed to be in your space, in your environment, or are you asking to be in your space you're investing in or you're investing in emotionally, energetically, financially, to cultivate these co creative relationships that create an environment where you can truly expand. And then how are they expanding you? Because the truth is, why I love co creation is co creation can source results that we can't get on our own. Like, we can only take ourselves so far, and it shows the power of truly we go further together. I can only get myself so far, but my coaches, my mentors, my closest relationships, they can expand me. They can pull me to my edge. They can get me through a breakthrough I might not be able to get myself. And that's why I love being able to be that for other people, right? Being their coach, being that mirror, being that expander. And also why I don't believe in. And this is a side note, but I don't believe in the transactional idea of like, an hourly rate because it's an energetic exchange. The people I work with, I'm thinking about, I'm energetically connected with them when way beyond our time on zoom. So get out of the literal energetic exchange of like, time, minutes for dollars or whatever it may be and look at more of the energetic connection. Again, the deeper the connection, the deeper the transformation available and expansion available. Now, this can be challenging because what happens is, as we grow, if we're constantly looking at our energy and our environment, we get to shift things a lot. We get to shift things a lot. But we really want to look at where do we bless and release without judgment, without making it wrong, with such gratitude for the purpose any relationship served for us at a given time. Because when we are co creating, imagine like a little spark that lights and it goes and it goes and it goes and it goes and it goes. And in some cases, it will fizzle. It's reached, it's served its purpose right. It's got its own kind of expiration date. And when we try to keep sparking up something that has served its purpose well, now we get into resistance or resentment or frustration. I'm not saying just abandon every relationship that you're in. I'm saying be super discerning and loving enough to each person to honor your truths, whether this is friendship or family or work or. Or an intimate relationship. How is this serving each of you? How is it expanding? Right. For me, it. It shifted when I began my entrepreneur journey. It really highlighted, and I say, business will show us everything. It really highlighted that with the change of structure and mechanics that were once the same as my partner, even with our shared values, it just wasn't gonna. It wasn't a fit. And the Energetics actually began to shift a bit. And maybe the Energetics actually showed themselves a little bit more truthfully when the structure and mechanics changed. And that can be a harder one, right? But when the structure and mechanics Changed. It kind of unveiled some of the stuff in the energetics, even if the shared values were the same. So I believe that the most loving thing we can do is just be aware of this for ourselves and communicate honestly and give everyone the space to do the same for their lives. So you're probably wondering, like, okay, well, what the fuck do you mean by structure, Mechanics, energetic, shared values? So let's get into that structure and mechanics. This is going to be, like, very literal, very in the mind, right? This could be like a list of what you want in relationship. It can be, how do we spend time together? How many minutes do we want to spend together? How many date nights do we want to have? What are we doing? What do we like to do? How do we want to spend our time? What's our lifestyle? Do we want kids? Do we want to travel? What are our financial income? Kind of structure and mechanics. What's our schedule? Right, mechanics. Schedule can definitely come into play. Now for some people in deep relationships, you know, they might have opposite schedules, and that works for where they're at. That's fine for some, the relationship. It might be very important for them to have similar work schedules, right? Where they have vacation days or they have weekends off. I know for me, my partner gets to have a structure and mechanics where they're always working and never working. They're always just playing and living life. And then they're never just playing and living life, but really always, right? Because for me to create and expand at my deepest, like, I get to be able to say, you know, as I'm like, brushing my teeth in the morning, oh, my gosh, I just had this idea. What do you think? And not have it feel like, oh, we're talking about work. Because I don't see it as work. I see it as creative expression. It's my deepest expression of myself, what I do and what I create. Now, that's a structure and mechanic that is very unique, right? So we get to look at some people, they don't bring work here, don't bring work to our relationship. And hear me when I say there's no right or wrong. So we get to really get clear on what are the structure and mechanics that we are seeking in our closest relationships. And then we get to look at shared values. Now, values are going to be a bit more in the mind, too, right? The structure and mechanics are a bit more in the mind. The shared values are going to be more in the mind. It's going to be more like free will. I mean, it's all free will but choice. So what has my mind decided or committed to as what I value more than anything? So it could be qualities such as commitment, drive, kindness, honesty, ownership. It could be, you know, growing a family, it could be health, it could be personal development. As I'm like listing mine like, you know, for me, commitment, drive, kindness, honesty. Yeah, ownership, taking care of their health and then always committed to doing the work and growing. And what are your shared values? What are the things that you value? And so you're looking at how they align with what your partner values. Some people might value more spaciousness in their schedule, whereas for me, I really value creative expression and that wouldn't be a match. And that's not right or wrong. I'm not going to change. Right. That person doesn't need to change. So where does our relationship fit in the depth chart? Because it doesn't mean it can't exist, just where does it fit? Now the third component is energetics. Now this is the missing piece for so many many. This is where we begin to really co create. Because man energy doesn't lie. It doesn't lie. Energy doesn't lie. You know when someone walks into a room and you can just feel it, you know, you got on a zoom call and you're like oh, oh, yuck. Right? It can be a yucky energy or an amazing energy, but energy doesn't lie. And the way your energy will be attracted or repelled to somebody else's does not lie. The way your energy will work in a co creative fashion with somebody else's cannot lie. Results will show you where your deepest spaces of co creation are. Right? Results will show you where your deepest spaces of co creation are. When you do the work, you will feel it in your body. Now I know it sounds so cliche when you do the work, but the reason I'm saying you're not just always going to feel it in your body is because without the mindset work, the nervous system regulation, the connecting to yourself, we will confuse our body's responses of fight or flight with this feels good or bad in my body. This is why some people are drawn to certain relationship dynamics, right? They are working through, you know, or they are still healing. Maybe where they felt like they had to prove to themselves or maybe where they feel safe being in control or being at a different level than the other person. Whether it's either completely the caretaker or completely taken care of. And that could be a sense of safety from old wounds, of things that didn't feel safe. There's no right or wrong. It could also be from your highest self. But the energetics to feel it in your body to notice the energetic co creation. There is no like, there is no arguing energy. There's just not. But what we do get to do to be able to access this sacred energetic power, it's like the secret language of the universe, right? It's like it's the little secret weapon that people aren't talking about. But in order to access it, we gotta clear the clutter. We gotta clear the clutter of our minds. We gotta clear the clutter of our nervous system. And no, it's not a one and done. Like I don't clean house and be like, well, I'm done, right? It's like you have your house cleaned or you clean your house, you're not done cleaning it, right? There's going to come more stuff. Dirt's going to come in, things are going to get messy. Life is going to life and you're going to get to clean your house again. Laundry is going to build up. Same thing with energy internally. So what supports are you putting in place to be able to have a clean and clear vessel to access the energetic signs and connections that are your greatest expansion? So I invite you to look into that and then really looking at, really looking at what you want. What do you want mechanically? What are your shared values? What do you feel energetically? So coexistence is really going to be missing that energetic peace. Coexistence will be missing that energetic kind of swirl that whoa, we are doing some magical stuff. We are sourcing. This is bigger than us. The coexistence can work very well with the mechanics and the shared values, but the creation is through the expansion and the expansion is through the energetics. I choose to see everything as creation and I know for me so clearly what the people in my life, you know, the people that I am supporting energetically, we are co creating. I am bringing my skill set, my wisdom, my, my energy to them. They are exchanging an investment. Now that works. That's an energetic, right? That's an energetically balanced dynamic. And then in my personal life, it's going to be like, it's going to be a depth chart and everyone serves a valuable purpose. I can't have everyone bringing me to my edge or I'll be exhausted. So where do I have relationships that I kind of just get to be right? And you know, those are going to be maybe some friendships or acquaintanceships and then where are the deepest ones that are going to take me into that co creative space and that could be my own mentors and coaches or my very deepest, most intimate relationships. And for me in those, energetically, I want to be held in my expression of creation, right? I want to process and digest and I want to have things extracted from me. So think about what you want. It's all awareness. But again it comes down to structure and mechanics, energetics and values. When we are looking at both the depth and alignment of any relationship in our life now, notice how sometimes we can co create in ways that aren't supportive. We can co create and, and I used to, I remember I used to notice this like when I'd be in my wounds or I'd go to reach for that friend who would just go and like shut our minds up or be irresponsible or go whatever, you know. And so you can be co creating with people environments of gossip or drama, overwhelm, avoidance, comfort, playing small. You can be co creating those environments just as easily as you are creating ones of growth and intellect and expansion and reflection. I invite you into asking yourself, where are you stimulated and where are you comfortable? Because many times we confuse comfort with co creation. But comfort might very well be like a coexistence. And that's okay. There's a sacredness to every co creation and every relationship in every co existence because they're all here to teach us and show us something. It's all part of our journey and it starts with awareness and taking care of our own space and then looking into how we are then energetically working with others. Now the last thing I want to say is so often. And I began studying this concept in grief, right? It started with teammates. If you go way back, you'll hear an episode on teammates. What are the types of teammates that can support me? And then as I began further in my healing journey, it wasn't even just teammates of who can support me. It was like, okay, I'm moving out of the place of all the different types of people that can support me. Now I'm in a who am I playing this game of life with? Who can I co create with? How am I co creating with others and taking them further along, maybe in a coaching role, right? And then how am I getting that in my life? And then where are the people that are closest with me or doing like a dance? Like I pull you, you pull me, I pull you, you pull me. And that's beautiful. Now I say we get to really be unattached. But what I want to be clear in is we can be unattached and still loving. Unattached doesn't mean you don't care. Unattached, it can still hurt like hell. But it's that you are committed to not forcing a certain result from a place of should or comparison. It means that you are not trying to force or manipulate anybody to show up in a certain way that you want them to, but you're honoring the way that they want to. Like that hurts, man. When you love somebody and you are unattached, but the way in which they want to show up and what lights them up just doesn't work for you, that hurts. It can hurt like hell. There's a massive grief element to it and it takes a massive source of trust to be able to bless and release and allow and know man. Every relationship has phases and waves. So how can we trust and attach to growth and alignment and love instead of the result? And those of you who know me in business, it's my way of being. My business has been wildly successful because I've mastered this. Because I attach to standing in truth with people but I'm not attached to their result and how they move forward with me or not. I take full responsibility for offering the space for their process and the environment for them to grow. And I don't take take things personally. So good. So do your own work. First examine your environment. Look at where you're coexisting and ex and where you're co creating. Where are you expanding? Where do you feel kind of stagnant, going through the motions? Look at the depth chart. Look at the closest relationships who are impacting your life and your environment the most. Be clear on what you want and need energetically, mechanically and in your core values. Don't make them wrong. Don't make anyone else's wrong. Trust, trust, trust in the unfolding and always choose in your highest alignment, whatever that is. I hope this supports if you love jamming on energetics and all this stuff and you are a woman and you want to join the community, it is just literally $22 a month. I'm so excited about it. We start in May. There is info in the show notes if you want to scope it out. But I am really passionate about helping people in their healing journey and different points of it. Because look, we're all just healing. We're healing ourselves, we're healing our lineage, we're healing the collective. That's our job. But supporting anyone to access different ways of doing that. And particularly if you want to combine mind, energy, body, I would love to support you. Thank you all so much for being here, sending you all so much love in your journey and I hope this continues to add value to everything you're creating.

Thank you all so much for being here at Grief and Guts as Laden's mom. Being able to spread the stories, the strategies, the lessons I have learned through Laden and from Laden is the thing that means the most to me in this world and allowing my daughter's short life to have long and lasting impact by shining her light. Truly, nothing means more if you align with and believe in the work that we're doing here in these messages. The best way to give back and.

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