18: Three reasons why I refuse to work with a coach who doesn’t have a coach

Hello friends and welcome to Grief Guts and Green Smoothies. I am your host, Melissa Dugalecki, and I am so excited to be here with you all to chat about ways in which we can all get through different adversities, challenges and loss and how getting outside of our comfort zone and maybe having a green smoothie or two can help us do so. We will cover different topics ranging from interviews to recipes to sharing my own stories of my grief journey and the loss of my daughter Layden. Honored to be able to share her light in hopes of helping you spread yours. Now let's dive in. Hi friends. Welcome back. I'm Melissa, your host of Grief Guts and Green Smoothies and I am just so excited to chat with you all today. Today I am going to share three reasons why I will never work with somebody who doesn't have a coach. Now, I want to be clear, that doesn't mean somebody who I am coaching because I am their coach, right? The life coaching work that I do, I help people through personal development. It's like a personal trainer for your life, right? For your goals. So in personal training, you set your goals and you get clarity on what you need to do and you have somebody who's got expertise in that area to create a plan with you and then hold you accountable. That's what I do outside of the world of personal fitness in life, focusing on getting clarity around what we want to accomplish, why we want to accomplish it, setting a plan in place and then holding people accountable on action steps to get there. So even though I love life coaching and it's something that I am very passionate about, being able to combine both my background in teaching and coaching and my personal experiences to empower others. I believe it is my purpose here, my mission here as a coach. I want to coach. And it's something that I've been thinking a lot about these past few months because I've always had a coach since losing my daughter Layden. It started as a grief coach and then I discovered there are life coaches. So I had that and then I got a business coach and then I joined a personal development in a group coaching program while investing more in business coaching. And I thought that would work well and it did. It was great. But more recently I was craving getting more one on one support. In addition, now we have three business coaches in move and I had a personal development coach in a group setting and it was a small group setting like it was one to eight. So I got plenty of support. But I really wanted that higher level of intimacy of Accountability. And so, you know, I actually was talking to Mooch a lot about it and I said, I really think this is something I need to do and I thrive in that environment. And so I began coach hunting again. And as I was coach hunting, it became very clear to me that there are three reasons why working with a coach who doesn't have a coach is a non negotiable for me. And it may sound silly because, right, if somebody is a coach, why do they need a coach? But I am going to dive into that. And I hope after hearing this, that clients that I work with privately or in move or any other coaches out there have a new perspective and appreciation for coaches having coaches. One of the, if not the most successful life coach in the entire world, Tony Robbins, amazing. The way that he explained it was that one of the most powerful lessons he learned at a young age that changed his life was that instead of trying to master all the skills that somebody had learned and really, really honed in on in the last 10 or 20 years, he could save 10 to 20 years by learning it from that person. Right. And so working with some of the top coaches who have consumed thousands and thousands of books, podcasts, had their own coaches, all of these things. So Tony says, why would I spend 20 years trying to learn something someone already spent 20 years learning? And for me, that's some efficiency I can get behind. Right. As I always say, the only thing we have control over in this world is our energy. And when we're working with coaches, we get to draw on their energy and we learn to be more efficient with our energy. We're protecting our time, right where we have to put our thought, the researching process, all of that. It's not that we don't have to think or research, it's just that we get to draw on all of that person has done as well. So these are the three reasons that I decided I will not work with a coach who doesn't also have a coach. And this applies. Mooch and I are business coaches. We still have three business coaches and they all have their own coaches. And I love that about them. In fact, I think they all have multiple coaches too. So the first reason. Back to business here. I digressed. The first reason is that in my opinion, the hesitancy to get a coach can often be driven by ego. I love the clients that I work with and I want to learn. And I love that when I'm working with a coach, they also want to learn. And when I see people who say I've Already made it to the top. I have no more to learn. To me, that's ego or a little bit of short sightedness, right? Maybe it's not ego or a little bit of pride or maybe fear of what could happen with more growing, but those are all low vibes, right? And I really want to work with somebody who aligns with my values and says we can never stop learning. There is so much to learn, there is so much to grow. There is so much to understand and explore and evolve in this world. So for me to stay aligned with my values and to have a coach that I can truly open up to and learn from, I need that coach to be somebody who has an own coach who aligns with that value, who believes that they haven't hit a finish line to growth. Because I don't think there is such a thing as a finish line to growth. So I don't want the person helping me in my growth to have a belief that there is. Simple enough, right? Reason number two, if someone states that they value coaching and personal development enough that they want me to invest my money in them, I want to know that they're investing their energy, their time, their finances in themselves as well. It feels a little bit hypocritical, right? And as a coach, it feels a little hypocritical if I'm asking people to invest in me, but I'm not investing in me, right? And so I want to be that space, to be that example for clients that I work with. And I want someone I work with to be that for me as well. Because living our truths, living in alignment is, in my opinion, the key to finding our true meaning. Success, happiness, our purpose. And we can't be aligned if we're stating something as a value, but we're not practicing it as our own. Now this doesn't mean we're perfect. It doesn't mean we're going to never take a break from a coach or never miss a week here or there, right? That happens. But to have resistance to getting a coach as a coach, to me, that doesn't align, that doesn't jive, and if we aren't aligned, we can't grow. So I'm not putting my faith, my trust of my growth in somebody who is seemingly unaligned. And the last one is very simple. I want to maximize my return on investment. Coming back to what Tony Robbins said, why would he spend 20 years trying to learn something someone already spent 20 years learning? All right, I can get behind that, right? So if I'm Investing in somebody, let's say I'm getting their 20 years that they've spent mastering their said area of expertise. Well, if they are working for a coach, I am also getting the benefit of whoever they are working from because you better believe that the coaches I have worked with have influenced the way that I coach because they teach me things that resonate with me, right? I take it, I digest it in my own way, I integrate it into the way that I teach, I coach and the clients I serve and I share it. That is a gift. I hope that energy that I give and I share is passed on as well. It is just going to make this world better if everybody is focused on up leveling instead of pushing other people down to feel taller. I'll say that again, it's going to make this world a better place if everyone is focused on their own up leveling rather than pushing other people down by hoarding information, hiding information, trying to make them look bad, pointing fingers so that they then feel stronger, taller, more powerful. So I want to soak in and absorb not only all that my coaches honed in, but all that their coaches honed in as well. And heck, if they have multiple coaches, yeah, that's even better. I'll take that. Talk about huge roi. So these are just things to consider if you're looking for a coach, right? If you are a coach and maybe not even in the world of coaching, but where else are you asking people to spend their energy in a certain way, right? Energy could be time, money, food, whatever it is. You're asking them to spend their energy in a certain way and not modeling that, not living that yourself, because to be fully aligned, right? Think of it as like this whole like pathway of what's coming to us, what we're asking people to do, and then what's coming out on the other side, what we're seeking to do, the more aligned those are, the more we're gonna flow, the more we're gonna grow. And so again, just thinking of ourselves and our energy and remembering the only thing we have full control over is our own energy. So how are we gonna with integrity, with alignment and to keep on growing? Because we only have one life here, right? At least in this form. And I really have come to believe our purpose here is to learn and to love and to help others do the same thing. So I hope that was helpful. Friends, please share any feedback, any comments. You know, I love hearing from all of you. I would love to know some of your favorite coaches that you have worked with. Or some of the things that you're thinking about in terms of your own alignment. Right? We're all here to support each other, as always. If you get a chance, pop on over to itunes. Leave a Review, subscribe it's going to help us grow this mission. As you know, this is all inspired by my daughter Laden's light, and I am just so grateful that you are here with me on this journey, helping her light shine.